I'm not sure if anyone else struggles with this, but I REALLY do. I drive myself, and everyone I know, crazy with this question. I find myself asking strangers sometimes, if the conversations makes it's way there (which I know how to drive that, lol). So, that's what I'm doing here, too. Please don't judge me harshly

I wanted to be one of those people who set their goal and succeeded to get there. I find that I'm not one of them, and that magic number is elusive to me. So the commentary in my head goes like this, day after day, all day, every day:

- I haven't reached my goal....I'm going to have to DO something.....

- Maybe this is all I'll ever lose, and that's OK

- No, you had a goal, you can do it.....

- Well, you look good. You wear a size 10

- But I could wear a size 8! And, my BMI is still high. So I must be FAT.

- You aren't that fat, all your bones are sticking out and it hurts when you bump them.

- Well, maybe the weight would just come off my thighs, not where I'm already bony.

- That's just stupid, you never had thin thighs. Just be happy.

- Yes, that's right. I can be happy like this, my life is great. Just shift my goal a little, be realistic!

- But wait, AM I being realistic? Maybe I'm just giving myself an easy out.

- Yeah, you are just giving yourself permission to go into maintenance. After all with a BMI of 28, you are overweight. Better kick it up a notch.

And on, and on, and on. It's exhausting! So, am I fat?? It's not a rhetorical question. The surgeon says I'm good to go. The dietitian at my docs office says I'm not fat, and just go into maintenance. She said most people end up with a BMI around 28, and that it is successful. I'll be honest, I don't exercise, (bad knee) and I think that's one thing that I could do to impact it. Also, my calories creep up on the weekends, and I know that's also impacting it. So, maybe I could get there, but I've been on a plateau and I haven't lost in months, even when I was doing those things.

The real question is, am I fat? Not compared to the weight I was (I think people who know me always have that point of reference), but compared to normal people. How important is the number to all of you? Thanks for listening!

I think you look terrific and normal. I asked the same questions to my family and I keep saying I want to look "normal". I don't have to be the smallest person in the room but I don't want to be the biggest. I am now wearing a size 8 pants usually and the tops range from small to xlarge depending in the brand and style and I am still in the obese category for bmi so I am having some of the same struggles as you. People are telling me not to lose more that I will blow away but I think I look smaller to them because I was so large previously so that is their point of reference. I think you look great!

I think you look terrific and normal. I asked the same questions to my family and I keep saying I want to look "normal". I don't have to be the smallest person in the room but I don't want to be the biggest. I am now wearing a size 8 pants usually and the tops range from small to xlarge depending in the brand and style and I am still in the obese category for bmi so I am having some of the same struggles as you. People are telling me not to lose more that I will blow away but I think I look smaller to them because I was so large previously so that is their point of reference. I think you look great!

I know what you mean - I think people who knew me have that obese person as a point of reference, so I think their view can be as skewed as mine. If you are just comparing me to my heavier self, oh yes, 140 pounds lost makes me skinny by comparison. But I don't want to be compared to that - I want to be compared to the rest of the average population. That's why I always want to ask strangers this TOTALLY ridiculous question! I think the BMI has it's place, but that can't be the end all when considering this question. I'm trying to just get over that all together, and look at the whole picture. Maybe in the Quest for normalcy, it really is a combination of things like clothing size, weight, BMI, and general health and look we should be considering.

I'm pretty sure the size 8 puts you in the normal category, too! Congratulations to you, and thanks for your response.

You are BEAUTIFUL! Own it! Enjoy it! Revel in it! Please stop torturing yourself over the BMI number! I will probably never reach a "normal" BMI number. I don't care as long as I'm healthy and feel good in my body. That being said we are both in the same maintenance boat together. Struggling to reach a certain number and take off the last few lbs. I also have bad knees but not ready for the knee replacement yet. Do you still have cartiledge? If so Synvisk injection really helped me and that was pre-weight loss.

