I was out for dinner with my family tonight who i have not seen in a while and found out non of them support my choice to have Gastric Bypass surgery... It really breaks my heart but I picked myself back up and I'm going to keep going! I just feel like I need to vent and see if anyone else has experienced such a thing? I should be having surgery really soon and I guess I will go it alone.

Sorry karl just leave them alone...if I may ask, who were they? Mom, Dad, cousins?

Your never alone on this site!

Really sorry to hear that. Your friends ?! You need them, this is no time to be alone. You'll have us though ! Not sure why they wouldn't support you, but whatever your reasons are, I'm glad you're not letting them sway your opinion. I think that means you know you're doing the right thing....

They will support you one day, maybe they're just "visual" people.

I hope you stay strong and know they this will be the best choice you can make for you a better life.

Remember I'm here !

Good luck ! ????

Edited July 10, 201511 yr by TeeNahh

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's hard when you know in your heart of hearts that something is so right for you, even if it comes with the possibility of risks, and you just can't get those you love most on board.

I know when I presented my decision to my family I was worried that there might be some backlash, but I was very fortunate in that respect. They support me 100%.

But had they objected I had already made my choice, and I would have just gone on with it on my own.

Try showing them all the research out there, the before and after YouTube videos, the blogs, and the posts here. You still have time to sway them over to your side. It could be that their objections are simply based on horror stories, and have no real basis in fact. Or it was just a gut reaction because they love you so much and are afraid of losing you.

If they don't come around though, stay true to yourself and what you believe you need to improve your health and quality of life. We will be here to support you every step of the way!

Karl,

I totally understand. When I told my mother, she immediately said, " You don't need that!". I assured her that I did for my health. I am an only child and told her I would like to be around to care for her as she gets older. My significant other is on board, but very hesitant.

Edited July 10, 201511 yr by FrankinTexas

My dad and step-mom are totally against it. They just think I need to stop eating and exercise. If only it was that simple. Hang in there and just make a decision what is best for you knowing the risks that go with that decision. I'm going Mexico for my surgery.

@@Soexcited it's my Mother, Brother and Sister in law.

Karlnjax : I work in a psych hospital and I used to do an evening group about what happens after discharge, maybe this will help, there is still a negative stigma attached to this, deaths from surgery, the quick fix comments, and my favorite, $999.99 in Mexico special, but because of all the negative aspects that surround it, those who are uneducated fear it, and when we as Humans fear or don't understand something we attack it, you will not always find support where you expect, it could come from an old friend, a bowling buddy or people like us willing to extend a helping hand and a pat on the back, or even tough love when necessary, this is your journey and Its about your life so it cannot be taken lightly, if you need a push from time to time you can friend me, there are any people just on here alone who are willing to support you, don't turn your back on family out will end up bitter, but move on and don't talk to them about it, you need to be 100% to get through this, it is too important to toss over negative feedback, sometimes people don't like viewing bitter on their own and feel the need to share their regrets, look at it that way and good luck, remember this is all about you !

That's a tough situation right there, Karl.

They have their reasons for feeling the way they do......and you have your reasons for going through with the surgery.

Your reasons trump theirs.

Your long term health is your motivator.

Tough situation but I'll bet it is a temporary one. Once they see how healthy and vital you become, they will have to support your decision.

Many people see our desire to have surgery as a "short cut". For most of us, though, it's a tool that we came to employ after a lot of hard work and effort on our part, only to have difficulties continue.

Even with tons of family support.....or lack of this support......to a large degree it's a battle we have to fight on our own. Se have to reach the point where we decide to have the surgery. We have to be the ones to hold ourselves accountable each day...before and after the surgery. Sure it helps to know folks are in your corner.....but it's you that's in the ring.

I think that in many ways, you are more destined for success than others may be. Some of us decided to pursue the surgery based on support (pressure) from our family members. It's not until the 11th hour of the process that we have that gut check.....is this what I want. No, you've made your call on your own and are committed to it.

I'm betting they will come around. Your health won't be compromised by their lack of support now, though.

Best wishes, Karl. You got this !

Edited July 10, 201511 yr by Dub

@@Karlnjax I understand what you are going through. I have some family members who were dead set against me having surgery.

I had to think about that. This was about me and my health, and getting healthier. This wasn't about me becoming a certain size. I have no clue what that is even about, I've been big my entire life.

Either they were scared, because they knew someone, who knew someone, who had complications or death (possibly from surgery) but no solid confirmations. Or, as one of my nephews quite bluntly told me, I would not be the same person. I guess he likes his fat auntie. I have no idea what that was about, nor did I let it stop me.

I do know this....within a week of surgery, I was taken off 2 oral diabetic medications and 2 different insulins I was taking daily. Now that's a huge health plus, that I didn't even bargain on that soon. My blood sugars are now normal, stabilized, and I haven't felt this good in such a long time.

