I guess I will start off by telling you a little about myself. I am a mother of three beautiful children. They are aged 8, 7, & 5. My struggle with weight gain came after having my first child. With my first child I gained about 15 pounds. Not too bad. But when my second child came I got preeclampsia. U swelled up and retained a bunch of water. I gained 100 pounds during that pregnancy. Then 13 months after that pregnancy I got pregnant again. So the weight just kept piling on top of weight. My weight before my first pregnancy was a hundred and fifty pounds I am now topping the scales at 324 pound. Throughout my pregnancies and weight gain I developed a few medical conditions. I have fibromyalgia, GERD, and PCOS. The doctor has tried to put me on several medications. I was told that metformin would help with the PCOS and help me with weight loss. However taking it for a couple weeks I developed major headaches. I felt sick all the time. So I stopped taking it. I tried losing weight on my own going to the gym and eating healthy. I would lose about 20 pounds and then couldn't lose anymore. If I could do it on my own I would but I feel that I can't. No matter how hard I try I'm not going to achieve losing almost 180 pounds. Gosh it's mind-boggling just to think about how much I have to lose. I am only 27 years old. I want to get healthy and I want to lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking around in a fat suit. But the thing is I can't take it off at the end of the day it's always with me. I'm tired of laying around in bed all day watching TV and stuffing my face. I'm tired of not getting out and enjoying my kids. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an embarrassment to my kids when taking them to school functions or being out in public. Now my 8 year old daughter who should weigh about 70 pounds weighs a hundred and ten pounds. I worry about her every day. I don't want her to feel the way I feel and I don't want her to be bullied or made fun of. I know I need to do the weight loss surgery but I'm so scared. What if I don't lose the weight? what if die? What if I get a serious blood clot? What if I get too skinny and unhealthy that I look sick? What if I can't enjoy the holidays and my grandmas awesome cooking because everything makes me sick? Then I'm faced with the question do I do the gastric bypass or do I do the sleeve? I've heard the pros and cons of both. I thought I was set on gastric bypass but after having a support group meeting I started to question whether or not the sleeve would be a good idea. I need help. Which one do I do? Am I going to be safe? Am I going to come out alive? Are my kids going to have a mother? Am I going to be sicker after the surgery than before the surgery? Or is god going to watch over me in every step that I take and everything will end up perfect? Will I be healthy? Will I lose the weight? Will I be able to enjoy my life again? So many questions please help. All advice is welcome.

I can relate to you so well! You are far too young to have so many health issues and to be concerned about your longevity for your children. I was exactly the same. Pre-diabetic, PSOC (although I didn't know it at the time), I struggled to keep up with my young son and I felt like I would probably die by the time I was 50. I was terrified to have surgery and terrified about what life might be like if I didn't. It is not impossible to lose the amount of weight you need to lose on your own, but statistically the odds are highly stacked against you. If I were you (and only you can decided what is best for you) I would have the surgery in a heart beat. It is life changing in the best possible way. It has been two years since my surgery and I don't even remember who the morbidly obese person I use to be was. I now run three times a week and swim twice a week. I have an active social life (I use to hide away). I have a great job/career that I may not have had, if I hadn't lost weight. If you have the opportunity to have surgery, I would jump at the chance. It has been a gift for me!

Edited July 17, 201511 yr by Camella

Thank you for responding to my post. Every time I get good feedback it makes my decision that much easier. My insurance company has already approved the surgery and I'm scheduled for February. That gives me plenty of time to get my head in the right mindset. I'm also going to do some counseling to help me prepare for this life changing experience.

