I am scheduled for surgery 10/20. Saturday I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with my own f..ing sister that we let move in for a few weeks at the beginning of the summer because she had no place else to go and she is an alcoholic. We were trying to help her out right..

So she moved out a few months ago and has been drinking again and kept calling us over and over and over all hours of the day and night. I started getting suspicious and finally after multiple fights he finally admitted to cheating for the past couple of months.... What do I do now... I know stress is not good for the band and I don't want to let her get the satisfaction knowing that i didn't go through with surgery. On top of all of this I have 2 kids under 3 that I have to protect. I am filing for divorce as soon as I can save up the money. But what do you think, should I go through with the surgery and hope that the band doesn't bother me being under so much stress?? Or should I postpone it and risk having to pay even more money for it if it's in the new year?? I've already lost 5 pounds in less than a week because every time i eat i feel like it's going to come right back up. any advice would be appreciated...

thanks

I am very sorry that you have to go through this. I really don't know what I would do in your situation. You are in my prayers!

It's easier to tell someone what to do when you aren't living it, but here are my 2 cents worth. I say go through with your surgery. You know you want to move on and you will need to be healthy for your children. Do not let them win, do it for yourself. You're strong, you can do it!! Hang in there.

l would think positive, have the surgery and then file for divorce..Think about yourself and your children..You want to be healthy and happy for them...There are millions of fish in the sea and soon you will have the confidence to make the changes in your life that you need to make...Do it now while you have him around to handle the kids ....Good luck to you and l wish you all the best

I say go thru with the surgery. Screw them both. You need to start thinking about yourself and the kids. God Bless you. You are in my prayers.

Congrats on the 5 lbs lost, but you need to try and be strong for the kids. Hang in there!!!

I'm so sorry to hear bout this !!!

I would go ahead with the surgery. You were (hopefully) doing this for yourself to begin with, to make yourself healthy for your family. Well your kids are going to need you healthy more than ever since this has happened.

I've had my band for almost 2 years and like everything else band related, it is all individual for every person. I've had some major stress in my life since banding (mom had a stroke, hubby got hit by a freight train -long story but he's alive-) and it has never made my band tighten up. So stress isn't a factor for everyone...and even if it were, there are quite a few healthy, soft, band-friendly foods that you could eat on bad days. (egg salad, tuna salad, cottage cheese, yogurt, etc.)

So I say....GO FOR IT !!! Get healthy and look after yourself and your kids !!!

All the best and good luck with your decision !!!

Patricia

Wow! I can't imagine what you are feeling...........but I would go on with the surgery. It's your first step in becoming the new you. We'll all be praying for you.

First off, I am so, so incredibly sorry to hear what you are going through. My ex-husband cheated on me with my best friend (hence the "ex" part). It is a very tough thing to go through, but you will come out a stronger person because of it.

As for the surgery, I would still go through with it. The main problem I have with my band and stress is it gets tighter. When you first get your band, it will be unfilled. You can go slow with the fills and have it unfilled if you need to. But, don't let this incident prevent you from getting the band, improving your health and your life.

My prayers are with you. I also pray for peace of mind. Take time to think and countemplate your next move, your life, and your childrens lives. Think about what will make you happy. What will enable you to move forward and provide a healthy and happy life for your children. Of course no one on this website can tell you what to do. But if you feel that the Band may be ONE of those tools... then make that move. I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

Edited September 30, 200817 yr by Melolo

My heart goes out to you and your kids. You were getting the band before this so go thru with it and become more healthy and happy you and your kids will be in my prayers.

Ps try to keep your head up

DON'T LET ANYONE STEAL YOUR JOY!!! I haven't even seen the Dr. yet but I know I am doing this for my health and I think you are too. Once you know how you are going to deal with your "husband" clear your mind and move on. Build your support group with real friends and those of us here. Let you doctor know, talk things out as needed and be strong. Stay in touch with us. Prayers and best wishes to you.

New word for the day....ASSCLOWN. To use it in a sentence...skinny2beme's husband and sister are ASSCLOWNS! (hope that made you smile) But serously, my marriage is in serious trouble. So much so that I had to ask my husband to move out for a while today.(we too have a 3yr old and a 10 month old) Yes, my band has seriously tightened recently, so much so that I had to go have a slight unfill. But life IS stressful. I may as well be losing weight while I'm stressed out. I'd rather be skinny and stressed, than obese and stressed. I would go ahead and have it done, be careful and listen to your body. Another precaution that I would give is...if you use food to mask or ease your pain, be sure you are ready to stop USING food as a crutch no matter how much tougher things get. I will most surely keep you and your kids in my prayers

well i would like to just say shoot him.. but that wouldnt be right i suppose. next best thing is to throw him out

I am scheduled for surgery 10/20. Saturday I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with my own f..ing sister that we let move in for a few weeks at the beginning of the summer because she had no place else to go and she is an alcoholic. We were trying to help her out right..

So she moved out a few months ago and has been drinking again and kept calling us over and over and over all hours of the day and night. I started getting suspicious and finally after multiple fights he finally admitted to cheating for the past couple of months.... What do I do now... I know stress is not good for the band and I don't want to let her get the satisfaction knowing that i didn't go through with surgery. On top of all of this I have 2 kids under 3 that I have to protect. I am filing for divorce as soon as I can save up the money. But what do you think, should I go through with the surgery and hope that the band doesn't bother me being under so much stress?? Or should I postpone it and risk having to pay even more money for it if it's in the new year?? I've already lost 5 pounds in less than a week because every time i eat i feel like it's going to come right back up. any advice would be appreciated...

thanks

First of all, wow! I am so sorry you have to go through this. Secondly, I agree with what everyone here has already said. You were going to have the surgery prior to this drama, so don't let it stop you. Also, your kids are going to need you to be healthy and strong for them and losing excess weight can only help you accomplish this. Finally, do it now so that by the time you are divorced and ready to move on in a new relationship you will be one hot mama and have guys beating down the door to take you out. Talk about the ultimate revenge on your husband and sister! :thumbdown: No matter what, you have to do what's right for you, emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Thank you all for all the advice and prayers. I don't eat when I'm stressed so I think that maybe this is a good time to have it done anyhow. Then I won't be starving on the pre op diet right?? I'm trying so hard to look on the bright side of things ...but right now i can't see the sun...

By the way... I forgot to mention that I did throw his a** out as soon as I found out. But it kills me to hear my son say "where's daddy". UGHHHH.... I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW... :thumbdown:

Thank you all for all the advice and prayers. I don't eat when I'm stressed so I think that maybe this is a good time to have it done anyhow. Then I won't be starving on the pre op diet right?? I'm trying so hard to look on the bright side of things ...but right now i can't see the sun...

By the way... I forgot to mention that I did throw his a** out as soon as I found out. But it kills me to hear my son say "where's daddy". UGHHHH.... I HATE MY LIFE RIGHT NOW... :thumbdown:

Let me also say that I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this, just when you are finally going to do something for yourself and your health. I see most posts say go for it, I would like to offer another option to consider.... Check with your insurance company, most give 6 months from approval date to have it done and still approved. I say this as an emotional eater, give yourself some space and coping time. You could end up feeling very deprived and depressed all at once. Consider keeping on track, keep exercising set another date maybe in a month and go for it. I don't think you can go wrong giving yourself some time to adjust and get some perspective on the end of your marriage. One day at a time!!!! Take care of yourself so that you can take care of your kids!!!!!!:huggie:HUGS!!!