ARe any of you satisfied with your weight loss, when your DH isn't? I've lost 97 pounds... I am a size 14. Now that isn't in the obese range at all anymore. I'm happy with the way I am... but, my husband wants me to lose 30 more pounds. I'd like to lose it too, but... not as quickly as he wants me to. I've been dieting all my life, and I'd like to enjoy a few things now. I'm not talking about being able to eat a whole cake...but, I ate a few pieces of hershey's minitures on Easter, and my husband was all over it. I just want to tell him to shut up about it. How do you feel? When is enough enough?????

My DH is very supportive. I have 30 more lbs to lose to hit my goal weight. He doesn't bug me the least. What would happen if you never lost the remaining weight? It is very typical to lose 60% then stop. Good luck.

And the wonderful thing about the band is, if you decide "Ok, I'm done.. no wait, I'm not!" it's still there! Go at your own pace.

DH has been a good boy, he keeps all comments minimal or positive! But if I eat something I shouldn't, he'll give me a look and go from there. If I give him an evil look :ohmy: he doesn't say a word.

He did say the other day he (and my dad concurred) doesn't think I'll ever be 'skinny'. Hrmph. That's for me to decide!!

I think I'm the only male to reply to your post, so maybe I see things differently than some. I'm also the one who is 100 lbs overweight and considering LB surgery. That said...

Anyone who steps between you and your food decisions is making a mistake. Your husband means well and he wouldn't say anything if he didn't care, because saying something almost always results in discord. He's probably seen the anger and sadness and utter despair you've gone through over the years, and he also probably sees your relationship with food as similar to an alcoholic with liquor.

I don't know if I believe in food addiction per se, but if addiction really is measured by consequences, then your husband probably thinks your Easter snack could easily turn into a quick descent that he's seen you suffer through before.

So I understand how your husband feels, being helpless in this situation. Unfortunately, his hovering over your eating will only make things harder for both of you.

Help him understand that it doesn't help, but understand too that he's trying to help.

Well said Johnny!

Although, in the heat of the moment, those nice happy thoughts aren't going through our minds.

I am still relatively new to the band. I will be thrilled when I have lost 97 pounds. Obviously you haven't strayed far from your diet or you would not be where you are. I can't see how eating a few chocolates on Easter (as long as you can stop at a few) is going to hurt. That is why I got the band, so I wouldn't be forever banned from sweets or fatty foods but to be able to control my hunger and lose the weight sensibly. I follow a very strick diet right now and account for every morsel. I don't eat sweets because I am not at the point where I can stop at a couple of pieces. I want the whole box. When I am where you are I don't know how I will feel.

As far as how much to lose. I think there is such a thing as being too thin. I admire people who are size 2, 3, 4 or what have you but I have found with my body I look and more importantly feel perfect at about 155 lbs or a size 12 - 14. Lower than that my face looks drawn and tired and I feel worn out all the time. You have to know your body and be comfortable in your skin. I know your husband is trying to help you but if you are anything like me, it just frustrates me more when he tries to play food police. :ohmy: I certainly don't want to get into the sneaking food and eating in secret mode. Better to eat the candy bar in front of him, go back to plan tomorrow and move on. Good luck to you. You are doing an amazing job of losing.:huh2:

Thank you all who posted. I think I actually had a MUCH bigger issue. I talked to him about it last night. I didn't know I felt this way... but, I felt that he didn't really desire me. I actually wanted him to say I was pretty, or good looking or whatever... and all he was doing was being negative about my progress. I do get tons of comments from other guys at work... and I do know that other men find me attractive... but, I wanted a positive response from him. I told him all this (how I felt he didn't desire me) and we discussed it. I told him to give me a number of 1-10 of how attractive I was... and I was fine with his number. (Of course Angelina Jolie was on the TV and I told him that he can't give her a 9!!!!!... she's an over the top)... so I told him to rate me according to someone my age (42) and not compare me to a 20 year old hard body. He said I was a 7 or 8 (I know I'm more of an 8 or 9)... but, that's good. I had told him he acts like I'm a 2 WAY too much. So, my getting mad at him about what I was eating, was because he acts like I'm a big fat ugly slob.... and THAT isn't acceptable. Once in a while we all need to know we are beautiful!

On Easter Sunday I got a basket of candy from "the bunny". I ignored it for a couple hours and then had to have "one Piece". The one piece turned into so much that I felt sick all day and could hardly eat dinner. I've been so ashamed of myself! Then to make matters even worse I did the same thing the next day with the leftover carrot cake. I wish someone would've been there to stop me. Although I probably would have been mad if they did. Our support people just can't win!

