Greetings,

I am slightly upset about what my Phychologist said yesterday. I was there for my evaluation (which I passed) and he told me that there is an 80% divorce rate of wls patients.

I have heard about divorces, after wls, but 80% is astounding. Does anyone know if this is true? My doc said that if my husband and I start to show signs of distress that we should consider seeking counceling. What do you think about this?

It definately makes sense that with weight loss, alot of normal situations would become different.

I've been so busy that I keep putting off reading this post. I'm not ignoring it, I'm just saving it for when I have more time, but I'm here, really I am. xo

Estela, I hope you find happiness soon. You deserve it!

I want to thank all of you for your caring words. Well, my husband is acting like a child and not speaking to me, he's decided that I am the bad one in this relationship. Funny how we only remember the things others do unto us and not what we do unto others. Oh well, I don't care if he doesn't want to speak to me, I am going to start taking care of myself and my children. And you know its really nice to sleep in my huge king size bed all by myself, never knew how comfortable one could sleep when you don't have someone hogging the bed or snoring so loud next to you. LOL. Meanwhile, I am planning a fun filled weekend for myself and my kids, planning to go shopping (a new pair of shoes always makes me feel better) and to the movies. Hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.

Love Always,

I finally stole some time to read this whole thread. Wow, I feel like I know some of my LBT buddies much better now. Totally relating to Megan's comment "okay to screw but not to date." I thought that was my own personal hell in my youth (before I got married.) That's the same way I was treated, ALL the guys wanted to get in bed with me, I mean all of them... but none of them asked me on dates. Sure, my skinny friends went on dates, but now it all makes sense. And Leatha, I had to leave a man that I'll love till the day I die because of similar reasons. I got lucky though and found Chris, who is in bad, bad need of an entire paint job Rica! He's a pain in my big fat butt, but he's all mine and he loved just as much before the surgery as now.

Estela, your last post made me really happy. I love seeing woman gaining confidence and happiness without having to lean on a guy. Buy yourself two pairs of shoes, heck, get a pedicure, too.

Now, now let's not go crazy here, I get my pedicures during the week when the kids are in school, much more relaxing than trying to make them sit there while I get pampered. But okay, I guess I can sacrifice myself and buy myself two pairs of shoes. Time to go home now, gotta go pick up the little ones.

well i never got married but i lived with a guy for 5 years and our relationship ended a year after WLS...we had lots of other problems...it would have happened regardless...

they say if you have a strong relationship from the begining you should be fine if there were problems to begin with to seek counseling or there could be trouble.

good luck!!! and the pic is SOOOOO cute!!!

Bumping for Tina.

I am feeling down as well. I have lost 106lbs in 14 months. I feel/look like a new person. I was invited to a party at a luxurios hotel with a gay friend of mine who works for a record company. (it's a party for records industry people- not a frat party! ) My husband became very upset stating that I should not be going to parties without him. He is beyond worried that "all the men will be looking at you". He is very uncomfortable with the extra attention I get. I have told him That won't stop and he is going to have to learn to deal with it. We had some issues befoore but the insecurity/jealousness is beginning to frustrate me. Counseling is a maybe but not sure if it will help. I have also had 2 friends who have had weight loss surgery and have gotten divorced. I just know I feel overwhelmed right now.... Thanks for listening and thanks for the wonderful advice everyone has to offer! hugs!

I read somewhere that WLS can make a strong marriage even stronger and weak marriage even weaker. I believe that.

Here is an interesting article from two years ago. The title is "Gastric bypass surgery has its risks, including divorce" but GB or LB, what's the diff? I believe this was originally published in the NY Times. Here's the link:

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/180580_bypass03.html

I just wanted to give everyone (((Hugs))))..I am single..and even though i really wish i had someone special..i would rather go through this WLS alone then be with someone and break up..

Love ya all..

Kristen

thats scary stats!

I can say my hubby and I are just fine if anything better because now we get "LUCKY" more often :laser:

Before I would shy away because all I could see is a fat cow in the mirror no matter what he said to me If you don't feel sexy there'll be no sex...atleast its like that w/ me

and well the sex is back

now we just about weight the same and try to workout and eat the same stuff etc. Then again Are those stats people who married overweight and divorced skinny? Maybe the divorcing party found the size sexy 'Chubby chasers" My hubby and I got married skinny got fat together and now working on getting healthily together

I just wanted to say that I loved your post. It was sincere and hearfelt and I felt inspired by it... and wrote my hubby a letter because of it. Thanks so much for emphasizing communication. Sometimes we forget how important it is.

Congrats and good luck on your journey!

Hi All, I just wanted to add that we have to keep in mind that divorce rates among NON WLS are also elevated. As part of my Master's program in Psychology, I deal with a lot of statistics and I can promise you that they can vary as much as 30% depending on where you get the stats or whom you speak with. Non WLS divorce rates have been stated as anywhere from 55% to 80% (depending on many variables such as years together, # of children, etc)...this rate will then increase by as much as 32% if this is a second marriage. Anyway, this long post (sorry! lol) was to point out that I don't want those WLS stats to scare people, they are probably relatively the same as the risk of divorce in non WLS. Hope this helps!

~Patti :nervous

Hi. Well, I'm not a psychologist, but I tend to agree with the folks that say that there must have been underlying problems. That very issue was touched upon at the lap band seminar I went to (which DH attended w/me). Thier basic premise was that WLS folks have a new sense of self confidence and that they "don't have to put up with whats been going on now." DH told me that "once you lose all this weight, you're not going to leave me, are you?" My come back was "behave and don't give me a reason!" We've been on very shaky ground lately anyway. I'm not doing this for him, or to "find someone else", but for my son so I will see him grow into successful adult. I'm in the process of getting all my testing done so I can submit to insurance, but with the divorce rates out there now, who knows. Sometimes enough is enough. Personall I would do what you think is best for YOU. I found out the hard way that's what it's about. Good luck!

Hi. Well, I'm not a psychologist, but I tend to agree with the folks that say that there must have been underlying problems. That very issue was touched upon at the lap band seminar I went to (which DH attended w/me). Thier basic premise was that WLS folks have a new sense of self confidence and that they "don't have to put up with whats been going on now." DH told me that "once you lose all this weight, you're not going to leave me, are you?" My come back was "behave and don't give me a reason!" We've been on very shaky ground lately anyway. I'm not doing this for him, or to "find someone else", but for my son so I will see him grow into successful adult. I'm in the process of getting all my testing done so I can submit to insurance, but with the divorce rates out there now, who knows. Sometimes enough is enough. Personall I would do what you think is best for YOU. I found out the hard way that's what it's about. Good luck!

I'm wondering if going throught the surgery, losing weight and feeling better about one's self is a factor. We learn that we can change the things around us, and gain confidence, and so are maybe less likely to put up with things we did before?

And any major life change is going to have ripples all through life.