I'm looking for some input about the lifetime commitment aspect of this.

I'm seeing a therapist about food issues that I need to resolve whether or not I have the sleeve. She is not trying to talk me out of it, she will support me with whatever decision I make. But she said something tonight that I have been thinking in my own head, and I'd love to get some thoughts about it from people who've been sleeved for a while.

First, of course, this is permanent. No going back, the majority of the stomach is gone-gone. That doesn't scare me so much as makes me realize that I need to know in my gut this is the right choice.

Second, it seems like this imposes an unnatural relationship with food, forever. I mean, forever having to think about every bite, x many bites of Protein, x many bites of veggies, x many bites of carbs (if there's room)... in people who haven't had gastric surgery, this would be symptomatic of an eating disorder.

I mean, my current relationship with food isn't healthy (hence the therapist). But in trying to reach a balance and healthy place relating to food, do I want to permanently change my body in a way that requires unnatural eating to the other extreme?

I've read the studies about how losing a lot of weight through diet and exercise doesn't last long-term in the vast majority of cases. My reading of these studies indicates that it's because in order to maintain that weight loss, people have to spend large amounts of time and energy planning and preparing their food and exercise plans, and it's just too much to maintain long-term. It has to become the number 1 priority in their lives, and that's hard to maintain. It seems that the surgery imposes that same thing, the primary benefit seems to be that the cravings are substantially lowered for most.

Everything in life is a trade-off. I get that. I have chronic health conditions that my doctors believe will be greatly benefitted by significant weight loss. On paper, medically speaking, the surgery makes complete sense. My gut isn't there yet. And I know that I have to be mentally prepared for this as much, if not more, than physically.

I know this post comes across as critical of the surgery. I believe the surgery is a great option for a lot of people, and I am not trying to slam the surgery or anyone who's chosen. What I need to figure out is if I'm one of those people, and I'd really appreciate your insight.

I'm having some of the same thoughts about the surgery. My therapist has me really thinking of different angles also. I'm going to follow this discussion to see if I can benefit from some advice from our fellow sleevers.

You are right about the lifetime commitment and the forever changed relationship with food. I just have a couple a comments. They will not be popular responses and you will undoubtedly have people tell you that my mindset about having the sleeve is a sure-fire recipe for failure, but I'll say them anyway;

I do not now, nor have I ever counted calories or grams of Protein since getting the sleeve. I do try and make an effort to make decent choices but if I eat cake for dinner then so be it. I hate Water and have never bothered with trying to meet a goal of drinking a certain amount per day.

I do not give a second thought to gaining back weight I've already lost. I went to Mexico for the surgery. Dr Almanza. There's a lot of controversy about Almanza. For me personally he did a great job. This thing doesn't stretch, doesn't give an inch, and it is a very dependable barrier for the excess food I still wish I could eat. I see a lot of posts about people who have gained weight back with the sleeve. After 3 years mine still works like a charm.

I'm just trying to say that it is a unique experience for each individual. The counseling you are getting is a good thing and will certainly help you make up your mind but keep in mind that everyone is different. What is hard for one may be easy for another - that kind of thing.

Yes it is forever, but I know for myself the health issues I couldn't handle any longer. I will be turning 53 in a couple of weeks and I was a healthy successful businesses women until I had a sudden divorce at 40 I walked away from my business and I lost life. I gained 90lbs. Diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, became type 2 diabetic and a few other issues, so life was pretty painful and I didn't like what I saw in the mirror any longer. But since I made the decision to get sleeved and have lost 43 lbs I feel like I'm living again. Yes it is a job right now getting in Protein and Water and not eating some things. But once you make it to your goal weight it will be so much easier. It's not a problem getting full on such a little amount of food, it's making sure to get enough in for the day. I don't put into my mind so many bites of this and so many bites of that I just focus on being healthy again. I just got my first blood work back and wow I'm on my way to being the woman I use to be and that makes me happy. I hope I've helped a little. I'm always here if you want to talk. Good luck.

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@@theantichick

I'm glad your are putting time in with your therapist before making a decision about your health. I don't see your post as critical of surgery at all. Doing your research has you on the right path.

Here is my thought's..Most of us have an eating disorder that got us to the point of surgery. You only get out of surgery what you are willing to put into it. I don't put much faith in statistics. Success is up to you.

I am almost 2 years out. I had a good nutritionist and aftercare/education. Learning to eat healthy was eye opening for me. I now look at food as fueling my body. ( A big change in my relationship with food) Cooking has become a norm. Food is still wonderful and flavorful. Here is a link to my nutritionists recipes. She gives a great cooking class in my area. Hope it gives you an Idea of what meals will look like.

http://insidekarenskitchen.com/bariatric-friendly-recipes/

That learning phase..Yes I tracked and had to think about Protein etc.

