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am i overthinking...



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im really sorry for the long post ahead i just don't know who to talk to about what im currently feeling...

about two years ago, my endo recommended wls to me and i immediately shot him down and was upset he'd even mention it bc i didn't think i was overweight enough to need it. i didn't really understand it or understand what it could do for me that I've always struggled with doing for myself. i'm 209lbs and 5'2" which puts me at 38 BMI, but i have so many complications. my health is atrocious- im a type 2 diabetic (treated like type 1) thats insulin dependent (pump) while also taking xigduo and cycloset to help lower my sugars. i have sleep apnea, i have high triglycerides and have had pancreatitis 5 times from a range of 2 1/2 years (every 6 months like clockwork). i have gastroparesis, depression and anxiety. i have a history of eating disorders. after a recent hospital stay- where the cause of my admission is still unclear, but gastritis and fatty liver were determined- i finally started doing research and seriously considering wls. it was so embarrassing hearing the nurses talk during each shift change. having to tell my whole history, knowing that so many of these issues could have been controlled. i just felt so defeated. i talked to my mom abt it at the time and she's been a great support. i told my endo during my followup and he recommended me to a surgeon. i have my first consultation in a week but im scared. i told two of my closest friends, one of who is the most supportive person ever. but the other one.. hasn't really said much. and i feel discouraged by her because she doesn't believe i am "fat." my grandmother is the same way. they don't understand that i want this surgery for my health because I've tried long term dieting and exercise but with the amount of insulin i take daily its SO HARD to lose weight. i just want out of this hellhole of medication and hospital visits.... i don't take my meds and i feel like sh*t... i take my meds and i feel like sh*t... i just want to not rely on medication, and to just be someone thats healthy. and of course i have issues mentally with my size but i try not to share them because my friends are all heavier than i am, so i feel like no one takes how i feel seriously. i want to not be so defined by my weight. its hard when 2 of the people you expect to support you the most are so against you doing something that can help you. its almost making me believe that i shouldn't do it bc im not fat enough or unhealthy enough.. almost like i don't even "deserve" it...

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Hi there,

You absolutely DO deserve to have surgery, if you choose to do so. WLS is not just about losing weight.

It is about having a chance to lose your insulin dependence. It's about having a chance to lose dependence on a CPAP device (not sure if you use on or not for your sleep apnea). It's about having a chance to lessen the effects of depression. It's about having a chance to say goodbye to many of the health issues that you have described...all while losing weight.

So many people on the outside just do not understand what WLS actually is and just immediately think it's a way to get around having to go on a diet. They don't realize that going through WLS means we end up on one of the strictest diets a person can go through. They think it's just a doctor waving a magic wand. It is HARD work, but damn if it isn't rewarding work when you suddenly come to the realization that you're wearing pants with a waist size you haven't been able to wear for 20 years.

Building a support network can be very difficult because of the misconceptions people have about WLS. If someone isn't being supportive of your effort to improve your quality of life, you can either work to educate them or move on and fill their spot on your support team with someone who actually will support you and your decision and be there for you to lean on when the journey is difficult. I wish I had links on hand right now for studies that demonstrate the effects of WLS in reducing/ending insulin dependence, but there is so much scientific data out there to show how WLS does waaaaaay more than simply help a person lose weight.

Anxiety about that first consultation is something so many of us have felt. It's a scary crossroads to stand at. Bariatric teams, though, are some of the most compassionate people who have seen first hand the positive effects that WLS has in the lives of their patients. They will answer every single question you throw at them because they want you to be educated on the process. Go into that consultation with every question you can think of and trust in them that they've got your back. If, for some reason, you don't feel that they've listened to you or answered your questions to your satisfaction, you can always find a different program to contact and work with.

I wish you luck and hope that the days until your consult fly by so that you can make your decision about this journey with confidence and that you can find the support that will help you along the way. I think you're going to do great and be just fine!

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First off, please know that you are not alone. There are SO many of us struggling with health issues that are related to weight.

If you are struggling with the idea of weight loss surgery, think of it this way: Obviously everyone is different but being overweight is not good for your health, a fact that I am sure you are well aware of. THE most effective way to lose a large amount of weight, by far, is weight loss surgery. So, if you have the opportunity to do something for yourself that will dramatically increase your chances of losing weight and being healthier, don't you owe it to yourself to take advantage of that opportunity?

Listen to your doctor and follow his/her advice to the letter and you WILL get healthier and feel better. It's almost guaranteed.

