I was watching some you tube videos and came across a young man that lost all the weight. He was talking about that now that he is thin he would never date anyone that was overweight because he was not looking at going back to where he was an an overweight person would only drag him down. Now i am not thin My journey just started however if i were ever to get thin i would hope that i dont turn into some of the people that make fun of me now. However i also see his point of view only about the being healthy. What do you guys think do our minds really change that much that we forget who we once were? Or is it all in oneself?

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Yea now 60+ gone same thing more people want to hug and smile... It's crazy

progress starts in the mind

Just now, Stephanielp said:

Yea now 60+ gone same thing more people want to hug and smile... It's crazy

progress starts in the mind

Yes! I had a coworker ask me if I'd been on vacation for the past few months & she passed me nearly everyday but didn't notice me until I dropped "43" pounds, smh!

14 hours ago, Deactivatedfatgal said:

I don't feel different but I do see how I'm treated different so far and I've only lost 45lbs people are friendlier and such

It was very strange when people starting noticing me. Complete strangers were suddenly talking to me, I guess I wasn't invisible anymore. At first it really weirded me out but now I am okay with.

I would never judge someone for there appearance. I know how it feels to be "that fat girl". Down 80# and feeling great about myself. I truly think the better you feel inside the kinder you are to others.

20 hours ago, Deactivatedfatgal said:

Yes! I had a coworker ask me if I'd been on vacation for the past few months & she passed me nearly everyday but didn't notice me until I dropped "43" pounds, smh!

6 hours ago, Dshell said:

It was very strange when people starting noticing me. Complete strangers were suddenly talking to me, I guess I wasn't invisible anymore. At first it really weirded me out but now I am okay with.

I would never judge someone for there appearance. I know how it feels to be "that fat girl". Down 80# and feeling great about myself. I truly think the better you feel inside the kinder you are to others.

I'd say it's personality far more than weight. For some people (raises hand) they're miserable when fat. They don't radiate their normal confidence that attracts people.

On the other hand, one of the nurses in my bariatric clinic who does my diagnostics before I see the surgeon or my internist is one of the biggest ladies ever, but moreover, nicest ladies ever and I give her a huge hug every time I see her.

Someone who is happy in life will attract people far more than someone glum or despondent. Our body language tells all.

21 minutes ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

I'd say it's personality far more than weight. For some people (raises hand) they're miserable when fat. They don't radiate their normal confidence that attracts people.

On the other hand, one of the nurses in my bariatric clinic who does my diagnostics before I see the surgeon or my internist is one of the biggest ladies ever, but moreover, nicest ladies ever and I give her a huge hug every time I see her.

Someone who is happy in life will attract people far more than someone glum or despondent. Our body language tells all.

While that may be the case for you, that was not the case for me. I've actually been a bit down and blue since my surgery, whereas before I was running around talking to anyone who would listen. I always smiled and was just a happy heavy person.

I didn't change friends when I lost weight. Weight doesn't define who we are, people are complex. As for dating, my husband has never been overweight and is fit. He has loved and supported me when I was fat and still does now that I'm healthy.

I feel empathy for overweight but I also feel sad when people I know pursue fad diets that I know will not yield long term results. Wls stopped the crazy train of desperate attempts and I wish other people would be more open minded about wls.

Human beings tend to be incredibly judgmental and the worse we feel about ourselves, the more we tend to pass harsher judgement on others. I thought about re-joining MyFitnessPal to track my food intake and for the supporting forums but they're all anti-Weight Loss Surgery and almost religiously so. How many of the MyFitnessPal members have managed to lose and keep the weight off? My guess is only about the national average of 10-15%. We are all here because yo-yo and fad dieting has not worked. The definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I feel very empathetic for people in my shoes. I am even more empathetic towards the people with curmudgeon insurance companies that want to find every way to deny a patient access to weight loss surgery yet brag that they offer such coverage. My only regret is that I did not consider this earlier in my life. I feel sad that I did not pursue this option five or so years ago.

