How do people date after massive weight loss? Regardless of surgery or not.

I am married, and don't plan to date but you never know. If it goes South, it's me and great dane for life! Still even self conscious after being together for 18 years!

But, my point is in regard to all the extra skin? I have lost over 100 lbs and have 90-100 more to go! I have already had extra skin removed 10 years ago after loosing 140lbs but then gained it back.

Now my skin is different. I gained it differently. I have a flat tight lower belly but the top is like an extra pair of boobs now. And frankly, bigger than my actual boobs! I hate my skin but I hate being fat more. I don't know if I will get more skin removal surgery or not.

I watched a video of a woman using a body suit after loosing almost 200 lbs. Her body with the suit on was slim, tight and curvy.

So, you're wearing that on a date or multiple dates with a person and it goes further. Then what, just take off the body suit and let it all out? Do you have a conversation with the person before it gets to that point? How do you address these things?

Edited July 11, 20224 yr by kcuster83

16 minutes ago, kcuster83 said:

How do people date after massive weight loss? Regardless of surgery or not.

I am married, and don't plan to date but you never know. If it goes South, it's me and great dane for life! Still even self conscious after being together for 18 years!

But, my point is in regard to all the extra skin? I have lost over 100 lbs and have 90-100 more to go! I have already had extra skin removed 10 years ago after loosing 140lbs but then gained it back.

Now my skin is different. I gained it differently. I have a flat tight lower belly but the top is like an extra pair of boobs now. And frankly, bigger than my actual boobs! I hate my skin but I hate being fat more. I don't know if I will get more skin removal surgery or not.

I watched a video of a woman using a body suit after loosing almost 200 lbs. Her body with the suit on was slim, tight and curvy.

So, you're wearing that on a date or multiple dates with a person and it goes further. Then what, just take off the body suit and let it all out? Do you have a conversation with the person before it gets to that point? How do you address these things?

If you think you're going to sleep with them, you gotta let em know ahead of time. They see you looking one way, then all of a sudden BAM, the skin monster comes out and they're like WTF??!?! If it's a serious relationship, they will understand and hopefully it won't change anything. If it's more casual, well, there's a better chance they won't like it. Just pick wisely and hope for the best. Or get skin surgery and don't deal with any of it lol My husband and I have been together for 17 years, but I'm with you. Ya just never know. I'm getting ALL the surgery once I hit goal weight. I'm working too hard to get healthy and smaller just to continue to have issues with my body and be embarrassed of it.

Omg I can’t even imagine dating at this point in my life. I have so many little things I don’t like about my body. If I could afford plastics I would be doing that as soon as they would let me. I’m sure that it’s pretty uncomfortable for anyone that’s not in their 20’s anymore though. Surgery or not. Most of us have our little hang ups over our bodies. But I’m sure if it was a serious relationship you would go places that required less clothes so slowly your secret would be let out even if you didn’t tell. Like if you went to the beach especially.

I'm just starting to think about maybe dating again. I've been happily single for a really long time -- just me and my dog -- but I know that ultimately I'd prefer to be sharing my life with someone. I'll be 51 in a couple of months, so maybe it's time to get on with it! I definitely have a bunch of loose skin, along with bags of sand where my boobs used to be. Sex and relationships have always been totally separate things for me: I don't look either my age or my weight, so these days I could most likely attract someone casually, but I don't know if I'd want to given that I look so different with clothes on. I don't plan to ever wear a corset or serious compression garments, but even simple jeans and a bra hide a lot of sins...LOL! I guess I'd be ok with waiting for the physical part. I think I might actually mention the surgery in my dating profile: I tend to be pretty straightforward, and I figure it's likely to come up fairly soon (between food being so integral to socializing and me not being willing to drink yet). I wouldn't immediately tell a guy who I met randomly, but I don't remember the last time that happened...dating sites feel different.

I had an opportunity to be with someone recently but I chickened out lol but yes when do you tell a potential partner about surgery

I imagine the anxiety of having that conversation in a serious manor. UHG!

