Donali inspired me to start this new thread. She has been providing information to us regarding Morbid Obesity being a disease, which is a very powerful topic for all of us.

Lately I've been discovering that there are many different categories that we fit in, so I was wondering what category you are in. I don't have labels for the categories, but let me start by telling you why I am obese.

First, my family history includes severe mental illness (Mom, aunt, etc.) I inherited a branch of mental illness - Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which had me extremely ill in my youth. My panic attacks have been under control for years, but I still have many anxiety-related problems, one being that I never stop thinking, and at night, the thoughts are consumed by food. Part of the reason I'm obese is becaseu I can't fight the mental struggle to eat for long periods of time. That part of my brain is stronger than the sensible part.

But my biggest problem is portion control. I'm obsessed by enormous quantities of food. I simply don't understand how anyone could order just one taco, or have a small serving of anything. With me, it's all or nothing. I would rather fast all day than to eat one chicken thigh. It's torture. A half gallon of ice cream is two servings. A family dinner is two servings.

And mine is all a night time disorder. Someone baked us fresh Cookies, all warm and steamy, and I didn't even look at them. I don't give a damn about food during the day. I feel like a monster.

I can relate to 'being 35 and feeling 65'. I feel so much older than I really am. Maybe because my heart has to work twice as hard or carrying around all this bulk is just plain tiring.

Why am I fat? I have thought about this recently and here's what I came up with. 1) I was adopted by great parents who gave me anything I could ever ask for. Clothes,cars, vacations etc. I'm one of those people that doesn't wish to every find my birth parents. My parents live about 3 miles away they are the ones that were my true parents. About the time I was in 4 th grade my parents got on the health kick of eating right and cutting down on sweets and fats. And my great lunches of pb&j's and chips and a couple of cookies turned into sandwich with lean thin meats, grapes and carrot sticks, NO desserts. So like so many other people said, I would buy tons of candy and sneak it into my room and hide it. It was kinda a naughty feeling knowing that I was eating candy when my parents banned it from the house. My parents would go out to eat with relatives or friends and at the end of the meal offer if anybody wants dessert, I would say I do, and then my mom would look at me and say,"Susan, not you, you don't need anything." Needless to say i was like, "oh yeah, well I am going to eat dessert later by god."

2) How come you never realize who someone is until after you marry them?! At 20 years old I married my high school boyfriend, who I dated mostly on rather than off for 4 years. After 6 years of marriage one day the blinders came off and I realized I was living with an mentally and verbally abusive jerk.:thumbdown: I was browbeated for so long that my self esteem went out the window. He never called me by my name, it was always some obscentity , $88thead or something similar. He wouldn't let me go anywhere without him unless it was to work, needless to say, by the time I got divorced I didn't have but 1 real girlfriend. All my high school friends were pushed away before we even got married. It never got physical by his hands so to speak,but there would always be all these accidents. We would shoot pool for fun and once the cue ball came flying off the table and slammed into the wall right by my head and he thought it was the funniest thing he's ever scene. He also always told me that if he ever hit me, I would be either dead or in the hospital. So with all that Food became my comfort and my friend. I spent alot of time alone at home. It was clear that althougth I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him, his life he could. He participated in alot of bowling leagues and softball game. Also I'm the type of person that showed outwardly that every thing was great. No problems here, while inside I was a shell of the person that I once was. HHHMMM, maybe I'm still alittle bitter after all these years. Sorry to drag on. SO back to the subject. I believe alot of it had to do with a bad marriage and turning to food for comfort. And of course, I watched alot of TV. I could get lost in the people on TV's lifes and problems and not focus on mine.. Thanks for listening

I feel the reason i am fat because i eat too much. I ate when i wasent hungry when i was younger because i was bored and could not go off of my block because i was a girl, and my mom didn't want anything to happen to me. My cousins were all pretty thin, but i was always the cute one. :wub: so in 1987 some of my cousins started getting really rude with their comments and actually I wasent that big. They were skin and bones like really size 0 to 4 or 5 and i was a 8 and i was considered fat. Now when i look back hell if i could get back there i would be a-ok... I turned to food to be my friend because i figured no one wanted to be around me or talk to me so i shut everyone out. and the cup cakes, chips, and pop the junk food became my best buddy....

I believe that I am fat because I am hungry all the time and my metabolism is not what it should be. Plus, I tend to prefer sedentary activities. I am not sure why I am hungry all the time, but it seems to be related to entering puberty. My metabolism is not what it should be, because I fell into the trap of yo-yo dieting. As for being sedentary, my body has always fought to be at rest. My mom would make me go outside to play and I would sneak out a book and find a place to sit and read.

I wish I could go back in time and never start that first diet when I was 13. Maybe the rest of it never would have happened, if I had loved my body when it was beautiful and accepted myself as I was. I tell myself that I’d be about 150 and healthy as a horse -- overweight, but not morbidly obese.

But who knows? Maybe my hunger never would have fixed itself. I do know that dieting has made everything worse. But I don’t know what it would have been if I hadn’t dieted ever.

