I'm 3.5 weeks post-op and had my first "social eating" experience last night, which was dinner at someone's house with 3 other couples. Thankfully it's our closest friends and I told them about the surgery, but it was weird to put a teeny tiny amount of food on my plate (bless her, the host made pulled chicken and roasted vegetables so I was able to eat everything everyone else was, minus dessert). At the table, there were definitely jokey "whoa, that's a lotta food you got there" comments, which didn't really bother me, but did make me realize that eating like this around people who DON'T know about the surgery is going to be a challenge, and I will actually have to do it on a trip for work net week (where I'll be at a conference, eating around 100 other people). For those who are further along, what are your tips for social eating? Do you ask for small/different meals, or do you ever put a normal amount of food on your plate and just pick at it (which I'm thinking would be wasteful, but less conspicuous than only taking what you can actually eat)? Do you tell strangers about your surgery? (I can't imagine I'd do that.) Would love to hear people's first-hand strategies for navigating this (especially if you're still on the soft food stage, like me). Thanks.

Edited January 21, 20188 yr by kaydo

You shouldn't feel as if you "have to" tell anyone about your surgery. If anything, just order an appetizer OR just order as normal, if it makes you feel more comfortable. You can easily tell them, "I'm on a restricted calorie diet," OR the simple, "I'm not that hungry."

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My tip is F*ck 'em. None of their business what you eat or don't eat.

But if it makes you feel better, you can cut your food up really small and spread it out over your plate so it looks like more. You can also ask the hostess for a box with your meal....and immediately put half or two thirds in the box and put it under your chair. That way...your plate looks like everyone else's.

51 minutes ago, kaydo said:

I'm 3.5 weeks post-op and had my first "social eating" experience last night, which was dinner at someone's house with 3 other couples. Thankfully it's our closest friends and I told them about the surgery, but it was weird to put a teeny tiny amount of food on my plate (bless her, the host made pulled chicken and roasted vegetables so I was able to eat everything everyone else was, minus dessert). At the table, there were definitely jokey "whoa, that's a lotta food you got there" comments, which didn't really bother me, but did make me realize that eating like this around people who DON'T know about the surgery is going to be a challenge, and I will actually have to do it on a trip for work net week (where I'll be at a conference, eating around 100 other people). For those who are further along, what are your tips for social eating? Do you ask for small/different meals, or do you ever put a normal amount of food on your plate and just pick at it (which I'm thinking would be wasteful, but less conspicuous than only taking what you can actually eat)? Do you tell strangers about your surgery? (I can't imagine I'd do that.) Would love to hear people's first-hand strategies for navigating this (especially if you're still on the soft food stage, like me). Thanks.

Eating socially and at restaurants becomes normal. It's rare for anyone to comment or care about my eating.

If I find a small meal. I make it an option. Seems rare to see places serve small meals unless it the kid or senior menu.

If I order a standard size meal. I box the rest to eat later. If people comment, I tell them I ate earlier. Not really hungry.

If I can find a decent meal with protein, vegetable and a carb (usually mashed potato or rice) I ask if they can replace the mashed potato it with extra vegetables. Anyone comments, Tell them you are eating low carb.

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Restaurant weight staff . Tips for your comfort zone.

Weight staff are not used to seeing a customer eat a smaller portions. Some may ask if the food was ok. Tell them everything was great. You ate earlier and your not hungry. or I'm taking it home for later.

Water is usually served to each table automatically. Let the staff refill your glass. it's there job to take care of the customers. You don't have to drink it.

It gets better..lol

I graduated to soft foods right before Christmas with all the holiday office parties, etc. That was tough, but I was able to find stuff to eat at restaurants. The immediate people sitting around me found out I had the surgery, and it was a nice conversation. When we had a different dinner with a different group - they had a buffet set up with all appetizers. Everyone was standing around with cocktails and grazing on the apps. After a little while, I took a plate of apps I could eat (cheese, hummus, some chicken skewers, olives) - and made that my dinner. When everyone went back to standing around and drinking, I left. I didn't want to sit around and watch everyone eat, and my 30 mins to eat was done.

The hardest part of the big group meals is the timing of when to eat. You can't do the apps, and then wait for dinner when trying to make sure you don't drink anything 30 mins before food, or 30 mins after, and then also not to eat for more than 30 mins.

One major kickoff dinner a few weeks ago was the hardest as they did the buffet style again - but were soooooo slow to go between them. I made the choice to have some caprese as an appetizer because I was starving - as it was an hour and a half past my normal dinner time. Luckily I waited long enough before having some and was able to get some fish and chicken to get some decent proteins before my 30 mins were up. Again, after that, I just got up and left before desserts.