I am in a FB bariatric group, and I know of a few couples who actually met in support groups and hit it off. I think that would be ideal in my situation.

I think it tends to me more females than males in these types of groups which I guess could make things more difficult.

They should have singles mixers for patients of bariatric clinics. That would seem to be the ideal scenerio to meet someone who totally understands and is in the same place in life. Maybe suggest it at your support groups.

45 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

They should have singles mixers for patients of bariatric clinics. That would seem to be the ideal scenerio to meet someone who totally understands and is in the same place in life. Maybe suggest it at your support groups.

Very good idea. I noticed they have a singles forum in here but it seems dead.

I was one of the unfortunate folks affected by divorce post WLS. I started dating about 6 months ago. I didn’t tell people about my WLS on first dates, but would often just suggest coffee or happy hour dates to avoid full meals. I went out on lots of first dates, a few second dates and never told anyone until I met my boyfriend. On our third date at dinner I told him why I eat smaller amounts. He’s been super supportive. I did have plastic surgery a little over a year ago so a bunch of loose skin isn’t an issue, but told him about that as well as I do have visible scars.

3 minutes ago, kristieshannon said:

I was one of the unfortunate folks affected by divorce post WLS. I started dating about 6 months ago. I didn’t tell people about my WLS on first dates, but would often just suggest coffee or happy hour dates to avoid full meals. I went out on lots of first dates, a few second dates and never told anyone until I met my boyfriend. On our third date at dinner I told him why I eat smaller amounts. He’s been super supportive. I did have plastic surgery a little over a year ago so a bunch of loose skin isn’t an issue, but told him about that as well as I do have visible scars.

Sounds like a solid plan. Glad to hear it worked out.

8 hours ago, kcuster83 said:

Very good idea. I noticed they have a singles forum in here but it seems dead.

Yeah I got excited when I saw that forum but you are right it not active at all

Wow, dating at first was very challenging. There were a couple of men I dated who I did not feel comfortable sharing with, and for me, that’s how I knew it wasn’t the right fit. I met my now husband when I was 5 years post-op. We were introduced by a mutual friend and his co-worker. I told my husband pretty early on about having had RNY. He is a counselor, and was in the Air Force and had EMT/medic training and was familiar with bariatric surgery. I was a little rare in the sense of skin removal/plastics. I did not have my first skin removal surgery until I was almost 7 years post-op (mainly because I was single with only my income and could not afford plastic surgery). In July 2020, I had a full abdominoplasty which we were able to get covered by insurance (I work for the government and our plan is pretty solid). In July 2021, I had an arm & thigh lift done together. My husband has been remarkably supportive. He knew me with the extra skin and now sees me without it. He said it hasn’t changed his view of me at all, he just wants me to feel okay in my own body. ?

I can just say that when you’re ready to talk about having had the surgery, the right person will be there in support. ?

I am super lucky that I was reunited with my first love from 27 years ago in June and now we’re engaged and he adores every inch of me. Before him, if I was seeing someone and it seemed to be a potential, I would go he’d never let them know. My last boyfriend also had surgery. He wasn’t even a year out and was still eating all the junk and alcohol he wanted being in the honeymoon phase. After almost a year and him not changing, I ended it and then my now fiancé stepped on the scene!

9 minutes ago, nursenays said:

He wasn’t even a year out and was still eating all the junk and alcohol he wanted being in the honeymoon phase.

?

I'm 9 months out, and I'll admit that lately I've been struggling with snacking -- but all of my snacks are "healthy" (low or no sugar/carbs but zero nutritional value; e.g., oat bites, sesame sticks, etc.). I can't imagine drinking or having actual junk food right now! I'm having a hard enough time with this much of a slip back into old habits.

Anyway, it's a super good/interesting point that just meeting someone else who's had surgery isn't a guarantee of being on the same page food-wise!

(P.S. Congrats on your engagement!)

I have to know where did the girl get her body suit from? lol I may need to pick one up lol

1 hour ago, Ashbash88 said:

I have to know where did the girl get her body suit from? lol I may need to pick one up lol

I have no idea, I don't even remember where I saw it. Sorry.