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Edited April 24, 200818 yr by DieselAngel2005

This is a really awful story, I'm sorry you had to go through it. It is hard to give too much advice because the whole thing is almost unbelievable. I can't really imagine parents acting that way. I also can't imagine how your therapist could agree that this is somehow acceptable behavior on the part of your family. It just seems like the whole situation is too complicated and unusual to really understand.

I will say this much. At your age, you really don't have to live with your parents, and it sounds like you should not be living with them. Hopefully everything can be sorted out some day and you can have good family relations, but for now you need to get away and maybe not see them much for a period of time, like a long period of time.

Next, I would get another therapist. Any therapist who would support your parents in this situation is incompetent or worse. You need to get away from that person and find a different therapist.

And finally, you are an adult now, you can do what you want. If you remove all fill from the band you can probably get it to the point where it has no effect on you at all even if it is still inside you. Go to a fill doctor and get all the saline removed, and then it will be like you don't have the band at all.

I have to tell you, I feel like this story is so unusual that there must be another point of view or some important facts that we don't know from what you are telling. But, based on what you have said, this sounds like totally intolerable behavior by your parents which you should not accept. Get out of that house, get a new therapist, get a new life. Maybe some day you can sort things out with your family, but don't worry about that for now.

That's how I see it. Good luck to you.

That is simply appalling. Even done out of love, it is appalling.

I know that for me, I wasnt a girlie girl as a teen. I'm five ft 10 and I was a little overweight - maybe 14lb overweight. Because I wasnt cute, pretty or petite, my mother worried for me, only out of love and concern that I didnt fit in, because although I was a happy kid, and had friends, I was teased mercilessly as a young child because I was so tall. I was called fat although i wasnt, not in the least, but I just wasnt 4ft tall and 80lb. It broke my mum's heart. She had me on a diet by the age of 11.

Honestly, it started a cycle that I think resulted in my obesity where it need never have existed. I truly dieted myself fat. I learned to hate a perfectly normal, healthy and yes, attractive body. Just becuase I didnt fit a mould. How I came to adulthood and overcame that, ended up with a perfectly healthy and realistic self image and no body dysmorphia is beyond me, but I was able to see clearly that I needed to lose weight but I did not need to be perfect. I love myself now, not being silly, I mean that in a healthy, normal way. I love my body, its not perfect but I have no need, now that I have treated it with respect by getting fit and losing the weight I needed to, to go and cut it up, add bits, suck bits out, etc. Its a 40 year old healthy body that's born 3 beautiful children and I'm happy to spend the rest of my life in it.

That's a fluke, its got little to do with what I went through as a teenager, I absolutely cannot imagine what it would be like to be truly obese throughout those years. Its bad enough just not being the pretty one.

you sound similar. Like there was nothing at all wrong with you other than not fitting the stereotype. I really feel for you, what was done to you was wrong. I hope that it was done purely out of love, misguided as it may have been and that overtime your relationship will be OK.

When I came home for Thanksgiving I was told the date of my surgery(Dec), I said immediately No, my mom said it was too late. so december came & the surgery went. the second I got home my mom said act happy about. So I hid my pain behind a mask, numbing myself to everything. I found out my sister was in on it & my dad who always said aslong as I was comfortable with myself thats all that matters was in on it too. I got soo sick of ppl telling me I look so good, & what i did to loose the weight.(I lied to them I was ashamed of what was done to me.) The months went by & the weight melted off. My muscles disappeared & the fluff I had disappeared. I finally looked in the mirror after 7 months & started to cry. I looked like the blob... my body no longere held any female form. my jeans & shirts didnt fit (naturally as a girl my bras no longer fit either). My mom asked me what was wrong, I just exploded YElling over & over "this wasn't my choice! Dont' be proud of me! I hate my self & I hate everyone who did this to me!" She got mad & said we can go have it taken out. (no because She signed the waver saing it could only be removed if it was a medical emergency.) I told both my mom & dad that the doctors were lucky if they had severed my nerver around my stomach so I couldn't feel I would have taken a knife & cut it out myself.