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Welcome to the forums.

Take a breath.

You have a lot on your mind, We have time to get to know you, and you us.

6 months before I had my RNY I rejected the very concept out of hand. I believed that if I really wanted to I could lose my extra (1/4 ton) weight. Know thyself. 🙄

I didn't have the same sort of issues you have. I wasn't diabetic. Heck, I wasn't anything. I had a couple issues I wasn't aware of, but most of my comorbidities were in the near future.

Your choice to have WLS is all about you. Not everyone you thought would support you will. Your heavy friends will feel like when you lose weight you will abandon them. Or judge them. This is their problem not yours. You may lose friends because of your choice. Don't let them guilt you about doing something for yourself. When we get the technology to switch lives, then maybe they can have a say, but until then, no way.

Your life is hard right now. You have it within your grasp to change this. You just need to reach out...

If you choose WLS, life will get harder before it gets easier. The first 6 weeks will be challenging in ways you can't imagine. You will get through it. Then it will get better, in some ways quickly.

Then as things progress, you will find you are feeling better. You are looking better. You are doing better. Month after month.

Keep up your therapy, it will help you process things.

Good luck,

Tek

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You need to stop relying on other peoples opinion. This surgery is for you and you only. My wife threatened to divorce me when I decided I was going to have surgery. Here I am 7 months out and 112lbs down. Shes singing a different tune now.

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1 hour ago, Xx1jpt5xx said:

You need to stop relying on other peoples opinion. This surgery is for you and you only. My wife threatened to divorce me when I decided I was going to have surgery. Here I am 7 months out and 112lbs down. Shes singing a different tune now.

Except for OUR opinions, of course.

Ours are supportive and caring opinions. Good opinions.

All in good humor ;)

Tek

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4 hours ago, vcissvj said:

2 of the people you expect to support you the most are so against you doing something that can help you

I really feel this. I told a very close friend of mine my plan (she is quite a lot bigger than me) and she was horrified, said it would ruin my life and I'd never be able to eat without throwing up (totally not true). So I never mentioned it to her again, had the surgery and told her about a month after. I was under the very wrong assumption that she may decide to do it too and we could support each other. It's a very personal decision and I now am a big believer in telling as few people as possible about your plan. I am only 4 months out and I couldn't be happier with my decision, the first week or so after surgery was pretty rough but I've never regretted the decision. You'll know if it's time, sounds like you already do TBH. Yeah it's hard at times but good hard and certainly not harder than being obese.

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I learned the hard way not to rely on others opinions when it comes to WLS. So many people I told were unsupportive, including my dad... Anyone that doesn’t walk this path or live like we do will every understand. Just follow your heart and do what’s best for you... I’ve stopped telling people because I’ve been judged so hard for my decision. Everything from “you don’t need it” to “that’s taking the easy way out” to “just go on a diet”. It’s hurtful but at the end of the day all that matters is your own choice and health. Good luck, you can do this!

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Guest

Deleted to keep the peace.

Edited by Guest

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Start educating yourself - I read books, and watched tons of Youtubes and especially liked the ones by Dr. Matthew Weiner. You will get a lot of your answers. To make a long story short, I left an obese life of multiple co-morbidities, including the continual immobilizing pain of my knees, hips, and backs that left me unable to do all the things I valued in life - hiking, playing with my grand kids, riding a bike, and even riding my horse. I already had one knee replacement and the other one was coming on very soon. I did not know a day without pain. I lived on Aleve every day. In six months (after WLS) I entered a whole new world of mobility, activity, and freedom from all pain!!!!! I completed a triathlon and a 50 mile bike race. I started riding my horse and could actually get myself off the ground all by myself. I could hike and have not used ANY pain meds! My co-morbidities evaporated. All my blood levels and vital signs returned to normal and my sleep apnea disappeared. I went from night to day, from darkness to light, from barely functioning to wildly active, from depression and misery to joy. I cannot begin to describe the whole new life I have now. I could not do it on my own. Decades of yo-yo dieting had completely wrecked my metabolism. WLS was my life saver and the tool I needed to begin this new healthy life. Yes, it is a big decision and demands a commitment to a new lifestyle and a new way of managing food. However, the alternative is a shortened, miserable life. For me, it was a no brainer. I was scared and nervous, and did have a couple of complications, but I would do it all over again. The rewards on this side are more than I can fully express. It is a very individual decision that you must make for YOURSELF - not for anyone else. But you will never know what is on the other side until you walk through that door.

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