Greetings,

I am slightly upset about what my Phychologist said yesterday. I was there for my evaluation (which I passed) and he told me that there is an 80% divorce rate of wls patients.

I have heard about divorces, after wls, but 80% is astounding. Does anyone know if this is true? My doc said that if my husband and I start to show signs of distress that we should consider seeking counceling. What do you think about this?

It definately makes sense that with weight loss, alot of normal situations would become different.

All these Love stories.....It's truly beautiful to read.

The human mind works basically the same. The similarities, needs, wants.

As we treat them like kings and queens and get treated likewise.

Love is a wonderful thing.

hmmm does it really??? Details please..... :cheeky

What do you think?

I still maintain as I always have that beauty in on the inside and I haven't found one person here including men (being bi doubles my changes for a date on Saturday nites LOL) that Doesn't have that inner beauty.

Detail always details LOL...

thought that would get thru unnoticed lol... oh well.. My offical statement is..."Homey don't play those games"

I got my shiny new Bi-PAP (a CPAP for "special people") yesterday. I hate it again. (Settings are 18 and 14...so I DO need it.) Life was better when I was less fat. I have new excuses...but that doesn't help.

Going to the gym tomorrow. Can't walk or use treadmill. So, it's the bicycle or eliptical thingy.

Greg, it's a good thing it doesn't hurt when I laugh!!!

After doing some serious people watching at the airport last week, I told my husband that when I lose the weight to not ever let me dress like a slut because I will never have the bod for it, LOL. Someone needs to tell these women and girls that the belly hanging over the hiphugger pants style ONLY works if you are pencil thin, FIRM and under age 20!!!

One good thing about being a shorty is that hiphuggers tend to hit me near the waistline, LOL!!! Of, course the higher waistline pants go all the up to my boobs!

I haven't been on the board as frequently as I normally do just because of all the things that are going on with my life right now and it was just ironic that this thread was here when I finally did get the chance to come take a look. The reason that I say that is because this is what I am going through right now. My husband and I are going through a divorce right now and it hasn't been pretty. Did the wls have anything to do with it? Of course not....but it did help open my eyes to a lot of things that I didn't want to face being overweight. My husband and I are getting a divorce because of problems that were already there before the surgery took place. For a long time I stayed with him for fear of being alone. I was fat and had 4 children. Lord forbid.......who would want me?? Don't get me wrong, I loved my husband with all my heart but sometimes love has absolutely nothing to do with it because contrary to popular belief love DOES NOT conquer all. As my self esteem emerged and my confidence rose, I realized that I deserved better and so did my children. That what my husband was bringing to the table - so to speak - was not good enough. So to answer your question - from my opinion - no wsl has nothing to do with causing a divorce to happen, although it my help speed up the process.........

I agree with you Carmen. My situation was much the same as yours and I got my divorce long before WLS ever came into my mind or even before I seriously needed it. I was divorced 6 years ago, but it had EVERYTHING to do with self-esteem and self-empowerment. I had come to a place in my life where I finally found out that I did not NEED someone to take care of me. Until that point, I had been married 20 yrs to someone that I loved dearly and still do, to be honest, but he was going backwards in holding up his end of the marriage. He gradually had become a 17 hyr old again, not caring if he worked or not, not caring if our kids had decent shoes or clothing, he was into partying with his friends, illegal recreational drugs and he had this romantic idea that because I had gotten to a place where I had a 'decent' job, making decent money, he could now quit and not worry about working. I felt I had made an honest effort investing 20 yrs of my life and my kids lives in trying to help him realize his potential, but he let us down as a responsible husband and father, so I decided this was not an example I wanted to set for my daughter and made the choice to do better for myself. It was the hardest decision I've ever made and there are days when I wished I still had my husband. I miss a lot about him or the idea of being part of a union that stands together in good times and bad, but I did deserve better and my kids did too.

Problem is, this decision leads into a whole lot of 'what ifs'. I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd be single for 1 yr, let alone 6. I sure never thought I'd face the health problems that came later, alone, but I managed to get through them and still be standing. I have very lonely times and I have very triumphant times that no one else really sees or gets to share in, but I still have hope that eventually God will bring that person into my life. I know now that I AM worthy and I don't really have to 'settle' and mostly that I CAN do many things I never thought I was strong enough to do. It's not easy at all, but I don't think you can put a price on your sanity or your self worth or a clear conscience and those are all things that I have regained in this process.

I'm really sorry to hear you're having to go through this, but I think it takes a much stronger person to face their demons than to give in and learn to just live with them out of fear. I truly hope you are able to find yourself in a better place.

