Greetings,

I am slightly upset about what my Phychologist said yesterday. I was there for my evaluation (which I passed) and he told me that there is an 80% divorce rate of wls patients.

I have heard about divorces, after wls, but 80% is astounding. Does anyone know if this is true? My doc said that if my husband and I start to show signs of distress that we should consider seeking counceling. What do you think about this?

It definately makes sense that with weight loss, alot of normal situations would become different.

Low self esteem plays a big role in why we stay in bad relationships..Most of us obese people have or have hadlow self esteem problems and we fel like we are notworthy of anyone so we stick it out with the jerks in fear of being alone..I will tell you this I would rather be alone then treated like your husband has treated you. I'm fortunate to have a husband who idolizes the ground I walk on Fat or thin. If he ever treated me this way or said the things to me your husband said..kids or no kids ( i have 3) fat or thin I would be gone. I know I deserve better then that. Weight loss plays a big role in buillding self esteem, once you starte getting noticed by other men, It may not be so difficult to leave if you are truly in a loveless marriage. Hvae you asked yourself why you love a man who belittles you? Do you not think you desrever better then that?

Estela,

I am so sorry to hear that your husband, the person that people refer to as significant other, is not supportive of you. I know, based on experience from work, that words can be more painful that physical abuse. Bruises will eventually disappear, but the words continue to ring in your head.

I hope that you have people around you that you can talk to and get support from. You obviously have this group, but having people around you that understand you and your needs at this time would greatly help you.

I wish you the best.

For some reason when I read your post Estela I thought of a butterfly....

It starts off trapped in this horrible cocoon and as time goes on it turns into a beautiful butterfly which spreads it's wings and flies....away.....

I can't tell u what to do because I have not ever been in your shoes, but, I do know that God did not create you for someone to treat you the way that you have been treated. God gave you a voice box and I sure in the heck would use it...to him and your mother-in-law. If they are perfect, let them throw the stones, but I am willing to bet that they have flaws and I am pretty sure they have more than one..

Best of luck to you----you are in my thoughts!

Thank you Kelly, I too hope I can fly away soon, and escape my horrible cocoon.

Love,

I dunno Kelly, Estela's husband said his mom came straight from heaven...

What BS. I am so sorry you are in this situation Estela. It sounds from your post that you are being emotially and verbally abused by this man. I highly recommend you contact your local domestic abuse hotline. They can help you come up with some sound stratagies for reclaiming your life.

My first husband was very abusive. While he never hit me, he would make me "tough out" asthma attacks because he didn't want to be bothered to take me into the ER. (those of us who are astmatics I can hear you now: No Flippin' way!) After only a few years with him, I believed that I was worthless. I had gone into the relationship with very high self esteem.

I was in therapy at a women's shelter for close to 3 years working on my abuse issues. Before I married that husband I'd been out with some really great guys and some real jerks, but I always felt more "at home" with the jerks. My weight wasn't the issue, it was because I grew up in an abusive household. I believed the lie "I only hurt you because I love you" because that is the same lie I was told my by parents. (don't forget, I was raised by wolves)

You are not alone Estela. You don't have to feel lonely any more.

Would you husband ever consider counseling?

Estela

Your post makes me very sad. I want to give you a big hug and tell You that It will be ok. If you can afford it you might look into seeing a counselor. It might help you to have a professional give you some options and break down some of your thoughts. Thank you for being so open, this is your site, let it out.

Take care,

I don't know the man, but sounds like he belittles you to make himself feel better....cause he don't have any self-esteem on his own and it makes him feel better downing you....

Estela, bless your heart! I think seeing the counselors would be an excellent first step for you...whether your husband will go or not. They may also be very helpful to let you know what your options are. Why don't you print out your posts here and take w/you? Sometimes it's so much easier to write our feelings down than it is to actually talk about them. Of course, don't leave them lying out where your DH can see them. Best of luck to you! (((Hugs)))

And if it is tell him better luck next time. I don't think that to run out and get a divorce would be the answer but, he needs to talk to someone and admit to himself that he is not perfect. You are a person, not his slave and if that is what he wants, tell him to hire one. You did not have your children by yourself and you should not be the only one running them around for their activites. I am sure that you already know this.....but just refreshing your mind. I am on this board every day....more then 5 times a day and I will be here to listen to you "talk" anytime that you need me. Sometimes just saying your what is own your mind to someone else helps you feel 100 lbs lighter....So I am here....

Estela, is your husband Mexican? I know how they can be.. very demanding.... Im in New Mexico, Spanish myslef I see it a lot of times... lived with it as well... it is just the way Mexican Men are... and I think nothing will change that... Sorry... If you ever want to talk please PM me any time... Take Care

Estella - I am so sorry you are going through all this. I can't add much more than what was already said. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm not divorced or married, but my parents got divorced when I was 10. I'm sure that my parents tried to hide most of their problems from us, but I knew things weren't good, and probably my younger sister did. My youngest sister was too young to understand. (I'm the oldest of three). By the time I was 13 I knew full well that my parents separating was the best thing for everyone involved. Don't let yourself bear this because you think it's better for your kids. I can say from experience that they probably aren't quite as in the dark about your problems as you think (at least probably the oldest).

I've heard about hotlines where you can call them, and they'll help you figure out how you can live on your own, or help you get on your feet to live on your own.

I hope that things turn out good for you, and end up in the way that's best for you and your children.

Estela-

Good for you for seeking out counseling. It's a hard first step to take, but it is so worthwhile when you find the right counselor for you. Best of luck!

Megan

Thank you all for being so caring. What would I do without your support.