female only Emotions...

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Sometimes I really hate being female. Men just walk around this world without a care, or any feelings! Okay, this isn't a man bashing... but rather a vent about my emotions!

For the past few weeks I've been on ther verge of every emotion there is. While I thought driving home was an innocent task, I found myself crying. WHY? I don't know! I'm up, I'm down, I'm happy, I'm sad. I'm elated, I'm crying. I just can't keep myself in check!

Ug.

I'm a big analyzer. So each time I get an emotion I pry it apart and try to figure out why. I feel some of my feelings have come from the band. I'm not quite sure how to feel about myself. I feel like a new person, and all these years I've blamed my unhappiness on my fatness, but now that I'm starting to thin out (not completely, but getting there) I'm still unhappy in a lot of aspects. It's like it wasn't the fat after all, but me! And then I'm beginning to wonder, if I'm not going to be the fat sarcastic chick anymore, then who will I be?

Just some points to think about I suppose, I'm feeling very random, so I'm sorry if this post didn't really come out very clear.

[Fanny Adams 7]

It can be really confronting when you lose your scapegoat for all of your worries and problems. I'm not having the problem so much with the weight loss, because I went through a similar thing with other issues a few years back. I have suffered from depression pretty much all of my life. For most of it, I was able to blame circumstances and bad situations around me - e.g. who wouldn't be depressed when they were poor, husband beat them, life sucked, etc. After leaving the ex and spending several years getting my act together, I ended up suffering the worst depression ever.

I had successfully gotten rid of the abusive husband, changed my career, gotten a great job, bought a house, was raising a beautiful girl, was living a great lifestyle with very little stress and worries, and just COULD NOT for the life of me work out why I was more miserable than I had ever been. It was made so much worse by the guilt that I poured on myself for being "ungrateful" that I had managed to achieve so many successes. I would say "What's wrong with me? Everyone says I should be ecstatically happy with my life now, but here I am crying on the couch again because I don't want to go into my wonderful job."

I finally faced the fact that it wasn't my circumstances that were causing my depression - it went deeper than that. I went to a really good clinical psychologist for some time, spent a couple of years on anti-depressants, really took a good long hard look at what was really making me unhappy and then worked out a plan to change those things. This weight loss surgery was the final step in achieving that and I am glad to say that I haven't suffered depression in 2 years now.

If your weight was serving as your scapegoat, in the same way as me blaming my circumstances served as mine, then it would stand to reason that you will be feeling the emotions even more now. Your whipping post ("I'm miserable because I'm fat") has gone, but the feelings haven't - so now you get to add guilt to the mix. I would highly recommend finding a good psychologist and spending a little time getting to the root of the problems - I strongly suspect they go deeper than the weight issue. It doesn't have to take a long time either - I found it made a real difference to me within weeks and only saw her over a period of a couple of months. It was the kickstart I needed to get going and I have continued the changes on my own ever since.

Good luck!!

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

Very good post, Fanny.

Also, when you lose weight, hormones are being released

as we burn fat. Hormones are stored in fat cells. Just a thought.

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

Both good points. I just know I'm driving my husband crazy. Poor guy doesn't even know how to respond!

[green 6]

I am a lot less emotional now that I am 1) post-menopausal and 2) on a good cocktail of anti-depressants. It is kind of like being a man. It is very restful living like this.

[Sunwyse 1]

lol @ green.

Weight is never the cause of anything (depression, low self-esteem, etc), weight is almost always a symptom of something else going on under the surface. I second what Fanny said, seeing someone for couselling might be the best thing.

[BlooEyez 13]

Sometimes I really hate being female. Men just walk around this world without a care, or any feelings! Okay, this isn't a man bashing... but rather a vent about my emotions!

For the past few weeks I've been on ther verge of every emotion there is. While I thought driving home was an innocent task, I found myself crying. WHY? I don't know! I'm up, I'm down, I'm happy, I'm sad. I'm elated, I'm crying. I just can't keep myself in check!

Ug.

I'm a big analyzer. So each time I get an emotion I pry it apart and try to figure out why. I feel some of my feelings have come from the band. I'm not quite sure how to feel about myself. I feel like a new person, and all these years I've blamed my unhappiness on my fatness, but now that I'm starting to thin out (not completely, but getting there) I'm still unhappy in a lot of aspects. It's like it wasn't the fat after all, but me! And then I'm beginning to wonder, if I'm not going to be the fat sarcastic chick anymore, then who will I be?

