Lacking genuine support but hearing horror stories

[Shell88 157]

I've had family and friends tell me it's great I have looked into this for 2 years and am willing to put the work into this band surgery - but then I get the ridiculous questions of why I can't just drop the 200lbs all by myself, or if I am doing it to leave my fiance afterwards once I gain confidence back, or have I heard about all these family friends who totally went against their post-op instructions and either had the sleeve rupture, gained more weight (she is a drinker), or the one who just threw up all the time and had it removed. I am losing confidence in my support system, but all the research and reading and information I keep finding is pushing me in the direction of a healthy lifestyle for myself and for my little girl. She deserves my time, energy and a long life with me. It's just so FRUSTRATING!! Other people's inability to follow direction is not going to be my issue. But I do want to know that I'm not going to be looked down on for "taking the easy way out" or because it seems like I just want to make myself good enough to skip out on my life.

[4me4them 381]

Ultimately you can't control what others think....keep your eye on the prize and remember WHY you made your choice. For me it is so I can play with my grandkids and do the things I want to do in retirement.

[Shell88 157]

Thank you :-) my ultimate goal for everything is for my daughter's well-being. I want her to learn mommy's strength :-)

[ho11ieberry06 39]

@@Shell88 Hi there! I had surgery in June and I really didn't tell anyone because this is MY journey and it's really none of their business. The hardest part for me is the mental and emotional part and changing my thinking and belief system.

Just remember that this is for YOU. You can do this, I know you can!! Think of your daughter and all the healthy years you will have together. Don't let other people's negative opinion bring you down.

All my best,

Holly

P.S. This is definitely not "the easy way out", but let the negative nelly's think that all they want!

[Shell88 157]

@@ho11ieberry06 THANK YOU!! Congrats on your surgery and weight loss! From what I keep reading and seeing, it definitely is not easy, but more than worth it.

[angelicHG7 118]

Looks like it's time to find a new support system. Between this site and the support groups going on in your area... I'm sure you will have plenty.

People who aren't going through this only have others pieces of info that they can relate it to. I don't think that everyone means to be unsupportive but you don't have to share your journey with anyone who is not making you feel great about making positive changes in your life.

Don't forget that.

[playlikeworldchamps 595]

It's a medical issue not a vanity issue. Don't waste time worrying or even responding to the naysayers. They will believe what they want no matter what you say. Stay focused on your plan and what you need to do to be successful.

[walking_one 17]

That's why I didn't tell anyone about my bypass except my husband and my sister. I hope you find the support you need, whether it's online or through a postop support group.

[B-52 7,113]

Many people felt it was not the way to go....all I heard was "Diet and Exercise"....

The reason my PCP referred me was because I was "Dieting and Exercising" for over 35 years, and NOTHING worked...maybe for a short while, maybe 6 months, but then it all came back, and then some...a complete failure every time.

The best was from my cardiologist..(I have had a heart attack, angioplasty and stents).....anyway he was looking down writing notes when he asked..."Why do you need this clearance? What is the surgery?"

When I told him he looked up in shock, and said "YOU? Why not Diet and exercise?"

I could not go through with the explanation the 100th time, but he did clear me.

NOW, almost 4 years later....He cannot stop complimenting me...calls me phenomenal...a machine. Calls me HIS best success story for someone turning their life around after a cardiac episode(s)

I pass the annual stress tests like 1/2 the workout I do at the gym.....everyday..

I wonder if he realizes I'm the one who had THAT surgery?

I had the Lap Band...I don't care if it was the easy way out...it's all about me and I could not be happier...so what should I care about others thinking....You have to care of yourself...these critics aren't going to do it for you...if they can even do it for themselves....(Funny how the fat ones are the most critical...?)

It Saved My Life!!!

[Shell88 157]

You guys are all so inspiring! Thanks for the positive feedback!

[Miss Mac 6,261]

I wouldn't say another word and just go get it done anyway. I agree that this is not about them and their opinions; it is about you and your little girl. Take charge of your own health and go do what you need to do to be healthy and happy.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I agree with B52. Often the most critical people are obese themselves. It hits a nerve.

Edited September 11, 2014 by JustWatchMe

[New nana 30]

I had surgery 3 weeks and 2 days ago. Absolutely no regrets. I am NOT hungry!! I have no cravings and the best part is I have lost 30 pounds so far!! I look forward to the bright and healthy future that is ahead of me...especially playing in parks with my grand baby next spring and summer!! All of my co-workers, family, and friends know and are super supportive. They have seen my never ending struggle with my weight and they want the best for me.

[esskay77 785]

I also don't like to tell many people about my surgery for that same reason. And the ones that I have told get a little weird at first, like apologizing if they are eating anything! I finally had to have a talk with them to stop apologizing!! They are all good and supportive now. I have heard other people say that this is the easy way out or it's cheating but who cares? It's really not. It's a tool that is an option to us and all the other tools that I've used didn't work. This one is.

I mostly find it's best to not talk about it much. i don't want it to be the conversation I have with people all the time. Sometimes I do talk about it with my friends but I have to make sure it's not all I talk about otherwise, they'll get extremely bored (I know I would). Do what you need to do for yourself and your daughter. You don't need to talk about it with anybody else. Well, except I would suggest an official support group.

Best of luck.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

there are horror stories with anything (even getting a pedicure has risks)

as others before me have said, its about health...or it should be...when we are healthier, we feel better and it shows on the OUTSIDE as well as the inside..there are people who are for and people who are against any WLS. Listen to your doctor..if you want to get well, then do it...i had surgery 2 1/2 years ago. i had troubling wiping my backside that had its own zip code......those neg nellies were not going to wipe it for me.....it was and it remains UP TO ME to help my chosen WLS to make me healthy....

there is good and bad with any WLS...sometimes things happen and sometimes they dont

today, 13 yrs ago, people went to work in NY or got on planes. like any other day...remember that..

its YOUR life...live it and make the most of it..

all the best.

Edited September 11, 2014 by ☠carolinagirl☠