To Lie or Not to Lie

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 459]

First…. I 100% support YOUR decision to tell people about your surgery or not. I am in no way saying you should or should not….
I recently went on a trip and on this trip I had to show my old ID a few times. When I applied to TSA PreCheck I got a triple take when they looked at my passport photo vs the new me… so I explained… then on the trip I just decided to preemptively say “yeah I’ve lost a lot of weight since then” when they looked at my ID. Twice I had the person (quietly) ask “mind if I ask how? It’s none of my business I’m just wondering.” Both times I told them the truth, both times they said they’ve been thinking about it. Both times they smiled when I told them how stupidly amazing I feel and how I wish I had done this sooner. Both times we held up the line entirely too long while they and I both opened up about our weight issues and weight wishes. They were great moments and they wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t open up to them.
My wife does not want me to share my story with her side of the family and I’ve respected her wishes in that regard. I don’t personally care if they know but she has her reasons and that’s good enough for me. I totally understand that someone you know and will see repeatedly is an entirely different story….
But a stranger I’ll never see again? Someone who is like I was and clearly is looking for help? I’ll never lie to them. They deserve to know that traditional diets are damn hard if not impossible for most of us. I feel like it would make them feel worse about their own diet failures and their self esteem if I lied about how I did what I did. I’ll share my story with anyone going forward with joy, because I’m so happy about it and I want them to feel this way too. I gave both of those people info on this forum and my username. If you’re here reading this now, welcome. I’m glad you made the effort. Please don’t feel the need to introduce yourself just yet. Read, absorb, self reflect. But welcome nonetheless. I’m happy that you’re here.

[GreenTealael 24,855]

1 hour ago, Officially Not Fatty Matty said:

But a stranger I’ll never see again? Someone who is like I was and clearly is looking for help? I’ll never lie to them. They deserve to know that traditional diets are damn hard if not impossible for most of us. I feel like it would make them feel worse about their own diet failures and their self esteem if I lied about how I did what I did.

Oddly enough I also never lie to strangers or casual acquaintances. It feels very low risk for me.

However the people I interact with often or know well is another story. I’ve learned to read the room.

If someone earnestly/ privately asks I usually just tell them. They are also so happy to see someone in person that is happy with the their results and doing well/not struggling.

But I’ve also had experiences where people very publicly/ loudly (nearly shouting across a room) ask how I lost weight. These interactions feel disingenuous and shaming so I don’t take them seriously. I usually tell these people the most complex set of layered diets and activities (Keto, fasting, glucose monitoring, cheat days, mercury retrograde, belly dancing, etc.) in great detail until they are satisfied. Those people can speculate but will never get the (whole) truth from me.

BTW Congratulations on your success!

[FutureSylph 377]

It's not "lying" to choose not to disclose surgery, especially to prying questions. (A better name for this thread would be "To Disclose or Not to Disclose," in my opinion.) Lying would be telling an untruth: "I had liposuction 27 times!" Come to think of it, that's not a bad answer -- but I'm planning to use a cool "I don't care to discuss it publicly" for unwelcome questions.

[STLoser 1,085]

I have shared the fact that I had surgery with anyone and everyone. I'm just an open book and also a bit of an oversharer. At 50, I also don't care what anyone thinks anymore. If people ask how, especially if they are overweight, I am glad to share in case it will be helpful to them.
But this is just the way I am. I've never been very good at keeping things to myself. It's funny, because I'm great at keeping secrets people tell me, but I don't hide a lot about myself. I don't expect others to be like me and understand why some people don't want to let anyone know they had surgery. No one is obligated to share with strangers or acquaintances, and I feel like it's deeply personal for everyone to decide what they are comfortable with.
You just have to decide what feels right to you.

Sent from my Nokia 7.2 using BariatricPal mobile app

[ShoppGirl 3,353]

I keep reading posts like this and thinking long and hard about what I will do if someone asks me but so far NoOne has asked?? I have lost over 50 pounds. I know it is noticeable. I am down from XL bottoms to medium and XXL tops to Large. I think I would just tell the truth to anyone though. Those who I have told have been so supportive and I think those who aren’t are just not educated and I would just brush off whatever response they gave if it was an uneducated one. I totally understand ones right to privacy and why they may choose to keep it private or disclose a version of the truth but for me it’s easier to just tell the whole truth.

[vikingbeast 985]

3 hours ago, ShoppGirl said:

I keep reading posts like this and thinking long and hard about what I will do if someone asks me but so far NoOne has asked?? I have lost over 50 pounds. I know it is noticeable. I am down from XL bottoms to medium and XXL tops to Large. I think I would just tell the truth to anyone though. Those who I have told have been so supportive and I think those who aren’t are just not educated and I would just brush off whatever response they gave if it was an uneducated one. I totally understand ones right to privacy and why they may choose to keep it private or disclose a version of the truth but for me it’s easier to just tell the whole truth.