Thanks for your kind response. It's the advice I would give someone, and I think I'm going to accept it from you I am so fortunate to be healthy, and I do feel great. I love to shop, and for the most part, think I look pretty good in clothes. I want to just let go of that number, but in the back of my mind, I KNOW it's more than just a number. My starting BMI was almost 53, and that was just a number too - a really bad one! So it does have some meaning, but probably not the value I'm assigning to it now. So, as I've read and responded to the people in this thread, I'm coming to grips with it. I've been at this weight a about 3 months, and I do think it would fine to lose another 5-10 pounds, but that may never happen. It's nuts of me to hang on to that as a measure of failure, instead of enjoying this, as you said. I know when I was 140 pounds in my early 20s, I didn't enjoy it because I thought I should be 130. How stupid was that??

As for the knee, it's mostly bone on bone. I have gotten the Synvisk a couple of times, and it does help a lot. I just can't do a lot of weight bearing activity, or I pay for that. I've had to docs tell me I should get a total knee, and it's really up to me and how much pain I can tolerate. So, that's why I baby it. No exercise equals pain free, a mile walk equals increased swelling and pain for 3-4 days. I'm going to start lifting, though, and maybe some Water zumba. I do think some increased muscle mass will only make me feel better.

Thanks again for your response!

My surgeon told me that because we have had such a high bmi that out body can healthily sit at a bmi of 28 and be considered out healthy weight range. Something to do with the body conditioning itself to be higher and therefore it can be very difficult to get down into the low 20's...

Btw you look fantastic! Trim and healthy :-)

I know how you feel. I struggle with this everyday. I shop for clothes and won't dare look at smalls, when in fact I realize I am a small.

But from what I see in this picture, you don't even look like a size 10. I'm a size 10. I would have thought you were a size 6. Honest. And overweight? That is simply nonsense! If you exercise, who cares about a BMI?

I know, I care about a BMI, but only because I'm such a specific person who likes to get the numbers and facts right. Ugh. I exhaust myself sometimes. But even then, I always laugh at myself for caring about it. If you are healthy, then you are good! Because you sure look good! :-)

@@bella86 I haven't heard that, but I've been thinking that must be true. It makes sense to me. Another thing that makes me ask others this question is that I think I look thinner (to myself) at this weight now than I did in my 20s (and that seems crazy to me). For a long time I was thinking it was just a comparison of my new self to my former super obese self, but I'm starting to think that it's not true. I also wonder if our organs are bigger, including skin, and also denser bones due to having had to support all the added weight, which also adds weight. Also, I've noticed my bones are much closer to the surface. I don't seem to have as much subcutaneous fat (Fat just below the surface of the skin). I think it's the loss of that type of fat that contributes to some people looking gaunt at lower BMIs. Anyway, thanks for your response and compliment!

@@bella86 I haven't heard that, but I've been thinking that must be true. It makes sense to me. Another thing that makes me ask others this question is that I think I look thinner (to myself) at this weight now than I did in my 20s (and that seems crazy to me). For a long time I was thinking it was just a comparison of my new self to my former super obese self, but I'm starting to think that it's not true. I also wonder if our organs are bigger, including skin, and also denser bones due to having had to support all the added weight, which also adds weight. Also, I've noticed my bones are much closer to the surface. I don't seem to have as much subcutaneous fat (Fat just below the surface of the skin). I think it's the loss of that type of fat that contributes to some people looking gaunt at lower BMIs. Anyway, thanks for your response and compliment!

I have been wondering about body composition too- extra skin and bone density. I know I don't have a lot of body fat left yet I weigh more than I would like. People are shocked when I tell them my weight. Everyone says I look smaller (even people who didn't know me overweight) I just don't always feel it. Grab an oar sister, we are on the body dysmorphic boat together!

@@erp Yeah, people are always shocked that I weigh that much, too. I'm adjusting to it, the longer I'm here.

