Today's View is being brought to you by the letter "A". There will be a temporary interruption of your normally scheduled programming for the following, unpaid testimonial.

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Hello.

I am in the process of getting approval for Gastric Bypass, the surgery that my surgeon has recommended due to Acid Reflux. My goal for surgery is August 2015, as that is the only month of the year when I could possibly be out from my work without it being a major catastrophe. I am still working out coverage and all of the insurance hurdles. One step at a time.

The view today from my room is one of angst.

a. What am I doing?

b. Do I believe that I can get to the mental state that I will need to be successful by August?

c. How will I still be able to attend to my husband's physical needs while I am recuperating from surgery?

d. Am I being unforgivably selfish?

e. Is it a mutilation of the "temple" (body) that my Heavenly Father has gifted me with?

e.1. Of course, my temple has been unfit for the past 30 some years as I've gained and gained and gained.

f. No diet or miracle pill has worked well since my teens when I turned bulimic, why should this?

g. What if the surgery brings back my eating disorder?

g.1. But it can't, can it?

g.2. I mean, you HAVE to eat each meal; you can't skip one because of the need the body has for nutrition.

h. I won't even be able to participate in the monthly Fast Sundays for Church anymore. Now, that is a bummer!

i. What if it doesn't work?

j. What if I can't maintain the diet needed to succeed?

k. What if all my hair falls out?

l. I won't be able to cook & bake anymore!

m. No more chocolate?!? AAAAAARRRGH!

On the plus side ... I need to change this thinking around, so let me look at what I will gain by having a successful surgery.

1. I do look forward to being able to tie my shoes, and even see my toes when I stand up.

2. I look forward to being able to shop in normal clothing stores again, and of looking "pretty" when I feel like dressing up.

3. I really look forward to being able to kneel for more than 2 minutes and being able to stand back up without it being a major hassle.

4. I will be able to do the chores around the house that I haven't been able to - those floors will not know what hit them, LOL!

5. I will be able to garden, woot!

6. Hiking and walking for more than a couple of minutes without being a wheezy thing will be most enjoyable.

7. I will be able to take my camera into the mountains for photography that I enjoy.

8. I will even be able to take my art supplies up to the mountain to draw or paint, if I have that whim.

9. I will be able to dance without my breasts giving me black eyes.

10. People won't automatically know I am coming down the hall by the shuddering of the floorboards.

11. My mattress will last longer than 2 years.

12. I won't overflow theater, airplane, amusement park, or stadium seats!

13. I can play with my grandchildren.

14. I can travel with the $$ saved on groceries and healthcare.

15. More energy!

16. Clothes will take up less room and therefore I will have less clutter!

17. No more contortionist pretzel imitations in the bathroom.

18. I may be able to hit the Mammogram folks without them having to do "sections" of material at a time. Excellent!

Phew! Now that I have that off my chest, so to speak ... well. At least I have more positives than negatives! Like I said before, angst. I would love to say something now that was poignant or profound, but I can't think of anything that doesn't sound peculiar.

Until next time, good neighbors, I bid you adieu.

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This station would like to thank the letter "A" for its sponsorship of this testimonial. We will now return you to your regular scheduled programming. This concludes this broadcast of the Emergently Broadcasting Probability System.

a. What am I doing?

Getting healthy

b. Do I believe that I can get to the mental state that I will need to be successful by August?

We all had to make changes, you can too.

c. How will I still be able to attend to my husband's physical needs while I am recuperating from surgery?

Seriously , if his needs interfere, tell him to beat it..pun intended.

d. Am I being unforgivably selfish?

Dont you deserve to be the best you , you can be?

e. Is it a mutilation of the "temple" (body) that my Heavenly Father has gifted me with?

e.1. Of course, my temple has been unfit for the past 30 some years as I've gained and gained and gained.

God helps those who help themselves.

f. No diet or miracle pill has worked well since my teens when I turned bulimic, why should this?

This isnt a fad nor something you can simply stop, its a lifestyle change.

g. What if the surgery brings back my eating disorder?

g.1. But it can't, can it?

g.2. I mean, you HAVE to eat each meal; you can't skip one because of the need the body has for nutrition.

You can sabotage anything if you truly want too. You have to want it. see the mental state question..

h. I won't even be able to participate in the monthly Fast Sundays for Church anymore. Now, that is a bummer!