A lot of people don't want to be that... I don't know how to say it in English... metiche. (Kind of like "nosey" but more like "has to be involved in everything even if it's none of their business".) Even if they think, "Wow, ShoppGirl looks fantastic, she's putting in the work," they might not feel it would be polite to comment.

Edited September 7, 2021 by vikingbeast

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 459]

On 09/06/2021 at 18:22, FutureSylph said:

It's not "lying" to choose not to disclose surgery, especially to prying questions. (A better name for this thread would be "To Disclose or Not to Disclose," in my opinion.) Lying would be telling an untruth: "I had liposuction 27 times!" Come to think of it, that's not a bad answer -- but I'm planning to use a cool "I don't care to discuss it publicly" for unwelcome questions.

Sorry but I made the thread and I made it about my experience and I’ll call it what I want… plus it’s accurate. As I said, do as you see fit, lie, don’t lie, make half truths or just tell them to piss off, I don’t care.
I’ve only ever done two things when people ask… tell the truth and lie (dependent on who they are) and this post is about my thoughts on those two options, and those two options only. The “create a new post” option is available for you to use as you wish.

[Jaelzion 1,123]

I don't lie and I also don't always share. It depends on the circumstances and how I feel about sharing at that moment.

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 459]

Sorry for my grumpy post. I have no valid excuse just a very bad day etc. I’ll leave it so I can remind myself of how I can act if I don’t think and instead react. I apologize futureselyph, your points are valid.

[FutureSylph 377]

2 hours ago, Officially Not Fatty Matty said:

Sorry for my grumpy post. I have no valid excuse just a very bad day etc. I’ll leave it so I can remind myself of how I can act if I don’t think and instead react. I apologize futureselyph, your points are valid.

How kind of you to say so! I felt bad that you seemed to take my post in a way that I didn't intend. Apology accepted and returned, since I must have written it poorly to have it misconstrued. I hope your day improves. Peace.

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 459]

Nope, not your fault at all :) I reread it and understand what you’re saying, and even agree. Sorries all come from this side of the interwebs. I try to be a positive person all the time but the reality is I’m not, and it skips out sometimes. But…… to put the past behind us now… I do agree that “not interested in discussing my private affairs” is a good response too. It’s not for me. The one thing about lying that really bothers me…. My wife’s brother is large. It’s her side she wishes not know and so I stuck to the half truth of “protein shakes and exercise” and where the pain comes in is when he confides in me that he’s trying but just can’t stick to it long enough to make a difference. That was me until I had surgery so I know what he’s feeling and I feel like my half truth (lie by omission) is hurting him. I don’t want to break my promise to my wife, that comes first. But it was that feeling of putting this man in a position of feeling like he failed (again) when I didn’t (because my stomach was removed) is what really made me want to be open with strangers who happen to ask (and that’s a rare occasion since they don’t know what I looked like unless they see my id. It felt GOOD to give them hope and it felt better for me to be able to give that to them.

[vikingbeast 985]

Civility on the Internet? Oh my gosh, I need to go buy a lottery ticket. (Seriously, kudos to you both.)

[Officially Not Fatty Matty 459]

We are caring for my elderly father in law (who had a sleeve like 15 years ago, so…. relevant!) and it’s like wipe his butt/can’t get out of bed care… anyway yesterday was the first time my wife left me alone to handle it all, plus the business plus the kids. Plus the fridge we ordered when we converted our garage into an apartment for him (his wife/caregiver passed away this past spring) hasn’t worked since we had it delivered three weeks and Home Depot and Frigidaire are both refusing to take responsibility and a second service call yesterday yielded no results…. Uhg to say I was freaking the hell out is an understatement. See? I share too much with strangers… 😂 new day. Ready to crush it. I also ate too many m&ms yesterday. Overslept, gotta take kids to school. How the hell does she do this every day. I love her and miss her and I’m still embarrassed about being rude. Where is my toothbrush.

[ColieCallwell 128]

I lied to my job because I didn't want them balking at the sick leave I needed to take - you know, "that's elective surgery, why should you get time off" kind of thing. So I told them I was having a hernia repair. I mentioned the surgery to my dad, who then told his sister and all my cousins I was thinking about it, and then I started getting articles sent to me about the dangers of the surgery. I also mentioned to a friend that I was considering it, and she gave me a whole slew of reasons why it was a bad idea, and then tried to talk me into this metabolism reboot diet [emoji849] So, I told them all I decided not to do it. They don't even know I had surgery at all. Only my husband and two sons know I had the surgery.

Sent from my SM-N976V using BariatricPal mobile app

[Sammi07 1]

I told my Manager/coworkers and close family. My step-mother on the other hand has told literally everyone she knows whether they know me or not lol as has my mother. I don't really mind it's not something I am ashamed of, actually I am proud of myself for making the decision and working towards it. I actually just returned to work and a lot of my customers have been asking where I have been, I just tell them I had a surgery but everything is fine now. The reason I do this is mostly because it would just bring on more questions and I don't have the time to talk for 20 minutes with one customer about my personal life. My coworkers have been super supportive and sweet.