That's the short answer. :biggrin2:

Ahh, why am I fat... 2 reasons in my opinion. 1. I am an emotional eater 2. It takes alot of food to get me full

All my life, my family has revolved around food, and that's how I was rewarded by my mom, and my aunts, and my grandma. And so when I ventured into adult life, and I was stressed, or lonely, or whatever, I would turn to food because it brought me back to a comfotable, safe place when I was with my family. Food has become an addiction... but of all addictions I COULD HAVE picked up- I'm glad it was food. My dad died from alcohol abuse, and 90% of the men in my family, on both sides, are alcoholics.

I AM READY TO TAKE BACK MY LIFE!!! CAN I HEAR AN AMEN?!?!?

Linksmom: Your story sounds all too familiar, I believe this is exactly what my sister is going through. And anytime I try talking to her about it she gets very defensive and doesn't want to talk about it. My whole family is worried for her but she wont listen to us. I hope one day she is strong as you and leaves that jerk. Grats on starting a new life and more healthy life.

My mom couldn't cook. She worked full time plus, had three kids in diffrent activities, (my younger brother and sister were twins), and she just didn't have a knack for it.So we ate McDonalds, frozen waffles, pizza...anything but vegtables. I don't think my body was getting the right amount of vitamans because I would be starving by seven, or mabye there is something wrong with my brain, either way I felt like if I didn't get something I would just die. My dad would hit me if I got a snack after supper so I learned to hide bread under my shirt when noone was looking and sneak into my room. I would get in my room and roll the bread into a ball so if anyone walked in I could hide it in my little fist and noone would see it. As I got older It would be more and more peices. Only at night, but night eating is bad for you no matter what age you are. I started to gain weight, not helping that I was held back in kindergarten and went through puberty in third grade so I was already developing curves and breast while all the rest of my class was still stick like. My dad was mentally abusive, sometimes physically, but not too often.(his dad was horrifically physically abusive) I never expressed what was going on at home to anyone at school and after kids started teasing me all the time for being "fat" and because I was kind of wierd (still am). I never expressed at home to anyone what was going on at school. I just ate.

I developed a REAL bread addiction. If I don't have bread I felt like I had eaten nothing. I am an emotional eater. I have a genetic disposition on my mom's side to be bigger but unlike my mom's weight that goes flatteringly on her butt and breast, mine sticks to my belly and hips. I celebrate by eating, I eat to substitue for crying, and I eat to pass time.

Now I try to drink water and go to the gym... I think this is going to be a long journey for me, but I truely am ready. If this fails I don't know what I am going to do with myself.

Not that it is anyone else's fault. My enemy is my own addiction with food. Not my childhood. I am so glad we are all taken steps to improve our health and our lives.

I am that emotional eater that no matter the emotion food is the fix. Plus I always felt like I was trapped in chaos. Then I had problems with depression and was put on meds that effected weight. So I had planning problems, eat on the go, shop like my "plump" mother does. I just thought I was destined to be a fatty. A new thing happened to me, I've just been diagnosed with adult ADHD and was put on Strattera. I think that dealing with the ADHD will make my banding more successful since I'll be able to plan and prioritize better. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

RSG, Well you certainly picked the right tool to help you with that bread addiction. I've completely gone off it and infinitely prefer crackers.

Nicole, good on you for getting everything in order. Attack this from all angles.

I was teased as a kid too but my eating I think is not related to that, its a combination of genetics and bad habits. I do O.K. but as the day goes on, I eat more and get out right hungry. Then mid evening the munchies start. I try to fill up on carrots, celery (not banded yet) and such, but being on food stamps the end of the month is tuff, the food thins out, the stamps are gone and so I look to what ever is in the house. I drink water but it goes right through me. I have a best friend and for some reason when I am there on the weekends (girls night) I just get worse! It's like I have no will power! I don't know what to do about it. :sneaky:

Mainly, because I love food. I love to eat, I love to cook. I love to invent recipes; I love to learn complicated cooking methods. I love to watch the Food network (I call it food porn). I love to nurture people with food. I love to impress people with my ability to cook good food. In part, I define being a woman with the ability to nurture, please and impress with good food. You don't have to tell me how sick that is.

But, there are other issues too. In 1st grade, my teacher put a height/weight chart on the wall, and though I wasn't the largest kid in the class by a long shot, I weighed the most. Kids are mean. Then, my mother decided I could go on WWatchers with her. My childhood and adolescence was filled with hearing about what I didn't 'need' to eat, being told to 'get out of that,' referring to whatever I was picking at. So, I began sneaking food. Extra Desserts, the little debbie cakes that were for my brothers school lunches, even slices of bread - I distinctly remember hiding food under my clothes, trying to get down the hall to my bedroom w/o getting caught.