I guess I will start off by telling you a little about myself. I am a mother of three beautiful children. They are aged 8, 7, & 5. My struggle with weight gain came after having my first child. With my first child I gained about 15 pounds. Not too bad. But when my second child came I got preeclampsia. U swelled up and retained a bunch of water. I gained 100 pounds during that pregnancy. Then 13 months after that pregnancy I got pregnant again. So the weight just kept piling on top of weight. My weight before my first pregnancy was a hundred and fifty pounds I am now topping the scales at 324 pound. Throughout my pregnancies and weight gain I developed a few medical conditions. I have fibromyalgia, GERD, and PCOS. The doctor has tried to put me on several medications. I was told that metformin would help with the PCOS and help me with weight loss. However taking it for a couple weeks I developed major headaches. I felt sick all the time. So I stopped taking it. I tried losing weight on my own going to the gym and eating healthy. I would lose about 20 pounds and then couldn't lose anymore. If I could do it on my own I would but I feel that I can't. No matter how hard I try I'm not going to achieve losing almost 180 pounds. Gosh it's mind-boggling just to think about how much I have to lose. I am only 27 years old. I want to get healthy and I want to lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking around in a fat suit. But the thing is I can't take it off at the end of the day it's always with me. I'm tired of laying around in bed all day watching TV and stuffing my face. I'm tired of not getting out and enjoying my kids. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an embarrassment to my kids when taking them to school functions or being out in public. Now my 8 year old daughter who should weigh about 70 pounds weighs a hundred and ten pounds. I worry about her every day. I don't want her to feel the way I feel and I don't want her to be bullied or made fun of. I know I need to do the weight loss surgery but I'm so scared. What if I don't lose the weight? what if die? What if I get a serious blood clot? What if I get too skinny and unhealthy that I look sick? What if I can't enjoy the holidays and my grandmas awesome cooking because everything makes me sick? Then I'm faced with the question do I do the gastric bypass or do I do the sleeve? I've heard the pros and cons of both. I thought I was set on gastric bypass but after having a support group meeting I started to question whether or not the sleeve would be a good idea. I need help. Which one do I do? Am I going to be safe? Am I going to come out alive? Are my kids going to have a mother? Am I going to be sicker after the surgery than before the surgery? Or is god going to watch over me in every step that I take and everything will end up perfect? Will I be healthy? Will I lose the weight? Will I be able to enjoy my life again? So many questions please help. All advice is welcome.

Hello I haven't had surgery yet but in the process. I have 7 kids so I know how u feel I'm 32 288 I use to be a cheerleader thought I would never be a fatty huh look at me now. But I think like this if I or you don't change are life now how much longer do u have or I have how much longer is out hearts going to pump with all the weight on it holding it down. I understand your fears but u have to change your thinking get the surgery because u taking a chance everyday so why not take a chance at a better,healthier life an then u can work out with the kids do way more things then sitting at home eating and making your bmi go up even more think about it what's the chances of you gaining more weight and dying a obese person like myself. I thought about all of them things u named an then one day my kids start asking questions like why u not doing stuff with us why u don't play with us mom why u so big think about it. Sorry if I'm being harsh but I want us all to be healthy

Hi there, your post struck a chord with me due to your 'fat suit' reference! I feel/felt exactly the same and I am no six weeks out from surgery. You can read about my journey in taking off my fat suit here if you want http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/339330-taking-off-my-fat-suit/

If you have GERD, then you will probably be advised to have gastric bypass (RNY).

Electing to have weight loss surgery was, for me, choosing myself first and my healthy future. It changed everything for me and I only wish I had done it sooner. I could not lose weight without it -- well, I could, I could lose a lot of weight, but then I'd put it back on with even more each time. A vicious cycle that wore down my self-esteem and my health.

I am some one who benefitted from seeing a therapist. I wanted an objective third party to go through the process with me. It wasn't like I hadn't done a lot of work on my self already (I'm in my fifties) but this time it was different. For me surgery was a huge decision -- I had never even been an overnight patient in a hospital before. Plus I was admitting that I really could not lose the weight on my own and needed intervention. And I had to confront my worthiness as well as fears that it might not work, etc. we also broke down my triggers -- the ways I'd reward myself with food or prep for something I didn't want to do by eating, or tamping down my emotions with food. We got very specific and even though before surgery I couldn't really stop al of those things, I allowed myself to notice them, to acknowledge the behavior.

Know that whatever surgery you and your doctor decide is right for you, you are choosing yourself. You are going to have a blast with those kids. Best wishes to you!

@beccaconaty87 make your decision, FOR you. You have to change because like you have read here WLS is ONLY a tool.

Please think about your family's diet as well as your own while you prep for surgery. I am referring to your statement about your 8 y/o. I know I won't get any "likes" for this but the whole family needs to get on board with you and it will be beneficial to all of you. An eight y/o weighing 110 is going to be picked on - I had 2 of 5 kids who were like that and I now its not easy but help your children learn to eat right now and they hopefully won't be a WLS patient

Your story has a familiar ring to all of us here, I'm sure. And you are asking the same questions we've all had to consider as well. I can't make the decision for you or give you any promises that any of your fears won't become reality, as that's a risk we all have to weigh individually.