According to the CDC, about 34% of Americans are obese, and 39% in my age bracket are obese (I'm 51). So I also think that might be contributing not only to our own dysmorphia, but also to others! No one has an accurate picture of what we should look like.....or is it that the BMI charts are wrong? LOL, it's the chicken or the egg thing.

At the end of the day, I am happy that I can shop in normal sizes, fit anywhere, blend in, and I'm healthy. That's all I ever wanted. I have to work to stay at this weight no matter what, so if a few more pounds come off, good. If not, so be it. I am tired of striving for something that may not be adding an value to my life.

I think stressing over it just makes my body hold onto the weight. As soon as I let go of the anxiety it seems to allow a bit of weight to come off. Not always easy to do. Also, Lauraven had at one point posted a BMI chart adjusted for age. I can't find it and she's removed herself from this forum apparently :-(. Anyway, I do agree that when one was previously morbidly obese and with so many obese people around it's hard to have an accurate, internal, picture of yourself. I'm always surprised by how flat my butt is now, used to be a shelf-butt. You could've served tea on my butt! LOL! Nonetheless, all I see are my saddlebags and the fat on my thighs. While everything is much smaller I'm not "thin" or even a "normal" weight for my height. I would have to lose another 30lbs to get to a normal BMI. I don't really want to be that thin. I want a little reserve on me, as long as I can stay below a certain weight and fit in all the new clothes I've bought I'm happy with it. I know I'm going to always have to be vigilant about what I eat though. That's the hard part. It has been a life-long issue and struggle for me and thus I get tired of the endless food planning and tracking. But if that's what it takes then that's what it takes. A small price to pay really. Life is soooo much better 100lbs lighter!

@@MichiganChic, you look absolutely FABULOUS!!! You must be tall, because despite the 10lb difference in our weight, we wear the same size! I too have constantly battled with the questions: Am I still a little too big? Should I push for those last eight pounds? My upper body size is fine, but can I lose a bit more from my thighs?

But then I run into people who say, "you're getting too skinny" or "don't lose any more weight" or "you looke great, but just stay where you are." I usually respond, "Calm down people, I'm a size 10, not a size 2!" But it makes me think that they are seeing what my mind refuses to see.

I think many of us suffer from image issues. We are never satisfied with our image and we are constantly looking for flaws, instead of accepting what is beautiful. We have to work on these "fat heads" of ours. Now that our bodies are healthy, we need to make sure that we make our minds are healthy as well.

So, to answer your question: NO, you are NOT FAT!!! You look HOTT! Caliente!!! Congratulations on your awesome success!

Not only are you SO NOT fat but you also made me feel better this morming be uses apparently my head isn't the only one that argues with itself as yours is doing

No you are not fat. You are normal and beautiful and hour-glassy and look great. You could stop now and be considered a huge success IMHO

Hey GG - long time no talk. Looks like you are doing awesome!!!

Hey GG - long time no talk. Looks like you are doing awesome!!!

Hi CWJ, it's been a while . Thank you I'm hanging in there. Kinda like the last 10 lbs that are hanging on to me

I know how you feel. I struggle with this everyday. I shop for clothes and won't dare look at smalls, when in fact I realize I am a small.

But from what I see in this picture, you don't even look like a size 10. I'm a size 10. I would have thought you were a size 6. Honest. And overweight? That is simply nonsense! If you exercise, who cares about a BMI?

I know, I care about a BMI, but only because I'm such a specific person who likes to get the numbers and facts right. Ugh. I exhaust myself sometimes. But even then, I always laugh at myself for caring about it. If you are healthy, then you are good! Because you sure look good! :-)

I am also "specific" as you called it. In my case, I think it's a bit of being a wanna-be perfectionist. I work in data, and make decisions based on facts and data so I think that contributes to the crazy dialogue in my head. I'm gradually letting go of that "ideal number" and realizing it's more about the big picture of health and happiness. So thank you for your kind words, and I suggest the same to you!

@@Curvy Well said! We really should just accept it as success and shift focus to continued health and happiness. And thanks for note and kinds words.