ARe any of you satisfied with your weight loss, when your DH isn't? I've lost 97 pounds... I am a size 14. Now that isn't in the obese range at all anymore. I'm happy with the way I am... but, my husband wants me to lose 30 more pounds. I'd like to lose it too, but... not as quickly as he wants me to. I've been dieting all my life, and I'd like to enjoy a few things now. I'm not talking about being able to eat a whole cake...but, I ate a few pieces of hershey's minitures on Easter, and my husband was all over it. I just want to tell him to shut up about it. How do you feel? When is enough enough?????

Oh, dear...

Are you doing this for you or for him?

Aside from telling him to kiss my fat ass, I'd also be kicking his ass with my big fat foot.

But, that's me. At Easter, I had 5 bite size Kit-Kats. I'm not ashamed. Life isn't about NEVER eating crap, but not eating the whole cake - like you pointed out. My daughter and BF both try to stop me, but only becuase they think I CAN'T have it. I tell them both to piss off -lovingly, of course - I'm okay. I'll ask for help when I need it.

Have you talked to him about how this makes you feel? Are you able to talk to him? You say you wanted to tell him to shut up - what stopped you? You're an adult, you can judge, can't you? Is he thinking that he's helping? Have you told him what works for help and what doesn't work? Does he know this?

97 pounds is an AMAZING LOSS!!! Good work!!!

***

To answer your question: I've only lost 70 and my BF is so wonderful. I'm in 18's now, but still have a lot to lose. He's encouraging and sticks with me. I am able to talk about how I feel with the fills...what foods work and don't...he's been amazing about it. He loved me fatter, and he loves me fat, and I'm hoping he'll love me when the fat is hanging in folds of skin! :thumbup: LOL He'd better, or there goes that big fat foot of mine!!!

Edited March 25, 200818 yr by Gone4Now
Added answer

I don't tell him to shut up becasue I know I shouldn't eat it... but, I wanted to... so I did. He has been with me for years watching me put it on. I'm sure he was just saying it to make sure I don't put it on again. HOWEVER, I'm kind of happy with where I am right now. He wants me to lose more so I have more of a cushion to fall back on if I gain weight back again. I do plan to lose more... but, once in a while.. I just want to be normal. AND there is NO one who can tell me that they don't sneak/snack/desert once in a while. You stats are very similar to mine... I started out at 288 for surgery... I'm 192 now... yes, I'd love to be 30 pound lighter... but this is still good. How much more do you want to lose? Would you be satisfied at 190?

I agree with Gloucester! I think you have done and amazing job, and you should focus on how YOU feel and what YOU want!!!

I don't tell him to shut up becasue I know I shouldn't eat it... but, I wanted to... so I did. He has been with me for years watching me put it on. I'm sure he was just saying it to make sure I don't put it on again. HOWEVER, I'm kind of happy with where I am right now. He wants me to lose more so I have more of a cushion to fall back on if I gain weight back again. I do plan to lose more... but, once in a while.. I just want to be normal. AND there is NO one who can tell me that they don't sneak/snack/desert once in a while. You stats are very similar to mine... I started out at 288 for surgery... I'm 192 now... yes, I'd love to be 30 pound lighter... but this is still good. How much more do you want to lose? Would you be satisfied at 190?

It sounds like he's trying to help, then. Maybe if you explain that you're okay with it and that you're still working on it, etc, then he'll lighten up. Maybe?

I don't know about 190. I picked 145 because it's higher into my norm (5'5"), but I haven't been below 200 since early years in high school. I'm not sure what I will look like at 190. I may be happy with it. I'd love to be in 14's! I think that's "normal" and I'm not looking to become a super model, just healthy. I plan on getting healthy first, smoking hot second, and then if I bounce more than 10 pounds upward from whatever weight that is, then I'm tightening up!

I know I'm really happy being in the 220's!!! I know people still look at me like I'm huge - and I am, big boobs don't help any - but I feel so much smaller. Weird, huh? Going up I couldn't stand to look at me, and was ashamed of the weight...On the way back down, I'm happy to tell everyone how much I weigh and how much I've lost!

I guess I get upset when I read posts like your original post because I know without the support I have from my family I am not sure I'd be able to get through the long haul. And, knowing that, I want that same kind of support for everyone. I love the lapband so much! I was like you and dieted for years, and yeah - I eat the crap foods, but no where near what I was eating.

Afterall, I didn't get fat off of too many carrots! :biggrin2:

Thanks for your support. I was never thin (or even really healthy)... my best weight was 165 in college. I would like to get there...but, I've been over 200 for most of my life. So this is awesome! I'm going to talk with him tonight.

I'm with Gloucester - start kicking ass. I know that's easy for me to say since I don't have to live with your husband, but I don't think anyone has the right to tell you, after 100 POUNDS lost, that it's not enough! That loss is incredible, to say the least.

Would it help if I kicked his ass for you??

Good luck to you,

Robin

You have done unbelievably well. I am sure he has his reasons for acting like he does, but I feel like you have accomplished something amazing. Just talk to him. Perhaps he is just concerned for YOUR happiness, though I believe he is going about it the wrong way. Tell him how you feel, tell him what you need. Whatever happens, just know that you have done very well and be proud of yourself.

Men = Jackasses (for the most part)

Mine just told me my ass is getting flat....

If you have given him the control over your life and how you live it, then that is your choice.. and if that makes YOU HAPPY then keep doing what your doing.. just be careful not to let his negative opinions minimize all that you (and YOU ALONE) have accomplished!

You know when enough is enough much better than any of us do. When it's enough, tell him about it. Nothing gets better if the problem isn't made common knowledge. You've done well, best of luck.

when I eat something I know is bad for me and then someone points it out I get mad because I know I should know better.

I strive really hard not to label foods "bad" or "good" or my eating behavior as "bad" or "good". Those two words have such emotional impact.

I simply think of both as on target or not on target. Everyone misses once in a while, no?

If you have a few pieces of candy on Easter and that was it, I think I would have told him that you were having a controlled desert and you had room for it in your count for the day (if you count anything). Tell him you want to live a NORMAL life, and NORMAL people eat candy now and then!

I have mixed feelings about this. It isn't up to your husband to dictate how much you weigh. But on the other hand are you in a healthy weight range or are you still at risk for weight related issues?

It's soooo easy to stop early, we all get tired of the weight loss mode and can't wait for the maintenance mode. If it is just because you are tired of the weight loss mode... maybe a few more pounds wouldn't hurt.

If your BMI is 24.9 or less, tell him to buggar off. If you are still in the overweight range... would a few more pounds really be that bad? I'm referring to health issues only here.

Thanks everyone. I'm still in the overweight range.... so I think what you are all saying is right. I did blow it... I knew I blew it... and I really should work to get into the healthy range... it's really not that much more. I'm not worried right now about health concerns... and since I could do everything I want to do activity wise... I was kind of just tired of dieting. I think maintenence is too early right now. I made another appointment for a fill... I know I'm a little loose right now. I was just thrilled I could eat normally and not gain right now. Robin... thanks for the offer!

Bubblebutt... your advice really made a difference. I'm not in the healthy range yet... then I'll go into maintenence!!!!!

You all are great!!!!!

I strive really hard not to label foods "bad" or "good" or my eating behavior as "bad" or "good". Those two words have such emotional impact.

I simply think of both as on target or not on target. Everyone misses once in a while, no?:ohmy:

With my daughter we call it growing and not growing food. There's room for not growing food in everyone's life, but growing food is what we should be focusing on.

I like your on/off target framing.