love her to death, but really... i'm so tired of having to worry about her feelings when all i can think of is my impending surgery (in 2 or 3 weeks). SOMEHOW i hurt her feelings yesterday while discussing plans for my birthday this Friday. we're having dinner at her house (she is not cooking, i want pizza), and i invited some of my cousins, and she's upset because i don't know who is coming exactly and she didn't like the way i reacted to her being upset. i guess i may have sounded a bit short... but geez, i was at the office dealing with work. awww crap, now i feel like i should apologize, but seriously, i'm so tired of this. i wish i could just hide in a room by myself (well, with my cats) (ok, and my boyfriend) (but NOT my daughter and mother) until after surgery.

ok, i just sent her an email saying i'm sorry her feelings were hurt and that it was unintentional, without apologizing for what i said (i have no IDEA what set her off this time).

i'm still in the mood to rant and rave, but i've run out of topics. maybe i will go fire someone lol.

There are only three people (my husband and two close friends who can be counted on to keep their mouths shut) about my WLS. No, I am not ashamed of my decision. I came a long way to get here and I will defend my decision to anyone. I just don't feel like wasting my energy on it, energy that can be used productively to prepare for pre- and post-surgery. Much as I love her, my mom would just stress me out. No need.

Aside from all the stuff we have to deal with the moods have been up and down. I feel I am arguing with my husband more than usual lately. Good thing my mother lives in FL cause I would have strangled her by now! It's tough and lets focus on ourselves. It'll be months later during pre and post surgery that things will balance out. Hang in there. Lisa

Me too...as in Mom is in FL, and husband and I have been snapping at each other more. He is trying to "reassure" me and I told him I don't need someone to tell me I'm being irrational about the dangers of surgery. I need someone to just say, "I'm sorry you're upset and I know this is hard." The way he's been talking makes me feel like I'm being stupid for having concerns.

She is probably very scare for your safety.

My Fav of mom's fat shaming statements was. "You have to be careful with your weight because as you put on weight you become ugly." News flash I am "fat and ugly." Why do mothers do this? Really!

I have a daughter and she is about 10 lbs overweight. She's a size 6 in a world were size zero is what you aspire to be. I used to try to motivate her to eat healthier and exercise (after the freshman 15lbs) but I saw the sadness in her face and stopped. Now all i do is complement her when she does something healthy like go on a hike or make a good food choice at a restaurant.

I didn't tell my daughter about my surgery because I don't want her to be worried while she is away at college but I will discuss it with her if she asks.

@@brendanolin34, that's my mom in a nutshell!

so, my mom usually goes to florida around this time every year (she's a snowbird). since i told her about my surgery, she's put off making her travel plans until after i'm sleeved. now my date has been pushed back to 11/4, and even THAT's still tentative, and she's still in nyc. i want to tell her to go to florida, because she is not able to help me here, and i don't need her to help me here. i have a live-in beau who is a fantastic caretaker, and i'm a 3hr drive away from mom.

should i tell her to go to florida, or just let her continue to do whatever she wants to do?

My mothers biggest fear is that I will get smaller than her. She spent her whole life putting me down. Sigh

@@MarieMarie Ouch! I think the worst thing can be a mother who is jealous of her daughter, but unfortunately it happens more often than people realize. So sorry this is your experience. I have an adult daughter. I just want her to be happy and safe.

My mothers biggest fear is that I will get smaller than her. She spent her whole life putting me down. Sigh

I hate that some mama's feel the need to better their daughters.

Regardless of the put downs, MarieMarie, you are beautiful and weight is just a number.

My own mother, who is my neighbor, feels the need to let me know if she likes what I wear to work everyday. I think tomorrow I am going to go out in my husbands boxer briefs and a tank top.

HA!

My daughter who just has 15 pounds extra is trying to lose weight now. She said she can't let her mom get smaller than her, lol.

I thought it was funny she's had 6 babies and I think she looks good.

@@jessiquoi you can tell her to go on to Florida if you want to BUT in my experience mom's do whatever they want lol. Good luck!

Summer

mom's fat shaming statements was. "You have to be careful with your weight because as you put on weight you become ugly."

@@Beni

I am so very sorry you grew up hearing those words

what a horrible insensitive thing to say

i wish i could wipe all those words away

for now - I am very sorry

i see you are pre-op with bypass

good luck

speedy recovery

kathy

Edited October 16, 201411 yr by proudgrammy

When my son was in his twenty's and gave me attitude everytime I attempted to give him advice. I finally set him down and told him "Listen, I know you are grown and are going to do what you want to do' As a parent it is not my role to tell you every decision you are making is fine - that's your friend role. But when I give you advice, you don't have to take attitude - Just say thank you mom and then do whatever you want. I hope you factor in my advice but if you don't I ain't mad at you - because I recognize you are a grown person. So stop being so defensive.' We've had a wonderful relationship and he on occasion seeks my advice.

\

My mom would have been the same way. I didnt decide to have WLS til after she passed away. But i do wish sometimes that she was here to rant at me and tell me that I made a mistake. Then i would just tell her that it was my decision and to get over it. lol. Take the attitude from her in stride and just be happy with the decision that YOU made. Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!