I'm horribly depressed & hate myself. The doctors told me my skin wouldn't sag but it did horribly, there are no muscle to hold them up ( I can barely squat 50, and barely bench 40-50. I worked out alot after my surgery too (so i don't know why my muscle disappeared) I am no longer comfortable with myself, & wish this had never happened to me.

Does anyone feel this way or was it just a bad turn of events for me?

I totally don't feel that way at all. I'm thrilled with my band and the changes in my body. But then, I did this of my own choice. I'm surprised the doctor went ahead with the surgery frankly.

I'm wondering about your fill level, and your post-surgery diet. What you describe sounds atypical for a banding experience. We don't tend to lose muscle as you describe, esp if we're eating lots of Protein and exercising. And I at least have to be very aware of what I'm eating to lose, it's not melting off!

So, now that you have the band, what can you do? Simpliest would be to have all the fill removed. That would allow you to eat more, and a wider variety. I also would look into the waiver, since you didn't sign it, it doesn't seem enforcable, in fact I've never heard of such a waiver. Or talk to another surgeon about having it removed.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

What your parents did was horrible. But what the theapist has been doing is even worse. She knows the facts and still supports you parents, you need a new therapist asap. You should also talk to the surgeon and thier staff and tell them what happened. They need to be aware that their evaluation is flawed. Now are you living at home or are you in college in a dorm? If you are living at home it sounds like you need to get out. Right now that enviroment is toxic.

Now i love my band, but if i was forced to have it I am sure that i would hate it and resent every minute of it. The good news for you is that you can get the fill taken out so that the weight loss will stop. It sounds like you are losing weight really really fast, what is your fill and normal meal scheduel? I am 7 months out too, and the weight is soo not falling off. It has been slow like a 1 lb a week and I have no muscle wasting. How much weight have you lost so far?

Please talk to someone at the surgeon's office and let them know. What your parents did can't be reversed but hopefully some solution can come out of it. Keep us posted.

It is hard to believe as a parent myself that one could do this to their child especially if you were happy and comfortable with yourself.

That being said did you ever tell the surgeon the way you felt and that you were being forced to do this? How could a psych. give approval for this surgery if you were not 100 percent sure that this is what you wanted. What about your primary dr.?

There was an 17 year old boy on Big Medicine the other night and even with the parent approval they weren't sure they should perform the surgery. If this is not something that you want I agree that you should get an unfill and that will allow you to eat what you want and pretty much as much as you want.

Good luck in your decision.

Val

Thanks for posting your story. I'm glad to hear you are moving away. It's a whole new life. Reminds me of a Dixie Chicks song. Look forward to hearing an update when you get back on line.

I may have missed this somewhere but, where are you from? There is such a huge issue with HIPPA in this country that I can't imagine ANY doctors office would touch you with your mother filling out the paperwork. It is against the law for anyone to have access or make any decisions about your healthcare from the day you turn and there is severe penalties and fines for doctors/hospitals that go against this. Was this ever an issue?

There are several options out there for you, both concerning your body and your parents. I hate to see you break all ties with your family but know you are hurt and need to get away and start your own life. Counseling will always be good for you to continue,as long as you find a counselor that you can confide in and trust. You can have the lap band removed if you want-should be your decision. It would cost money,however, so probably the best thing is have the saline removed for now. I bet your body looks better than in your eyes it does. But your perception is what counts. Continue your wonderful workout routines that you did before the band-you are young and your muscle mass will return like before. That pumped up muscle will fluff out that loose skin alot! If you signed any of those consent forms for surgery then you were giving your consent so I dont know that you can sue the doctor for doing the surgery against your will. If you didn't sign them, then I definately would sue him. That is totally illegal. I would request copies of your file and copies of the file from the facility where the procedure was perfomed-just to have them if you need them later. If you keep the band in, just know that one day it might be your best friend! If you start gaining weight later in life and have problems losing it, just let that band work for you-get a fill and use it!

