I feel so horrible.

I am a self sabotaging masochist!

This afternoon, I went out with a friend, and she really wanted to go to this one restaurant, so we went, and I thought "I'll be fine". But next thing I know, I eat 3 spoons of her fettuccine with shrimp, I have 2 spoons of lobster bisque, and we got a free dessert because we received bad service! And guess what?! I thought I'd take a bite off that chocolate lava cake too!

I get home right after, and throw everything up!!! Ughhh, it was SO uncomfortable!

But you think that would be it, but my brother orders pizza tonight, and AGAIN, as if nothing happened this afternoon, I eat a slice! I didn't throw up this time, but I spent the last 30mins feeling so uncomfortable!

I can only think right now of how much I hate myself. After all I did for this, I just kept hurting myself today! I just want to cry! :-(

Sorry I'm not sugar coating anything. You're 3 weeks out AND you know better. Why would you go through all of this to possibly damage a major organ in your body? It's not healed yet. You need to call your doctor and try to get some assistance and also the people around you need to be told don't do that and should be more supportive than that. It's not ok. Really.

{)i(} Sent from my iPhone using VST {)i(}

Sorry- also you don't want complications. If you don't follow the rules who will you blame your complications on- yourself or the procedure? Sorry I'm upset with you right now. You need some tough love. I don't like your people right now for not caring more. Come here next time you get ready to do something crazy like that. We all would like a slice of pizza or a bite of dessert, and I am sitting here miserable on my liquid diet, but I'll be damned if I would go through all of this and cause myself harm for a bite of Pasta. It can wait.

{)i(} Sent from my iPhone using VST {)i(}

I know. You are absolutely right. I've felt so miserable since then :-(

And yeah, I don't think the people around me, friends and family, understand all of this for me. Though I've done my job, and explained to everyone concerned in my life what this surgery means and what needs to be done following it... But I just feel that they don't see it as SUCH a big deal. I feel that to them, it's like "one little thing won't do anything". And I'm a food addict and that kind of response from them does me not good. But what should I have expected? They're food addicts too! This is really hard for me. I don't see a therapist because they are too expensive and I just lost my job, so I try to treat myself through other resources online and in books and support groups...

I've always been the self sabotaging type. :-/

But anyway, I'm back on track now , and I'm gonna do my best to stay there... *sigh*

Edited October 22, 201312 yr by EarthyGoalie

Treating yourself will never come close to seeing someone who is trained to deal with addiction and self-sabotaging behavior. Do without something and see someone. There are plenty of cost effective options and even clinical psychologists who will do pro bono work.

I met some friends at Olive Garden and did great! I chose the grilled Apricot Chicken with steamed broccoli and asparagus. I did get parmesan cheese on it. It's on their lighter side portion of their menu. I could only eat one chicken breast and some broccoli. I stopped when I knew I should. My friends were gorging themselves and I had no problem with it. I'm on a mission and on a new path. I was very aware of how much each of us were eating. What a change. I'd eat a whole basket of bread sticks dipped in Alfredo sauce, salad and a meal. Lol. Things have changed! I left proud of me and how strong I am. This sleeve has been gift!

I met some friends at Olive Garden and did great! I chose the grilled Apricot chicken with steamed broccoli and asparagus. I did get parmesan cheese on it. It's on their lighter side portion of their menu. I could only eat one chicken breast and some broccoli. I stopped when I knew I should. My friends were gorging themselves and I had no problem with it. I'm on a mission and on a new path. I was very aware of how much each of us were eating. What a change. I'd eat a whole basket of bread sticks dipped in Alfredo sauce' date=' salad and a meal. Lol. Things have changed! I left proud of me and how strong I am. This sleeve has been gift![/quote']

Wow that's really good to hear. I'm happy for u. :-)

I know. You are absolutely right. I've felt so miserable since then :-(

And yeah, I don't think the people around me, friends and family, understand all of this for me. Though I've done my job, and explained to everyone concerned in my life what this surgery means and what needs to be done following it... But I just feel that they don't see it as SUCH a big deal. I feel that to them, it's like "one little thing won't do anything". And I'm a food addict and that kind of response from them does me not good. But what should I have expected? They're food addicts too! This is really hard for me. I don't see a therapist because they are too expensive and I just lost my job, so I try to treat myself through other resources online and in books and support groups...

