Ughhhh how do you deal with fat shaming post op?

I was standing outside and a car drove by and screamed at me "what are you a linebacker?!" In front of a bunch of people. We ignored it but it hurt pretty bad.. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I have so much self hatred that I'm trying to undo. I've lost a good amount of weight but I'm still big and very tall...feel so unfeminine.

I'm trying so hard to not let this get to me But I'm hurt. It felt like high school bullying. I'm wondering when ill reach the low 200s so I'll look "normal". I feel like I'm in this weird physical transitionary state. Before my surgery it was like I felt like I had to prove somehow that I was actively working on my weight. Now it's like I am, I had surgery and I work on weight loss without thinking about it and don't feel like I need to say anything but when someone calls me fat or makes a mean comment, it puts me back in that mental jail of being 330+ lbs. It so depressing. I don't know, it's weird. I know I'm fat but I'm also losing weight. I just want to be comfortable with myself regardless of what people say but damn it puts me in a bad place to be bullied while trying to hard to get healthy.

It felt like high school bullying because they probably were in high school!!
Try to brush it off. You are doing great & you will be down in the low 200’s before you know it!
But just wait until you have lost a bunch of weight! It is so hard not to tell someone that was the same size as you once were that they should have weight loss surgery!

Everyone is fighting their own battle that no one else can see.

You are giving way too much power to absolute strangers to control you and your emotions.

Your new mantra: They are strangers and what strangers say or think about you is of no importance to you, and you will not give them a second thought or even a first one.

I mean, they were random people driving past. Anyone can say anything. Maybe you are actually a linebacker. I wouldn't worry about nameless, faceless people - just assume they were yelling at someone else.

Maybe this will help. https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/living-in-your-head-rent-free

Don't let the jerks get to you. First, they don't know you. Second, they were immature. Third, you are on a journey where you hadn't yet reached the goal, but you're working toward it. Strangers can't know that. Strangers shouldn't have any control over your emotions. I know it's easier said than done, but we care about you and won't bully you here on this forum.

I get how you feel. They are idiots that don’t deserve a second though but I would probably let it get to me too in all honesty. At least at this point in time you know in your own mind that you are doing everything you can to change it and you can envision yourself saying how do you like me now when you reach your goal weight and feel as fantastic about yourself as you already are.

Some people are garbage and love to announce to the world that they're garbage, like the sh*tgoblins in that car. You wouldn't want their approval even if you could get it. I know it's hard when you're feeling low, but don't let complete strangers bring you down. Don't give them that power. The only opinions that matter are from people you like and respect, not shouty randos who are probably just college kids.

I really appreciate everyone. I was so upset last night. Was definitely venting and just trying to find a place to get it out. I know I can't let these experiences live "rent free" in my head.

It was actually the first time I felt self hatred since my surgery though. Definitely brought up some old bad feelings. My dad was really verbally abusive to me growing up and I had a boyfriend who also made comments about my size so I'm incredibly self conscious now. Just looking forward for people to not say anything about my size at all. That'll be nice.

You are giving way too much power to absolute strangers to control you and your emotions.
Your new mantra: They are strangers and what strangers say or think about you is of no importance to you, and you will not give them a second thought or even a first one.

Really trying to internalize this! [emoji173]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. People can be so very cruel. I remember one day when I was exiting a department store (I was in my 20s and only weighed about 160 at the time) when two teens drove by and yelled "I hate B.... with fat legs." I can still feel the shame and embarrassment today that I felt in that moment. I know it's far easier said than done, but try to put their cruelty aside and focus on getting healthy. Besides, I truly believe that those who seek to hurt others are quite miserable in their own life.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. People can be so very cruel. I remember one day when I was exiting a department store (I was in my 20s and only weighed about 160 at the time) when two teens drove by and yelled "I hate B.... with fat legs." I can still feel the shame and embarrassment today that I felt in that moment. I know it's far easier said than done, but try to put their cruelty aside and focus on getting healthy. Besides, I truly believe that those who seek to hurt others are quite miserable in their own life.

Aww I appreciate you sharing and sorry that happened. It sucks at any size I realize. My therapist gave me really good advice about it recently. I'm working on being less affected by what people say about my body, good or bad (because it really does ruin my day most of the time). She said that like art, the human body is subjective. People are allowed to have opinions about bodies, like art. It doesn't make it correct however. Like there's no "correct" form of art. Some might appreciate it, some might like your earlier work while others like the new stuff you've done but at the end of the day, it's all just subjective assessments. She also made the distinction that it's my thoughts that create the feelings. Some a*****e might say something negative but I can instead choose to feel compassion- that person has something within them that is giving them a hard time and making them act that way.

That really helped me take the sting off of these body comments for me.

I say take some time for self care. **** like that hurts and it's ok to feel hurt but try to remind yourself how far you've come. Look at a before photo, maybe spend some quiet time with yourself. I once had total stranger throw water at me and call me a fat pig and it still hurts today but everyday I remind myself how strong iam and what I'm doing this for. Sending you lots of hugs ❤️

I say take some time for self care. **** like that hurts and it's ok to feel hurt but try to remind yourself how far you've come. Look at a before photo, maybe spend some quiet time with yourself. I once had total stranger throw Water at me and call me a fat pig and it still hurts today but everyday I remind myself how strong iam and what I'm doing this for. Sending you lots of hugs [emoji3590]

I appreciate it [emoji1317]
I'm also sorry that happened to you. We can't control what others will say to us but to some extent we can decide whether or not we want it to make us or break us. I've been learning this recently. Sending love as well!

On 5/10/2022 at 5:41 PM, fourmonthspreop said:

Aww I appreciate you sharing and sorry that happened. It sucks at any size I realize. My therapist gave me really good advice about it recently. I'm working on being less affected by what people say about my body, good or bad (because it really does ruin my day most of the time). She said that like art, the human body is subjective. People are allowed to have opinions about bodies, like art. It doesn't make it correct however. Like there's no "correct" form of art. Some might appreciate it, some might like your earlier work while others like the new stuff you've done but at the end of the day, it's all just subjective assessments. She also made the distinction that it's my thoughts that create the feelings. Some a*****e might say something negative but I can instead choose to feel compassion- that person has something within them that is giving them a hard time and making them act that way.

That really helped me take the sting off of these body comments for me.

Oh wow! Kudos to your therapist! As a big girl and art lover, this really resonates with me. I cannot thank you enough for sharing this.

I was also bullied at school because I was a bad learner and didn't get good grades, so I now have the trauma that I cannot do something.