SugarFreeMe

As a weight loss surgery patient, you have to decide whether to tell others about your weight loss surgery. Should you come out of the “weight loss surgery closet” and tell others about your weight loss surgery? Whom should you tell? What should you say? How much should you talk about?
There’s no single right answer to these questions. The right thing for you to do is whatever makes you most comfortable.
Some people tell everyone everything. They want to share their experiences to try to help others, to get people to understand what they are going through, and to show that they are proud of their actions towards a healthier lifestyle.
Some people tell their closest family members and friends most things, and tell more distant acquaintances only the basics or nothing. They might think of weight loss surgery as a medical issue that you don’t talk about in public indiscriminately.
Some people tell others on a “need to know” basis. People who “need to know” are often household members and close friends. Other people whom you feel “need to know” may be individuals who themselves are fighting with obesity and therefore might benefit from hearing your story.
Some people keep it as quiet as possible. They feel that the only reaction they’ll get is a negative one; that uninformed people will judge them for “taking the easy way out;” and that they’ll just feel bad about themselves.

Getting Rid of Society’s Weight Loss Surgery Stigma
Imagine that you, a weight loss surgery patient named “Jane,” are part of the following conversation.
Person A: Hi, guys! Great to see you! How are you?
Person B: Hey! I’m doing well, thanks. How are you? Have you been able to get any help for your depression?
Person A: Yes, thanks! I’ve found a great therapist and been on some medications, and they’re really helping. How about your diabetes? How has your blood sugar been?
Person B: Oh, it’s okay. I’m taking my meds and really watching my carbs. Most days, my blood sugar is right in range. How are you doing, Jane?
You (Jane): Oh, fine, thanks. You know, same old. Work is good, and the family is doing well, so can’t complain.
The conversation is okay, but shouldn’t you be able to feel just as comfortable talking about your weight loss surgery and new lifestyle as your friends do talking about their mental health and treatment, and their diabetes medications and diet? Nobody bats an eyelash when discussing prescription medications, mental health, and diets. Wouldn’t it be refreshing for a conversation that goes more like the following to be the norm?
Person A: Hi, guys! Great to see you! How are you?
Person B: Hey! I’m doing well, thanks. How are you? Have you been able to get any help for your depression?
Person A: Yes, thanks! I’ve found a great therapist and been on some medications, and they’re really helping. How about your diabetes? How has your blood sugar been?
Person B: Oh, it’s okay. I’m taking my meds and really watching my carbs. Most days, my blood sugar is right in range. How are you doing, Jane?
You (Jane): Great, thanks! The gastric bypass surgery three months ago was pretty rough, but things are on the right track now. I’ve been super careful with my diet, and I think I will finally be able to lose a little weight!
How can weight loss surgery become part of the mainstream conversation? How can we reduce the stigma surrounding obesity and weight loss surgery, just like we have thankfully made a lot of progress reducing the stigma surrounding cancer, mental disorders, HIV/AIDS, and many, many other diseases.
Why does the stigma around obesity – and particularly weight loss surgery – remain? Among the many possible reasons is the lack of information. Most people don’t know:
How many times you have tried and failed to lose the weight long-term.
What weight loss surgery is, and the number of different kinds there are.
That the surgery itself does not make you instantly lose weight.
How hard you have to work to lose weight after surgery by following a very careful and restricted diet.

Coming out of the weight loss surgery closet is a movement. It becomes easier when more people do it. Eventually, weight loss surgery can become an accepted and respected action and topic of conversation.
We’re making some progress. Over the past few years, several celebrities have gotten weight loss surgery procedures and allowed them to become public.
The View host Star Jones Reynolds
Television host Sharon Osbourne
Comedian Lisa Lampanelli
NFL Jets coach Rex Ryan
Actor Brian Dennehy
Wilson Phillips singer Carnie Wilson
Heart vocalist Ann Wilson
Comedian and television star Roseanne Barr
New Jersey governor Chris Christie
American Idol judge Randy Jackson
Weather forecaster Al Roker
Singer Patti Austin
Chef Graham Elliot
Author Anne Rice
Musician John Popper
Singer Etta James

What to Do When You Decide to “Come Out”
Let’s say you decide that you’re ready to come out of the WLS closet. “The Talk” with your friends and family members can be planned.
Practice what you’ll say so that it comes out easily and naturally when you’re ready to say it.
Keep it simple. Most people don’t know what a sleeve plication is, or the difference between gastric bypass or lap-band. Start by telling them that you got a type of weight loss surgery, and provide details if they seem interested.
Be ready for questions. They might wonder what kind of diet you follow, how your stomach feels, whether you have to give up lots of foods, and all sorts of things that may seem basic to you. Be patient with them and answer their questions.
It’s okay to set boundaries. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about dumping syndrome or measuring your food, you don’t have to.

Coming out to other acquaintances might be more spontaneous. The conversation with a work colleague might start with something like, “Hey, how come you never come out to lunch with us anymore?” That’s your chance to answer, “I really miss going out with all of you, but I got weight loss surgery a few months ago. I can’t eat that kind of food on my new diet.”

You’re tired of your old body – the fat one that’s caused you so many problems – but are you ready to move into a new one?


The idea for this article came to me in a dream.
It was what I call an anxiety dream, in which I’m trying to accomplish something important but encounter obstacles everywhere I turn. That’s kind of a parable of life itself, isn’t it? When I wake from a dream like that, I feel frustrated because I didn’t get to finish my dream task, but at the same time I’m relieved to be released from the endless struggle.
So in this particular dream, I was moving into a new, multi-story house, kind of like the old tenement buildings you see in dying New England mill towns. It was essential that I quickly locate and organize all my belongings so that I could use them to start an urgent and important project. Every time I carried something into another room to put it away, I would find other people there, already moving my stuff, wreaking havoc on my carefully ordered household. When I went back outside for another load of stuff, more people would be poking through it as if it was so much garbage left out to be collected and buried at the dump. These interfering people ignored my pleas to leave my things alone. For every armful I took into the house, they carried out ten.
Then my husband started a load of wash in the laundry room a few feet away from the bedroom, and the sound of the washer’s spin cycle woke me up. Thank God.
I trudged off to the bathroom, pondering the meaning of the dream. I haven’t moved into a house for 14 years, so why was I having a dream about moving house? As I made the bed and thought more about the dream (which didn’t want to leave my head just then), I suddenly knew what it was about.
My big moving project for the past 6 years hasn’t involved moving into a new house. It’s involved moving into a new body. Like any move into the unknown, it’s been both exciting and scary. I no longer have a jumbo, custom-built pantry to hold 50+ years’ worth of bad habits and warped beliefs about myself. I keep forgetting where I’ve put things, and have sabotaged my own efforts numerous times. At times, circumstances beyond my control have put my new “home” into disarray, but I’ve kept working at it, carrying things in, bringing things out, rearranging things…a seemingly endless task.
I think I’m pretty much settled now. I watch elderly people who have to work so hard to accomplish the simplest tasks – sit down, get up, button a shirt, open a jar – and remember my mom talking about the way her body had betrayed her as she aged. I suppose that could happen to me sooner or later. But for right now, I’m in a good place: my new body - the home I carry with me everywhere.
As you continue on your weight loss journey, please take good care of your body. You may not like it much now, but it’s your home. Your very own home. As it changes, you will have to learn its new floor plan. When you go to a closet to fetch a size 16 dress and find only size 18’s, you may feel so disoriented that you forget the size 20, 22 & 24’s you took to the Goodwill Store last week. As you pass through the front hallway of this new home and see yourself in the mirror, the person you see might look like a complete stranger. What’s she doing there? She’s fat, I’m not, so why is her reflection all I can see? Where did this mirror come from, anyway, the funhouse at a circus?
Don’t give up. One day you’ll have all the curtains hung, the walls painted, the furniture arranged, a fire burning in the fireplace, and you’ll think, “I’m so glad to be home.”

Most overweight people face bias against their weights the entire time they are overweight.
As an overweight school child: your classmates probably teased or shunned you.
As an obese college student: you might have skipped group activities because you were not invited or you knew you would be mocked.
As an obese adult: getting a job was probably more challenging, and you are probably judged daily at work and everywhere you go.