Youre regular lifestyle will kind of be a fast. you will make sacrifices others can only dream of.

i. What if it doesn't work?

Make it work.

j. What if I can't maintain the diet needed to succeed?

If youre not ready for it, dont have the surgery ( again see mental health question)

k. What if all my hair falls out?

Get your Protein and Vitamins and keratin in and youll have no problems. Besides when your skinny , short hair looks great!

l. I won't be able to cook & bake anymore!

Of course you can, just dont gorge on the results. You can also develop new recipes and baking dishes that feature healthier ingredients

m. No more chocolate?!? AAAAAARRRGH!

Says who? just cant have it every day or a lot of it. you are changing your lifestyle not going to jail.

You can do whatever you wish to do, if you decide to put in the effort.

Great thread!! I love this! I'm going to print this out so I can refer to it often. Why? Because I'm going through the same doubts.

Focus on the positive

This epistle of The View from My Room is being brought to you by the letter "B".

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Good afternoon, gentle neighbors!

I hope this episode finds you all doing well and getting that Water in! I amazingly was able to get not only all of my water in, but extra besides yesterday and am almost done on today's water. Woot! Go me! Thanks for the welcomes and a special "shout out" to Stevehud. You make some good points. To clarify my stance on your joke about leaving my husband - never going to happen; this is the "in sickness and in health" part of my vows that I made before my Heavenly Father. Those vows I hold sacred.

I do try to stay on the positive side, Kemper. Just sometimes I don't win that battle. The tapes still play in my head, as they do for most folks. I'm usually better at ignoring them. Sorry for the questioning yesterday, I figured it would be better to put them in here where others were going through, or had already passed the same place. My apologies if I offended.

The view from my room today is Bountiful!

1. It is FRIDAY! *happy dance*

2. It is PAY DAY! *cheer*

3. It is beautiful outside!

4. I am blessed mightily!

5. I have the best family on earth!

6. My grandson is cuter than the Gerber baby!

7. I have a great job!

8. New art supplies!!

9. Trying new freezer recipes for the month to see how that works out for us.

10. I love my 9 daughters and 5 sons!

11. I am alive which is always a good thing!

12. I choose JOY today!

13. I have a bright future ahead!

14. It is going to be a great weekend! Full of friends, and family, and Church. Joy and laughter will abound!

15. I am blessed to live where it is so beautiful!

16. Another step in the right direction, I see the psych docs on Tuesday for clearance. Woot!

17. Yay for replacing mindless eating (hand-mouth disease) with cleaning and/or art and knitting!

18. Blessed to be here on such a supportive forum!

19. Mother's Day Weekend!

20. Did I already mention ... IT IS FRIDAY!!!!

Happy HaPpY HAPPY

Joy JoY JOY

*wandering off now, humming "Aruba, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya, to Bermuda, Bahama, ..."*

Happy Mother's Day weekend everyone!

Until next time, good neighbors, I bid you adieu.

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This station would like to thank the letter "B" for its sponsorship of this testimonial. We will now return you to your regular scheduled programming. This concludes this broadcast of the Emergently Broadcasting Probability System.

The view from my room today is a bit cloudy. Not black stormclouds like it is going to rain, hail, or snow at any time, just some puffy cirrus clouds passing by my room in the expanse of bright blue sky. I hear birds whistling and mimicking all kinds of things. One mockingbird has an Ambulance siren down almost exactly! Others make the sounds of brakes or car horns, but the majority mimic other bird calls. I guess they think they are slick or something, being able to make all those nifty sounds.

Checking off where I am this week:

1. Behavioral Medicine Visit - check
2. food diary for BMed doc (2 weeks) - in process
3. Nutritionist Visit 1 - check
4. Food diary for Nutritionist (4 weeks) - in process
5. sleep Study - check
6. Nutritionist Visit 2
7. Nutritionist Visit 3
8. Food diary to BMed
9. Follow up with Pulmonologist on sleep study

Progress, though still a fairly long way to go. I am at least on the path now, and just as anxious as ever to get going. I need to keep my eyes on the future and the promise of thinner times by keeping control of my food appetites.

I hope you are all doing well, gentle neighbors. Wishing you all the best, I bid you adieu for today.