I'm not sure if anyone else struggles with this, but I REALLY do. I drive myself, and everyone I know, crazy with this question. I find myself asking strangers sometimes, if the conversations makes it's way there (which I know how to drive that, lol). So, that's what I'm doing here, too. Please don't judge me harshly

I wanted to be one of those people who set their goal and succeeded to get there. I find that I'm not one of them, and that magic number is elusive to me. So the commentary in my head goes like this, day after day, all day, every day:

- I haven't reached my goal....I'm going to have to DO something.....

- Maybe this is all I'll ever lose, and that's OK

- No, you had a goal, you can do it.....

- Well, you look good. You wear a size 10

- But I could wear a size 8! And, my BMI is still high. So I must be FAT.

- You aren't that fat, all your bones are sticking out and it hurts when you bump them.

- Well, maybe the weight would just come off my thighs, not where I'm already bony.

- That's just stupid, you never had thin thighs. Just be happy.

- Yes, that's right. I can be happy like this, my life is great. Just shift my goal a little, be realistic!

- But wait, AM I being realistic? Maybe I'm just giving myself an easy out.

- Yeah, you are just giving yourself permission to go into maintenance. After all with a BMI of 28, you are overweight. Better kick it up a notch.

And on, and on, and on. It's exhausting! So, am I fat?? It's not a rhetorical question. The surgeon says I'm good to go. The dietitian at my docs office says I'm not fat, and just go into maintenance. She said most people end up with a BMI around 28, and that it is successful. I'll be honest, I don't exercise, (bad knee) and I think that's one thing that I could do to impact it. Also, my calories creep up on the weekends, and I know that's also impacting it. So, maybe I could get there, but I've been on a plateau and I haven't lost in months, even when I was doing those things.

The real question is, am I fat? Not compared to the weight I was (I think people who know me always have that point of reference), but compared to normal people. How important is the number to all of you? Thanks for listening!

@@gamergirl good to see you! It makes me happy to hear you have the same track repeating in your head- I hate to be alone, lol. I'm so happy I posed this question and that people responded. It's given me some perspective and allowed me to reconsider my goals. Look at you - your BMI is normal, so great job! Thanks for responding and your words of encouragement.

I hit goal Feb 2013 and my BMI was just over 25 at 158, but I looked and felt great. It is now April 2014 and I weigh about 142.

My point? It worked for me to accept myself , Celebrate success and then keep working the sleeve in a maintenance mindset.

I think letting go of perfectionism and trying some self love and acceptance is good. I was just as healthy and fine at 158 I just have a little smaller waist now but quality of life? No difference.

I hit goal Feb 2013 and my BMI was just over 25 at 158, but I looked and felt great. It is now April 2014 and I weigh about 142. My point? It worked for me to accept myself , celebrate success and then keep working the sleeve in a maintenance mindset. I think letting go of perfectionism and trying some self love and acceptance is good. I was just as healthy and fine at 158 I just have a little smaller waist now but quality of life? No difference.

I'm struggling with this. Intellectually I know nothing will change when I hit goal except I might be able to eat a little bit more. I don't THINK my town plans to throw me a parade if I hit goal--although I could be wrong about that. That day will arrive and be like any other, and the next day I will still have to track, weigh, measure and plan.

So apart from eating 300-400 more calories it will be life as I know it now. What's the big deal about this goal then??

Except...you know. It's a goal. Which means I must hit it. Sigh. The various ways in which we pressure ourselves for no good reason.

I am not trying to discourage anybody from striving toward goal, just making the point that life at goal isn't really very different and that frankly a few pounds here and there just don't matter that much in the greater scheme of life is all.

Everyone of you "girls" (I'm allowed to say that aaa I hit senior level this year. ). Look Amazing! Seriously, we HAVE to learn to just DEAL now. We will never be perfect and reach Utopia ( as my husband likes to refer to) but we look dang good!

What's really, rely bugging me right now, and seriously, I NEVER really thought it would is wrinkly hangy skin. I really don't have much and I'm very lucky but it seems that even that I HAVE over the last almost four years has gotten much Worse. And at my age, it's NOT gonna bounce back. Ha! My only wish is that I had seriously had this opportunity much younger in age. So take it from me, Y'all look great!!!!! I look pretty good for a 60 year old. At least my 9 year old grand says so, "Nannie, you don't LOOK 60!" Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! LOL

I'm in the beach as we speak, so life is pretty good right now. And BTW, GG, I love your new pic!!

