Donali inspired me to start this new thread. She has been providing information to us regarding Morbid Obesity being a disease, which is a very powerful topic for all of us.

Lately I've been discovering that there are many different categories that we fit in, so I was wondering what category you are in. I don't have labels for the categories, but let me start by telling you why I am obese.

First, my family history includes severe mental illness (Mom, aunt, etc.) I inherited a branch of mental illness - Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which had me extremely ill in my youth. My panic attacks have been under control for years, but I still have many anxiety-related problems, one being that I never stop thinking, and at night, the thoughts are consumed by food. Part of the reason I'm obese is becaseu I can't fight the mental struggle to eat for long periods of time. That part of my brain is stronger than the sensible part.

But my biggest problem is portion control. I'm obsessed by enormous quantities of food. I simply don't understand how anyone could order just one taco, or have a small serving of anything. With me, it's all or nothing. I would rather fast all day than to eat one chicken thigh. It's torture. A half gallon of ice cream is two servings. A family dinner is two servings.

And mine is all a night time disorder. Someone baked us fresh Cookies, all warm and steamy, and I didn't even look at them. I don't give a damn about food during the day. I feel like a monster.

Fanny that's an awesome story. Way too common, especially for women, and I appreciate you sharing it with us. I congratulate you for going through all the work and soul-searching to try to figure out why you used food as you did. It isn't an easy path!

You seem to be doing very well with the Band and I wish you the very best on your road to physical health. It sounds like you have the emotional part targeted and homed in on. Yay! :redface:

I am fat because im a FOOD ADDICT....ahhh its so liberating to admit that!

I am fat because I started eating instead of feeling feelings.

Because I ate to spite my dad...

I am fat for many reasons. Now, as an adult I accept responsibility for my weight problem and realize it is about control, which I have little of. This problem started in early elementary years for me. My mother was obsessed about my weight and the way I looked. She emotionally and at times phisically abused me with food. It was a reward and a punishment. She controlled the amount of food that I ate. I became obsessed with food, how I was going to eat it, how I was going to get it, how much I was going to eat, and in secret from my mom ( I didn't and don't have a problem eating in front of others). If she didn't know I was eating it, then I wasn't really eating it (severe denial that I still deal with today). I couldn't enjoy going to a friends house, I could only concern myself with what I was going to eat and how much I could get of it because my mom wasn't there to notice. Getting a car in highschool became a huge problem for me. I could eat it in my car and get rid of the evidence and then go home and eat again so my mom wouldn't know that I had just eaten. The sick things that she said to me that made me feel ashamed, unloved and unworthy are now things that I say to myself. I have been aware of this problem, and I am working on it, but it is a slow path to recovery. I am glad that I took the time to put this out there. I know I am only as sick as my secrets. This isn't a secret anymore.

ok kiddo, you brought tears to my eyes. You didnt need the soul searching, your mom does. but i think mothers loved us so much, they knew what a weight problem would cause us, growing up.maybe it was first hand experiencede, and thru their love, they wanted to prevent us from going thru the same things they did. My beautiful mother passed away, i never ever got over her death, i still havent, i turned to food, to help me thru my life...now it is time i help myself in a different way. I am on a journey, alone, and i have to clear my head and set myself up for success. I will not blame my past , on my future..it is fresh and new, and im excited to go down this path. we can all do it, and we have to do it for ourselves!!!! even if it is sometimes a lonely journey. Bless your heart, you went thru a lot, but try hard to put it behind you, and move forward you will always be a daughter, but now a healthy one!!! You are on your way, good luck, we are all here, someway connected and giving each other super-support!

take good care

juli

I am fat because I can never get enough food.I can litterally eat and eat and eat and eat.I mostly ate at night.....The band didnt change any of this because it is too tight in the morning and no restriction at night.

Thank you for your words of encouragement...

I am fat because I can never get enough food.I can litterally eat and eat and eat and eat.I mostly ate at night.....The band didnt change any of this because it is too tight in the morning and no restriction at night.

<TABLE cellSpacing=6 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD noWrap><!-- google_ad_section_start(weight=ignore) -->desertmom<!-- google_ad_section_end --> <SCRIPT type=text/javascript> vbmenu_register("postmenu_703528", true); </SCRIPT>

</TD><TD width="100%">=== If I may I have a question or 2 to ask...now that U are banded, have U lost weight? How do U cope with this issue? I see a bit of my self in your statement. If the band is not working for you on this issue, what did u do, if anything to get past this problem? Thanks for the understanding in my asking the question. Chell </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

hi

I regain and diet and regain and diet...like I always did before.Now the only problem is I constantly worry about what am I going to do when I get older...I am considering the sleeve (first part of DS)

You are much lighter to start with so I think the band might have a different effect...I have noticed that it does seem to work a lot better for lowe BMI patients than for high BMI patients.