I've always been the self sabotaging type. :-/

But anyway, I'm back on track now , and I'm gonna do my best to stay there... *sigh*

Ok here is a little bit of tough love!.....You need to take responsibility for yourself. Your friends and family may be food addicts, but that doesn't mean you need to continue to be one too. It's great that you recognize it as self sabotage, but the next step is to do something about it. There are tonnes of good books that you can buy that can help you discover why you are self sabotage. From my experience, my obesity had nothing to do with food. Food was how I chose to deal with issues that arose in my life. If you don't change your behaviour you will continue to have the same outcome. The surgery is a tool and you have to work REALLY hard to have a good long term outcome. You can do this and you are worth it. Take responsibility for your actions and change them. This is REALLY REALLY important. Having this surgery is a gift. I don't want this to sound preachy but I am passionate about this because in the past I was exactly the same. I have now realized that this has got me nowhere and change is merely a decision. Good luck

I met some friends at Olive Garden and did great! I chose the grilled Apricot chicken with steamed broccoli and asparagus. I did get parmesan cheese on it. It's on their lighter side portion of their menu. I could only eat one chicken breast and some broccoli. I stopped when I knew I should. My friends were gorging themselves and I had no problem with it. I'm on a mission and on a new path. I was very aware of how much each of us were eating. What a change. I'd eat a whole basket of bread sticks dipped in Alfredo sauce' date=' salad and a meal. Lol. Things have changed! I left proud of me and how strong I am. This sleeve has been gift![/quote']

I met my cousin last week at Olive Garden and had the exact same thing!

I know. You are absolutely right. I've felt so miserable since then :-( And yeah' date=' I don't think the people around me, friends and family, understand all of this for me. Though I've done my job, and explained to everyone concerned in my life what this surgery means and what needs to be done following it... But I just feel that they don't see it as SUCH a big deal. I feel that to them, it's like "one little thing won't do anything". And I'm a food addict and that kind of response from them does me not good. But what should I have expected? They're food addicts too! This is really hard for me. I don't see a therapist because they are too expensive and I just lost my job, so I try to treat myself through other resources online and in books and support groups... I've always been the self sabotaging type. :-/ But anyway, I'm back on track now , and I'm gonna do my best to stay there... *sigh*[/quote']

EG,

I can definitely understand that at this time getting a therapist may not be in the cards, but you surgeon may have an option as well. You need someone supportive to count on on a regular basis who understands addiction.

{)i(} Sent from my iPhone using VST {)i(}

Be careful. This is how leaks happen.

Thanks everyone. I am taking into consideration all of your advice. I will also speak to my surgeon.

Speaking of leaks, what are the usual symptoms? I heard it was fever and vomiting?

Lol, thanks. I have been kicking myself in the butt all day. I got punished a second time too, it wasn't over for me after vomiting after the restaurant; after that pizza, I spent a good amount of time running back and forth to the bathroom. Ugh. I hope I learned my lesson. It was fun while I was eating, but then I was miserable the rest of the time, which is kind of how I would describe my way of eating in the past, so I'm mostly scared of going back to that; eating and then regretting. I have gone back to liquid diet today, just because I'm a bit scared since yesterday I guess... *sigh*

By the way, I noticed you mentioned you were still on liquids at 3 weeks. Isn't it just weird that my surgeon got me on soft food already on day 3 postoperative? I didn't do it though, I stayed on puréed a little longer....

I think it's pretty rare to be on soft foods on day 3 (not unheard of, but really rare). I think my drs diet is a little conservative (4 weeks of liquids, 4 weeks of soft foods, then regular) but then I didn't have to deal with a lengthy pre op diet (24 hrs of liquids) so what am I complaining about? On week 3, I emailed my nurse telling her I was doing well and asking if I could go onto soft foods early. I was expecting a resounding - YES! What I got was the opposite. Absolutely not. Have to do the entire 4 weeks (and hubby was the diet nazi. He woulda tattled on me if I had cheated)

I think the norm is at least 2 weeks of liquids however. And I didn't have purees, went straight to soft foods. When I was going thru it, it was tough. That 4 weeks was soooo long. But now I think "no big deal".

You can do this. Get back to ur prescribed diet and kick it outa the park!

Edited October 23, 201312 yr by marfar7

6 months out still dont do pasta!

I can do thin slice pizza only half a slice

Please follow the NUT eating plan for you :-)