Sue, I didn't give you permission to post my picture! My opinion of this kinda gal that flaunts her bod goes both ways. First, there's no way on Earth I'd walk around dressed like that in public. When I was talking of hip-huggin-belly-bearing outfits, I was dreaming of a much, much firmer me. I could never let my belly show like that... some tasteful low jeans and a t-shirt that bared the midriff is what I had in mind. But on the other hand, I envy women who aren't ashamed of themselves. I'm not offended when I see someone letting it all hang out, instead, I think, "it's about time!" Obese people make up a huge chunk of the population, so why should we hide in moo-moos and leggings with huge t-shirts?

After losing 60 pounds, I have life and energy. I HATE sitting around the house, especially cuz I live in the funnest city on earth (Vegas.) My husband prefers the couch to the neon, so I'm forced to find my own fun. He doesn't mind - as long as he doesn't have to go. Too bad all marriages can't be made to perfection, so we make the best of what we have.

Originally Posted by Marimaru "I told him that he'd noticed me and given me the time of day when I was overweight, and that anyone else who hadn't, and started when I got thinner wasn't worth my time."

This is such a powerful statement. When I got out partying with my girlfriends, I do like to flirt - it feels incredible to get attention from good looking guys. But at the same time they're hitting on me, as I smile and giggle, in my head I'm thinking, "you SOB, you wouldn't have given me the time of day 8 months ago." My husband loves my flirty nature - I flirt with everyone - men, women, his friends, elders, kids. I just love life and laughter and making new friends. You have to find balance in your marriage, and you shouldn't have to suffer and give up the things you love for anyone, not even your best friend.

If your marriage stinks now, it will still stink if you gain 100 pounds or you lose 100 pounds.

A person is who they are on the INSIDE. A MAN loves a woman for who she is. No matter how the outside changes, he will love her, because she is still there, on the inside.

It is so heartening to hear these stories that you gals really do realize that a man who loves you for you, is a rare and special thing. And a woman who loves her man that way is equally as rare. My life kind of sucks, right now, but I sure got a good woman, one whom I love whether she is thick, or thin, or well, or sick as she is now.

This is a great thread.

I wanted to thank you all for sharing your thoughts and feelings on this matter. The subject of divorce effects us all in different ways.

My mom has been divorced twice. First to my father, second to a man who seemed to be as hard working as my mom until they got married. Then he became an incredible flake, which wouldn't do for a woman going to night school, and working to jobs to make a better life for us. I am happy to say that she found a man who makes her happy and pulls his own weight in his own way.

The reason I am sharing this with you is because when I was told about that statistic I started to get the divorce flash back.

Thanks again for sharing some great thoughts and personal stories,

I had never heard about this before. I too married my best friend and I love him very much. We've had our share of issues, one is our age difference of 21 years. I'm the younger one and the one losing weight but I'm committed to him and to us!

Lisa, It's not asking to much...however remember that we must take our own journeys. MY mom used to say somthing that I find important to what you look for in a spouse..."all new brooms sweep clean" meaning that you don't know how good somthing is until you have used it for awhile. Is you spouse a good broom that maybe needs a little paint on the handle. Or does he make you have to sweep twice... only you can answer that. Good luck!

Bumping for Carmel.

I don't know where the heck I was when this thread originally appeared. I'm a single girl, and I've often had many of the thoughts that you all bring up.

One of my best friends is a guy, and I can see it in his eyes that he's more attracted to me now that I've lost weight. I don't know how to feel about that- he's been my best friend through lots of stuff...I can count on him, I love him to death...but I'm a little pissed off that now I might be becoming girl friend material. Hmmm....

I get hit on so much more now. I've told my friends and they all say, "It's because you're more confident, that's all!" and I just want to scream and say, "No it's not you bozoo's ..I was TOO FAT TO FLIRT WITH!". But, because they love me for who I am, they don't really see that.

Before I had surgery I had a couple of guys who were "hanger-on-ers". They both liked bigger women and thought I was a hunka burnin' love- great to screw, just not date. After banding I kicked them to the curb because my self esteem has blossomed and I no longer think that is all I deserve.

Now I never call a guy first. I expect to be taken out on a date- not go hang out somewhere...It's funny how when you raise your standards the right people rise to the occasion and the wrong ones get left in the dirt.

Megan

Estela and Megan,

It is so easy to be in a bad relationship while your heavy. My first love was with my best friends brother whom I dated for 3 years. Let me start by saying that he is an assH***. He was my first and he completly tramatized me by sleeping around with everyone. Extremely discreatly, so I had people snikering behind my back. The funny thing now to me is that I only weighed 165 pounds, (NOW I WISH). LOL I could have had anyone and yet I was compelled to stay with him because I felt over weight and with out option. Ha 165 OMG! This is the relationship that made me suspect my husband for the first 5 years of our relationship. Poor Angus!

But I was lucky enough to find a man who is my best friend. I can laugh, cry, act like a dork or a goddess with him and thats just the way I like it.

Estela, those are some pretty harsh words from your husbands mom. Once the weight comes off your self esteem bursts out of your body. Wall flowers now no how to speak there mind and not let the world mow them down. AND THATS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE.