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Did you keep it a secret?



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The only one that knows that I am 3 of 6 months into this process, and will probably have the surgery in May, is my husband and a friend from church. Right from the beginning I knew I wanted to keep this to myself because of all the opinionated people in my life, and when I told that close friend from church about it, I could see right away that it was a mistake. I saw her judgement in her eyes. So I will tell no one else until I am home recovering. I think even my husband disapproves, thinking that I should just be able to lose the weight on my own. Well, he's only 5'6" and weighs about 140.... so he's always been a smaller man and has never had weight issues. And we've only been married for almost 3 years, so he has no idea how this weight has been like a roller-coaster for me all my life, even though I've done my best to explain.

So yeah, for now it's my "dirty little secret" ...but I'm really looking forward to telling everyone afterwards and seeing/hearing their reactions!!

Did YOU keep it secret?

What were some of the replies and reactions when you finally told your friends/family?

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OMG... I have been telling everyone. Only person I refuse to tell is my mom. She wouldn't understand and it will only infuriate her and I don't need her two cents. Most ppl have been super encouraging. I am the type of person who doesn't really care what others think.

Edited by Belladonna723

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To tell or not to tell is your choice! No worries either way.

I told folks who asked, but volunteered little UNLESS a question was asked.

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I didn't even want to tell my husband but of course I did. He was concerned and mentioned it to my daughter (she's an RN).

I have talked about it to my sister in law and to my best friend. Both of whom have struggled with their weight and surprisingly neither were very supportive, more apprehensive I guess. So I don't plan to shout it from the rooftop or tell random strangers but if someone should ask me I'll tell them

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I've been telling everyone, and sometimes I regret it, because negative energy is not what I need right now. But I'm so excited about this and want to share my joy with those around me. I hate the fact that people don't understand how necessary this is.

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I have kept it private. I wouldn't call it "secret" -- I certainly wouldn't call it a dirty little secret. I have no shame in it either way. I'm a rather private person; when I had other medical procedures done I kept those private as well.

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I've been telling everyone, and sometimes I regret it, because negative energy is not what I need right now. But I'm so excited about this and want to share my joy with those around me. I hate the fact that people don't understand how necessary this is.

I did the same thing. I told everyone. I was excited. I got some positive and negative comment. Mostly positive. Some people told me I really don't need it and that is a dangerous surgery. I thought all surgeries can be risky but if you have faith in the Good Lord he will bring you through. Then I was told by one individual that is the lazy way out. Clearly that individual didn't educate themselves about the surgery. You have some people that have a one track mind. I simply ignore the negative and wrap my arms around the positive. Sometimes people don't want to see you change for the better. It's sad

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It is a hot topic for sure. I come from a very large family. I told most I was having surgery before hand, those I rely on for support and whose opinion I value. Some knew earlier than others, and that was really based on me coming to grips with it. I did explain that it is my news to share and if anyone wanted information, it should come from me. I'm not someone who inquires about other's opinions on matters personal to me, I research things a lot and base my decisions on the facts I find. The people that know me, know I don't' dive in without knowing all I can on a subject. I could not have hoped for a more supportive group of people, I know I'm blessed.

Some members of my family and some friends get in their own way and form opinions based on what they believe to be true, based in fact or not. It is based in love, but I didn't' want to have to debate the topic knowing it would only lead to frustration on my part and unnecessary worry on theirs. I did tell the rest after the fact. Other than my family and a few close friends, I didn't share unless I was asked. At work I shared with the two women in my office. They have always been supportive of my weight loss efforts and I felt I could. I did ask them not to share the information and found out later that one did share it with other staff who in turned asked me about it. I knew the potential for this, and am not in any way embarrassed or ashamed of my decision. It's a very personal choice to share our private business. It's up to you and you alone to decide what works best for you.

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I am 45 years old and the baby of a large family with 3 other siblings. My husband is the only one who knows, didn't even tell my two children (17 and 13). Only when I was done with the surgery and in the hospital recovering did I tell my family that went in for a 'hernia repair' (which wasn't a lie because I did have that done too). They were not happy with me for not telling them I went in for surgery but I just told them I wanted no visitors and to recover in private. We all live local so it was quite a feat I pulled off. I'm only down 35 lbs since October (cw is 185) so it has not been a drastic loss. No one has questioned me.

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I'm not embarrassed or ashamed; I just know that people around me already think negative of people who had to "resort" to surgery from past conversations, and at this point I'd just rather not hear their negativity. Many years ago I followed a strict Atkins diet....my gosh, my stepmother was just aghast at the food I was eating, she was adamant that the only healthy way to eat is Low Fat, which I was quick to tell her was a way of eating I would NEVER do! LOL.

Yes, most people don't bother to gather knowledge about things themselves, and rely on third or 4th party "knowledge" which is usually skewed. Beleive me, I took my time and researched all of this before proceding, and I know it will be one of the best decisions of my life!

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I have not told anyone except my daughter. luckily I recovered fast so even at work I just told them I had been out of town for 1 week.

I live in India. There is not much awareness of this surgery here. and people will gossip.

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I'm not embarrassed or ashamed; I just know that people around me already think negative of people who had to "resort" to surgery from past conversations, and at this point I'd just rather not hear their negativity. Many years ago I followed a strict Atkins diet....my gosh, my stepmother was just aghast at the food I was eating, she was adamant that the only healthy way to eat is Low Fat, which I was quick to tell her was a way of eating I would NEVER do! LOL.

Yes, most people don't bother to gather knowledge about things themselves, and rely on third or 4th party "knowledge" which is usually skewed. Beleive me, I took my time and researched all of this before proceding, and I know it will be one of the best decisions of my life!

It really is a shame that there is a stigma attached to weight loss surgery, I think in short time that will change. With celebrities/public figures reporting on their decision and success, I think public perception will change.

Anyone who has not struggled long term with weight issues really can never understand how hard it is, and how having this surgery can seem like a life saver. In a lot of cases it is. I'm glad you found this forum, we get it and have been where you are. I know for me it was the very best thing I ever did for myself.

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This is a hot topic indeed! I told no one but my HR Rep and my supervisor. This is a decision I made and I didn't want any negative feedback.

I agree with you Wendyt it's not about being ashamed; I choose to keep my medical history private.

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I've told my husband, father and friends. I've gotten reactions from happiness for me to fear and warnings to think about it a lot because it's dangerous and they know someone who had the surgery and had complications, etc etc. I guess they don't realize that I have been thinking about this for over 10 years now.

None of the people that I have told are majorly overweight like me so they don't understand my decision. You would think friends and family and people who love you would want you to be healthier. I don't understand the stigma attached to it.

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My husband, mother and my bosses know about my surgery but I have kept it very quiet. I certainly am not ashamed of the surgery but I work with a bunch of doctors and nurses who, to be blunt, they act like high school girls and gossip incessantly LOL. My dad has some...shall we say, not-so-supportive opinions on WLS so I have omitted him from the "in crowd" :)

To me, this is a very personal decision and one that I have not undertaken lightly. I do not feel the need to justify, debate or argue my position and decision and trust me, there are those I work with who would feel it their duty to question and judge my decision. It makes it an interesting situation that I am having the surgery at the hospital I work at, but I have taken measures to make sure I am listed as a confidential patient to minimize "running into" some of my collaborating physicians.

By nature, I am a private person, I only today adjusted my ticker to list my weight, and I am actually more focused on the results than the surgery (well, maybe not totally focused on results with the surgery looming in the next 10 days LOL) itself :D

Bless everyone on these boards who has had, is contemplating or is planning on this life-changing adventure-you guys have helped keep me sane! :P

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