I'm 30 years old and I never really dated. I haven't had weight loss surgery, I'm trying to lose weight on my own without surgery and doing well. I've went from 470 to 430 in about two months. I'm not ready to meet women yet as I wanted to be under 300 before I do that. I'm not sure how to do it. I've always avoided socializing but I feel a big reason I gained so much weight was due to loneliness. I created an online account but didn't add any information or pictures, just wanted to look. I see a lot of women I am interested in but I have no idea how to introduce myself or what I should say. If it progresses to a date I have no idea what to do or where to go on a date. I don't know when I should kiss a woman or request a second date. I feel like I shouldn't need to be figuring this out at 30. This seems like something I should have learned in high school. Is there like a tutorial for this? I feel like it just gets harder to find someone after 30 and throw in the fact I have virtually no dating experience.

I haven't emailed anyone in a bit so maybe I can try another round. I seem some of the same women online constantly. They must be logged in 24/7. It makes me wonder if they are just on for attention to see who they can get to email them?

Reading through this thread has been interesting. I have done most of the online sites and many are hit or miss. You can meet some great people but I've also met some stalkers and creeps. Also, my phone will sometimes keep the app refreshed if I keep it in the background, making it look like I'm online all the time.

I would recommended meetup as the other have, but I would say try one where the group is attending an event like a movie or concert. That way don't have to be "on" but you can still go out with a group. Once it's over you can leave. Hopefully, once you do it enough you will get more comfortable in a group and will be able speak to some people. Another option is to take a class. I took a drawing class and met some nice people. None of us spoke to each other the first few weeks but by the end we were chummy.

Match and eHarmony seem pretty decent. I've messaged nearly 150 women so apparently there is no shortage of good matches. POF seems pretty bad in my area and that's the only one I get attention. So far I have been approached by a professional dominatrix, a woman who lists the races she will and will not date, a transgendered woman, and the princess of darkness.

This meetup almost seems to describe me perfectly

I no there is plenty of good single men and woman right here on this very app, I would be more comfortable not having to defend or explain everything to someone about wls

My suggestion is locate a Bariatric Dating Site. I think they created one too. Also, go back in your comments, there was a woman that was interested in getting to know you better. It was a little ways ago but you never know.

I did message her but I was hung up on that woman from work so I probably didn't come off well. I also don't believe she was local and I would prefer someone local. The bariatric dating sites I have found don't seem to have much traffic. I'm also going to check out some Canadian websites. Might as well go international.

Edited May 8, 20179 yr by sgc

So someone finally emailed me back. Number 141. Now I don't know what to do. I have to be a conversationalist. I don't want to sound like I'm in a job interview. If all goes well, at what point do I initiate an in person meeting?

No response. I kind if figured as much. It took her two days to email after she read my original email. She read the last email right away but hasn't in responded in two days now. I guess now they're just toying with me. Same thing happened with the woman at work. She shows interest, I show interest back, and then silence. Anyways, I have a new approach. Just going to look at pictures and email the ones I find attractive with generic emails. If I get a response, I'll go back and read their profile. If they seem crazy after reading their profile or I'm not interested, I'll just ignore them. I'm wasting too much time and energy carefully reading profiles and trying to come up with thoughtful emails that ultimately get no response.

@sgc if that can work. I would say try it. However, do not become negative or loose your optimism.

So this one woman emailed me. I emailed her back and we have been going back and forth but she only gives very short answers. She isn't asking anything about me. What I should I be asking to get her to say more or is she really not interested?

On ‎11‎/‎11‎/‎2015 at 6:41 PM, CowgirlJane said:

I know several people who met their spouses at work - so good stories happen too...however...i have worked for the same company for DECADES and prefer to keep my personal life (all aspects) seperate from work. That attitude has served me well. Think hard about this.

Isn't "thinking hard" what will get him in trouble to begin with?

6 hours ago, sgc said:

So this one woman emailed me. I emailed her back and we have been going back and forth but she only gives very short answers. She isn't asking anything about me. What I should I be asking to get her to say more or is she really not interested?

Drop her. If she doesn't want to open up and share some things why should it be a one way conversation. She is obviously trying to be nice by responding but not giving you enough to make it worth your effort. Just drop her like a bad habit. If she is interested a woman will ask some insightful questions of you as well. Not as mechanical as a job interview, communication online is similar in that you are interviewing women to ascertain if they are a good fit for your life and they are interviewing you to see if you fit their needs in life. When one party will not reciprocate information, or acts evasive it's time to go. She is replaceable go find a better one.

Drop her. If she doesn't want to open up and share some things why should it be a one way conversation. She is obviously trying to be nice by responding but not giving you enough to make it worth your effort. Just drop her like a bad habit. If she is interested a woman will ask some insightful questions of you as well. Not as mechanical as a job interview, communication online is similar in that you are interviewing women to ascertain if they are a good fit for your life and they are interviewing you to see if you fit their needs in life. When one party will not reciprocate information, or acts evasive it's time to go. She is replaceable go find a better one.

That is what I was thinking. She was the one who started the conversation with me which makes it weird she suddenly wouldn't be interested. It's not really evasive as much as just simple answers. She mentioned she had ambitions so I asked what they were and she said she is going back to school. I asked what she is going back to school for and she said to be an LPN. I thought these were questions that would generate more conversation. She hasn't asked me anything either. I just quit responding.

4 hours ago, sgc said:

That is what I was thinking. She was the one who started the conversation with me which makes it weird she suddenly wouldn't be interested. It's not really evasive as much as just simple answers. She mentioned she had ambitions so I asked what they were and she said she is going back to school. I asked what she is going back to school for and she said to be an LPN. I thought these were questions that would generate more conversation. She hasn't asked me anything either. I just quit responding.

I agree with @russdroppings. You should drop her. Any female that is not provided detailed answers are usually a waste of time. They are not truly interested. Do not waste your time or even try to make her open up.

I updated the pics in my profile and that seemed to generate some activity. Been having a nice back and forth with another woman. When should I escalate this to an in person meeting? What should the first date or meeting be?