Still, I wasn't a obese kid, just a little chubby. In high school, I was a normal size, but I never understood that every item of clothing in the store was not meant for every person. I just heard that the miniskirt I wanted made me look 10 lbs heavier, and that meant I was fat. Never mind that I had a tiny waist and great curves - I'd kill to have my teenage body back. I didn't appreciate it - I thought I was fat. I recently read some old journals of mine from high school, and it's page after page of lementing how fat I was, disgusted with myself, determined to 'do something' about my weight. I thought boys didn't like me because I was fat. I was a size 8 or 10 then. Boys didn't like me because I was smart and quiet and they thought I was a snob. Or they just plain didn't know me, because I wouldn't let them.

So, cut to college, drinking, eating whatever I wanted. I was totally in control, so I lost control of my weight. I developed major depression, and got bigger. After my sophomore year, I spent a summer at home losing weight and basically becoming anorexic. I ate almost nothing, and remember telling my mom that if I were thin and eating like that, she would think I had an eating disorder. She agreed. I got down to about 185 that summer, losing 40 lbs in about 3 months.

Then I transferred schools, got into a bad relationship, and basically ate all the time. Control issues continued - I would eat whatever I wanted, dammit. Weight packed on. I tried Jenny Craig, lost a little, gained it back. I felt worse, so I ate more. It felt like I was trying to prove something with all the eating, but I am still not sure what.

Then graduation, the big breakup with the college boyfriend, and the first job, a very stressful one in the news industry. No real friends in a new city, and food became even more for comfort and recreation. And by then I was totally out of control, more than 250 lbs, and after that who cares? I met my husband somewhere between 250 and 275, started grad school and moved away from him and gained more, breaking 300. Since we married, I've gained even more quickly, in part probably due to being so secure that he loves me no matter what.

Since that time, I have done WW four or five times, but it's basically been an uphill climb.

I can't do it alone. I don't need it to be easy, I just need it to be a little easier.

Edited April 6, 200818 yr by oneder_woman

Why am I fat?

Well, for the first time in ten years, I have an answer for this. And it's taken me 5 years of therapy to be able to articulate this answer.

I've got every predisposing factor in the book. You name it, I've got it. An obese parent, and a second parent who used food as a "reward" for every success in childhood, then did a 180 as soon as I started getting fat. She then criticised every thing I put in my mouth, forced me to exercise and started giving me only salad or vegetables for dinner, when the rest of my family were eating roast meats, Pasta, take-out. Severe depression and anxiety owing to repeated sexual abuse. Severe Polycystic Ovarian syndrome and insulin resistance. The break-up of an engagement to a wonderful man, for reasons outside of both our control. All of these things and more led to what can only be described as compulsive overeating.

After cycling through the various stages of bulimia in my teenage years, I finally sought psychiatric help. By this point, I had stopped all purging behaviours and was only bingeing. At least once a day.

I was hiding food in every possible hiding place in my bedroom. Stealing money from my parents in order to go out and buy every possible "naughty" or "forbidden" food and eat it all, someplace hidden where no-one could see me. Usually I would eat my ill-gotten food in the toilet - can you get any more disgusting?

Now, due to a huge amount of therapy, I know the reason that I was doing this. After being sexually abused in childhood and adolescence, I subconsciously wanted to make myself unattractive to men - and the best way I knew how to do this was to get fat. My mind thought that if I was fat, no man would ever want to touch me. So my fat became my "security blanket" against the pain I had suffered.

Now, I know that my behaviour and attitudes to food make me a very sick person - and not just in the physical sense. I have worked long and hard to build myself into a person who will never take no s**t from nobody. I will never again let somebody take what I don't want to give them.

So now I feel secure enough to let go of my fat. I've retrained my brain to let go of my maladaptive thought patterns and embrace a new way of thinking. Of course, there will always be times when I can't hack it, but that's why I need a tool to keep me in check - and now, that's what I have.

I have every excuse in the book for being fat -- but I have to stop using excuses, and I have to get my life back.

Starting today.

Edited April 6, 200818 yr by anniedub
spelling error

It's hard to get those bad messages out of your head and you're a true survivor who should be very proud of herself. You do deserve a happy life, good luck to you brandyII!

Isn't it amazing how our parents think they help but they cause damage that takes years and years to get past? I have a daughter who is 16, she is a little overweight, but this kid can do physical activity that someone skinnier can't keep up with. She competed gymnastics, she's on a dance competition team, captain of the HS cheer squad, HS basketball, rides horses - you name it she does it. I put my kids in sports as soon as they were old enough to be in them. I didn't make them do something they didn't want to do, I let them choose so they enjoyed it. I made a point to start them out active in their lives because obesity runs in my family. I can't name one person on my dad or my mom's side of the family who are thin. I didn't want them to get teased in school and have something like that say with them the rest of their lives like I did. My son is 18, he's a bean pole no matter how much that boy eats!! I think when I had him he took all my motabilism with him! :purplebananna: I never would take food from them - if we all can't eat right then why should just one? God knows it wouldn't hurt any of us to eat better!

Well, that's my morning input - time to get my butt to work!

Kel