Well, a life lesson for me again. Don't date an alcoholic.

I've never known an alcoholic before. The man I've been dating the past 5 months is one. It snuck up on me, realizing how bad it is.

We were together successfully 3 months when he lost his job, his brother died, and now his dad has prostate cancer. He's totally hit rock bottom and spends all day drinking.

I've been trying to survive in the relationship. We've already broken up once and got back together recently.

The first time we broke up, it was after I was spending the night at his house and in the middle of the night he got up to use the restroom and fell on me and almost broke my ribs. He is a pretty big guy (6 foot) and he was dead weight and I'm very tiny now. I was so bruised I could barely lift my arm.

I broke up with him and then regretted it, missing him and the company. So I decided to give it another try thinking it was a one time thing. Then last night, I was at his house in bed and he got up, came back to sit down and sat down backwards too close to me, and the back of his head cracked into my face sooooooo hard, I thought my eyebrow was split. I cried and held my face for 15 minutes seeing stars with tears streaming down and shaking. I'm so surprised I don't have a black eye today.

What is wrong with me that I can't leave this situation. I'm getting hurt and it's dangerous. Clearly he is sick and I have no business being in this.

On top of all this, he is totally narcissistic and I find him rather irritating and boring. He doesn't ever talk with me about my life, only himself and his problems.

Why am I still in this???????

The weird thing is that although he doesn't listen well, ask me questions or take and interest he is constant saying how much he loves me, adores me, how sexy and beautiful I am, how he wants to marry me and he also wants to have sex with me around the clock!!! Makes no sense.

Edited October 9, 201510 yr by bellabloom

Good to hear that you're heading in the right direction, relationship wise. Many, many years ago I fell hard for a guy who could of been twins with your Mr. Alcoholic loser. I moved on, and while it was hard, I eventually met my husband and have never had to think twice about his choices, actions or reliability. I can't say that about my ex ! I guarantee you my ex is probably dead, spent time in jail or lives a rocky, difficult life. I dont wish the man bad karma at all, but strong feelings cant hold an unstable, rocky , unhappy "relationship" together. Im glad you got out too, before it was too late. Good luck to you !!

I just got home from my divorce support group and heard, again, what is the wisdom of those who have gone before me: a healthy relationship can only come after I am emotionally complete on my own without another person. Until then, I am unconsciously trying to fill a hole with another person that can never be filled, and will draw to me people who either consciously or unconsciously have a similar need to merge with/control an incomplete person. Recipe for disaster (and my marriage was one disaster I don't care to repeat).

BellaBloom, you ask "Why am I still here?" You're the one who has the answer. You're the one who has to do the work. Pen and paper, two columns: What makes this relationship worthwhile? What makes it not worthwhile? Sit down, keep your entries very brief and specific (e.g., his breath stinks; I can't understand slurred speech; he falls over, et al.). When you run out of things to write, put the pad down and pick it up any time later as new things come to mind. In the end, see which column is longer.

You begin by implying that you've been here before, but not with an alcoholic. Here's something I discovered. If you care to roll it around in your mind, you may find that it has meaning for you, too:

I don't believe in the practice of human sacrifice, especially if I'm the one to be sacrificed.

You say you like his company. An alcoholic is not company. The non-alcoholic in the pair finds that she either (a) drinks more than she ordinarily does or would for lack of someone to talk to and for a false sense of company, or doesn't drink in order to be caretaker/chauffeur to the drinker. Neither makes for a fun evening. I know this because, long ago, I had a quasi-relationship of the type. A man who worked in another city for my company came in every few weeks for a few days. I'd see him once during each trip, which was fine, but the time together was crummy. It took me a while to figure it out.

[sorry about the yellow face. It should be lower case "b" in parentheses, but it automatically turns into the yellow blob. So does "b)."]

You like his company, yet he's boring and shows no interest in you? Ask yourself how that works.

At the same time he shows no interest, he professes love and desire. For him this relationship is about sex. Stay there if it's what you want, but if so, be aware that you can't complain. If convenient sex isn't what you want, leave.

If you have a history of sticking with dead-end guys, therapy.

Above all, SOMETIMES ALONE IS BETTER.

Laurie

Edited October 14, 201510 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

Proud of you and your strength! @@bellabloom

Sorry about my message above. I didn't see your note about having broken up with him, so I wrote only based on your initial note.

Edited October 14, 201510 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

I just got home from my divorce support group and heard, again, what is the wisdom of those who have gone before me: a healthy relationship can only come after I am emotionally complete on my own without another person. Until then, I am unconsciously trying to fill a hole with another person that can never be filled, and will draw to me people who either consciously or unconsciously have a similar need to merge with/control an incomplete person. Recipe for disaster (and my marriage was one disaster I don't care to repeat).

Yes. Yes. Yes. Let me say it again. Yes. This is truth. Remember the line from Jerry McGuire? 'You complete me'. No. No one should complete another. Compliment yes, complete...no.

You're headed in the right direction--however, as the ex-wife of an alcoholic, be aware that you can slip into another situation like this rather easily. I would suggest some sort of counseling, maybe even an al-anon group. It takes real work to root out the issues that allow us to get sucked into an addict's life--and there are all kinds of addicts.

You find him irritating and boring AND he fell on you twice. Seriously,