I guess I will start off by telling you a little about myself. I am a mother of three beautiful children. They are aged 8, 7, & 5. My struggle with weight gain came after having my first child. With my first child I gained about 15 pounds. Not too bad. But when my second child came I got preeclampsia. U swelled up and retained a bunch of water. I gained 100 pounds during that pregnancy. Then 13 months after that pregnancy I got pregnant again. So the weight just kept piling on top of weight. My weight before my first pregnancy was a hundred and fifty pounds I am now topping the scales at 324 pound. Throughout my pregnancies and weight gain I developed a few medical conditions. I have fibromyalgia, GERD, and PCOS. The doctor has tried to put me on several medications. I was told that metformin would help with the PCOS and help me with weight loss. However taking it for a couple weeks I developed major headaches. I felt sick all the time. So I stopped taking it. I tried losing weight on my own going to the gym and eating healthy. I would lose about 20 pounds and then couldn't lose anymore. If I could do it on my own I would but I feel that I can't. No matter how hard I try I'm not going to achieve losing almost 180 pounds. Gosh it's mind-boggling just to think about how much I have to lose. I am only 27 years old. I want to get healthy and I want to lose the weight. I'm tired of feeling like I'm walking around in a fat suit. But the thing is I can't take it off at the end of the day it's always with me. I'm tired of laying around in bed all day watching TV and stuffing my face. I'm tired of not getting out and enjoying my kids. I'm tired of feeling like I'm an embarrassment to my kids when taking them to school functions or being out in public. Now my 8 year old daughter who should weigh about 70 pounds weighs a hundred and ten pounds. I worry about her every day. I don't want her to feel the way I feel and I don't want her to be bullied or made fun of. I know I need to do the weight loss surgery but I'm so scared. What if I don't lose the weight? what if die? What if I get a serious blood clot? What if I get too skinny and unhealthy that I look sick? What if I can't enjoy the holidays and my grandmas awesome cooking because everything makes me sick? Then I'm faced with the question do I do the gastric bypass or do I do the sleeve? I've heard the pros and cons of both. I thought I was set on gastric bypass but after having a support group meeting I started to question whether or not the sleeve would be a good idea. I need help. Which one do I do? Am I going to be safe? Am I going to come out alive? Are my kids going to have a mother? Am I going to be sicker after the surgery than before the surgery? Or is god going to watch over me in every step that I take and everything will end up perfect? Will I be healthy? Will I lose the weight? Will I be able to enjoy my life again? So many questions please help. All advice is welcome.

Other commenters are definitely right that this is a decision you have to make for yourself. Only you can know what's really right for you! I have a few ideas that I hope might help you. But if they don't, just ignore them!

It sounds like your weight is affecting your quality of life in a serious way (something I absolutely understand!). Be kind to yourself and remember you're a worthy individual with or without excess weight! Also remember, that if this is a tool you think can help you, you should allow yourself to pursue it. You deserve it! As you decide, information will definitely be your friend. Talk to your doctor about your health concerns and how losing weight will affect your individual health (considering your personal medical conditions and such). Also talk to a bariatric surgeon about how surgery works, the risks, the benefits, etc.

I remember something my surgeon said that really helped me. He said research shows that people who quality for surgery (based on BMI) have a 2 percent chance of losing the weight and keeping it off long-term without surgery. With surgery, those same people have a 50 percent chance or higher. That really opened my eyes. It helped quiet my inner critic (This "I'm a failure because I can't do it without surgery" thinking is total crap.) and also really showed me the benefit of surgery for someone in my situation. The surgeon also said being young (32) and relatively healthy otherwise is in my favor. Maybe you can talk to your doctor and potential surgeon about whether that's the case for you too.

Additionally, I feel really good at the clinic and surgeon doing my surgery. I'm going to an academic medical center whose program and surgeon have outcomes above the national average and are well-respected. I say that to say that researching the clinic/surgeon where you're thinking of having your surgery might help.

Also, I have a friend who had a gastric bypass about 10 years ago. She helped me realize I'm not never going to be able to enjoy food again. Things will be different 2 years out than they are a month out and so forth.

