It seems like EVERY TIME I diet someone has opinions about the way I'm doing things, it's so annoying! I really want to keep this one to myself and find it hard not saying anything to anyone. I keep telling myself that once its out then everyone will know and keep an eye on me. If there is any issues then I'm sure I will hear it.

How do you guys not tell people without lying? Ive told two of my closest friends and they aren't really support since they are fat too and are jealous/think its too drastic

I have just started on my journey and have all of my appts scheduled within the next few weeks. There are some people that I am keeping the surgery a secret from because I don't think that they would understand. But most of my family and my best friend to know what I am doing. I think keeping it a secret is just fine if that is what you are comfortable with.

Thanks for the thumbs up :wink: some people really can't relate to being a big girl unless they have actually lived it. A lot of people tell me i just need more willpower. Well i need additional assistance and i am going for it. I don't want people to feel bad for me because i don't have the willpower that they may have. I am hoping to maybe tell a few more people as i go along but mums the word for now

Well I wasn't telling anyone either but what should happen at the surgeons office yesterday - I bumped into someone I know.

OK not a friend, not my hair dresser but a beautician I know . LOL. Thats almost the same as a hairdresser. She asked what I was doing there and I said the same as her! Plus side is that being banded herself she can't be negative about the choice to have a band.

She just had surgery 2 weeks ago and is having a lot of pain at the moment so was telling me (jokingly) not to do it!

Hi Elcee I had mine on friday and was in a lot of pain over the weekend because the hospital forgot to give me painkillers as it was the weekend and bank holiday monday I couldn;t get any pain relief till wed and was regreting getting it done but now I feel great I could climb a mountain yeah as if lols take no notice of her everbodies different some people sail threw some have a struggle but it's worth it in the end a couple of days of pain for a lifetime of pleasure I know what I would choose I havent told anyone because it's mine and mine alone it's to personal and i find no matter how long you have known people or how good a freind they are in weeks or years it comes back to haunt you but everybodies different that's just my slant on it Go for it keep your chin up (or chins if your like me lols) and grap your life back with both hands Goodluck

I have decided not to tell. My husband knows and is supportive. I have told 2 friends one had the lap band and the other gastric by pass. My children do not know and my mom does not and will not know at this time. I may choose to tell people later on, but now is not the time. I feel frustrated because I can't loose the weight on my own and am embarassed that I can't seem to do it. I was talking with a friend who is also overweight about the procedure (he doesn't know I'm having it) and he said it was cheating.... I guess that's the attitude that I'd like to avoid.

I have decided not to tell. My husband knows and is supportive. I have told 2 friends one had the lap band and the other gastric by pass. My children do not know and my mom does not and will not know at this time. I may choose to tell people later on, but now is not the time. I feel frustrated because I can't loose the weight on my own and am embarassed that I can't seem to do it. I was talking with a friend who is also overweight about the procedure (he doesn't know I'm having it) and he said it was cheating.... I guess that's the attitude that I'd like to avoid.

With freinds like that you don't need enemies sounds a bit like sour grapes to me maybe they can't afford it or haven't reached the level where enough is enough with there weight. So does that mean when a drug addict is trying to come off heroin and they are taking methadone that's cheating. No it does not everybody is entitled to help no matter what they are addicted to be it drink, drugs, or eating it's your perrogative to keep it to yourself it's nobody elses buisness if that is his attitude now imagine what it's going to be like months down the line my advice is keep it to yourself and find a better freind Goodluck and well done for taking the first step.

I was talking with a friend who is also overweight about the procedure (he doesn't know I'm having it) and he said it was cheating.... I guess that's the attitude that I'd like to avoid.

I so do not understand this attitude. Even if it surgery was "cheating" - what difference does that make? Does improving one's health and happiness not matter if its not done this way or that? Such a baloney thing to say.

Ugh. This is why I've told only a handful of people as well. Only the Need-To-Knows need to know. :party:

I I was talking with a friend who is also overweight about the procedure (he doesn't know I'm having it) and he said it was cheating.... I guess that's the attitude that I'd like to avoid.

Amazing. Remember that a few years down the road when he brings it up. My wife and I both work for large companies and are visible to several hundred people a day, so part of our decision to be private was motivated by that. While most people are considerate, when you work with that many people, the inconsiderate majority are easier to see, harder to avoid. If you were having hemeroid (sp) surgery, you wouldn't feel compelled to share. As I approach my goal, I feel the band was a tool and a motivation, but I take much of the credit.

This reminds me 30+ years ago my dad went to see a hypnotist to quit smoking. My Dad, a generous man, hated to waste money, he was mad as hell that he wasted $75 (remember 30 yrs ago) but he never smoked again. I know I don't want to waste the money, even if it is the insurance company that paid for most of it.

