Comments on your body

[kcuster83 1,502]

Seriously, what is with people of this world.

Don't get me wrong, the noticed weight loss and compliments are nice.. to a point.

Over the weekend I was at my VFW for a Thanksgiving food drive dropping off some donations and while standing at the corner of the bar talking to a bar tender a guy(who knows me from there and sees me all the time) came up behind me and said "excuse me BIG GUY!" I turned around and said I am a woman. Seriously WTF? My hair was down and it's LONG, I was wearing leggings and a hoodie... I know it was an accident but why "BIG" guy? He apologized and I just went about my day.

Then I had someone close to me THE VERY NEXT DAY grab my hip and tell me I need to stop loosing weight, I am getting bony. Again, W.T.F? First off I weigh 260 lbs... not even close to where I want to be... and someone already said I am bony? RUDE! I am 6ft tall so even at 260 lbs I do realize I look bony in areas but I am seriously still chubby and FAR from "bony"!

Then just yesterday at work, I was helping this guy understand a engineered drawing and in the middle of me explaining he says "Man Kim you are really slimming down"... Now, had he just stopped there it would have been fine but he goes on to say "I don't know how much you used to weigh but you have lost a lot so it must have been a lot".. ONCE AGAIN!... W...T...F?!?!? I know he meant it as a compliment, but seriously...what kind of compliment ends with you must have weighed a lot? I just said yea I was pretty fat and went back to what I was doing. lol

Why can't people just leave it alone, stop commenting on people's bodies. Or, just simply say you are looking good. Or something basic and simple like such?

Again, the compliments are nice and build confidence but I think people need to understand what classifies as a compliment and when they actually crossed the line to rude.

Rant over...thanks. 😁

[St77 85]

It brings to mind the time when I met my stepfather's mom. She kind of was like mean Maxine from the Hallmark cards and just blurted out the first thing that she thought of. I was 30 pounds heavier at the time and she said "aren't you a plump little thing". I was more amused than offended.

Fast forward 3 months later and I've lost those 30 pounds...what does she say now? "weren't you fatter?" I heard my stepfather tell her to apologize, but she just mumbled something under her breath.

[kcuster83 1,502]

10 minutes ago, St77 said:

It brings to mind the time when I met my stepfather's mom. She kind of was like mean Maxine from the Hallmark cards and just blurted out the first thing that she thought of. I was 30 pounds heavier at the time and she said "aren't you a plump little thing". I was more amused than offended.

Fast forward 3 months later and I've lost those 30 pounds...what does she say now? "weren't you fatter?" I heard my stepfather tell her to apologize, but she just mumbled something under her breath.

smh! Shesh...

[Sleeve_Me_Alone 654]

Recently I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in a while, since very early in my weight loss - she looked me up and down and said "You need to be done" That was it. Nothing else. I've lost 110lbs, but I'm in no way unhealthy or thin to a point of concern. I'm still solidly 20lbs over a "healthy" BMI.

It sent me into a bit of a spiral for a few days and really ramped up some dysmorphic thinking, but my husband (GOD BLESS THAT MAN) was able to talk me down.

I think some of it is just thoughtlessness; people don't realize what they are saying and how it sounds. Some of it is internalized insecurity; they have their own junk and it spills out on everyone around them. I think very rarely is it intentionally mean, or at least that's what I choose to believe (most of the time!).

[kcuster83 1,502]

17 minutes ago, Sleeve_Me_Alone said:

Recently I ran into a friend that I hadn't seen in a while, since very early in my weight loss - she looked me up and down and said "You need to be done" That was it. Nothing else. I've lost 110lbs, but I'm in no way unhealthy or thin to a point of concern. I'm still solidly 20lbs over a "healthy" BMI.

It sent me into a bit of a spiral for a few days and really ramped up some dysmorphic thinking, but my husband (GOD BLESS THAT MAN) was able to talk me down.

I think some of it is just thoughtlessness; people don't realize what they are saying and how it sounds. Some of it is internalized insecurity; they have their own junk and it spills out on everyone around them. I think very rarely is it intentionally mean, or at least that's what I choose to believe (most of the time!).

Yes, I do agree. I don't think people realize how things come out of their mouth sometimes.

Sometimes, it is just plain mean and they still don't think it is.. those people are dicks. LOL

For example I was told "if you loose too much more weight you will be unattractive to me" lol.. ok 1st: it is fine that you like big girls, 2: I don't care if I am "attractive to YOU".. I care I am happy with myself and attractive to my partner. And, honestly.. if my weight loss became UN attractive to my partner.. that wouldn't stop me either it just may stop my relationship..

This is for me.. for just about the first time ever.. it is FOR ME..

[MountainClover 81]

Im sorry people just say weird stuff. It seems like everyone has an opinion about our bodies and for some reason think its ok to say it out loud to us!! I used to work in a nursing home with our long term care residents and I have had them tell me "You sure are fat" to which I respond "yes I am" and just let it roll off me. I dont take those things personally. Old people and kids are very honest. But that doesnt excuse everyone elses rudeness. Just dont take it personally. I am losing weight for me not for my husband ,not for my friends ,just myself, so I dont care what anyone else thinks.

[summerseeker 1,833]

Is thin shaming as bad as fat shaming? oh yes. These are our bodies, we have done the work and when we say we are done, we are done with loosing. No-one else should have any input.

I always believe in this - If you cannot say anything good then keep your trap shut

[NP_WIP 273]

Agree everyone seems to want to state their opinion even if unwanted. I have a few of those in my family where if you are overweight are constantly talking about your weight, lack of self-esteem and how much prettier you will be if thinner. Those same people are the ones that if you lose some weight will try to stop you from being too thin and ugly. I just let those comments slide most of the time, but there are times where I need to clarify that their opinion has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the way they view themselves.