I've been considering weight loss surgery for years. And after deciding to proceed, it took another year to get through the approval process (everyone's is different), and now my surgery is less than two weeks away. I can honestly say at this point, I personally have no more doubts or questions, because I've spent this entire last year researching until my fingers bled from typing, talking to post ops, going on forums, classes, seminars, you name it and I've done it. Information is the key.

I would encourage you to do the same. And I think it's great that you are considering this at a young age. I'm 54 and have been fat nearly my entire life. I wish I could have those early years back, but I'm bound and determined to get the most out of the years I have left, by losing the weight and regaining my health!

Good luck on your journey. I wish you well!

I'm a fellow PCOS sister. Despite the amount of weight you have to lose, it's going to be even harder due to our condition alone. I suggest you speak to a bariatric surgeon, but having the gastric sleeve was one of the best things I've ever done. Emotionally speaking, it helped me gain control of my body again.

Your story weighs in heavily on my heart. I was 29 at the time of my surgery...we have much more living to do!

I don't have time to reply now... but marking it so I remember to follow up!

Although my kids are grown, as a mom I can understand your fears for your kids in alot of ways. Your chances of "something" going very wrong during surgery and afterwards are minimal, but " something" is going wrong with your unhealthy body every. single. day. 24/7. Do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollar's. .................Do not live a happy, healthy life and set a good example for your kids..........etc...........etc.......... How about looking at WLS with all the possible positives , instead of the possible negatives ? Being banded was the best decision ever, I live a happier, healthier life every day. My only regret is that I didnt do it sooner ! I would of been one of those healthy moms running around with her kids, instead I was too tired and overweight most of the time ! So if you can change things for the better NOW, do it ! Good luck !!!

@@beccaconaty87

Hi there and welcome! I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to this site. Honestly I don't know what I would have done without my Bariatric Pal family. They have helped me so many times when I had had questions or simply wanted to rant a little bit.

There is one regret I have had regarding weight loss surgery and that is I wish I would have been brave enough to do this in my twenties.

I was scared for all the reasons you listed. Instead I kept moving forward with yo yo dieting and adding more weight along the way.

In the process I developed high blood pressure high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, Gerd, sleep apnea, stage 3 kidney disease. I have severe arthritis of my spine and have had now 5 surgeries to deal with that. My knees are bad, my hips are bad and I suffered from severe migraines. All of this was a direct result of being obese. I carried an extra 150lbs around for 25 years.

I truly believe that having this surgery gave me my life back. I am down 111 lbs in just 9 months. all of my comorbitities have resolved but the damage to my spine is done and cannot be undone.

If you do this for yourself, be brave and do your research. It really will give you that time back with your kids as well.

Please feel free to reach out with questions. I suspect like others you will likely to told to go the bypass route because it will cure your Gerd where the other surgeries may make that worse. You only want to go through this type of surgery once.

What helped me with my decision to have the surgery was involving my kids (ages 11 & 12) and making them aware of what would change for me, confirm *nothing* would change for them etc. They are the BEST supporters and made the decision so much easier. (My hubby is great too, but the kids inquire more, just naturally curious.) You'd have to gauge how open you could be with your kids, but it was a great motivator for me.

You already know the the end effect of what will happen if you decide not to (or IS happening), you feel badly about yourself, what you eat, how people view you, how YOU view you. So it more of the same. Are you willing to accept that? I too was concerned coming out of surgery 'sicker' than I was going in-- for that I had to trust truths I know about my body... I heal well/fast, manage pain well, I never have complications, and have have a "stomach of steel" that rarely give me troubles. You know you best!

Finally-- I vote bypass, but then I'm biased :-)

Pink dahlia thank u for your wonderful advice. I do need to start looking at all the pisitves of wls instead of the negatives. I want to be able to enjoy my kids when they are young so I think right now is the perfect time in my life to have wls. Also we have a Disney land trip planned two year from now and I would love to be able to ride the rides with my kids

There is a lot going on with your post so I am only going to try to touch on a few points. First, I am only an expert in ME and I realize that my comments do not apply to everyone so take it with a grain of salt.

My background:

Second, I was overweight (but not obese) as a teen, got to about 220 by my late 20s (I remember because I was pregnant and strictly ordered to gain NO weight during pregnancy. Back in those days 220 was considered HUGE for a 5'5" woman, times have changed a bit on that). My weight stayed in the mid 200s for most of the decade of my 30s.