Good luck

Regarding yesterday's posts....isn't it rediculous that you have to take a class and get a license to drive a CAR, but ANYONE fertile can become a parent?!!! I was brought up with 2 older brothers and we were like a pack of wolves at the dinner table! If I didn't gobble stuff down, I didnt get anything to eat! And being southern, we were praised for cleaning our plates. The reward being....you guessed it....SECONDS! I often wonder exactly when (& what)started my overeating. I learned at a young age to "stuff" my feelings. (Anyone have older brothers who constantly tormented you?) I suppose that was easy to convert into "eating" my feelings. I don't want my kids to have food issues. I already have to distract them from eating cuz their bored once in a while. I know that I'm not as cold as my my was, but what kind of example am I showing them about food?

Desert mom- I was so encouraged by your comment that lower BMI folks seem to do better- my BMI is 38 and I realized I am starving (ha!) for encouragement. Thanks

The topic is compelling for sure. The stories are heartbreaking to read. We have all suffered so much! It is overwhelming to read these stories.

I of course, have a sad story too. Mother died when I was 3 and I was on my own. My father was chronically depressed and was just unavailable. I got myself up for school, made my Breakfast, walked to school, came home for lunch, made my lunch if there was any food. and walked back to school. All this in kindergarden!

I do not remember adults speaking to me during my whole childhood. It is all a fog to me. All very sad and dark.

I have surrounded myself with wonderful loving people in my adult life. I have been very successful and reached every goal I ever had except for controlling my weight. I am hoping the band will give me the edge I need.

I realize my childhood will always be dark and sad. I will always miss my mother every day of my life. That emptiness will always be there no matter how much i eat. I cannot have a happy childhood but i can have a wonderful adulthood and for the most part, I have a had a wonderful life.

I am blessed with a wonderful loving partner who treats me like a queen and friends who love me and want to be with me. It has not been without struggle.

I am off to Hawaii and then back for my band. I am hoping this final problem of weight will be solved with this tool.

Love to you all

Sadie

Sadie and Juli,

I can really relate to both of your comments. my mom died a few years ago and I have had a hard time getting over it. I, too, turned to food. Through counseling I realized why all of a sudden at 10:00 PM I was starving. That was the time I would settle down and call my mother to talk about my day, the kids, the job, etc. Shewas my sounding board and when she was gone, all the feelings and junk that I processed and released with her were just there inside of me, so I put a blanket of food over them. I was always heavey but this certainly didn't help.

I like what you said about helping myself in a different way now. Now is the time to take control and move forward. My 12 year old made a sign for her locker that says "The past is carved in slate, you can't erase it. If you could, you'd have nothing. Learn from the past and carve more into your present." God Bless her. I'm carving hope, light and forgiveness into my present.

Good luck all!

I have a couple of reasons for being fat. As a child I was very scrawny. When puberty hit so did the weight. I didn't know at the time, but my eating as a response to hormonal changes was due to sexual abuse when I was very young. Then at 13 I also developed PCOS which didn't cause the weight gain, but did keep on what I was putting on and made it almost impossible to lose it again.

Also at 13 I developed Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which again didn't cause me to be fat but made it so hard to eat sensibly or exercise in winter.

I had a lot of emotional pain and rage that I felt I had to stuff down my throat with food because my own home wasn't a safe place to express them. Later on, what added to the weight problem was all the crash dieting I did. My first diet attempt was starvation. I was borderline anorexic at 15 (before they had a name for it) but brought myself out of it before it became an issue. After that I tried just about every crazy diet going.

First of all, I would like to say to you that my English is not my first language thus be indulgent please! :cool2:I read here really sad stories. I have no story so sad. I am too big because, on the base, I like eating. When I was young ( 20 y.o.), I was athletic and sports. I had a black belt in aikido. I weighed hardly 180lb. I knew that I got fat easily but I so went in for sport that I eventually lost the extra kilo by paying more attention. I began getting fat when I changed drastically lifestyle when I began my engineer's career. I work 50 to 60 hours a week and I am always in the restaurant and the hotels. I have to learn to make better choices and dowsize my meal when I eat outside and I have to work less to keep me some time for sport. Lap band will help me a lot for this. I hope.

I find however that all the people here are very hard to themselves. Indeed on, We are all responsible for what we put in our mouth but, beside this, it is scientifically proved that the problems of obesity have almost always a genetic constituent. We are genetically predisposed to develop this kind of problem. In a rich society as ours ( Canada-USA), it is almost superhuman not to develop this genre of problems for people who are genetically predisposed. In a world where the food is difficult to find, we would be favored. It is easy for people who have not such of genetic predispositions to make feel guilty obese people, they do not understand. But at least, we should'nt put too much on our own shoulders.