I feel so horrible.

I am a self sabotaging masochist!

This afternoon, I went out with a friend, and she really wanted to go to this one restaurant, so we went, and I thought "I'll be fine". But next thing I know, I eat 3 spoons of her fettuccine with shrimp, I have 2 spoons of lobster bisque, and we got a free dessert because we received bad service! And guess what?! I thought I'd take a bite off that chocolate lava cake too!

I get home right after, and throw everything up!!! Ughhh, it was SO uncomfortable!

But you think that would be it, but my brother orders pizza tonight, and AGAIN, as if nothing happened this afternoon, I eat a slice! I didn't throw up this time, but I spent the last 30mins feeling so uncomfortable!

I can only think right now of how much I hate myself. After all I did for this, I just kept hurting myself today! I just want to cry! :-(

I did this myself today I had a small cup of beans and cheese from del taco and didn't stop until I also ate part of a steak taco and it got stuck and I had to force myself to throw up. I consider it a lesson and now I wont push the boundary again. I am also week 3 don't hate yourself just learn from the mistake.

Tomorrow is a new day. Decide if your in or out-- 3 weeks and regular food can be fatal-- leaks are real and can kill you if you get pertonitis.

Chew it up SPIT it out ! I cannot tell you more simply ! You are risking your health and your life-- No food is worth it. You weren't ready , if you continue this self destructive behavior you need to seek counseling from the surgeons office. Get it together or you will hurt yourself.

I am 2.5 weeks out. I am on soft foods. But I am finding myself taking a bite of a corn muffin , or a bite of a cookie. I am getting all my protein in and most of my liquid. I am amazed that I can eat this stuff. A weekend ago a bite of tuna was difficult. I am between 600 and 800 calories. But boy all the temptations are here. I appreciate this site. Reading posts have been do helpful. It's going to be a struggle ... Thanks to all for being here

I think early on we are greatly affected by our long-time eating habits. We ate large, and even with a few weeks on a strict diet and having 80% of our stomach removed! early on nasty old habits take us hostage pretty easily. I missed having your experience, but even though I've reduced the size of the servings I take, I rarely am able to eat 10% of what I put on my plate -- right now. I've switched to a salad plate and am trying to minimize my serving size. Right now I couldn't eat a lot if I tried, and i fortunately have a healthy eating family (I was the ringer) who support me, but I know that my many years of overeating could grab me in a heartbeat. It scares me crazy.

I don't know who did the psych eval or who your dr is, but it sounds like you were not informed very well at all! If you don't even know the sign of a leak, then you need to google it and call your dr! I am 3 weeks post op and I. Purée! I have gone to 2 restaurants and cooked every day for my family! Do I want to eat,,,, he'll yea ,,,, but I would rather live than die! You should not just be worried about a leak, ask your dr how eating to soon can get food stuck I. The bottom of your stomach, and next thing you know your getting emergence surg for gastric bypass!!!

Alot of my family members eat pizza aroind me. It really suxs watching them eat but i just ate the cheese of the top and picked everything else off. It was just enough for me to feel like i was eating the pizza without eating all the dough.

Look, it's been a hard week. It's taking everything I have to keep in control. And I am 5 months out.

Yes we all go through this, and usually once is enough. But I am worried that it was not enough for you. I am also worried about the 'just a bite of muffins, just a bit of cookies'... comments

1) at this point you are in earliest recovery from major surgery and you can DAMAGE the recovery. If a piece of 'gunk' get's lodged in the healing sleeve bad juju can result. Sweet Jesus cut it out.

2) "just a bit"... is the beginning of a VERY slippery slope to fatness

Consider reading some of the "enabler" and "food addict" threads.

Also consider some therapy to discover why you are on this road.

But get your head in the game. Darlin' it does not get easier, and there are fat folks out there post-sleeve... please don't be one of them.

And again sorry... I am all outa tea and sympathy.

Look, it's been a hard week. It's taking everything I have to keep in control. And I am 5 months out.

Yes we all go through this, and usually once is enough. But I am worried that it was not enough for you. I am also worried about the 'just a bite of muffins, just a bit of cookies'... comments

1) at this point you are in earliest recovery from major surgery and you can DAMAGE the recovery. If a piece of 'gunk' get's lodged in the healing sleeve bad juju can result. Sweet Jesus cut it out.

2) "just a bit"... is the beginning of a VERY slippery slope to fatness

Consider reading some of the "enabler" and "food addict" threads.

Also consider some therapy to discover why you are on this road.

But get your head in the game. Darlin' it does not get easier, and there are fat folks out there post-sleeve... please don't be one of them.

And again sorry... I am all outa tea and sympathy.

I think this was well said. And your right i could not even imagine eating a cookie. Thats crazy. We all have some type of addiction to food or we would not have had the surgery. If i have to go out for dinner with the family i follow my diet plan and will often only have soup. As far as pizza goes, like i said before picking off the cheese was plenty for me. A few days ago i started to eat chicken breast something i can have and omg somw of it got suck it hurt so bad. So i will wait to try it again. If you really need something sweet go get some suger free jello, pudding or popsicles. And only eat one.... i had my surgery on 10/15.

