Well, a life lesson for me again. Don't date an alcoholic.

I've never known an alcoholic before. The man I've been dating the past 5 months is one. It snuck up on me, realizing how bad it is.

We were together successfully 3 months when he lost his job, his brother died, and now his dad has prostate cancer. He's totally hit rock bottom and spends all day drinking.

I've been trying to survive in the relationship. We've already broken up once and got back together recently.

The first time we broke up, it was after I was spending the night at his house and in the middle of the night he got up to use the restroom and fell on me and almost broke my ribs. He is a pretty big guy (6 foot) and he was dead weight and I'm very tiny now. I was so bruised I could barely lift my arm.

I broke up with him and then regretted it, missing him and the company. So I decided to give it another try thinking it was a one time thing. Then last night, I was at his house in bed and he got up, came back to sit down and sat down backwards too close to me, and the back of his head cracked into my face sooooooo hard, I thought my eyebrow was split. I cried and held my face for 15 minutes seeing stars with tears streaming down and shaking. I'm so surprised I don't have a black eye today.

What is wrong with me that I can't leave this situation. I'm getting hurt and it's dangerous. Clearly he is sick and I have no business being in this.

On top of all this, he is totally narcissistic and I find him rather irritating and boring. He doesn't ever talk with me about my life, only himself and his problems.

Why am I still in this???????

The weird thing is that although he doesn't listen well, ask me questions or take and interest he is constant saying how much he loves me, adores me, how sexy and beautiful I am, how he wants to marry me and he also wants to have sex with me around the clock!!! Makes no sense.

Edited October 9, 201510 yr by bellabloom

Run. Get out of this relationship now. He does not love you he loves alcohol. You can't change him. You said yourself he is narcissistic and you find him boring. What happens if he really did hurt you? Please get out now.

Alcoholics are very good at playing the guilt game and they are fantastic liars. They only care about themselves when they want to drink and use the "woe is me" to get people to stay. Don't fall for it. Cut him loose from your life. No calls, no texts, etc.

Unless he completes his 12 steps and is a changed man, you need to keep 12,000 steps away from him.

He has to want to change this addictive behavior and become sober. You can be there as a friend to support him.

With all due respect, you are more in need of help than he is. You know this is a really bad situation and after reading these posts, I see that your concern over being alone is clouding your judgement. You know you have to dump him and yet you are procrastinating.

I know you...I know you well. You are me. I was in a bad bad marriage with husband #2. I kept saying that he needed me so I stayed. He didn't need me. I needed him. And I stayed way too long. The best thing I did after leaving him was to not be in another relationship for many years. Only after much therapy was I able to make the right decisions. I am now in a healthy relationship and there's no comparison after knowing what it's like to be with someone for all the wrong reasons.

Please, please....make him go away and then work on fixing you. Focus on yourself and your children and realize that you are worthy of only the best.

@@bellabloom

Get out now! Honestly you can do better, you are worth it!

More importantly, you cannot fix him if that is what you are thinking. He has to fix himself and clearly he doesn't think he needs fixing.

Trust me, I have been around alcoholics my whole life. My step dad, grandfather, sister n law and now my oldest son.

They have to want to fix the problem themselves.

You on the other hand can do something about this situation now. Walk out and get on with your life! You will not be alone but you need time to get your head focused on who you are.

I wish you the best of luck, please don't continue to abuse yourself in this manner. You are worth so much more! Hold out for your real true love, he is out there waiting for you!

I do feel like I am worthy of a better man!!! Of course I do. I think I'm awesome!!

I just don't like being alone and I haven't met anyone else that has sparked my interest. All the other guys I've met were just so lame. But of course so is the one in supposed to be with!!

I'm only now realizing how bad it really is with him.

May I also tactfully suggest you don't sleep with a man until, and unless, he has shown you his true nature and really committed to you. That might mean waiting until remarriage (my preference) or at least waiting until things are much more committed. Why would you give an intimate part of yourself to someone that you didn't want around your children?

I may be old-fashioned now, but looking back to my teen/20's years I was desperate for someone to love me (child of an alcoholic father and distant mom) and gave myself away (body and soul) to several undeserving men (boys!), including my soon-to-be-ex husband.