I had a lapband when I was 37 - I weighed 272 - my lifetime high at that point. I lost some weight, but didn't do well overall. I got to my lifetime high weight of about 350 with a lapband and no fill

Band was removed in 2011; revised to sleeve in December of 2011 at 308 pounds

I got to my goal of 158 by Feb 2013 and maintaining...

During my overweight, obese and morbidly obese years I tried every diet under the sun, went to YEARS of counseling as the thinking at that time that overweight was essentially a mental or character flaw. Counseling helped with some stuff, but I clearly just got heavier and heavier...I was diagnosed with a zillion medical conditions: fibermyalgia, depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, fatty liver and according to my family, a less happy personality. Oh, PCOS was thrown out there too, but i was never formerly diagnosed.

Fears:

I was terrified of gastric bypass in 2001 which is why i picked the band. I can admit now, but didn't then that I had huge denial. Somehow in my mind, the band wasn't really bariatric surgery.. it was just this little thing I did to try to lose weight. I was deeply committed, but did not have the support and frankly picked the wrong procedure for me based on that fear and denial. I really didn't understand the SHIFT required from me for long term success.

I was a basket case over my decision to revise to the sleeve. I think my list looked alot like yours... but I think i can summarize the fear like this: "what if i go through hell and I fail AGAIN and am still obese? i don't know if I can go through that again..."

by the time I was sleeved, i was so "over" food as entertainment because my over indulgence was literally KILLING me. When I was banded, i was in complete denial on that point. I highly recommend that you face your worries over not enjoying food in your presurgery timeframe as this is a very tough topic - even for those of us that were relatively speaking "over it"

Truth of the matter is that years out, you can eat pretty normally... but the first year or so, you really do eat tiny portions and a sensitive person won't like that in social settings. And in the years out, just because you "can" eat normally doesn't mean you "should" in order to maintain your losses.

Education on obesity:

This is a huge topic but obesity is a disease state and i think it is really important to understand the grip it has on you physically. There is a good reason that for people who have gotten quite heavy, the chances of maintaining a significant weight loss without surgery is about 2%. That isn't because we are all neurotic messes - it is because your body changes!

I saw a "weight loss" expert counselor who was convinced I had deep dark secrets I was repressing - I had a crappy childhood and there were no secrets there! After years and years of counseling there were no secrets left but she thought I was lying. It was this forum here that made me realize there was something else - like I was FREAKING HUNGRY 24/7 - this is related to understanding the disease process of obesity.

Other health stuff:

At some point presleeve i decided that alot of my diagnosis were irrelevant (especially the ones that couldn't be treated like fibermyalgia). I decided to focus on the primary problem which was my weight. It was a good call because most (not all) my health problems disappeared when i lost weight and became very active.

sometimes i think all those medical diagnosis can be ... paralyzing. It is almost like focusing on the leaf on a tree instead of the bigger forest fire heading my way...

Age:

On the one hand, your youth is a real advantage in the weight loss world. I could lose weight pretty easily in my 20s/30s, just could keep it off. By my late 40s, I couldn't even lose weight anymore on all sorts of crazy diets and programs.... in the end, that is what forced my hand to getting the sleeve actually.

On the downside, one advantage i had in my late 40s was to be more selfish/focused on myself. My kids were older, they could buy their own Snacks and keep them hidden from me etc. When kids were little and wanted to do normal things like go to restaurants, have treats and stuff - it was killer for me as that junk food stuff is like a sirens call...

BTW, I never put my one "heavier" (not obese) kid on a diet. He did slim down over the last several years. i feel a great deal of shame realizing that it was ME providing the diet and lifestyle that was making him chunky. I thank the stars everyday that i was able to model these changes for him while it was still time for him to learn from it. I should also share that he confided that he never "feels full" which is exactly how I was pre sleeve so I do wonder if there is some sort of imbalance genetically in some of us!

I think you should go for it, but i highly recommend a strong support system (both professional help like nutritionalist and in your personal life), get really educated on life post surgery, seek counseling and support for your fears. You can do this and I hope you get a chance to enjoy your 30s, 40s and many decades to follow without carrying around essentially the weight of a grown man around on your body! It is hard for me to imagine how I even functioned at 300-350# when I look back. It takes a lot of strength both physically and emotionally to do that.

i should also share that i am 51 and looking at hip replacement probably 20-30 years before is typical. Cause? Most likely the DECADES of being morbidly obese. I want you to avoid those kind of problems that can show up even after you lose the weight.