Just starting out, but relationship turmoil already starting.

[nickiec 4]

I am fairly new to the world of Bariatric Surgery, and just recently decided to get the gastric sleeve. I have been morbidly obese since I was a young teenage girl. Now at 39, I have finally decided to do for me after what feels like a lifetime of doing for everyone else. I am currently at 474 lbs, down from 515 lbs in November of 2013, yet that isn't my highest weight. Two years ago I was weighing in at 530 lbs. I had a lot of Water retention then that has thankfully dissipated.

My boyfriend (who is a very loving man) is a decently known musician who promotes love of bbw's and ssbbw's in his music and videos. During our relationship of 6 years he has only known me as a very big woman, but I also went from working full time at a career to being so ill I couldn't work and had to start many different medications as well as using medical equipment while sleeping. Big women are what he likes, what he is attracted to, and now I am taking that away. He has let me know he doesn't want to talk to me about my change of life with him, and that he doesn't approve. At the same time he has said that I shouldn't worry about his feelings on the matter, and do what I want. I think he feels I will give this up, but I won't. I want this so badly that a surgery date can't be set soon enough for my liking.

I don't know what to do. I love him deeply! He and his son are my family. His son is all for this if it makes me happy and more healthy. I cry every time I want to share the new joys I am finding and my excitement because I know my boyfriend will be cold and callus in his response if I get one at all. Any suggestions? I do have other emotional support, but he is a big part of my world.

[Pepper123 320]

If he truly loves u..he should love u no matter what size u are…and this surgery will let u know if its truly love….

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

He sounds like so many of the men I've ran into over the past 7 years within the community of BBW's, FA's, Feeders and Feedee's. It is such a sick underground and at the end of it I was so over it, and over these people who accepted my Fat and failing health and actually encouraged me!

Honestly I might even know who your talking about if he's as well known as you say he is..

Let's be honest he is into bigger woman, and probably interested in making you bigger.

I'm not trying to be negative and I apologize if it come's off that way, But I'm telling you what I know.

And what I know is I use to have a lot of friends with in that community, and after finding out I was getting WLS they tried to talk me out of it with over the top scare tactics and propaganda. Needless to say I no longer have any friends..

[nickiec 4]

You probably do know him, or of him. I have been in most of his music videos like " I need a bbw " and " I wanna get squashed" and I had my own website for a while, but those things just aren't what I want. I hope his love goes beyond the curves. I want to grow old and watch his son grow up and have babies I can spoil.

I cut myself off from the friends I had in those groups, choosing to do this was hard, I didn't want to hear the nay Sayers.

[HalloweenBaby24 447]

I'm a fan..

Despite not wanting to be big myself, I guess I have a preference when it come's to other woman and body types.

Either way I completely understand where your coming from and it's been a difficult journey switching community's, Going from one extrema to another and if I'm completely honest with myself I still feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions.

The Plus Size Community (The one we know I'm sure) is so supportive of every horrible thing we do to ourselves, the unhealthy life that we live that it's easy to get wrapped up in and feel comfortable and beautiful but only amongst those who accept us. I can't tell you what to do, And I know its not an easy decision but you have to do what's best for you and your health.

[Cupcake 801]

Hi I'm sorry your boyfriend is not on board, but you have to remember to put your health first , you have suffered a lot with your failing health , congrats on your choice to be healthy, if he will not remain open minded and attend meetings with you , you must make decisions based on whats in the best interest of your health if you loose friends they were really nit your friends to begin with, because friends respect your decision and wants you to be healthy. You can meet new friends as well as friends here we all believe in you and want the best for you good luck my friend and keep us posted .

[thesuse2000 698]

Hi there - I'm really not familiar with the community you speak of, but it sounds like a tough situation. I really hope that he proves to love you for more than just your curves! I admire your strength in moving forward with the changes you want for yourself, and that are likely to improve your overall health. Make the most of the relationships you have with people who do support you - and come post here! One way or another things will work out if you follow your own heart's desires.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

nickiec, I don't know the BBW community at all. But I'm delighted to support you in the new life you have chosen.

Welcome to BP.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

You have got to put your health and well-being first. If he loves you, then he will want you to be happy and healthy. At your weight,even with a successful VSG, you aren't going to be "skinny" at the end of this. On average, people only lose 60% of their EXCESS weight with VSG. I just plugged your stats into this calculator:

https://www.realize.com/do-i-qualify/potential-results/comparison

And it says you have an 80% chance of getting down to 375, a 50% chance of getting down to 336, and a 20% chance of getting down to 297 at 18 months post-op. If that's the case, then even the best outcome is going to still leave you plus-sized. How big does your boyfriend need/want you to be?!?!

[geelynn 72]

You have got to put your health and well-being first. If he loves you, then he will want you to be happy and healthy. At your weight,even with a successful VSG, you aren't going to be "skinny" at the end of this. On average, people only lose 60% of their EXCESS weight with VSG. I just plugged your stats into this calculator:

https://www.realize.com/do-i-qualify/potential-results/comparison

And it says you have an 80% chance of getting down to 375, a 50% chance of getting down to 336, and a 20% chance of getting down to 297 at 18 months post-op. If that's the case, then even the best outcome is going to still leave you plus-sized. How big does your boyfriend need/want you to be?!?!

That was a cool tool! I have not seen that before. Very motivating--thanks!

[1Day1Life4Now 882]

For anyone to want you to stay morbidly obese, its proof that they are only wanting to satisfy their own needs. You are risking lowering your quality of life, not to mention, lowering your longevity. To love someone means to want what is best for them and to help them achieve health and happiness. I hope you will consider getting some counseling and realize your personal health and happiness is far more important than any man in your life. You can do this. Good luck.