That's that "man" black-and-white philosophy kicking in.

EXAMPLE: I may be having a down day, might be shedding some tears..he asks what is wrong so I tell him and then he starts trying to tell me what to do to fix it. This infuriates me!! Most times I know how to fix it but I need to cry through it first (anyone know what I'm talking about here? Man, I sure hope so, otherwise, I sound like a weirdo!!)

So, sounds like to me, he really thinks that is what YOU want and he is just trying to get you there. Men, gotta love 'em!!

My DH is very supportive. He's thrilled if I tell him I lost one pound. I've only lost 43 so far, but he's always telling me how good I look, that I got my face back, he's pinching me more and chasing me around the bedroom again. ALL GOOD. But....... sometimes he sees me eating something that HE thinks I shouldn't eat and says (teasing of course) that he's going to call Dr. Chang and tell him. I have to fight going ballistic. I tell him.... "Go ahead call him. I'll get you the number!!!" I know he's teasing, but for some reason that really sets me off.

I know exactly what you are talking about... men think we tell them things to have them tell us how to fix it. We just want them to listen, and be supportive.

Sfeiner... with me... if someone is critical of what I eat... I eat more! It doesn't work with me... and he knows it. My dad was just like that... and I would eat all the more to show them I could do as I pleased.

One of my dearest friends eats chocolate every day. EVERY DAY!!! She's 115 pounds, and goes to the gym. She wasn't always 115 pounds, but she is now because her active lifestyle allows her to eat what she wants and stay HEALTHY! (notice I said healthy, and not skinny...).

Guess what - chocolate is not from Satan. Foods are not bad or good. Carrot cake is not going to give you emphysema. Chocolate will not give you cancer. Potato chips will not make you lose a limb. So eat some in moderation and NEVER feel guilty about that! Have a Kit Kat, and then go run on the treadmill. this is a lifestyle change!

Next time your "D"H (and I could come up with a few different words that start with D that aren't "dear") gives you the evil eye for having something that has an ounce of sugar.... you give him the evil eye every time he cracks open a Budweiser and watches an afternoon of football or golf. Sometimes a little tit for tat is necessary. Does he have a six pack and look like Brad Pitt? Does he eat 6-10 servings of fruit and veggies a day?

I've had TWO husbands do that to me - look at me like "are you sure you REALLY wanna do that"... and guess what - not only do I eat it, I eat five times more just to piss them off!!!

Well, I dumped both of them, and now I'm dumping all this weight, and I don't need any man's "help" to achieve my goal!

Do you know how many obese women would DIE to be a size 14? Love yourself and where you are and what you've accomplished, and tell Chachi that if he can't love your new you like this, then he needs to take a long walk on a short dock....

(you think maybe this subject touches a nerve with me??? )

Love yourself and where you are and what you've accomplished, and tell Chachi that if he can't love your new you like this, then he needs to take a long walk on a short dock....

(you think maybe this subject touches a nerve with me??? :tongue_smilie: )

Amen!

(And, Amen again - since one is too short!)

a wise old italian lady told me once upon a time..............men vent to their women to hear their women tell them everything is okay and they are still the Alpha Male. Women vent to their men just to vent, they don't want answers or solutions. i think she was right. g2s

Annie,

Firstly, congrats on your great accomplishments getting healthier!

Do you go to support groups? Does your surgeons office offer support groups?

I think he would gain lots of insight if he went.

I'm sure, like you hinted, that he is coming from a place of concern (with love). No one else can "get it" like you can.

Do what you have to for YOU!

Again, great job!:tongue_smilie:

Thank you all who posted. I think I actually had a MUCH bigger issue. I talked to him about it last night. I didn't know I felt this way... but, I felt that he didn't really desire me. I actually wanted him to say I was pretty, or good looking or whatever... and all he was doing was being negative about my progress. I do get tons of comments from other guys at work... and I do know that other men find me attractive... but, I wanted a positive response from him. I told him all this (how I felt he didn't desire me) and we discussed it. I told him to give me a number of 1-10 of how attractive I was... and I was fine with his number. (Of course Angelina Jolie was on the TV and I told him that he can't give her a 9!!!!!... she's an over the top)... so I told him to rate me according to someone my age (42) and not compare me to a 20 year old hard body. He said I was a 7 or 8 (I know I'm more of an 8 or 9)... but, that's good. I had told him he acts like I'm a 2 WAY too much. So, my getting mad at him about what I was eating, was because he acts like I'm a big fat ugly slob.... and THAT isn't acceptable. Once in a while we all need to know we are beautiful!

Way to go for confronting the issue before it overpowered both of you! I hope things are better now.