[Betty1971 382]

Oh the strange things that people have to me and about me during my weight loss journey. My own family (estranged family now) have accused me of being on drugs, it has been said I must have cancer, my favorite one is she must have developed "an eating disorder"! I mean nobody said I had an eating disorder when I weighed 247 pounds but now that I am 125 I have one? lol

People say that they have no idea how much their words affect others but I think they do know and that is why they weaponize them. I had to learn how to let their words roll off my back like a duck lets Water roll off their back. I know what I was working towards and why, that is all that matters

[Arabesque 6,446]

Some people are just plain awful. Remember being told: if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. Or to put your brain in gear before operating your mouth. Or you don’t have to share everything you think. What happened to that???

Who gave people the right to say (or write in social media) anything they damn well please with no thought to the person they’ve targeted & for it to become acceptable behaviour. Yes, I said targeted because for most I think it’s a deliberate act. Even if they think they’re being clever & witty, they are deliberately not considering the impact of their words.

[Smanky 743]

I'm thankfully pretty shielded from this most of the time, since I'm self-employed and work from home. I imagine if you work in an office or on-site, then the comments would happen. I had my first a week or so ago, when visiting a friend and she quietly said I looked skinny and asked if I was well. She hasn't seen me in a while, so I guess there is a noticeable weight drop and I KNOW my collar bones and neck sinews stick out prominently now. It still triggered a weird body dysmorphic patch in me, and thankfully my partner put my mind at ease. In her defense, she was coming from a place of care, and she has suffered from restrictive eating disorders in the past so I know she was just seeing my jutting bones and making unconscious connections to her own past.

My real test will be Xmas and going interstate to see the family and in-laws for the first time in about half a year. I am a good size and a half smaller since they last saw me.

All that said, anyone calling out to a stranger OR an acquaintance with the word "fat" needs a kick between the legs. Inexcusably rude, fundamentally unfunny.

[Queen ApisM 426]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. I have been lucky - so far. People have commented that I look great, that sort of thing, but no one has crossed a line. Having said that, I definitely have avoided people who would make those comments partly because they are toxic people and I know it ahead of time. In fact I was just at an industry gathering and actively avoided an old coworker because she is a gossip who would ask really obnoxious questions and then talk about me with others. Not going to entertain that crap.

Thanksgiving will be interesting as I will see extended family and I am quite a lot thinner than the last times they saw me. I'll deal with them if and when it comes up. At least with truly toxic people you can try and avoid them, but then there are the ones who are wildcards and you can't do anything to evade that sort of thing.

[oldandtired 238]

I've gotten a few compliments, but mostly nothing- my face, at my age, has also "lost weight", so I look older. PLUS I think people think I have some disease, and don't dare to mention it. 🤣

Plus mine is not as drastic-I didn't as much to take off.

I have had some problems--but would i do it again? YES! I feel great, things don't hurt as much, I've come off some meds.

P.S. You didn't do it for THEM. You did it for YOU!!!

[SeattleLady 277]

Seriously, what is with people of this world.
Don't get me wrong, the noticed weight loss and compliments are nice.. to a point.
Over the weekend I was at my VFW for a Thanksgiving food drive dropping off some donations and while standing at the corner of the bar talking to a bar tender a guy(who knows me from there and sees me all the time) came up behind me and said "excuse me BIG GUY!" I turned around and said I am a woman. Seriously WTF? My hair was down and it's LONG, I was wearing leggings and a hoodie... I know it was an accident but why "BIG" guy? He apologized and I just went about my day.
Then I had someone close to me THE VERY NEXT DAY grab my hip and tell me I need to stop loosing weight, I am getting bony. Again, W.T.F? First off I weigh 260 lbs... not even close to where I want to be... and someone already said I am bony? RUDE! I am 6ft tall so even at 260 lbs I do realize I look bony in areas but I am seriously still chubby and FAR from "bony"!
Then just yesterday at work, I was helping this guy understand a engineered drawing and in the middle of me explaining he says "Man Kim you are really slimming down"... Now, had he just stopped there it would have been fine but he goes on to say "I don't know how much you used to weigh but you have lost a lot so it must have been a lot".. ONCE AGAIN!... W...T...F?!?!? I know he meant it as a compliment, but seriously...what kind of compliment ends with you must have weighed a lot? I just said yea I was pretty fat and went back to what I was doing. lol
Why can't people just leave it alone, stop commenting on people's bodies. Or, just simply say you are looking good. Or something basic and simple like such?
Again, the compliments are nice and build confidence but I think people need to understand what classifies as a compliment and when they actually crossed the line to rude.
Rant over...thanks. [emoji16]

This WLS is a big mind game! With my sleeve I got down to 181lbs. And, people in my office were rude and condescending. There was true of my work-friends too.
I didn't prepare for such a response. Get you head to the point that can focus on your goals and best health. In my experience, women around you can be your biggest hurdle. Forgive and ignore their comments. Sometimes people are just jealous! Peace

Sent from my SM-G996U1 using BariatricPal mobile app

[SeattleLady 277]

It brings to mind the time when I met my stepfather's mom. She kind of was like mean Maxine from the Hallmark cards and just blurted out the first thing that she thought of. I was 30 pounds heavier at the time and she said "aren't you a plump little thing". I was more amused than offended.
Fast forward 3 months later and I've lost those 30 pounds...what does she say now? "weren't you fatter?" I heard my stepfather tell her to apologize, but she just mumbled something under her breath.

Wow, next you see her say, "are you okay, looks like those bags under your eye are growing fast you have to be careful at your age."
Do let people pee on you and call it rain! Bully back!!!!

Sent from my SM-G996U1 using BariatricPal mobile app