I have so very many friends whom I love with all I have. I know they are on my side and have been for many years. They are worried about my Bariatric surgery. They have friends who have done the surgery then gained it all back again. I know those people. I'm questioning it all tonight. I ate a big cheeseburger for lunch and thought maybe I should just live as a happy fat man. I just hate the way I look in the mirror. Or how hard it is for me to teach and talk at the same time. How have others on here handled this?

Your choices are these:

- get surgery, and take the risk that you may gain it all back. But also have a huge chance at becoming healthy and happy, and living a whole life that would never have happened before.

- decide against surgery, and continue on this road that may be easy, may be fun, but obviously has you worried or uncomfortable enough to have sought to learn about wls in the first place. This road only leads one place, and we all know where it goes because we were all traveling down it at one point or another.

Only you can make this decision deep down on a spiritual level first, then a practical level, and then in reality. Can you live as a happy fat guy? Maybe. I really wanted to live as a beautiful, happy fat chick, and I did for a time. Unfortunately, obesity is a ticking timebomb, and I chose to diffuse that bomb before it could destroy me. You may live as a happy fat guy for a time, but imagine living as a happy, healthy guy for many more decades!

I struggled with this too. Only you can decide if the fear and effort and blood and tears are worth an entire lifetime. And only you are going to live with the consequences, whether good or bad.

Good luck! If anything, I think everyone here knows that making this decision is no small feat. I wish you nothing but the best.

Cervidae

Thank you for your eloquent and thoughtful reply. I am going through with the surgery. I want to be thin again as I was as a child. Tonight I hooked up two portable AC units in our house since Mother Nature has given Seattle three 80 degree days in April! I could barely manage to roll them in place. Worn out and puffing. I'm tired of living this way. I want to be healthy.

The reason people gain weight back after having WLS is simple. They expected to have the surgery and continue doing exactly what they were doing that got them fat and unhealthy in the first place. So they don't change anything themselves.

My experience is with the gastric sleeve, so the following is from that viewpoint, but even if you have a bypass, the basic features are the same.

The surgery's success is because it performs two functions: first, it has an immediate effect of reducing portions. Portion control is also one of the only permanent features. This works for the rest of your life.

In the beginning, you lose the overwhelming hunger too, as the main portion of the stomach that produced the hunger hormone is gone. The hunger will come back, but for the first 6 months to a year, you won't register hunger the same as before surgery.

What this means is that you get a period of time where you regain control over your body and can change your habits and see real results.

During the "honeymoon" time of roughly 12-18 months, you are supposed to throw out everything regarding how you relate to food. You get counseling or try to work through any psychological issues/attachments where you use food for comfort, for reward, whatever - replacing these habits with new healthy ones like exercise or other hobbies. You are relearning how to eat, what to eat and getting used to small portions of food. You make better choices and get your healthy Protein and veggies and complex carbs as your primary diet established and even if you have an occasional treat of a slice of cake or a piece of pizza it won't be something you gorge yourself on let alone even eat regularly any more.

The ones that regain? They are the ones that never really used that honeymoon period to their advantage. They treated the surgery as a cure-all instead of seeing it for what it really is - a tool they needed to pick up and use properly and continue to use for the rest of their life. It requires a total mindshift to be successful long-term.

My doctor said that anyone can lose weight for the first year even eating absolute crap. But once the person's metabolism catches up and resets to the amount of foods they eat, especially when they eat primarily crap foods or slider foods like ice cream or simple carbs - then they'll start regaining, and say that the surgery didn't work for them... but the fact of the matter is that they failed, not the surgery.

I used to say I was happy at the weight I was for quite some time. I was even a "healthy" fat person - no high blood pressure, no diabetes, no cholesterol issues whatsoever. I looked perfect on paper other than my weight. But I knew that wouldn't last and I also knew that my world was getting smaller since there were so many things I know longer could do without feeling self-conscious or needing special accommodations... so I stopped doing them. And it took a death in the family for me to see that I was allowing my weight to rob me of living my life. I made the appointment with the doc and got surgery 3 months later and the only thing I regret is that it took me so long to do this. The years of my life I lost to being morbidly obese and unhealthy... just such a waste.

I won't lie; this was and will continue to be hard work for the rest of my life. But I'm worth the work.

So the real question here is - do you think YOU are worth it? Do you want to get free of the hold that food has over you? Do you want to give yourself a fighting chance of living a good, long life doing whatever you want to do?

I think you need some better WLS role models.

I know many people who have had WLS who have NOT regained their weight.

I had WLS because I was a sick, agoraphobic, exhausted, miserable fat woman, and I got to the point where I simply refused to live that way anymore.

I've lost 100 pounds and have been maintaining at or below goal for a year now.

However, I hope you know that WLS surgery doesn't *fix* everything, right? You have to change your lifestyle after WLS, including (1) how, what, when, and how much you eat; (2) exercise and daily activities of life; (3) dealing differently with stress in your life -- both mild or severe; (4) your willingness and ability to care for yourself before all others.

Many people work with a therapist to build and follow the new lifestyle they require.

Good luck.

I ate a big cheeseburger for lunch and thought maybe I should just live as a happy fat man. I just hate the way I look in the mirror. Or how hard it is for me to teach and talk at the same time. How have others on here handled this?

I can't/won't speak for everyone but I daresay that many of us here have faced the same struggles. Over the course of 20+ years of obesity, I decided on *multiple* occasions to just be happy being fat but I never really was -- I was simply giving up on myself.

