Please help: how to not feel like a failure?

[Nerva Harrison 1]

Hi,

I'm sorry if this has been expressed in another thread, but I could really use some advice and was hoping you all might be able to help. My doctor today told me that based on my medical history (morbid obesity, cholesterol levels, high blood pressure, etc..) he strongly recommended I pursue this surgery. It had already been approved by my insurance last year, but I had to postpone it and was hoping that I could lose the weight on my own in the meanwhile. I haven't lost it and that's way he'd like me to re-pursue the surgery. I'm not against it...I just feel very disappointed in myself that I wasn't able to do it on my own...and that it seems like he doesn't feel I'm going to be able to do it on my own. I really hate to say it, but I feel like a bit of a loser when I think of all those other people who have been successfully able to lose a lot of weight on their own. Has anyone else gone through similar feelings?

thanks for any help,

Nerva

[MichiganChic 3,262]

I have a different point of view. I don't feel like a failure because I had weight loss surgery and succeeded in losing over 100 pounds. I'm also not sure who all those other successful people are you reference, since statistically most people re-gain the weight they lose without WLS. I can't tell you how to feel - they are your feelings and you are entitled to them. Do I wish I had been able to maintain a thin body my whole life? Sure. Can I change my past? Nope. What I CAN do is choose to embrace the gift I was given, and feel good about doing it.

Having said all that - I don't think I'd have a surgery that I wasn't totally comfortable with. It's a very personal decision, it impacts your life in every way, and it's not without risk. I considered it for 15 years before I actually did it. It wasn't right for me at the time. Now that it's done and I'm doing so well, I would do it again in a heart beat, but it's not for everyone. I do wish you peace as you decide what's right for you.

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

The problem is if you could have done it on your own, you would have. We all couldn't so we choose to have this surgery for a new start in a healthier life. I don't consider myself a failure. I have succeeded at losing my weight and look really good. I feel great too. Try and think positive about this. But if your not sure than maybe your just not ready for this. It is a choice we all have to make.

[niassy151 60]

Even with the surgery, you will still have to make a lifestyle change. It's going to be difficult, but it's difficult in a different way (or so I imagine!). I was unsuccessful losing weight on my own. Lots of other people are too. Keeping weight off that you lose is even harder! I would feel like a loser if I didn't lose weight after the surgery (that may be very insensitive) but getting the surgery is still going require a significant amount of effort to lose and KEEP it off.

[Ana Gram 13]

Yes, I experienced something similar. I dismissed it out of hand when my doctor brought it up over a year ago, agreed to do the informational seminar when I saw her in August and was surprised to find myself crying while watching it online and again before sending in the paperwork they sent to me.

I think, for me, it was a combination of disappointment that I had failed doing it "on my own" and fear of what will I do if I fail at WLS too?

I can't say if this surgery is right for you, but I think it is right for me and I believe it will give me the best shot at having a healthier more active and enjoyable life.

Best wishes for your decision!

[Teachamy 1,042]

Nerva--you have metabolic syndrome, and most likely insulin resistance. It is hard for people like us to lose weight, even if we are doing everything "right". Don't beat yourself up! I've been there. This surgery helps reduce inflammation and insulin resistance, it controls your hunger, and is a tool to get you where you want to be. Best decision I ever made!

[Nerva Harrison 1]

Wow, I didn't expect responses so quickly and truly thank you all for your feedback. For what it's worth, my decision is made: I went into his office knowing that I would do whatever he suggested, whatever it would take to have a healthier chance at life. I'm done with the yo-yo dieting for good. I was just surprised at my own initial disappointment in his suggestion...especially since I knew it was a strong possibility before I went into his office. I guess (rather naively) I thought he would say something like "You know what? You've been trying so hard lately, let's give diet and exercise a try for another year or 2 and see where you end up?" Realistically looking back now, I recognize that I've been struggling with my weight with him for over a decade now and he's just trying to offer what he thinks is in my best interests...he's not trying to knock my efforts at diet & exercise. So, again I thank you all so much for offering me your perspectives and I'll try to embrace what good things may lie ahead.

thank you all!!

