I'm not sure if anyone else struggles with this, but I REALLY do. I drive myself, and everyone I know, crazy with this question. I find myself asking strangers sometimes, if the conversations makes it's way there (which I know how to drive that, lol). So, that's what I'm doing here, too. Please don't judge me harshly

I wanted to be one of those people who set their goal and succeeded to get there. I find that I'm not one of them, and that magic number is elusive to me. So the commentary in my head goes like this, day after day, all day, every day:

- I haven't reached my goal....I'm going to have to DO something.....

- Maybe this is all I'll ever lose, and that's OK

- No, you had a goal, you can do it.....

- Well, you look good. You wear a size 10

- But I could wear a size 8! And, my BMI is still high. So I must be FAT.

- You aren't that fat, all your bones are sticking out and it hurts when you bump them.

- Well, maybe the weight would just come off my thighs, not where I'm already bony.

- That's just stupid, you never had thin thighs. Just be happy.

- Yes, that's right. I can be happy like this, my life is great. Just shift my goal a little, be realistic!

- But wait, AM I being realistic? Maybe I'm just giving myself an easy out.

- Yeah, you are just giving yourself permission to go into maintenance. After all with a BMI of 28, you are overweight. Better kick it up a notch.

And on, and on, and on. It's exhausting! So, am I fat?? It's not a rhetorical question. The surgeon says I'm good to go. The dietitian at my docs office says I'm not fat, and just go into maintenance. She said most people end up with a BMI around 28, and that it is successful. I'll be honest, I don't exercise, (bad knee) and I think that's one thing that I could do to impact it. Also, my calories creep up on the weekends, and I know that's also impacting it. So, maybe I could get there, but I've been on a plateau and I haven't lost in months, even when I was doing those things.

The real question is, am I fat? Not compared to the weight I was (I think people who know me always have that point of reference), but compared to normal people. How important is the number to all of you? Thanks for listening!

@@feedyoureye you got it! We are so, so much better off! I've also come to the realization that I'm a perfectionist, ergo, I'll always find a way to self criticize, unless force myself not to. It's been a couple of weeks that I've consciously been making this decision to accept this weight and declare success, and I'm coming to the same conclusion as you. We need to enjoy the sun while it shines! You look great, too, and I appreciate your encouragement

Gorgeous!!! I'm almost a year post and down 122 pounds. It's so slow now and my BMI is still 32. Not sure I'll ever see 25. I think I'll be ok with that. Im not done yet but can't quite imagine another 50 coming off. Maybe in time? I don't know. But you define health, fitness and fab right where you are. Gorgeous!!!!

I dunno about you guys, but I'm 69 years old.

Do you know that the way I look today is probably the dewiest I will look for the rest of my life?

Compared to 5 years from now, 10 years, 15 years from now ... I look f**king AMAZING!

It is time-time-time-time-time-time for us to live in the present. Today really is all we ever have.

I wish I had a magic wand I could zap all you guys and me with that would help us constantly be aware of this. Living here and now truly is the secret to happiness -- not weighing 10 pounds less or having 5% less body fat.

After all, look at all the gifts and potential gifts we've already given ourselves by having WLS. Couldn't we just give ourselves this other gift, too?

@@VSGAnn2014 Yep, we do have to live in the moment and be grateful for it, because whatever "it" is that we have, can all be taken from us in an instant. Many years as a hospice nurse have taught me that and also really helps to put things into perspective.

So, when you spend a lot of time and effort on one facet of your life, and then spend a lot of time talking about it with like minded people, it might give impression that there is nothing else going on in our lives. It also has the potential to take over if we let it, so it is important to not be too narrow minded in our thoughts.

Two things, though: If you had a magic wand, just zap me to a permanent and healthy BMI lol! And two, while it's true none of us is getting any younger in years, I think weight loss can turn back time from a health perspective. I am way healthier than I was two years ago. And a little help from my plastic surgeon has definitely made me look way better and younger on the outside, too! I haven't decided, but I might be getting a little "dewier"

I do totally agree with your message, though! It is absolutely time to be good to ourselves and be happy. It's a choice, almost always.

@@CrazyJaney Thank you, and Congratulations on your great loss! Such an accomplishment in a short time. You're smart to know that you may or may not get to a normal BMI. I saw some people have as much to lose as me and get there, and thought I should be able to, too. I now know that it is the exception, and not the rule when we have so much to lose. And it's not a failure to not be one of the ones who can't do that. There's more to it than just eating less and exercising and it's a guarantee of getting there. Science still does not have all the answers about obesity.

I saw my surgeon last week for my 2 year visit, and was looking through the book of successful weight loss patients. Very few had a normal BMI, and most were squarely in the overweight category, and some were still in the obesity category in the low 30s. He is considered a highly successful surgeon with good outcomes, and the practice is certified as a center of excellence. We are all so much better off than where we came from - a true gift.

I dunno about you guys, but I'm 69 years old.

Do you know that the way I look today is probably the dewiest I will look for the rest of my life?

Compared to 5 years from now, 10 years, 15 years from now ... I look f**king AMAZING!

It is time-time-time-time-time-time for us to live in the present. Today really is all we ever have.

I wish I had a magic wand I could zap all you guys and me with that would help us constantly be aware of this. Living here and now truly is the secret to happiness -- not weighing 10 pounds less or having 5% less body fat.

After all, look at all the gifts and potential gifts we've already given ourselves by having WLS. Couldn't we just give ourselves this other gift, too?

This might be my most favorite post I've EVER READ! So true!

MichiganChic!

Thank you so much....I could have written your post. We must share an inner monologue narrator (Mine is Janeane Garofalo, I swear!).

I'm 5'7. I lost from 322lbs down to 175lbs (most days). The lowest I ever got was the day after giving birth to my son, I was 169lbs. Per BMI, I am still fat at 26.2. I wear Large scrubs (cause I have a huge pannus), and a size 12. I constantly feel like I am a BIG FAT FAILURE, and that I look worse now at this size that I ever did at a size 26.

Unlike your doctors, I constantly get hounded to lose more weight. As a type 2 diabetic, my endocrinologist wants me in that sacred 'NORMAL' zone of 19-24 BMI, which I can't seem to hit for the life of me. My insurance offered to pay for Weight Watchers, since I obviously need it per the required health survey results.

I just wanted to applaud your courage in speaking your thoughts. Thanks for showing some of us that we're not alone.

@CrazyCatLady Thanks for your comments. I have really had to shift my mind set. I really, really wanted to hit that normal BMI. I'm sorry you can't get anyone to confirm that you are not fat! It shouldn't matter to me what others say, but obviously it did. I still find myself thinking "10 more pounds" but it's really just fleeting thoughts now. Then I remember I'm good like I am. What a relief! I hope you can get there, too! I feel a little like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I had the power to declare success all along!

Your picture looks quite thin, and it sounds like you have some skin, so there's your miniscule overage on the BMI. I'd say you are a success!