Since I've been in maintenance, My food choices are now automatic because I'm so accustom to eating healthy. I do not think about every bite (Quick meal for me is chicken fajitas - the family has the tortillas. I don't ). I have times I indulge. Just means I put some extra time in the gym if the scale moves up.

My number one priority is getting out and living life.( not planning meals and gym time) So many things my body kept me from enjoying. I don't take my health for granted. I'm making up for lost time

Reading this reminded me of some of the concerns I have had about the surgery. Mines is scheduled for May 3rd and in preparing for my two week liquid diet, I began thinking about all the foods I was giving up. I also thought about how these foods put me in the situation I am now to have the surgery. For 32 years I ate what I wanted with no regard and now I'm paying the cost because I'm uncomfortable in my skin and I have little kids I want to see grow up. pizza and burgers are not more important than a healthy future or my kids. My 33rd birthday is this Friday and it will be my last being the big guy and I'm proud of that.

The surgery isn't for everyone and if traditional methods worked for me, I wouldn't do this, but to me the pros outweigh the cons. I'm ready for the next phase of my life.

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Edited April 19, 201610 yr by superman422

Your questions apply not only to the sleeve procedure.

The good news is that you don't have to put yourself through the anguish and doubts you've taken on. You can decide right now not to have surgery. It's that simple and freeing. In fact you can choose not to lose weight by any method. Even simpler and more freeing. No matter how one chooses to lose weight, a lifetime commitment is necessary for lifelong success.

The greatest obstacles are emotional, not habits. If chewing mindfully and thoroughly is "unnatural," then the converse must be true. To eat "naturally" is to bolt food mindlessly à la the wolves. People have the capacity to develop new habits by repetition. Eating in the ways that suit surgery can become the norm when you desire. It's like learning arithmetic. We eventually rely less on our fingers for counting.

"Large amounts of time and energy" for planning meals? You really won't have to pass up other activities to have time for all that ponderous planning. As feeble an excuse "I have to wash my hair" was in the olden days, "I have to plan my meals" has less credibility.

I'd be dishonest if I were to say that making changes is a snap, but it's nowhere near what you're telling yourself. It's okay to be ambivalent and fearful of making the commitment to yourself, but don't do yourself the disservice of being dishonest with yourself.

It might help you to make a decision if, instead of listing the negatives, you begin a written list of reasons that you do want to lose weight. Keep each reason brief and narrow and number them as you go along. Pick up the notebook over the next days and weeks to add reasons as they occur to you. No reason is silly or shallow. They're all about what you want for yourself. Wanting to wear size 6 knickers is as valid as wanting to be rid of backache or signs of diabetes.

As an example of focused reasons, "To wear the blue dress that's been hanging in the closet these past four years." To write "To wear the things that got too small" limits the number of items on the list. Name each separately if that's the case.

If you're feeling that you're jumping in to something that you're not ready for, give yourself more time. You want walking into the operating room to be a positive experience, not a trip to the guillotine. You're ahead of the game in knowing that behavior changes are necessary, but don't blow them into impossible tasks. You may very well run into rough spots and feel resentful from time to time after the fact. That's what the therapist, BP and your surgery practice's support group are for. We each have to do our own work, but there are others to do it with.

My comment is about your concern about a lifetime commitment. Yes, it is a lifetime commitment. But, before surgery I wasn't quite sure that I had much of a life left. I was a healthy fat person until I wasn't. I was on disability and very immobile. There was a very real possibility that every time I went to sleep at night I might not wake up the next day.

There are no guarantees, but one year after surgery, and halfway to my goal, I am getting my life back. I have a lifetime to look forward to. I can still eat delicious, nutritious food. The idea of eating crap isn't nearly as appealing as it was pre-op. I am free to choose quality over quantity and be satisfied. I can put effort into my health (counting my Protein, tracking my food, drinking Water, exercising) and it makes a difference. I am healthier and happier than I have been in a very long time.

I'm 4 months out and can tell you although it's definitely a lifetime commitment, it's really not so overwhelming. food choices become second nature. You don't have to think about X number of bites, etc, because you've made a good choice from the get go and your body tells you when to stop.

Completely your choice, but I have zero regrets.

@@theantichick First I think it's great that you're putting a lot of thought in this before committing.

For me the lifetime commitment is what I want! I want a tool that will help me the rest of my life. I don't ever want to go back.....

Good luck. I know you'll make the right decision for you.