Re: your daughter, I was overweight as a child just like her. I was picked on and it was hard. However, I can tell you from personal experience that the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for her is make sure she doesn't get the message that she's only a worthy individual if she's not overweight. Do whatever you can to help her build a healthy self-esteem. That will do a lot to set her up for a healthy life. Pair that with the basics, like we eat these kinds of foods because they provide really good nourishment for our bodies and look, they taste so good! And we enjoy physical activity because it's good for our hearts and lungs, it helps us build strong muscles and bones, and it relieves stress and releases good hormones. NOT because we have to look a certain way or we're not worthy.

Good luck!

Letitbeales9- thank u so much for your post and advice. I will take everything into consideration.

I didn't know that thanks for the info James

Thank u jane. This is process is definitely going to be a change for the whole family. Everyones going to have to start eating healthy and exercising more.

I was really worried about safety, too, but these surgeries have become so routine and the techniques have advanced so much that, according to my surgeon, they're really no more dangerous than having your gall bladder out. As I recall, the RNY has a 0.3% fatality rate, the sleeve even lower. That's safer than a hip replacement. Plus they're going to put you through a whole bunch of tests beforehand to make sure you're a good surgery risk. That's not to say it's impossible for something bad to happen, but the risk is really, really low. As some of the others have said, I felt like I was at higher risk by weighing over 300 pounds than I would be by having the surgery.

Catwoman7 just helped me remember something! My surgeon also said that bariatric surgery is about as safe as many other types of surgeries that are comparable in scope. That actually says a lot because the patient population having other surgeries is on average much healthier than the patient populations for bariatric surgery. We're the high risk "outliers" among patients having other surgeries. Still, talk with your surgeon about his or her program's outcomes if that will help you feel more at ease!

My meaning wasn't that the whole family needs to change. In fact,i think you need to be prepared that you are kinda on your own on this. Family can sometimes resent being "put on a diet" with you. What my meaning was that your changing now, will help them learn better habits.

For overweight kids, i am a big advocate of building them up (ie no berating for weight etc) and also to encourage healthy habits not dieting.

I can assure you one of the ways I got so heavy was my yo-yo dieting. if kids can sorta "grow into their weight" it is really a better solution than dieting to try to lose weight, in my opinion.

Cowgirljane I slightly disagree I think that the family all does need to change. I don't think I need to be making 3 meals just to meet everybody's needs. I'm not going to make my wife one meal my kids chicken nuggets and french fries and then me a healthy dinner. Everybody's going to eat the same things. I had talked to doctor korn about this, about how it's going to be a struggle to make food for everybody else and then make something separate for me. It's expensive and it takes a lot more time. The doctor said that's not how it should work. He said that everybody needs to get on board and everybody needs to eat healthy. Its not a diet its life changing, its deciding to make healthier choices. I don't in anyway look at this as a diet. I will never let my daughter feel insecure, overweight, or like she needs to go on a diet. However I will encourage her to eat healthy to be more active, because I don't ever want to see her in the position I'm in. I don't want her to go through school being bullied. Now on the other hand if my wife or my kids want to have a special treat here or there or go out to dinner or fast food or what not then that's okay that's their choice. I'm not going to make them have to follow the same rules that I'm following. I'm just saying that when I'm cooking I'm going to be cooking healthy and we are going to try to get active together as a family.

Angela Williams it's nice to be able to relate to somebody. I wondered if there was anybody that was young they did surgery. Part of me felt like maybe I was too young to be doing it. But my doctor said that it's better than I'm doing it young. He says I'll have a greater success rate and recovery will be easier for me. Plus I see everybody saying that they wish they would have done it sooner. So I guess thats my sign right now is a good time to do it. Plus I know in my heart it's a good time to do it.

