I was banded on 10/20. And I forgot to ask the doctor when I would be able to have relations (yes sexual ) with my sweetie. We are both hot twitching with anticipation and I dont know how long she can stand being without me. Help@

Signed

Desperately seeking a solution

Doc didn't say anything...but after about 4 days, I was fine. Although I do agree that the trapeze would probably be a really bad idea.

If you read the post, you would see that 2 of these women were using the surgery to get out of sexual relations. I dont need to lighten up. You need to read carefully before you respond with inaccurate information and attacks.

It's none of your business what excuse they use to get out of sex if THEY don't want to have it.

Youre a sicko. If you dont stop sending me messages, I will report you.

Thanks, Me too!

I'm with you lipstix64....I totally agree! But I do know not everyone enjoys sex. I'm happy to say I'm not one of those people.

Please, remember our rules of attack the idea and not the person.

If someone indicates personal thoughts regarding their relationship with their significant other, it is not our place to put them down, ridicule them, etc. for being honest about their feelings. This is a support board, after all. Everyone goes through different phases in their lives with regards to their sexual drives/needs.

Hakuna Matata ya'll )

Whoever said 4 weeks..

My doc never told me, and I believe day 4 or 5 post-op I was romping. As soon as the stitches stopped hurting.

Sex is to a man what food used to be to all of us.

A man with no sex will go get it elsewhere. It's nature.

I pity the men you know Dr justice, or maybe you are one of them?? Sex is great, sex is good, but its not the be all and end all of existence.

I think people have gotten a bit off track here. The OP asked how long to wait. If someone is waiting longer than *you* think they should, then its your problem not there's.

I'm not a sex obsessed person. Humans, just like animals, need to eat, have shelter and reproduce. In approximately that order. It's hardwired in our genes.

Denying your husband of sex for long and extended periods will make him miserable. Whether you like it or not. He will not be happy in your couple, or at least, there will be something missing in his life. While he may never tell you for whatever reason (because he loves you and doesn't want to hurt you, has children with you, or any other good reason) chances are that if he's missing something in his life that you can't or won't give him, he will go and get it.

Get over it. I'm not your husband so you have nothing to fear from me. But if you think a sexually frustrated man will never cheat and you think you know more about men's psychology just because from a christian american woman's point of view it would be morally reprehensible for a man to go looking for another mate that actually has sexual interest in him, you're deluding yourself. Either that, or you will both corner yourselves and your couple in a bitter and lifeless life together. Why do you think there are so many divorces? [note: I'm assuming you're not an elderly couple here]

I'm just telling you to not be surprised if one day, after years of sexual neglect and frustration, your husband leaves you for greener pastures.

Let me put this another way. What if your husband completely neglected you emotionally. Let's say he just didn't care anymore. Would you leave him and find someone who does? You could probably put up with it for a while, but in the end you'd probably just leave him. Now let me be clear: denying your man of sex is, in fact, neglect. It's not purely emotional neglect. But it is neglect nonetheless. If you just "don't care anymore" about sex he will have the same adverse reaction as you would if he neglected you emotionally. Just because a woman's needs are different from a man's needs doesn't make a man's needs any less real or any less important.

Now let me be clear on one last point: I'm NOTtalking about avoiding having sex while sick or being incapacitated in some way. Any reasonable mate will actually be supportive in this case. But if today you're using the lap-band as a way to get out of sex, tomorrow you're using the fake headaches excuse, the next week you're using a bogus vaginal infection, the following week you're "just not into it", the next week you find yourself going sleeping at your sister's, and every day you go to bed early to avoid having sex with your husband, you know, patterns will emerge.

Edited November 8, 200817 yr by dr_justice

Dr.Justice,

Well said! I'm a woman who totally agrees with you. I believe you said it well and correctly. As a woman, I too believe that if a man is denied sex just because his mate doesn't want it or isn't interested, he will go elsewhere or just be miserable. And as you said, it's different if she really isn't physically ready because of Lapband surgery or another kind of physical ailment. You are so right that it is ingrained in us as humans (mammals in general). It's one of the strongest desires...even people who are mentally challenged in institutions have that desire.

Thank you. I must admit I'm pleasantly surprised at your positive reply, I was certain I'd get slammed.

No slamming, I agree 100%.

Too bad some men don't realize that the sexiest thing they can do is the dishes, the laundry, etc.!

Orea