Wife does not support the surgery. What would you do?

you dont give much info. are you seriously overweight, have other health problems caused or made worse by your weight. is your weight defining your life? you dont say why she is not in favor.

I would say get surgery anyway. this is about you not her. You have to place your very life ahead of her fears about a very safe surgery.

2 hours ago, 316913 said:

Wife does not support the surgery. What would you do?

Have it anyway!

What specifically is she against and why?

6 hours ago, 316913 said:

Wife does not support the surgery. What would you do?

Sigh. Ok. What surgery are you looking into? Why are you looking into that surgery? Why is your wife not supportive? Like, exactly what issues does she have with the surgery you've decided upon? If you don't know, might be a good time to sit down and find out what she's against and why.

Being open and honest is the only way to go here, going out on a limb, I'm going to say she's not "unsupportive", she's more scared about your decision. But that's just my call, I mean, I don't know either of you and you've given us zero information other than she's not supportive. More info would certainly make things entire thread more useful.

10 hours ago, 316913 said:

Wife does not support the surgery. What would you do?

Not a whole lot to go on here. There are a lot of people here that take lots of time to give thoughtful answers to your questions or advice to your problems, but you've got to give us more than this to go on.

15 hours ago, 316913 said:

Wife does not support the surgery. What would you do?

Ok More facts. I'm male 5'9" and 245 pounds. PMI 36.2. I'm pre diabetic, high blood pressure(2 meds), High cholesterol (1 med) and have sleep apnea.

My wife feels surgery is a cop out. Why can;t I lose the weight the old fashion way. She will not take the time to read about the benefits or the risks.

Do it anyway. I am very lucky that my Wife was so supportive. Does your Wife have a weight problem? If she does, it could be a jealousy thing? My Wife was a swimmer in College and is currently very fit. She was concerned for my Health and she was behind me from day 1. However, if she would have given me a hard time, I would have done it anyway. Best decision I have ever made for my health. 7 Months post op, I am now off blood pressure meds, no longer have sleep apnea and and no longer pre diabetic. It will change your Life (and hers) for the better. Best of luck!

Edited July 3, 20188 yr by Jdesmond73

1 hour ago, 316913 said:

Ok More facts. I'm male 5'9" and 245 pounds. PMI 36.2. I'm pre diabetic, high blood pressure(2 meds), High cholesterol (1 med) and have sleep apnea.

My wife feels surgery is a cop out. Why can;t I lose the weight the old fashion way. She will not take the time to read about the benefits or the risks.

I would explain to her that its not exactly about losing the weight, its about keeping it off for life. Now, while this is only a tool, it can be very effective to keep weight off long term.

One of my top ten tips is to surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive about this experience. It's about 80% mental and 20% body. Therefore, its hard to have someone in your ear who isn't going to support you. Not to say that she won't eventually. I would take her to all your consultations, bariatric classes, NUT appointments, ect. Maybe it just needs to grow on her. She probably thinks that WLS is for the extreme cases, but I find that the majority of people who have surgery have a lower BMI like you.

Ultimately, at the end of the day, I would have done this with or without the support of my husband. This is for your health, and your life long happiness. She will come around, and see that you made the right decision.

Dude, I had the same problem, I lost 32 lbs before surgery and my wife said surgery was too extreme, but I had health issues like you but even more severe. She was like why do you need this and your going to change our life so much! I had to reassure her that all was going to be ok. I am 5'9" and was 228 on surgery day. I am now 180 at 9 weeks post op. OK, you have to change your life but it is so worth it. I had a complete physical yesterday and my diabetes is in remission, my kidney disease is gone, and my BP is normal. It this keeps going so well I am going to wish I did this operation 10 yrs ago.

BTW, my wife has been amazingly supportive since my operation and during recovery. I think it she was experiencing the same doubts that we all experience before surgery, but she has been nothing but supportive since then.

Both of my grandparents tried to talk me out of it for months.

"What if your doctor says you're not fat enough?" "What if you lose too much weight before then?" "Do you ever think something bad might happen to you?"

My grandmother actually called my mother at one point to talk her into talking me out of it. At 350lbs, diabetic, high cholesterol, with sleep apnea, I knew what I wanted to do. It's your body and your decision. Allowing someone else to dictate what you do with what's yours will leave you with regrets. At some point in time, you have to make your own choices and be damned with what people think. You don't always need someone else's approval, especially if you're comfortable in your decisions.

I agree with taking her to the appointments. I didn't even tell my family about my first appointment, because I was not sure until I met with the surgeon. No one even asked why, the only question I got was "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" The path I was on was only going to lead to more health issues and I was tired of not feeling good. If that is the case with you, maybe share that with her.

My husband was hesitantly supportive, but easily got on board after he learned more about it.

He was also worried about how much it would change our lives. His biggest fear is that I would stop cooking. (I am a good cook, part of what got me fat) He didn't want healthy changes to be forced on him either. A few weeks later he decided that it wouldn't be so bad if we got healthier together, as long as I promised to keep making chicken pot pie for him. Maybe your wife needs time to process.

He doesn't have a weight problem so didn't understand until he read the research about keeping weight off. If your wife doesn't have a weight problem she may not understand that THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. Skinny folk always think it is as simple as eating a little less until they educate themselves.

There could be other reasons too, you need to communicate with her.

Wife does not support the surgery. What would you do?

My husband was against me having surgery. I explained to him how my weight was hurting my health and damaging my body. I took him to all my doctor's appointments and educated him about the surgery. He eventually came around and was very supportive. Good luck I wish you well.

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I had rotor cuff surgery and it took me quite awhile to wake up from the anesthesia. Fast forward eight years,when I told my wife that I was getting WLS she wasn't supportive at all. She worried that I would not wake up this time. I told her that I was going ahead with the surgery (Doctors had no problem with the effects of anesthesia) and that if she wasn't supportive she couldn't be a part of the journey. I would find another family member to be by my side. After careful thought she changed her position. I'm so glad she did, I really needed her to be with me and to be a part of this. Sometimes it isn't lack of support but fear of the unknown that stops others from supporting us.