Without a doubt, obesity is stigmatized. The unfair bias that you face may be a major factor in your decision to consider or get weight loss surgery. Unfortunately, you will probably find that the obesity discrimination continues even as you try to use weight loss surgery to get healthy. Obese patients are blamed for their conditions, healthcare providers are not always sympathetic, and coverage for weight loss surgery is not guaranteed.
Why Do Obese Patients Get So Much Blame?
People are increasingly sympathetic to diseases that used to be stigmatized. Examples include cancer, many mental health conditions, and sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS and syphilis. Now, treatment for these and other conditions, such as diabetes, is widely accepted as normal and an entitlement. Each of these conditions is largely the result of lifestyle choices, such as diet, use of tobacco and/or alcohol, sexual behavior, and physical activity levels. More than 80% of cancers are likely the result of lifestyle choices.
Ironically, though, many people in our society remain unsympathetic to obese people. They are quick to blame obese people for having no self-control, for refusing to follow a diet, and for not wanting to be healthy. You know, though, that those accusations are far from the truth. If you are considering weight loss surgery, you are confident that you have the self-control for the weight loss surgery diet, that you have tried to follow numerous diets but none have worked for you, and that you desperately want to be healthy!
You Did Not Ask to Be Obese: Some Factors are Outside of Your Control
More than one-third of American adults are obese, and another third are overweight. That in itself should remind you – and the people who judge you harshly – that fighting obesity is hard! The food environment includes fast food, vending machines, restaurants, food-focused social gatherings, and inexpensive snack foods.
There are also biological and family factors that you cannot control. Skinny people have no idea that you may be feeling extreme hunger all day, every day, or that your metabolism may be slower. Your family might have raised to choose high-calorie, high-fat foods, or even driven you into unhealthy emotional eating.
Research shows that some obese patients’ brains even respond differently to food compared to lower-weight individuals. Obese individuals, for example, tend to get less pleasure out of food, meaning they need to eat more to get satisfied. Furthermore, high-calorie foods like sugar can be addicting, leading to the same brain responses as cocaine does. But nobody blames cocaine addicts for their situations! Instead, they encourage counseling and intensive program to help them overcome their addictions, not punish them.
Discrimination in Obesity Treatment: A Look at Weight Loss Surgery Versus Dialysis
Just as unfair is the fact that the healthcare system continues the discrimination against obesity. Compare weight loss surgery as an obesity treatment with dialysis as a treatment for kidney failure (end-stage renal failure).
Far from being blamed for their conditions, kidney failure patients who need dialysis are provided the respect that all people deserve and the medical care that they need. Dialysis patients of all ages in the United States are able to apply for Medicare, the government’s health insurance program normally reserved for older adults. Dialysis treatments can cost about $40,000 per year, not including This is not to mention human factors such as reduced quality of life (the vast majority of dialysis patients are too sick to work) and early death (the life expectancy of dialysis patients is about 5 years). In comparison, a typical weight loss surgery procedure in the United States can cost $20,000 to $40,000, although it can be less, and successful patients are healthier and have more energy than before surgery.
The irony increases. The fact is that kidney failure usually results as a complication of type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure (hypertension). Both of these conditions are often caused by obesity; losing weight after weight loss surgery can prevent, eliminate, or reduce these conditions. In addition, it takes years for kidney failure to develop once you have high blood pressure or diabetes – years during which patients are likely to be on costly medications and inconvenient treatments.
Targeting obesity through weight loss surgery could prevent cases of diabetes and high blood pressure, reduce their effects in people who already have them, and prevent kidney failure, the need for dialysis, and early death.
Searching for Fairness in the Medical Treatment of Obesity
Your first barrier in your path to weight loss surgery may be your primary care physican (PCP). Some PCPs do not know much about weight loss surgery, or may be against it because they think obesity is your fault. Some PCPs take a narrow view of obesity, and feel that the only way to lose weight is for patients to “decide they want it badly enough” and “just eat less.” You already know that doesn’t work, so don’t let your PCP discourage you from learning more weight loss surgery if you think it might be the solution to your obesity struggles.
Insurance coverage has improved for obesity treatments, especially for weight loss surgery. Medicare and many private healthcare coverage plans cover weight loss surgery if you meet their predetermined weight and/or health criteria. Some private insurance companies, though, take a short-term view because they want to make profits within 3 years. Since most weight loss surgeries do not pay for themselves within 3 years, some private insurers do not cover weight loss surgery despite the likelihood that they would pay for themselves within 5 or 10 years, and in addition improve your health and quality of life.
Chance of Reduced Discrimination in the Future?
The majority of Americans believe that health insurance should cover weight loss surgery, in addition to other obesity treatments such as dietetic and mental health counseling. The Affordable Care Act (“Obamacare”), though, is not the ultimate solution. In nearly half of states, obesity treatments are not required to be covered by plans sold on the health exchanges. This determination is based on the available competitive services in the region. Since the most obese states are the ones least likely to have competitive anti-obesity care, these states are also least likely to have obesity treatments covered under the Affordable Care Act.
Overcome the Discrimination
Discrimination is an unfair fact of life as an obese individual, and it unfortunately does not end when you decide to get healthy using weight loss surgery as a tool. These are some of the ways that you can keep going strong and overcome the barriers you encounter as you work to get healthy.
You have the right to a second opinion if your primary care physician recommends against weight loss surgery but you would like to find out more.
Do not take “no” for an answer from your insurance company if you know you are entitled to reimbursement for surgery.
Do not listen to negative family members or friends who do not understand your obesity or interest in weight loss surgery. It is your life and health.
Educate others as much as you can to try to reduce the discrimination. Chances are that they are only being discriminatory out of ignorance, not out of true mean-spiritedness.