I can speak from the other end. I married my husband on Aug 27, 1973. He weighed 350#'s. I weighed 135#'s. I have always gone for BIG GUYS but their personality has some pull too and always older than my age. My husband was in the Navy and I was just a little bit in AWE, he had been around the world and here I was a 17YO country girl. I feel head over heels in LOVE with him. Do you know what we had in common? That's right food!!! It was our thing. Over the years I dieted and he did go on a few but never took it seriously. I weighed 285#'s not long before I had my RNY. But do you know what he said to me, I have never seen your weight I still see the woman I married 44Years ago!!! I told you he was a gem!! Fast forward a few years. On July 2, 2013, I had WLS, Sept 2013 he had a failed RNY surgery (due to his Band that he had for 13Years) So I lost all of my weight in 6 months and he later after much illness had his Sleeve in June of 2016. To this day there is NOT a mean bone in either one of us!! I would never hurt anyone that is heavy NEVER!!! I feel compassion for them. I would'nt have it in me to shame anyone as I have been shamed!! As for getting with someone that has a weight problem, if I was attracted to him YES I could and would date some guy that was 6.4 and a little on the heavy side. I have never had a problem with my hubby even when his weight got up to 520#'s. I can tell you this much this man was so strong!!!! It is so sad that now his body is feeling all of those years of his abuse!! He has lost over 250#'s. Now we don't have the FOOD FOCUS that plagued us for 40 years. Food isn't our thing now!!! Each other is our focus now.

5 minutes ago, shedo82773 said:

I can speak from the other end. I married my husband on Aug 27, 1973. He weighed 350#'s. I weighed 135#'s. I have always gone for BIG GUYS but their personality has some pull too and always older than my age. My husband was in the Navy and I was just a little bit in AWE, he had been around the world and here I was a 17YO country girl. I feel head over heels in LOVE with him. Do you know what we had in common? That's right food!!! It was our thing. Over the years I dieted and he did go on a few but never took it seriously. I weighed 285#'s not long before I had my RNY. But do you know what he said to me, I have never seen your weight I still see the woman I married 44Years ago!!! I told you he was a gem!! Fast forward a few years. On July 2, 2013, I had WLS, Sept 2013 he had a failed RNY surgery (due to his Band that he had for 13Years) So I lost all of my weight in 6 months and he later after much illness had his Sleeve in June of 2016. To this day there is NOT a mean bone in either one of us!! I would never hurt anyone that is heavy NEVER!!! I feel compassion for them. I would'nt have it in me to shame anyone as I have been shamed!! As for getting with someone that has a weight problem, if I was attracted to him YES I could and would date some guy that was 6.4 and a little on the heavy side. I have never had a problem with my hubby even when his weight got up to 520#'s. I can tell you this much this man was so strong!!!! It is so sad that now his body is feeling all of those years of his abuse!! He has lost over 250#'s. Now we don't have the food FOCUS that plagued us for 40 years. Food isn't our thing now!!! Each other is our focus now.

That's awesome! I wish the two of you continued success.

Just now, BlackCatMatt said:

That's awesome! I wish the two of you continued success.

Thank you!!

I think how a person views fat people after they've lost weight likely depends a lot on why they lost the weight, and how they viewed themselves prior to that. A lot of people hate themselves when they're fat. They don't take care of themselves, they let their health get worse, they have no confidence, etc. If you start from that point then I would imagine there's a higher chance that after you lose weight you will view other fat people in a negative light because you viewed yourself in a negative way. For those who were honestly happy while fat I imagine it would be different. If you are happy (and especially if you are also healthy - yes it's possible) while fat then you will probably not have any negative feelings toward other fat people once you are no longer in that category. It's all about reflection. How we view others more often that not has a LOT to do with how we actually view ourselves.

Will this be true for everyone? No, of course not. But in general this is how I imagine it would go.

I am not thin just yet. In fact, I am still pre-op but I will never forget from where I came.

I view overweight people the same as I did at 326 pounds...as people. They have feelings, dreams and aspirations just as I do. Who am I to judge them, when I had to have help to make my life better?

I would never have dated a 300lb person when I was at my biggest or not. Nothing to do with not having compassion or respect. It's just not what I'm attracted to and never have been. Like people might not be attracted to me. But generally now I'm smaller I feel exactly the same I care about people for who they are not their size.

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I think if I fell for someone that was still over weight after I lose mine that it wouldn't change anything only to encourage them to get healthier
progress starts in the mind

No point encouraging someone who is happy as they are. What if they don't want your encouragement.. then what ? Your already hoping they would change right from the start ...

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