Do not let people discourage you. People worry for the wrong reasons. Death from surgery? How about death from being seriously overweight? People just don't think, and tend to get selfish about this stuff, and how it will affect them.

You have friends here, who will help you, and encourage you. And we are all for you, getting healthy!

Edited July 10, 201511 yr by carolm1965

Sorry to hear they are so negative. Hold your head high and push on regardless.

Edited July 10, 201511 yr by Laily

I told everyone about my surgery. The only person who generated negative comments was my mother. Even after all the weight loss, she was still negative. I suspect the reason why was because she was dependent on me for help in her old age and didn't want anything to interfere with that.

@@Karlnjax,

I am so very sorry that your family is not supporting your decision to get healthy. It sounds like you are moving in the right direction regardless.

I am not sure what their reasons are but many times it is simply fear generated by all the bad stories they have heard. Sometimes it can be jealousy if they themselves are overweight or obese. Usually it will work itself out over time.

Let's hope they are just scared and that will pass as you get through your surgery.

I do have only one family member, my sister n law who was obese as a child and teenager. She has used drugs and alcohol her whole life to lose weight and has developed anorexia and is scary thin. The drugs and alcohol have actually killed her pancreas and she has a lot of emotional problems. She has been in treatment so many times and still she is addicted to painkillers and booze.

Anyway, she completely did not support my decision to have this surgery and now that I have lost 111lbs, her big thing is to pretend she is worried about how thin I am getting. To the point we have actually argued about it. I did not figure it out until this argument that she is actually worried that I might lose so much weight that in her head I would be thinner than her. Well that is not possible, she maybe weighs 95lbs soaking wet.

It is all so crazy!

Everyone else in my family and friends is very supportive and I am thankful for that but no one understands as much as my bariatric pal family. I leverage this group every chance I get and appreciate that I have this group to lean on!

Don't let it get to you. You need to do what is right for you and your long term health.

Please know that you have a whole team here that will support you!

@karlinjax, I haven't told any family outside of my husband and father. I don't care for anyone else's opinion. My mom passed five yrs ago , I know she would be scared , but still wanting me to be healthier. I know my dad is a little scared but he will be there and supportive. That is all I need! Concentrate on those who do support you, and don't harbor any resentment for those that do not. After all, this decision is all about YOU!

There is always that person who will tell you to 'just stop eating and do some exercise'. If only it was that easy. I wish it was!!!

I haven't told too many people about my decision to have surgery, because I know support isn't going to come from my family period. They are all super morbidly obese and have tons of comorbidities, but they would rather be miserable than to give up their love of super greasy, super fattening foods and soda. My brother already lost his legs to diabetes yet he can't give up full sugar soda. He just keeps going like this and if he doesn't change one day he's going to kill himself, but he says he's rather die then not be able to eat and drink what he wants. It's sad. The whole bunch is like that! They are also the kind who like to sabotage diets to feel better about themselves and rub it in your face that they just ate a triple cheeseburger with onion rings and a chocolate shake and "all you can have is your little itty bitty nothing." My mom used to encourage them all to taunt me as punishment for sneaking food when she was starving me. I'd have to sit there and watch them eat huge heaping plates spilling over with food, while I was sentenced to days without food because I snuck a piece of bread or something.

So knowing how they are, I've chosen to NOT tell them that I'm even having a surgery at all, but to assemble my own "family" of people who can and will support me. I've told my best friend since forever who has watched me struggle and seen how cruel people have been to me because of my weight. She knows my struggle and supports my decision. I told my college roommate who also has had the surgery and is 1yr post op and just reached her goal weight. I've told my kids so they won't be scared about what's going to happen and how things will change. And although my hubby wasn't originally behind the decision, I showed him the stats for someone my size who doesn't get the surgery along with writing him a heart filled letter about my struggle, even the parts I hid from him, like all the diet pills, the binging and purging, etc. and how my clock is ticking down. For instance, for my size, the average life expectancy is about 5-7 yrs before heart attack, or stroke leading to death. That would put our youngest baby at maybe 6yrs old when his mom dies. That's horrible! After he understood that we couldn't "just try one more diet" that this was SERIOUS and not just me trying to get a quick fix with no work, he's been behind my decision.

Maybe you could try either sitting down and talking to your family and tell them all the details about how you got to this point or pour your heart into a letter if it tends to get heated and argumentative. My hubby shut me down or stormed out every time I tried to bring it up, so I did write him a letter and then we talked after he had read it. Include the Myriad of diets, the medications, the pains and co morbidities you have that are dangerously dragging your life expectancy down, the science behind how the surgery works to correct these problems, the statistics on if you don't have surgery and the statistics on if you do. Then just let the emotional walls down and tell them how it hurts to know that they don't support you. Tell them how it feels and don't hold back. If they still can't support you after that, then do what I've done and built your own "family" out of the people who can support you. If all else fails, you always have us here.