I wish you all the best and hope you can get past this and move on with your new adventure-your life!!! You deserve it!! Maybe someday you will be able to forgive your family and make peace with all of this.

It really sounds like you were born into the wrong family. I'm a little horrified that they manipulated you into WLS and I know the kind of messages that must have been sent to you psychologically. I can understand even wanting to get fat to pay them back.

All I can say is that you have to do what's best for you, without reference to them. I hope you can figure that out.

I have to tell you, I feel like this story is so unusual that there must be another point of view or some important facts that we don't know from what you are telling. But, based on what you have said, this sounds like totally intolerable behavior by your parents which you should not accept. Get out of that house, get a new therapist, get a new life. Maybe some day you can sort things out with your family, but don't worry about that for now.

That's how I see it. Good luck to you.

I'd have to agree. I think there are bits and pieces that are missing from this story. And something that makes no sense:

>>She got mad & said we can go have it taken out. (no because She signed the waver saing it could only be removed if it was a medical emergency.)<<

Impossible.

Maybe this waiver is all part of the manipulation on her families part. Maybe there is no such waiver but she was told the LB couldn't be undone to try to make her feel that there was no way out of it. I do believe it would be illegal to have such a waiver.

Maybe this waiver is all part of the manipulation on her families part. Maybe there is no such waiver but she was told the LB couldn't be undone to try to make her feel that there was no way out of it. I do believe it would be illegal to have such a waiver.

Possible, but doubtful. A 19 year old is forced to get surgery? Upon admission to a hospital the forms have to be signed by the patient in front of hospital staff. The hospital staff have to cosign the forms as a witness. Yet the claim is the forms were signed before ever entering the hospital by someone else. There were a lot of people in on this conspiracy, far too many people.

Then there is the waiver saying she can never get it out... none of this makes sense. Sorry, it just doesn't. There are soooo many holes in this one. I'd love to hear the other side of the story.

This whole post sounds like BS to me.

Previous posts by the same poster:

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f17/december-bandsters-25506/index48.html#post354723

Banded Dec 18th 2006, had a pre op diet ( YUck all those nasty shakes I tried). Working towards my Post op 2 week diet. YAY all is well, except for my stiches are dissolving too soon and my incisions are opening, they told me to wash them with peroxide 3x a day and only put a little piece of gauze over it to stop things from falling in it, aka, dust and dirt if i'm out side... Did this happen to any one else?

But other than that all is well and i'm progressing well.

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f18/new-member-just-banded-hoping-all-goes-well-27400/#post354714

Hi! I'm excited to have found this site. I was banded on Dec.18th 2006,by Dr. Schmit, all is going ok. I am having some problems with my stitches dissolving before the incisions have healed, and they wont restitch them shut, Other than that it is going well. I go back for my first check up on Jan15th 2007. I am still on a liquid diet trying to transistion into the 2 weeks after surgury diet. I'm a college student hoping to change my life(and health) with this surgury and avoid joint replacement beings I am a mechanic that is enevitable but I'm hopeing with this it will postpone it alittle. Hopefully I'll find some helpful hints to help me along the way here (like recipes, exercise, and any information about first check ups, etc.)

If you can give me any tips I would be extremely greatful.

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f82/sample-menus-21506/index3.html#post354709

I just got my band put in place on dec. 18 2006, I was getting nervous because my family really loves the german and norwegian foods, and I didn't know what to cook. I am really excited to read all of the different ideas for food. I didn't know what i would do when I was able to eat normal foods again. THANK YOU SOO much for the ideas!

Hi, Kalamazoo, do you live there, I do. it would be nice to talk together. I was banded at Borgess on May 31, 2007 and am having some restriction after one fill of 4cc in my 10 cc band. Dr. Verseman did the banding. maybe we can talk?