I can relate to a lot of the things you said. I have 7 kids ranging from 13 to just turned 1. I had them all back to back to back with 3 miscarriages thrown in there as well. I never got any of my baby weight off before I was pregnant again. I'm one of those incredibly fertile fat women that most doctors say don't exist. I'm one of those who doesn't lose while nursing either even on a strict supervised diet. I started out my first pregnancy overweight at 200lbs which for me and my height and build doesn't look terribly bad, but it still wasn't healthy. I've been overweight my whole life and putting on 10-15lbs with each one added an extra 70-105lbs and then I was on antidepressants after my late term miscarriage, because I felt so guilty for being so fat and unhealthy that I wanted to punish myself with more fat and misery for my baby dying. I added another almost 100lbs on top of my other baby weight between the antidepressants and sleep eating from the sleep aids to help me sleep. Add on some rebound pounds from my failed diets and I'm sitting at HOLY HELL! 410lbs after I already lost 20! It's hard to realize you've got more than an entire healthy weight person to lose. In my case, I've got 2 people who need to lose weight to lose from my body. The reason I chose to go with a bypass is because I know I can't do this with diet alone. I have been trying that my whole life and it hasn't worked. I just keep getting fatter. I want to live to be able to see my kids grow up. I don't want them to say that their childhood was ruined because we never went anywhere or did anything because I was too fat to do anything. That's my motivation for surgery. It's because my love for them is greater than my fear of dying. I'm pretty certain I won't die. My surgeon is skilled and has a great track record, I don't have any co morbidities so far, and he says my risk is very similar to my gallbladder surgery so given that, I'm taking an educated risk. I'm more likely to die from my weight in the next 5yrs if I do nothing than I am to die from the surgery at this point. At the very least, I'm going to lose this weight and give my kids back the mom they deserve and avoid a future filled with diabetes, heart disease, stroke risk, and premature death that my super obese siblings and parents are dealing with. My father just had a massive stroke at 72 and will never be the same. I don't want that for my family or myself. One of my biggest fears is dying in front of my kids or them finding my dead body. If I can stop this right now, before it gets worse, I can prevent that and prevent them from heading down the same path by keeping them more active with their new active mom. It's worth the shot to me.

@@Sajijoma Your kids are lucky to have you as a mom. You will get healthy and go on to see them grow up and be surrounded by grandkids and great grandkids.

You're an inspiration!

Okay, I think we all start from different points of reference so that leads to unclear communication! Thank you for pointing this out to me.. one more time i learn the meaning of assume!

My family have always had fairly healthy meals. We were never the deep fried, all take, drive through many nights a week kind of people. our typical dinner was pretty much:

- main course, Protein. We sometimes "stir fried" but not deep fried

- side dish of Pasta, potato or rice

- salad or veggie

We also ate alot of casserole type dished that combined that all into one dish. I think in all fairness, we ate a diet that needed improvement, but wasn't horrible either.

I had two major issues (well 3):

1. Too much quantity! - even "healthy" foods make you fat when you over eat compared to what your body needs

2. Snacks - omg - chips, crackers, popcorn - carby junky food that i could and DID eat enormous quantities outside of mealtimes

The well 3, My body responds to my favorite foods (all carby junky food) with hunger. so, eating that crap made me overeat in general.

So, I completely agree that cooking "separate meals" is unacceptable!

My strategy is as follows"

- protein in a unbreaded, unfried manner - we all eat that

-veggies plus salad - we all eat that

-side of carbs - the males/non obese peeps eat that ( I generally do not)

My kids (adult age) kinda miss their casseroles, (the loved that one covered in tater tots!) but that does not fly in my house anymore.

So, I think we are in violent AGREEMENT!

Cowgirljane I slightly disagree I think that the family all does need to change. I don't think I need to be making 3 meals just to meet everybody's needs. I'm not going to make my wife one meal my kids chicken nuggets and french fries and then me a healthy dinner. Everybody's going to eat the same things. I had talked to doctor korn about this, about how it's going to be a struggle to make food for everybody else and then make something separate for me. It's expensive and it takes a lot more time. The doctor said that's not how it should work. He said that everybody needs to get on board and everybody needs to eat healthy. Its not a diet its life changing, its deciding to make healthier choices. I don't in anyway look at this as a diet. I will never let my daughter feel insecure, overweight, or like she needs to go on a diet. However I will encourage her to eat healthy to be more active, because I don't ever want to see her in the position I'm in. I don't want her to go through school being bullied. Now on the other hand if my wife or my kids want to have a special treat here or there or go out to dinner or fast food or what not then that's okay that's their choice. I'm not going to make them have to follow the same rules that I'm following. I'm just saying that when I'm cooking I'm going to be cooking healthy and we are going to try to get active together as a family.

@@Sajijoma Your kids are lucky to have you as a mom. You will get healthy and go on to see them grow up and be surrounded by grandkids and great grandkids.

You're an inspiration!

Thanks! I need all the cheerleading I can get!