I'm 30 years old and I never really dated. I haven't had weight loss surgery, I'm trying to lose weight on my own without surgery and doing well. I've went from 470 to 430 in about two months. I'm not ready to meet women yet as I wanted to be under 300 before I do that. I'm not sure how to do it. I've always avoided socializing but I feel a big reason I gained so much weight was due to loneliness. I created an online account but didn't add any information or pictures, just wanted to look. I see a lot of women I am interested in but I have no idea how to introduce myself or what I should say. If it progresses to a date I have no idea what to do or where to go on a date. I don't know when I should kiss a woman or request a second date. I feel like I shouldn't need to be figuring this out at 30. This seems like something I should have learned in high school. Is there like a tutorial for this? I feel like it just gets harder to find someone after 30 and throw in the fact I have virtually no dating experience.

That is insane. I honestly hate dating websites. Majority on them seems to be interested in one thing and one type of person. It sucks that the responses are not coming in. Maybe you should just act like you do not care. It's when you are not looking that you find what you have been waiting for.

I'm going to try something. I'm to create a fake Match profile but as a woman and then look at mens profiles my age and in my area to see what theirs compare. Only problem is I won't know whose are successful or not. Not going to upload pics and fill out as little as possible.

Edited April 6, 20179 yr by sgc

24 minutes ago, sgc said:

I'm going to try something. I'm to create a fake Match profile but as a woman and then look at mens profiles my age and in my area to see what theirs compare. Only problem is I won't know whose are successful or not. Not going to upload pics and fill out as little as possible.

Some early observations in reading men's profiles.

-Their profiles don't seem to be any better
-Men seem to not care much if their profiles have spelling errors
-I'm definitely skinnier than most men who consider themselves as having a few extra pounds. Going to change my body type to about average
-Definitely seems to be more women than men. One would think this would be to my advantage.

Unfortunately, it is very hard with the dating sites. I used to think they were cool but after dating and meeting multiple douches and idiots on there, I dialed back my activeness to find someone. I really started focusing on myself. I think once you stop searching, that is when people start noticing.

I'm going to try something. I'm to create a fake Match profile but as a woman and then look at mens profiles my age and in my area to see what theirs compare. Only problem is I won't know whose are successful or not. Not going to upload pics and fill out as little as possible.

Maybe just look into plenty of fish first?

That could work. You should try plenty of fish. Also if you back a few pages, I believe her name was Anne. She was interested in getting to know you more but you were too busy thinking about your co-worker. Maybe you should try talking to her. You may have things in common.

On 4/7/2017 at 3:40 PM, Thejeweledsleeve said:

That could work. You should try plenty of fish. Also if you back a few pages, I believe her name was Anne. She was interested in getting to know you more but you were too busy thinking about your co-worker. Maybe you should try talking to her. You may have things in common.

I'm on POF. That's where I seem to attract the crazy ones. I just got liked by a woman whose entire profile only says "sweetheart" and one of her pictures shows her smoking weed. POF in my area seems to attract an unsavory crowd.

I did exchange messages with her but I don't think she lives near me and I'm kind of wanting someone near by. I also haven't ruled out the co-worker. She's been on vacation this past week so I'm just going to ask next week how her vacation was and see where that leads. She did say she was going to set me up with a friend and she has a lot of them.

Hey, that works! At least you have some alternatives. Its about keeping your options open. Never put all your eggs in basket, as my mother said.

Still no luck. I'm over 140 messages sent. I've kind of quit looking. When I do message someone, I don't even bother to really read the profile anymore. I was spending 30-45 minutes reading their profile and trying to think of something good to write. Now I just skim it to see if she is crazy and send a message. If she replies then I will go back and read it. Now I know why guys just look at the pics and send messages without reading profiles. I've noticed I've become pickier after being rejected so many times. I feel like if they reject me based on looks, than I should have the same standards.

Hi sgc, I accidentally ran into this thread and have been sitting hear reading it all, from your very first post! I certainly have seen growth in your confidence which you should not overlook. You've made many changes including an amazing weight loss! What a transformation!

I can understand those dating sites being awkward, uncomfortable, and unpredictable with some successes for the lucky. I'd like to suggest a site > meetup.com. This is not a dating site but it's a place where people arrange social activities for others who don't have others to do things with. There are no expectations except to join in on what is planned. Sometimes it's meeting others for a day hike, coffee and conversation, helping serve food to those in need, attending a concert in the park, etc. the list is endless. It's a great avenue to get involved in social events that you choose. It's a great way to make friends. AND if you happen to make a special connection in the process that's a bonus.

I hope you can find meetup events your area. Try it out and attend some events. Remember there are no expectations... just a nice way to ease into socializing.

I'll continue following your posts. I wish you must success.

That's my biggest hurdle. I'm just not someone that can mingle with strangers in person. I feel like I'm better meeting someone individually before going out in a group. There are a lot of meetup events near me but that's probably my biggest weakness.

Sgc- followed your progression and agree with a previous poster - your journey is awesome ! Maybe instead of thinking that group activities are not your thing, try it . What is the worst thing that will happen ? Set a goal to go to an event and talk to at least two people . So, You will hang out in the back and leave early ... Part of your journey is to try new things!!!

I have to say that i think your eHarmony emails are great... I wish you alot of success !

I can understand your hesitation. The meetup groups are not large. Some are just 1 or 2 people. Generally they are others that keep to themselves and use meetup as a venue to get out. You can see in advance how many people attend certain events. Look them over and focus on a small one. I think you can email each other in advance, but not sure.

When we try something new it's generally uncomfortable. But if you stay with what you are doing now you know the results. Meetup is an option to reach out.

For me, I've been fat for years. I can stay where I am because I know what life is like is now. I can keep eating because at the time I'm eating it feels good. So when I first considered WLS it was scary and still at times is. What if I fail? What if I do everything by the book and still fail? What if I'm in pain, remain sick, etc. the list goes on. But, if I don't take steps forward I know I'm going to stay just where I am and I'm tired of being fat. I'm being brave, listening to the support from others and moving forward. I HAVE to believe in myself! My positive self talk has changed and it tells me I can do this!

So, I would bet a lot of people on this site have stepped out of their comfort zone, and for doing that, they are seeing great results.

Were you nervous before WLS? Where you afraid of the negative things that might happen? Well, you went through the surgery and WOW what a success. I know it wasn't easy but look at your success! I'm jealous. I want to be where you are right now. But I have to wait through the process.

Wishing you much success!! I know you can do this!

I was nervous well before surgery. Going back to my elementary school days. I have never approached someone and started conversation. I always need someone to approach me. I have tried to socialize more. Back in December, I met with co-workers and the woman whoI thought I might have had something with. I would have never done that before. It was about 10 people or so and it went well. In March there was a much larger gathering of over 30 people that I didn't do so well at. These were people I know. I get like an anxiety and feel a need to perform. Like I always need to say something clever or exciting. Sometimes I even get physical symptoms. At least interacting online, I feel like I have time to think about what I want to say. This is something I have dealt with my whole life.

@sgc - Still no luck. I have not been on for a little but I hoped that you would meet someone. I would say, try the group activities. Try a bariatric conference or meet up. I think meeting people whom are at the same point in their lives as you are and understand your struggle will help tremendously.