Hardly anyone on this site will admit it but we've all been there. We all test our sleeves to see what it will handle. Last nite we went to Hometown Buffet. I filled my plate and took 1 bite of each thing. 8 bites total. I even took 1 bite of 3 different desserts. I didn't beat myself up for it cuz I live in the REAL world, where we eat what everyone else eats. I did notice how many obese people eat there tho. Never really noticed it before. The table next to us had about 8 people, the least weighing in at about 230. They went back again, again, and again. It amazed me. I was satisfied with my 1 bite of each thing I loved. Got on the scale this morning and I lost 1 lb! Yeah! Hometown Buffet and I actually lost 1 lb. Amazing.... Just pick yourself up and quit beating yourself up. Ur gunna eat pizza, pasta, bread, and other "taboo" foods. It's great just being able to eat a couple bites of it tho, isn't it? Thats what I luv about my sleeve.

For me, eating is a social activity as well as a life-sustaining one. My hardest hurdles have been dining out with friends and family and not bring able to fully "socialize ." It is getting better, though. I wish I could sleep through the holidays and wake up a new woman!

Dont feel bad earthyGoalie....today I couldnt control myself ....and ate 3 spoonfuls of cookie and cream ice cream....and yes I do feel very guilty for doin so but what we have to do is recognize that this is unacceptable behavior and that tomorrow is a new day and with another chance to make good decisions.....for the most part im on the straight and narrow but I do have my weakness ....we can do it .......FYI I dont care how many people on this forum ACT lile they dont slip.up cheat whatever you want to call but they do they just fear judgement so they dont say anything....I could care less what anyone thinks ...ijs

Dont feel bad earthyGoalie....today I couldnt control myself ....and ate 3 spoonfuls of cookie and cream ice cream....and yes I do feel very guilty for doin so but what we have to do is recognize that this is unacceptable behavior and that tomorrow is a new day and with another chance to make good decisions.....for the most part im on the straight and narrow but I do have my weakness ....we can do it .......FYI I dont care how many people on this forum ACT lile they dont slip.up cheat whatever you want to call but they do they just fear judgement so they dont say anything....I could care less what anyone thinks ...ijs

Thank you! I needed to hear this. I do try my best to own up to my mistakes and slip ups and enter them in myfitnesspal whether or not I'm proud. :-(

But yes, you are right, tomorrow is another day!

Don't do guilt EG. It is destructive. We are on a learning journey, and some of us don't get the lesson immediately.

As for dietary advice post op, it varies enormously. I was served pureed food on my second day post op. Couldn't eat it, but my surgeon is very relaxed about eating.

The advice differs in the same way that the surgical techniques differ, and the experience of the surgeon differs. Some surgeons staple. Some staple and over-sew. Some staple, over-sew and glue!

Leaks are actually kinda rare. You will not cause a leak by having a few bites of naughty food. Now, before everyone flames me, I am not "enabling". Of course everyone should stick to the plan, but when they fall off the wagon, just recognise that it's a blip. Work out why it happened and try not to let it happen again.

But fear and guilt will not help. Facts and reason will.

hi there - I just want to say something that my physiologist said to me " skinny people eat desert". Please don't be so hard on yourselves about what type of foods you eat. As long as you are addressing your nutritional requirements most of the time I think you are all doing great. I had my operation in Australia 18 months ago and completely understand everyone's anxiety about eating "bad foods" but over the months (I am at goal now and have maintained for the last 6 months) I have learned that it is all about how much you eat not what you eat. I basically eat what I want now - I probably don't eat enough green veges but hey I never said this operation would make me perfect! I also only just started going to the gym - I have always hated exercise so the operation wasn't going to change that either! I think just taking the step to have the operation is a huge step in the right direction so just be kind to yourself in other aspects of your life and take the baby steps. You will get there in the end and you will be learning all the way! Good luck to everyone on their journeys and throw away the guilt trips - you did the bravest thing by taking the step to have major surgery to improve your life - be proud of that!

Dont feel bad earthyGoalie....today I couldnt control myself ....and ate 3 spoonfuls of cookie and cream ice cream....and yes I do feel very guilty for doin so but what we have to do is recognize that this is unacceptable behavior and that tomorrow is a new day and with another chance to make good decisions.....for the most part im on the straight and narrow but I do have my weakness ....we can do it .......FYI I dont care how many people on this forum ACT lile they dont slip.up cheat whatever you want to call but they do they just fear judgement so they dont say anything....I could care less what anyone thinks ...ijs

OK, nonody is perfect. But at age 64 I am old and crochity enough to say the truth. My "flaw" is coffee, but I really don't do ANY sweets or simple carbs. I can't. I am a addict and it MESSES ME UP a lot more that the temporary joy.

So, while some might "cheat and stay silent". I hope not. And I don't.