I wanted to do mud runs, and play in the park with my kids without being winded. I wanted to walk on the beach comfortably, and run up and down the massive sand dunes. I wanted to fit in roller coasters and airplane seats. I wanted to shop in regular clothing stores and not feel judged when I put a carton of ice cream in my cart. I wanted to fit down the aisles of a bus and through a turnstile without turning sideways and rubbing up against everyone beside me anyways. I wanted people to stop looking at me in horror as they realized I was headed to the empty seat next to them in the theater. I wanted to sit in booths and not be forced to sit in the aisle at all times for the extra space.

I wanted my health back far more than I wanted that burger.

I am three years out and at a very healthy weight. I can walk farther, jump higher, move faster, dance longer than ever before. My only physical "loss" is my ability to float/tread Water for hours and stand up to big ocean waves. I used to think I was just that good of a swimmer. Now I realize that fat floats much better than not fat and it's much harder for a wave to knock down a 265 pound woman vs a 150 pound woman.

I'm ok with that trade off. Only you can decide if you are.

...My only physical "loss" is my ability to float/tread Water for hours and stand up to big ocean waves. I used to think I was just that good of a swimmer. Now I realize that fat floats much better than not fat and it's much harder for a wave to knock down a 265 pound woman vs a 150 pound woman...

Also, as a bonus, no one is throwing buckets of water on you as you lay down in the sand.

Congratulations on your successful weight loss/keeping the weight off and NSVs.

Can I just say what an fabulous set of posts this is? I can't add anything to what's been stated here so well!

@@LipstickLady - I float like a cork. It is pretty awesome. I've got enormous breasts and a jiggly belly that serve as an excellent life preserver in Water. I can practically lay on top of water. But I will happily give that up for my weight loss!

@@Tommy Joe - I, too, wanted to be fat and happy. I was, for a long time. But it's really slowed me down and as I reach my mid-30's I realize the weight is making me feel older than I should. It was all fine and dandy when I was in my 20's because almost everyone feels good when they're 25 I do know that if things feel bad now at 33, they're going to be that much worse at 43, 53, 63, if I don't do something about it now.

WLS is THE ONLY proven effective long-term treatment for obesity. All but the very stalwart 5% of traditional dieters ultimately fail. You will have to make changes, and it won't always be easy, but I can say having WLS makes it considerably less difficult to make good choices.

I see you've already decided to go through with it so, congratulations! Hang in there. You will find it's worth it in the end.

I had RNY gastric bypass surgery because my overweight condition over the years led to a number of health issues including diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, severe acid reflux (GERD) and others. I had the surgery 35 months ago and all these medical conditions went into remission within 2 weeks after surgery. I was off all the meds. And more importantly they stayed in remission ever since. So I consider this to be one of the better decisions which I ever made.

@@Tommy Joe - I am a happier "thinner" guy. Everything is better...aches go away, health issues abate, sex is even more fun, and I don't feel deprived. I eat great stuff, just significantly less. I will say this though...for most of my life I was a "healthy" and active fat guy. But eventually there were warning lights on my health dashboard. If I stayed were I was eventually something was going to get me. Please factor that into your equation. Check with your doc and ask him/her "if I stay at this weight, what negative effects am I likely facing?"

Thank you all so much and please keep up with the stories and encouraging words. The person who said that people just gain it back is a very good friend who is morbidly obese. She walks with a cane and has tremendous health issues. She is like a sister to me. We've been through every miracle weight loss known to man including the drops. I've lost the same 70 pounds at least five times in my life. Felt great, then stopped exercising and stopped eating right. My husband is a Philippino chef and loves to cook. He also works on his feet all day runs and lifts weights. I need to stop eating his food so much and we both need to explore ways to say I love you that do not include FOOD. He grew up as a Manila street child so food is very much a sign of love for him.

VSG Ann you are an inspiration.

Frankie's girl you were right on the money!

Thanks Lipstick Lady, need to recover, OKC Pirate and James

I'm going to reread these posts many times

Tom in Seattle

do it...you will not regret it.

@@Tommy Joe Maybe after your WLS - your friend will be inspired to do the same for herself! Sounds to me - she's probably scared - of both the surgery and the changes it brings (and that you have to make to be successful).

Encourage your husband to come up with some healthier recipes - you can still enjoy food together!

Best of luck on your journey - whatever you decide to do!

Be warned (not for sure, but better than 50-50) that your morbidly obese dear friend wants you to remain like her -- obese and unhealthy.

That's a lonely place to live by yourself.

Just sayin'.

Very, very best to you!

@@Tommy Joe

I am glad to hear you have chosen to move forward! I have had many people share their friends stories of failure after weight loss surgery. I worked with people who had it done and gained their weight back.

I have also met many many people who have chosen to have WLS and it changed theirs lives for the better.

The reality is, the surgery provides the tool. You are in charge of what you put into the tool. I honestly never in a million years thought I could lose 147lbs! I, like you lost the same 70 or 80lbs over and over always gaining it all back until I got to a point where my metabolism no long functioned properly and I couldn't lose anything.

My fight was never ever about portions. I never ate a lot to begin with but I did eat all the wrong things! I was 310lbs and malnourished!

I decided I was going to make a difference. I started immediately changing behaviors. By the time I had my surgery I was set up for success.

I absolutely love good food. Not junk......good homemade quality Proteins and vegetables. Because I eat so little I work hard to make sure what I do consume is both delicious and healthy.

I am now at a healthy 163lbs. All of my comorbitities are gone!

Having bypass was the best thing I have ever done for myself. If I had any regrets it was listening to all the horror stories that made me afraid to fail again.

If you want to feel better, then it is time to take control. You absolutely can do this!