The timing of the 30 mins before and after for drinking, and extending meals to 30 mins are what tend to be the bigger limitations for me. The real trouble is, my family will wolf down meals in 10-15 mins and be ready to leave and I am still eating (none of them are even close to having weight issues).

You’re still early in the journey and your meals will get larger, which helps.

I haven’t had too many coments, but I do occasionally say I just ate or I take a larger portion then divide the right amount on my plate.

The thing that bothers me is that I always get questions from the server. I don’t blame them, as they want to ensure I enjoyed it, but every single time they call attention to my small order or will ask if there was a problem or whether I want to box it up. I’m getting used to it now and have my standard answer of “it was amazing, but I have a small appetite today, thank you”.

It gets easier. I tried to avoid going out early out with anyone but my husband and family because they knew about my surgery. As I got farther out from surgery and could eat more normally it was very easy to go out. Now at 13 month out I eat very similar portions to my girlfriends since most of them are very time and eat like birds or they are on a diet of some form themselves.

I usually get a normal sized meal because appetizers and kids meals tend to be more junky food. I will eat what I want and when I'm done if everyone else is still eating I just move my food around my plate a bit and nobody has ever noticed I had stopped eating. Also I always get a box and then can eat it as left overs for lunch or my hubby will eat it.

I agree with everyone else - it does get easier. I tried to not go out much at first with people who didn't know about my surgery but when I did I would order soup and just say my stomach was a bit upset. By around 6 months out I could fairly easily 'hide' it with creative ordering, pushing food around, boxing up leftovers etc. With work people I found a lot of success going to places with shared food - like happy hour where we ordered several appetizers to split. I would just take a couple tiny bites and no one noticed that I wasn't going in for more. Same with friends who don't know - I would pick restaurants that are geared towards small/shared plates - and no one really notices that I'm eating less.

I agree with everyone else - it does get easier. I tried to not go out much at first with people who didn't know about my surgery but when I did I would order Soup and just say my stomach was a bit upset. By around 6 months out I could fairly easily 'hide' it with creative ordering, pushing food around, boxing up leftovers etc. With work people I found a lot of success going to places with shared food - like happy hour where we ordered several appetizers to split. I would just take a couple tiny bites and no one noticed that I wasn't going in for more. Same with friends who don't know - I would pick restaurants that are geared towards small/shared plates - and no one really notices that I'm eating less.

You shouldn't feel as if you "have to" tell anyone about your surgery. If anything, just order an appetizer OR just order as normal, if it makes you feel more comfortable. You can easily tell them, "I'm on a restricted calorie diet," OR the simple, "I'm not that hungry."

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Im 7 years out and still split my meal with my other half....very seldom do i order my own...or we order appetizers...good luck

I usually order from the children’s or senior menu.

I'm two months post-op and have been avoiding social occasions that involve food for this very reason. But this past week I went out two times with others -- one was a work luncheon and the other lunch with a girlfriend. And I ate a very small amount of the food on my plate. But the funny thing that I didn't expect was that no one seemed to notice! I thought it could get awkward, but we just enjoyed our conversation and they never even seemed to look at my plate.

I worried about this so much pre-surgery but post surgery (8 weeks out now) I can say I received a question about my plate/food only TWICE. Which led me to believe no one freaking cares At least my group doesn't. I eat lunch with about 8 gals every day and they just don't say anything and only one of them knows about my surgery.

I'm 3.5 weeks post-op and had my first "social eating" experience last night, which was dinner at someone's house with 3 other couples. Thankfully it's our closest friends and I told them about the surgery, but it was weird to put a teeny tiny amount of food on my plate (bless her, the host made pulled chicken and roasted vegetables so I was able to eat everything everyone else was, minus dessert). At the table, there were definitely jokey "whoa, that's a lotta food you got there" comments, which didn't really bother me, but did make me realize that eating like this around people who DON'T know about the surgery is going to be a challenge, and I will actually have to do it on a trip for work net week (where I'll be at a conference, eating around 100 other people). For those who are further along, what are your tips for social eating? Do you ask for small/different meals, or do you ever put a normal amount of food on your plate and just pick at it (which I'm thinking would be wasteful, but less conspicuous than only taking what you can actually eat)? Do you tell strangers about your surgery? (I can't imagine I'd do that.) Would love to hear people's first-hand strategies for navigating this (especially if you're still on the soft food stage, like me). Thanks.

Why would I tell strangers? I'm not hiding it. But I don't go round telling strangers about my life. Im not too hungry is enough. Now I am fine with a starter. Or a salad for main.

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