I went to lunch with a friend and had to make a ton of excuses about my food choice or lack thereof . This person does not know about my surgery (I want to keep all of my health issues private so I only told two people who are my proxies)

How do you deal with friends without outright lying (not my style to lie)

But still maintain your privacy?

HW 270

SW 238

CW 182

VSG 11/7

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I’d love to know the answer to this! I’m 11 days post op and due to go back to work in 2 days and I’m already feeling anxious about the questions about my lunch etc!
I don’t want anyone to know about my surgery, it’s a personal choice but it makes me feel happier c

I would say that I have lost a lot of weight and working on losing more so I am very conscious of what and how much I eat. I order a befitting meal knowing that I probably will only eat a small portion of it, and take the rest home.

I agree: you can say you are dieting or watching what you eat without referencing the surgery. Or you can say you had a good breakfast and you are just not hungry. Or that your stomach doesn't feel like having a big meal today (true!). Or that you are trying to avoid carbs (like half the population). There are a lot of true answers that cover this situation without giving the total truth or details you'd rather keep private.

Or a simple wasn't that hungry but didn't want to miss this opportunity to hang out with you

I’ve been struggling with this as well. I’m on day 8 post op and am now in puréed foods stage. I ordered some chicken spaetzel soup from brueggers today and blended it. After about four spoonfuls, I am full. How am I going to ever dine out with friends without them knowing? Or attend family dinners. I love that I don’t eat much but I hate worrying about what I’ll tell others. I also am not telling many people about the surgery.

It’s so hard isn’t it?! I’m going to say I’m watching my portion size and trying to eat healthily which is true, but I think there’s going to be a few raised eyebrows when I’m sat eating 3 tablespoons of mush when I would normally destroy a foot long subway, crisps, cookie & cherry Pepsi max! Lol

One thing to keep in mind is that how much you can eat will change over time--after a few months, you'll be able to eat maybe a third or half of a meal you'd order at a restaurant, which will be enough so most people won't question it.

Of course, I'm on the other side of the "telling people" approach--I tell anybody and everybody I had the surgery. Mostly because I don't give a crap what they have to say about it, so they can be negative if it suits them. Mostly people haven't been, though.

It’s so hard isn’t it?! I’m going to say I’m watching my portion size and trying to eat healthily which is true, but I think there’s going to be a few raised eyebrows when I’m sat eating 3 tablespoons of mush when I would normally destroy a foot long subway, crisps, cookie & cherry Pepsi max! Lol

Lol I order the same thing! Boy that sounds incredible right now ?

One thing to keep in mind is that how much you can eat will change over time--after a few months, you'll be able to eat maybe a third or half of a meal you'd order at a restaurant, which will be enough so most people won't question it.
Of course, I'm on the other side of the "telling people" approach--I tell anybody and everybody I had the surgery. Mostly because I don't give a crap what they have to say about it, so they can be negative if it suits them. Mostly people haven't been, though.

I’m somewhat looking forward to being able to eat a little bit more in one sitting, right now I just want to throw up if I eat more than two spoonfuls. This is what I wanted though and I am already seeing results.

I'm pretty transparent about it...because I think the public desperately needs education about bariatric surgery. I feel like being "in the closet" so to speak....is a disservice to other folks struggling to get help.

That said...I understand your need for privacy, too.

There are couple people I didn't tell. When I ate with them I just said....Oh hey...I'm on this new diet with my best friend, we're accountability buddies, and she'll know if I'm cheating.

Seems to work.

So far I haven't eaten a meal with someone who didn't know. An old friend came to town when I was about a month out, and prior to surgery, we would've had lunch at a wings-and-beer type of place, but I figured I needed to explain why I wasn't interested in that. Fortunately he'd gotten stinky-drunk the night before and was gonna get stinky-drunk that night too, so it was a moot point.

I guess there's always the old "I'm not that hungry" if you absolutely can't tell them. I wasn't going to tell anyone, but I decided to tell people, and no one has been unsupportive.

I buried my mother 6 weeks after surgery. Other than my husband, my two teen daughters and two best friends, no one else knew I did this. I was with my big Italian family for a week. Here is what I said and all of it is true:

I am working with a medical team to lose weight. Getting healthy right now is important to me. I have very strict dietary requirements that I have to follow and I am very focused on portion control. Please, order whatever you'd like. Don't mind what I am or am not eating. My diet is very concentrated on proteins right now, so that's my focus.

Not a word of that was a lie. It wasn't the whole truth, but I get to decide who hears my truth. Best of luck!

I have a lot of business meals. The first thing I noticed is people don’t pay all that much attention to what you eat or how much. I may say something like I’m on a strict diet with a nutritionist. If it’s someone who knows how much I have lost I may talk more about limited calories and no carb.

On 5/4/2018 at 3:53 PM, Creekimp13 said:

I'm pretty transparent about it...because I think the public desperately needs education about bariatric surgery. I feel like being "in the closet" so to speak....is a disservice to other folks struggling to get help.

That said...I understand your need for privacy, too.

There are couple people I didn't tell. When I ate with them I just said....Oh hey...I'm on this new diet with my best friend, we're accountability buddies, and she'll know if I'm cheating.

Seems to work.

I told everyone at work I was getting the surgery when school gets out. They are supportive except for some unhappy people. They are my size and think I am "too small" for surgery. 39.5 BMI is not small!

On ‎5‎/‎4‎/‎2018 at 10:53 AM, Tealael said:

I went to lunch with a friend and had to make a ton of excuses about my food choice or lack thereof . This person does not know about my surgery (I want to keep all of my health issues private so I only told two people who are my proxies)

How do you deal with friends without outright lying (not my style to lie)

But still maintain your privacy?

HW 270

SW 238

CW 182

VSG 11/7

I don't think it's lying - more like selective information sharing. I have also kept my surgery private and this Saturday am going to a birthday dinner so I'm wondering what I'm going to say. People have noticed my weight loss and have asked. I just say that sometimes it takes a medical scare to set things right. You are under no obligation to explain yourself if you don't want to. "No" is a full sentence that requires no further explanation.