Kathy

We make choices every day. If we want to no longer be obese or not go back to being obese, we make the choice to watch what we are eating and move more with or without surgery. Surgery just made that choice a little easier for me.

It is what it is.

I would also add that if you are obese - to be successful at losing weight with diet and exercise alone is a lifetime commitment as well.

I am only 6 weeks post-op, so I don't yet really know what I will think after a year or more, but these are my thoughts now. Yes, it's a big deal, and there has been significant discomfort in the transition I am going through. I don't know how much I will be eating in a year or two or five, but I doubt I will ever be able to have a big meal again, a little appetizer, then a plate of Pasta and sausage, salad, garlic bread and wine and then dessert and coffee, even occasionally - I doubt that will all fit!

But here's the thing, for me anyway. I think this is all very individual, and it depends where you are coming from. I was having joint pains, serious high blood pressure, dyslipidemia, sleep apnea, and had some early signs of diabetes. I was embarrassed how I looked and had a little trouble getting around and fitting in an airline seat when I traveled. I wanted to turn that around, but I had failed dieting at least 4 times, and just wasn't getting it done, in fact overall I was gaining weight.

Now, I have been through the worst of the adjustment period and combined with my pre-surgery weight loss and my exercise, I already look and feel like a different person, and I am only halfway there, so it's only going to get better! While I am settling in, I do have a good deal of focus on what I eat, but I have been purposely trying to eat with some healthy variety, not within a limited palette of a handful of foods. My portions are small, but not microscopic - I eat about 8-10oz for dinner, and I expect that will grow somewhat over the rest of the year.

It is drastic, but at least for me, where I was coming from, and with my 60s looming ahead, it was worth it.

Oh and by the way, I think it's very good that you are being thoughtful about this and trying to imagine what life is will really be like for you after you get the surgery and asking yourself - is it really all worth it? I think that's the right question to be asking yourself about such a big change.

It's definitely not something that everyone should do. To me the answer depends on what things are like now, what you can realistically expect to come if you don't get surgery, and the likelihood of your getting to where you want to be without surgery.

Every single day of my life, since I was 10 years old, I have worried about my weight. Not to a food disorder extreme, but every morning I had the thought that I was going to eat healthier. Every time I had to eat there was always this quiet voice questioning if I was going to gain weight from it. Even though I would eat the pizza, fast food, and other junk, I could zone out and not think about it while I was eating but I could never escape the truth - it was a poor choice and I needed to eat better the next day.

Now at 46 years old, I know that is my thing - I will ALWAYS be in the mindset of "being on a diet" - because every day it is there, in the back of my mind - even on the days when all I eat is junk. I looked at the surgery as a lifelong commitment to making better food choices, since I was already there anyway, worrying about it every day.

Now that I had the surgery, when I have to make decisions about food it is so much easier. I do not track every ounce of food I eat. The restriction makes it way easier to make good choices, and food has taken it's rightful place in my life. I am trusting the quiet voice in my head that knew all along I shouldn't choose cake for Breakfast or eat pizza as a late night snack.

I have to say that the fact that you've already committed to seeing a therapist for your food issues speaks volumes about your commitment to success. I started seeing a therapist at about 7 months post op and SO wish I would have sooner. It has made all the difference for me. The therapy is the one piece of this whole process that I think is overlooked, left out, or not stressed enough by many surgeon's programs. Sure, we all go for the "psych" eval, but let's be honest, that does not address any of the big-picture issues.

To speak to your concern on always watching, counting, planning, etc. You are right on both accounts. IF you stick to the program, it will cause you to think about your eating a lot. In a lot of cases, that's not a bad thing. I tracked everything religiously on myfitness pal for the first 2 years and I learned a ton by doing that. I also don't think I would have been as successful if I hadn't done that because it's so easy to lose track of carbs or calories if you're not watching.

But you're also correct that it can trigger eating disordered obsessive thoughts and pre-occupation with restricting food if that is something that you struggle with. For me, my eating disorder went from binge eating (pre surgery) to swinging the total opposite direction with extreme restriction (post-surgery). That is when I sought out therapy because it was scary.

I will say though, that yes, absolutely if you want to be successful count every gram of Protein, carbs, etc during that "actively losing" window. But after that, eat what is good for your body. You can ease up on the tracking a bit and follow the "general" guidelines of protein first, veggies second, fruits for treat, very few carbs that process as sugar. Once you reach and maintain your goal, you're able to relax a bit, as long as you aren't relaxing by falling back into your own bad habits of the past.

You will navigate the journey for yourself and you will do what you need to do to be successful. Basically, you adjust to a new normal.