I hit goal Feb 2013 and my BMI was just over 25 at 158, but I looked and felt great. It is now April 2014 and I weigh about 142.

My point? It worked for me to accept myself , celebrate success and then keep working the sleeve in a maintenance mindset.

I think letting go of perfectionism and trying some self love and acceptance is good. I was just as healthy and fine at 158 I just have a little smaller waist now but quality of life? No difference.

CGJ, good advice. Since I first posted this, I have changed my thinking some. I've begun to consider the value losing a few more pounds would add to my life, and honestly, I don't think there is much, if any. I consider the physical and mental struggle it is going to take to get to a "normal" BMI, and think that certainly detracts from my overall happiness and well-being. It's more than a little frustrating to be so focused on an arbitrary goal that may not even be achievable. That way of thinking is really pretty self-limiting, but when you are in the throes of it, it's hard to remember the big picture and have a true sense of reality.

As @@gamergirl said, we still have to keep tracking and maintaining the changes we've made in order to maintain the weight we've achieved. So, that's what I'm doing. And as FeedYourEye said, if I lose a few more pounds while doing this, that's fine too.

The responses in this thread have been so helpful to me to shift my thinking. Thank you!

It's been 10 months since I posted that original question, and it's been a long road. I have had 2 plastic surgeries, but I haven't lost any more weight. I have continued to struggle with that question, but am coming to terms with my weight. I'm starting to let go of focusing on that number, and frankly, I've finally worn myself out with the exhausting, all-consuming thoughts that lead to no where. I may never see a "normal" BMI, but that doesn't define my success. It's time to remember not to let perfection get in the way of good enough. Here's a picture from today. I'm happy with good enough.

Edited February 14, 201511 yr by MichiganChic

Technical difficulties, lol. ????

You look WONDERFUL! Be happy!

@@Chelenka thank you! You are right - be happy. It's a choice, and I'm going with it!

Michigan,

I sincerely think you look just wonderful.

Perhaps you need some NEW goals. Fitness goals. Travel goals. Educational goals. Romance goals. Career goals. Maybe get that knee replaced that was holding you back.

After all, we had this surgery and traveled this path to have a better life. Before you had WLS and fantasized about your life after WLS, how did you imagine your life would / could be different?

Perhaps it's time to go create and live that life.

Edited February 15, 201511 yr by VSGAnn2014

I think you look fantastic, and I would never know to look at you just how much blood sweat and tears went into achieving that healthy body. I would just think you had been blessed. Now it's time to simply enjoy it for all the happy experiences you can experience within it! Congratulations!!

@@VSGAnn2014 Yes, time to focus on other things. I have a great career, so I'm good there. In fact, I got my current job about a year and a half ago when I was down about 100 pounds. I have my MSN, so I'm mostly good with education, though you never know. As for travel - yep - working on that one! I'm planning a trip in April to sit on a beach. Something I've wanted to do for 25 years and never could bring myself to do it. I have a wonderful and supportive family. So, I definitely feel like I have a rich life and am blessed for it. I don't talk a lot about that here, because I am always focused on weight loss discussions here. I make it my business to stay focused on the changes I've made because I am pretty sure I'm one who would backslide otherwise.

I'm definitely goal driven and it makes me nuts not to accomplish them, and I don't like to revise the goal just because I couldn't meet it. This is a case where I had to revise and get ok with it. The original goal was based on the science of BMI, so not really arbitrary. However, I just can't negate the fact that I was super morbidly obese, am 52, and that impacts more than science and the standard BMI chart reflects.

@@BethinPA Thank you! I do think only those of us who have walked this path really know the all consuming effort required. My follow up post was really to just say I agree, it is time to call it good and enjoy life. It's quite freeing to let go of that baggage and line of thinking. And congrats to you, too! You've done it, too!

I have two words for you... HOUR GLASS. Ladies work long and hard to get that shape, and so you did. You look great. I too do the "am I fat" talk with myself... I am up a size and feel different... but really, I look good. I feel good. I do tons of stuff now with a lot more ease than before. Is it perfect? No, but really... I am so ahead of the game in some ways... I had better enjoy it while the sun shines! Gratitude to you all, and for the amaizing life I have, zits and all!