My 14 yo dd came home from school the other day with a link to a TED talk about relationships they were supposed to watch for health class. I think it's an excellent talk and recommend it for anyone in the dating games

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jodhovumkHQ

So, I have been around heavy drinkers but being so messed up you FALL on your girlfriend is way way outside the normal....even for a heavy drinker. Maybe since you are in the middle of it you don't see how off the hook abnormal that is.

Drinking aside the whole"butter you up" with lovey dove words but not really giving a rip about you and your life. .... CLASSIC BAD BOYFRIEND - DUMP HIS DRUNK ASS AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

You know I would really like to be in a committed relationship, but I'd rather be single than be with someone who cares so little about me, my feelings and honestly even my safety. You deserve better....

So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.

Ever heard the term "Falling down drunk?" Yeah.

My mom was an alcoholic. She used to hurt herself all the time because she was too drunk to walk. Luckily, she never hurt any of us. Physically at least. Almost killed us a couple times driving, too.

Go to AL anon it is a place for loved ones or family members of alcoholics or addicts. Just attend for a little while and I think it will help you and him immensely.

You are not over reacting.

Let me put it a different way....does it really matter if all alcoholics fall down and crush loved ones on a regular basis? Yours does, and it is unclear in m mind if you are actually a"loved one" or a person he can manipulate.

I meant what I said- even if he weren't a very serious alcoholic his way of treating you is not good. Even if he quit drinking today, he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend.

I know totally what you mean about not meeting someone that attracts you. I have found it difficult as many I meet are neither physically attractive nor have engaging personalities. Like you, I want a man in my life (I've done my single stint!) but I cannot emphasize enough that a boyfriend should compliment your life and add something good and special, not drag you down, treat you poorly or crush you physically. Even if all you want is "Mr. Right Now" you should still hold out for someone awesome, fun,kind, and SAFE.

So, I have been around heavy drinkers but being so messed up you FALL on your girlfriend is way way outside the normal....even for a heavy drinker. Maybe since you are in the middle of it you don't see how off the hook abnormal that is.

Drinking aside the whole"butter you up" with lovey dove words but not really giving a rip about you and your life. .... CLASSIC BAD BOYFRIEND - DUMP HIS DRUNK ASS AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

You know I would really like to be in a committed relationship, but I'd rather be single than be with someone who cares so little about me, my feelings and honestly even my safety. You deserve better....

So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.

Some random thoughts:

"It's better to have loved and lost than to be married to a psychopath the rest of your life."

It doesn't even sound like you love this guy.

The longer you stick around the harder it will be to extricate yourself from this "relationship".

I don't love him. He is obnoxious and full of himself and yes a drunk. There is always an excuse to drink. I can see that clearly.

I've historically had a hard time extricating myself from relationships. I hold on until things are just miserable. I really like being able to spend the night next to someone. Maybe I just crave the attention. Maybe there is something about the craziness of this guy that makes me feel alive after so long being fat and miserable.

Maybe there is a part of me that thinks things will change because we started out so good.

I know I've got to end it. It's only a matter of time at this point.

Craving drama and not being ok with being alone are two huge red flags to me.

If you don't want to sleep alone then get a pet or a teddy bear. You do not deserve to be held hostage.

Whatever you do, this is not healthy. Time will only make things worse. If you can't leave NOW then get some help. Are you living with him?

I don't see any upside to not acting now and lots of danger in not doing so.

Craving drama and not being ok with being alone are two huge red flags to me.

If you don't want to sleep alone then get a pet or a teddy bear. You do not deserve to be held hostage.

Whatever you do, this is not healthy. Time will only make things worse. If you can't leave NOW then get some help. Are you living with him?

I don't see any upside to not acting now and lots of danger in not doing so.

I try to be forgiving of myself. I've been through a lot this year and I've also had a lot of relationship experience. I know I'm not going to let this hurt me in any permanent way. My guard is up now.

No way am I living with him! I'm spending the night at his house here and there. I think mainly I'm just holding on to see if this get better!

It won't get better. It will get worse.

I know it's hard but you do not need this guy in your life. You (and your children) deserve so much better. Even if he doesn't intend to hurt you physically, he already has, and he will again. You are not in control of this situation. You NEED to walk away NOW.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/getting-back-out-there/201508/getting-out-the-abusive-relationship

http://theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/overcoming-fear-of-abandonment-in-relationships/