Like it or not, some discrimination remains as you go through your weight loss journey. You cannot prevent it, but you can change how you react to it. Expect it and respond as positively as you can, keeping your own health and goals in mind. Over time, as you and others prove that weight loss surgery can be a worthwhile treatment for obesity, discrimination by insurance companies, healthcare providers, and the public will decrease.

You already know that social support is critical for your weight loss success. Your support network can include your family and friends, and is stronger when it includes other bariatric patients – or your peers. Bariatric support groups at hospitals and clinics let you interact with other weight loss surgery patients and individuals who are considering or preparing for weight loss surgery.
Peer-to-Peer Support Works
Patients who attend bariatric support group meetings after surgery are more likely to achieve their goal weights. That is why many surgeons will only agree to perform bariatric surgery after their patients promise to attend support group meetings regularly for months or years after surgery, or for life.
Support groups can be motivating when you see that group members, who are just like you, are overcoming the same obstacles as you. Attending meetings can increase your focus on making healthy decisions because each meeting is a reminder that your weight loss success depends on your daily choices. Support groups can make you feel accountable to others, as well, and increase your will to succeed. Another reason why support groups work is that they provide opportunities for you to ask questions and learn from healthcare providers and others’ experiences.
Online Support Can Improve Patient Outcomes
Online support groups can play important roles in your success after weight loss surgery. They provide some of the social benefits as in-person support groups, and offer many additional advantages.
They are convenient – Online support groups are available through your computer or smartphone. Unlike with in-person support groups, you do not have to rearrange your schedule to use online forums. You do not have to drive long distances to attend online meetings, you do not have to attend after work when you are tired, and you do not have to leave your home to drive through rain or snow. You can use online groups whenever you want and from wherever you want as long as you have an internet connection of smartphone.
They are always available – With in-person support groups, medical appointments, or even phone calls to your healthcare provider, you can only get answers to your questions at set times, often during business hours or during a weekly meeting. But what happens if you are at a restaurant and you need to know what to order, or if you are feeling down and need a few words of encouragement? One option is to whip out your smartphone and consult your online peers.
They can let you be more open – In-person groups can feel overwhelming if you are shy by nature or if you simply have trouble opening up about your weight loss surgery. Some people do not mind talking about dumping syndrome and diarrhea at in-person support groups, but many do feel uncomfortable. However, talking about these issues is important so you can learn how to deal with them or prevent them. Many people are more comfortable talking about sensitive issues online.
Your support group can become part of your life – Some online support group sites also offer additional features, such as weight loss, body measurement, and diet tracking. Tracking is an important part of weight loss success, and should be part of your regular routine. Using an online support site that lets you track your progress helps make it easier for you to participate in discussions, since you will already be at the site. You can develop the habit of using your support group and tracking your progress at the same time.
You can discover anything and everything – You might not have enough time to ask everything you want when you only have limited time at support groups or in doctor’s appointments. With online communities, you can find out as much as you want either by looking through the old conversations or starting your own. There is no limit!
Choose an Online Support System that Works for You
The options for online support systems are nearly limitless. How can you choose the best one for yourself? These are some general guidelines to consider as you start to narrow your choices.
The community should be friendly, with official policies against rudeness. Nobody should ever be allowed to make you feel attacked or vulnerable.
The support system should be large, so that you are almost sure to find the answers you need to all of your questions because members have “been there, done that.” You also want to be able to receive the in-the-moment encouragement you ask for when you are down.
There are opportunities to get to know members more personally, through smaller groups, private message, and live chats. This gives you the chance to establish deep friendships and feel more committed to a healthy lifestyle.
It lets you customize your experience through features like a personal profile and the ability to track progress, and maintain a photo gallery and/or blog.
It is available through mobile apps, so that you can access your support system from anywhere at any time.

Let your instincts guide you as you choose your online support system, and go with what makes you feel welcome and comfortable, even if it is just a gut feeling. Also remember that you are not restricted to using just one community. You might end up using two or three communities regularly. And finally, keep in mind that the best system for you might not be the best one for everyone. The important thing is that you like it.
The power of online support systems should not be underestimated! They can help you lose weight, eat better, and stay healthy. Using them as part of your overall support system and weight loss surgery plan can improve your outcome and be fun as well!