Just some points to think about I suppose, I'm feeling very random, so I'm sorry if this post didn't really come out very clear.

Wow, it's just as if I had written it myself! I, too, am in this sort of funk at the moment. I weigh less than 200 lbs for the first time in 18 years so I should be happy right?? I've discovered that despite losing my extra weight, life still sux ... the depression & unhappiness are still there and lately I've been an emotional wreck.

Like you, I've analyzed my feelings and I'm pretty sure I know where it all stems from ... unfortunately I do not have medical insurance and can't afford to pay for a shrink out of pocket so I just keep dealing with it day by day

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

There are a lot of really good books out there if you can't afford counseling. I am always scanning the self help section at the library. Sometimes it's hard to put what I read into action though, I must admit. They at least make me feel better while I am reading them though.

[MrsFlipFlops 2]

I think I may go in to see someone. That's a real hard step to make. It's just so bizarre how much of an emotional journey this weight loss thing is. I feel like I've spent more emotional energy than I have physical energy!! I went in for a fill today, and it just felt so good to be able to sit and talk to people about it, and to find they feel the same way.

Bloo- there are also local agencies where you can pay a sliding scale if you feel like you'd like to meet with a counselor. You can access them by calling 211 from a land line, or looking up United Way in your area. They maintain a book of agencies, fees, and services. Congrats on your weight loss though! I can't imagine getting to the two's, but I am encouraged that it can happen!

[BethFromVA 5]

I have consistently been of the belief that some form of counseling should be considered by all of us while losing the weight, either to figure out what triggered teh weight gain to begin with, or to help us deal with the weight loss and "new us" as it happens. There WILL be emotions revolving around this, whether hormonal or not. Some of us have never been thin. Others haven't been thin in a long time. Still others will be dealing with attention we never had before or haven't had in a long time. And others may start getting attention from the opposite sex while our spouses act like we're a bump on a log. There are a lot of things that will stir around massive weight loss, and I personally feel it is imperative that some form of therapy be involved.

I think a lot of people go into this thinking that our problems will all go away as the pounds melt off. As some here have already mentioned, the weight gains we had were indicative of a much deeper issue. Those issues are still there for many of us, simply covered up by a lot of eating and fat. It's like burying a body... it may be out of sight for a time, but once dug up, the "evidence" is still there.

I recommend a good self-help book if you can't afford a therapist; or check your church, if you are a member, to see if they offer something. You might even find a therapy organization that has a sliding scale, or Overeater's Anonymous which may be free (sorry, not sure). Anything that helps you uncover the root of your issues will do wonders -- it doesn't have to be a professional.

Good luck, MrsFlipFlops. I feel where you're coming from, I really do.

[It's_Christine 0]

I have always believed it was an emotional crutch to overeat. I have always gone to food even when I was on diets in the past. When I was "on a diet" the food would just be huge vegetable salads with balsalmic vinegar but it was still eating in response to emotion not because I was hungry. Because I did not deal with needing the food crutch the minute I stopped "dieting" I continued to eat for the wrong reasons but changed what I was eating from salads to drive-thru burgers. I have been doing this since I was child so I do not expect to "fix" this overnight but I do realize it needs fixing. We all need to open our closets and deal with the skeletons that may be lurking there for us to truely successful. Thanks for all of the great sharing in this thread. It really helps.

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

mine is sweets. ice cream or brownies to be exact. As soon as I am in a bad mood over something, I want sweets. It's very hard to control.

[ashabama 1]

I understand the emotion thing for women you know cause I am one...and not all guys lack emotion trust me!! they just have a hard time showing as to us women let it flow like a waterfall.....

[aubrie 6]

Many facilities that do LapBand surgery will also offer a support group for their patients. My hospital and surgeon does. I went for several months after having this done. It helped me see I wasn't crazy for feeling this way, and hearing different issues and problems and how others dealt with it. It was beneficial for me. There were a lot of bypass patients in my group so that was a bit intimidating as they were not very accepting of lap band, but the issues were the same regardless of the choice of surgery. See if there is a support group in your area. My city has two of them. For me it was only $10 to attend a two hour session once a month. It was very affordable. They meet on my exercise night now, so I don't go much anymore, but it sure helped early on.