In Feb I told 1 person outside my immediate family. She got mad! Went on about cheating and how weak I must be etc etc. And went on to explain how I only have to exercise blah blah blah. Called me lazy. She needs to lose a bunch of weight herself and said "Well I'm gonna do it the healthy way and join a gym, etc etc"

I told her "thanks for the support"

Guess what? She has gain at least 10 more pounds and is now going to get banded.

My step mom is in her 70's. She replaced a hip, both knees, shoulders and had a partial face lift. She is 100% mobile now and looks great (not fake and not perfect..just great). She told me if the option exists to improve your quality of life with a surgical procedure why wouldn't you do it?

I have decided not to tell. My husband knows and is supportive. I have told 2 friends one had the lap band and the other gastric by pass. My children do not know and my mom does not and will not know at this time. I may choose to tell people later on, but now is not the time. I feel frustrated because I can't loose the weight on my own and am embarassed that I can't seem to do it. I was talking with a friend who is also overweight about the procedure (he doesn't know I'm having it) and he said it was cheating.... I guess that's the attitude that I'd like to avoid.

In Feb I told 1 person outside my immediate family. "Well I'm gonna do it the healthy way and join a gym, etc etc"

That was Feb, can we ask her for an update? :party:

Seriously, this has been a great thread, clearly there is no single right answer, but there has been some insightful thoughts.

Well, ..since then she gained 10 pounds and now is going to try to get banded. haha.

My guess is MOST people are not judged harshly for getting banded (to their face). I think I will post a poll and see what the groups expereice is on that.

yep, good thread.

That was Feb, can we ask her for an update? :party:

Seriously, this has been a great thread, clearly there is no single right answer, but there has been some insightful thoughts.

I am a "secret keeper" also. Only 2 family members know I am planning this .. I don't need advice from the anexoric poster people, telling me -- Just don't eat so much . They don't seem to understand , I am mobility impaired and also am older than most of the people on this forum.

So far, I have met with the psych people and the nutritionist. See the Dr. in 3 weeks to set surgery date .

BTW-- my "insurnace " refuse to pay 1 cent for this surgery-- it will be totally out of pocket for me ..

It might be a humorous or infuriating idea to start a thread about the worst things people have said to you regarding the surgery. My wife was totally open with family and close friends. We were at dinner when she told my family. My mother, in her mid seventies and in that "speak your mind before thinking age" (Doesn't apply to all 70's people before you flame me :frown: ) said, " I thought she was gaining weight so she could have that surgery.

Ironically with me being more secretive, the worst comment I have received came from one of us. My wife was many months post surgery and I was a couple of months pre-surgery and we went to a support group where they invited a speaker who was selling vitamins and supplements geared specifically to weight loss patients. At the time I had a BMI of 36 and when the gentleman beside me found out I was "pre" said to me, "How come you aren't like us" I really felt like he was implying that I didn't need or deserve the surgery. I politely answered I was qualified by my doctor and had other factors while thinking about slamming his head into the chair in front of him.

Edited June 2, 200917 yr by BillOh
My wife is a she not a he.

Hi michelle telling your hairdresser is like putting it in the paper and announcing it. lol

Guess I really didn't think of that.....I really don't care if people know though. Besides if they hear about through gossip, then that's all it really is, I live in a small town so I am used to it...lol

I am a "secret keeper" also. Only 2 family members know I am planning this .. I don't need advice from the anexoric poster people, telling me -- Just don't eat so much . They don't seem to understand , I am mobility impaired and also am older than most of the people on this forum.

So far, I have met with the psych people and the nutritionist. See the Dr. in 3 weeks to set surgery date .

BTW-- my "insurnace " refuse to pay 1 cent for this surgery-- it will be totally out of pocket for me ..

:frown: Good for you I'm of an older era and disabled and have chosen not to tell anyone it's my life and my choice our mobility problem is going to make it harder still for us the last thing we need is anorexic sarcasm by stupid people who don't get there brain in gear before they open there mouths keep your chin up and go for it Good luck

Edited June 2, 200917 yr by angelfish

I haven't been banded YET; provided my insurance approves me. Anyway, I plan to keep it a secret. The only people who know I may have it done are my husband, my sister, my cousin (who's had the band), a friend (who's had the band), and everyone at work (6 people). That's it.

I feel most people are way too judgemental (that I know). If I told my mother, she would think it is cheating as well. People don't know enough about the band to realize that WE are working, not just the band. The band is a tool! It makes me crazy knowing people with this mentality. THAT is why I made my choice. It is my choice and not theirs. :mad:

Can anyone help and tell me what they have told people? For instance, if I am approved and banded end of October or early November, we all know Turkey day is coming up. I am known to eat lots of sweets. If my family sees me not eating so much they will wonder. :sad: And I just refuse to tell them the truth. It's my truth not theirs.