Wish I hadn't Told Some...

[WalkOnWaking 139]

I think I have lost someone that I thought was a close friend. She's been kind of 'short' with me lately and I finally asked her if something was wrong (family, job, etc.).

She blurted out that she can't believe I had the surgery done, that there were so many other (better) options for me.

Luckily this was via a text message. I don't know what I would have said or done if it had been face to face. But am glad I was sitting on the couch because my head spun and I felt so ... Fill in the blank: angry/pissed/disappointed.

I just responded that I did what I personally felt was the right thing, for me, and it is a decision that I will have to live with.

I'm not at all unhappy I did this. Sure, there were some bumps along the way, some things I wish could have been different regarding my hospital stay. But all-in-all, I'm thrilled to be off medications that were no longer working well for me.

I don't know how I can mend the friendship, but at this point, I have no desire to.

Lyrics from a song that Celtic Woman sings pop to mind: "I've lost the friends that I needed losing, found others on the way."

I guess only time will tell if she will remain a friend, or one that 'needed losing' in my journey.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

You can't fix stupid.

And you can't fix ignorant people who want to remain ignorant either.

Onward and upward!

[Yaberhoo 358]

I am so sorry this happened. It appears that this person wasn't a close to you as you thought. I wonder if it is that she is threatened by your potential weight loss? Whatever the reason it, it is HER problem. Not yours.

Hugs to you right now.

[WalkOnWaking 139]

You can't fix stupid.

And you can't fix ignorant people who want to remain ignorant either.

Onward and upward!

Part of me wants to try to explain why in more detail. But another part of me thinks it would make no difference and just open me up for more inappropriate comments.

[WalkOnWaking 139]

I am so sorry this happened. It appears that this person wasn't a close to you as you thought. I wonder if it is that she is threatened by your potential weight loss? Whatever the reason it, it is HER problem. Not yours.

Hugs to you right now.

Yes, its not my problem, but hers. Thanks for the reassurance.

And for the hugs!

[Babbs 14,680]

F*ck her.

You keep positive, supportive people in your life. Not people who will bring you down. It will make your journey so much easier that way. You owe NOBODY an explanation.

Keep on keeping on!

[WalkOnWaking 139]

F*ck her.

You keep positive, supportive people in your life. Not people who will bring you down. It will make your journey so much easier that way. You owe NOBODY an explanation.

Keep on keeping on!

Ok, that made me chuckle. What do they say about 'toxic people' and not letting them bring you down. I'm just going to "Keep on keeping on!"

[animallover1247 249]

I really hate to hear posts like this. Unfortunately, for reasons I can't understand, WLS and even weight loss without surgery, tends to bring out the worst in people and their "true" side comes shining through. Any life changing event can bring out the worst in people. My friend had been married for a few years ended up having breast cancer. She needed chemo and radiation. She seemed to have a seemingly good relationship with her husband, he seemed like a good guy. It turns out that wasn't the case, he left her while she was in the middle of chemo (and not for another woman). He certainly didn't abide by the "in sickness and in health" vowel.

On the bright side, if there is one, you are finding out about this now rather than later. You can get over it and move on with your life!

[WalkOnWaking 139]

On the bright side, if there is one, you are finding out about this now rather than later. You can get over it and move on with your life!

I had hoped to have her support, or at least be able to share milestones with her. Now I always have the back of my mind to be sure not to mention it.

Its ok though. I have other friends who ARE supportive, and a few that I don't see often due to jobs or distance will send a text every few days with a 'how are ya doing, any good progress to report?' type of inquiries.

Oh well. Her loss.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Give her time. Some people just don't deal with change very well. Either she will come around and figure out how much she values your friendship or she won't. It's not up to us to change someone else.

[WalkOnWaking 139]

Give her time. Some people just don't deal with change very well. Either she will come around and figure out how much she values your friendship or she won't. It's not up to us to change someone else.

I am open to her wanting to continue the friendship I thought we had. But not going to chase it down. But not sure about the hope of things.

[fly-high 84]

You are better off without her. I would not try to mend that relationship, that is a fair weather friend. She is jealous because she wants to keep you overweight because that is the box she put you in. She feels threatened by your soon to be new way of life.

As far as talking to people for support, you will NEVER find more support than right here.

The people here really understand because we are in the same boat.

If you mend that relationship I guarantee you she will really let you down (screw you over) in the future.

I would cut off all talk about your surgery, weight and so on...

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@WalkOnWaking,

What you do about the relationship is up to you. Perhaps it wasn't all that important to you anyway. It sounds, however, that you and she haven't talked about her text or email or whatever it was. Often friends have negative responses for fear of being left in the dust. That's usually because the negative friend is obese. If that applies to yours, you may want to have "the talk" with her if she confesses fear: I love you...your friendship is important to me...I need you to support and be happy for me...blah blah blah. Otherwise, let her slide.

In short the negativity may be about her and not you.

[Pabst 45]

You know... I find it funny how picky people can be about YOUR health choices. I don't think anyone would lose a friendship over getting LASIK surgery or breast augmentation... But Bariatric? That's like being mad at someone with substance abuse problems checking into a rehab clinic.

Unless this person is married to you, they really have no right to be mad at you. You are making a completely rational decision that might change your life and help you live longer. If you have a history of struggling to lose weight, chances are you are absolutely making the right decision.

I think a previous responder hit the nail on the head... I wouldn't be surprised your friend is someone who has their own weight struggles and would resent you taking a path that could actually get you the results you probably have been trying to obtain for years and they have never been able to achieve... and has this notion you are taking the "easy way out".

There is nothing easy about this procedure... The weight loss isn't any easier than doing it on your own. In a lot of ways the lifestyle is harder... But what it is, is a tool. Just like a treadmill or a personal trainer. This surgery is mortgaging your future food freedom rights and that a huge sacrifice.

Your friend might be shunning you... But I'm damn proud of you. Get yourself where you need to be... Show her it was the right decision. When you get there and she's still mad... Find a better friend.

[MzStockton 182]

Seems to me it's friendship your "friend" needs to mend if your friendship is important to her. Don't feel bad about what you did, you do what's best for you.