[BellaHugz 331]

Wow, I didn't expect responses so quickly and truly thank you all for your feedback. For what it's worth, my decision is made: I went into his office knowing that I would do whatever he suggested, whatever it would take to have a healthier chance at life. I'm done with the yo-yo dieting for good. I was just surprised at my own initial disappointment in his suggestion...especially since I knew it was a strong possibility before I went into his office. I guess (rather naively) I thought he would say something like "You know what? You've been trying so hard lately, let's give diet and exercise a try for another year or 2 and see where you end up?" Realistically looking back now, I recognize that I've been struggling with my weight with him for over a decade now and he's just trying to offer what he thinks is in my best interests...he's not trying to knock my efforts at diet & exercise. So, again I thank you all so much for offering me your perspectives and I'll try to embrace what good things may lie ahead.

thank you all!!

Oh girl can we talk? Really, I have tried and succeeed at most diets I have tried. To many to talk about and the cost is really more then i care to say it was up in 30k range. The problem with the word diet is it is a 4 letter word and not a lifestyle change. Having the sleeve gave me a 2nd chance at life and that is really important to me since my dad died at a young age of obesty complications. So now i have the tool to change my life and the destiny of my life not to repeat the same mistakes of my father. Is it important to me do make the changes, YES. I have a young daughter and I want to dance at her wedding, watch her graduate from college and more importantly I want to do my best not to have her repeat the words, I wish Mom was here to share in my life!

So take the time to make a lifestlye change and remember "your worth it"!

[hmjdreamingbig 93]

Wow!! Yes! This has been my whole life! I have always felt like this. A total failure. Weightwatchers, Xenacal, weight management doc with a phentermine, thyroid, and Water pill combo, just phentermine, joining gyms, running, swimming, you name it.. Each time a small success quickly faded and forgotten as I put the weight back on and then some. My surgery that was scheduled for today was cancelled as I was laying on the gurney. I won't say I didn't feel a sense of relief as I have been terrified, but I know I need help to shed this weight and be the healthiest me.

[SugarFreeMe 293]

Nerva, don't feel like a failure, physically some of us just aren't able to metabolize and maintain a healthy weight on our own. Honestly, if I were you I'd thank your doctor for pushing you to do what you knew you had to do for your health. Nobody wants to admit to ourselves that we need help, he was handing you a lifeline so grab hold of it. Everyone on this board is great so ask anything and read as much as you can. Good luck on your journey.

[CBT 450]

Obesity is a disease. A disease like diabetes, for example. Some ppl control their diabetes with food and exercise for a time and some ppl never have that option because the disease is too aggressive. You're not 20# overweight. You are obese if you qualify for WLS. It's not about willpower. Gah. Allow yourself this gift of modern medicine. You are worth it. Good chance your self loathing will improve too

[Sassy Pants1 186]

I can totally lose weight. Over and over and over again. I was tired of the merry-go-round. I had to come to terms with the fact that I can't keep it off.

[Nerva Harrison 1]

Thank you again, everyone; your insight is much appreciated! I didn't know to expect such a warm, supportive, and welcoming community here...I honestly feel like I couldn't have come to a better place.

[Tiny One 223]

WLS surgery is a great tool if you allow it to be. I did the yo yo diet thing and gained more than I would lose. Over the past years, I knew I was overweight. But never thought I was in the morbid obesity category. At the end of my yearly routine exams, my doctor gave me a pamphlet on morbid obesity. He did that 3 years in a row. What a rude awakening. I was in denial for about 3 years until the doctor threatened to medicate me for HPB, high cholesterol & diabetes. I woke up real fast and embraced the idea that this tool could really help me get & stay healthy.

Glad I embraced it. I've never been or felt healthier. No medications, all levels are normal, no more back/joint pain, and sleep apnea has disappeared. Best thing I've ever done for myself. My only regret was not doing it sooner. But maybe I wasn't ready. But I love my VSG, it's my new best friend.

Good luck with your decision.

[Julie904 8]

Wow I'm going Through the same thing But there's a twist instead of me feeling bad that I can do it by myself my family is mad at me Friends to them telling me eat lower calories you can do by ur self But really if I could do it by myself I Would have done it long time ago Mind you all my friends and family are Skinny The only people that Are Supportive is my two. Sisters that have the Lapland But there in Ohio I'm in Florida so I have my husbands family