Why is it when it comes to weight loss you truly see "friends" for who they really are? Why does it suddenly have to be a competition?

Here i am about 5 wks post op still struggling to lose weight haven't found that sweet spot probably won’t' until a few more fills. when i get this email from someone i would have considered a friend right up until I hit read…. All I had asked was where she had been for the last few day’s and that I had missed her at lunch as she was blowing me off..

the response I get.

Mostly yada yada yada.. oh I lost 10 more lbs last week getting to the gym WITHOUT you. WTF….

Where is the encouragement in that. Where is the support I had hopped for by sharing what is going on in my life. She knows I had WLS.. suddenly she’s I’d never do that to my body… I feel like I just got kicked right to the curb.. i was there for her through her illness, her husbands illness and most recently her daughters to support, care and just be a friend never once judging..

Feeling completely disillusioned it's not the first jab she's made but i guess it will be the last one i allow her to make.

Jealousy!!! Or she doesn't know what to say or how to react toward the band. Tell her you are the same person you always was but now you have a 'tool' to help you because you needed help and you would still like her help and her in your life. Put it into her court and see where it goes. Then you will know if she was a true friend or just needed you when her life wasn't perfect. There are so many users, it is sad.

We are all here for you and to help you. I use to 'belong' to a group of friends when I was a wealthy business owner. I since lost the business and live now SS check to another. They are all gone from my life-go figure! My husband and I are the same people but have a lot less money. People?!?

Have a great day.

Why is it when it comes to weight loss you truly see "friends" for who they really are? Why does it suddenly have to be a competition?

Here i am about 5 wks post op still struggling to lose weight haven't found that sweet spot probably won’t' until a few more fills. when i get this email from someone i would have considered a friend right up until I hit read…. All I had asked was where she had been for the last few day’s and that I had missed her at lunch as she was blowing me off..

the response I get.

Mostly yada yada yada.. oh I lost 10 more lbs last week getting to the gym WITHOUT you. WTF….

Where is the encouragement in that. Where is the support I had hopped for by sharing what is going on in my life. She knows I had WLS.. suddenly she’s I’d never do that to my body… I feel like I just got kicked right to the curb.. i was there for her through her illness, her husbands illness and most recently her daughters to support, care and just be a friend never once judging..

Feeling completely disillusioned it's not the first jab she's made but i guess it will be the last one i allow her to make.

sorry this happened....seems to me that someone is (jealous hint the 10 pounds comment).....who knows if its true..10 pounds in a week is hard and most likely Water weight...sounds like BS to me.....but what i suggest is you be the bigger/better/mature person....silence is golden......being a real friend means more than words....sooner or later, this person will realize that...

hang in there.

Jealousy!!! Or she doesn't know what to say or how to react toward the band. Tell her you are the same person you always was but now you have a 'tool' to help you because you needed help and you would still like her help and her in your life. Put it into her court and see where it goes. Then you will know if she was a true friend or just needed you when her life wasn't perfect. There are so many users' date=' it is sad. We are all here for you and to help you. I use to 'belong' to a group of friends when I was a wealthy business owner. I since lost the business and live now SS check to another. They are all gone from my life-go figure! My husband and I are the same people but have a lot less money. People?!? Have a great day.[/quote']

Some people don't know how to react. Even the banded. I have like 4-5 Friends which were banded, and 2 of them have gained it back, somewhat mad at me because I haven't joined them on the fast foodie wagon. Now I wish they didn't know. But it is what it is. And I continue to strive, come here for support. I might not post all the time, but I read for encouragement. I know I want this. I'm halfway there. Some days are a struggle, other days aren't. I use it as a tool, that's what it is. I didn't get the sleeve, sometimes I wish i had, either way I'm ok. There are days when you really find out how your friends are, and on those days , I avoid them. I do not need anyone bringing me down like that anymore. As each pound melts away, a new me is flourishing. And you know what, she is an awesome woman!

She's jealous of your journey to a new you. Sure, she's lost 10 so far...she might even hit a nice 50 pound loss - but we all know that it's going to eventually come back. She has shown you that she isn't a true friend. You supported her through her troubled times which shows character, but she can't support you through your exciting journey? Nah. You're better off without her and in the words of the great Maya Angelou: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Why is it when it comes to weight loss you truly see "friends" for who they really are? Why does it suddenly have to be a competition?

Here i am about 5 wks post op still struggling to lose weight haven't found that sweet spot probably won’t' until a few more fills. when i get this email from someone i would have considered a friend right up until I hit read…. All I had asked was where she had been for the last few day’s and that I had missed her at lunch as she was blowing me off..

the response I get.

Mostly yada yada yada.. oh I lost 10 more lbs last week getting to the gym WITHOUT you. WTF….

Where is the encouragement in that. Where is the support I had hopped for by sharing what is going on in my life. She knows I had WLS.. suddenly she’s I’d never do that to my body… I feel like I just got kicked right to the curb.. i was there for her through her illness' date=' her husbands illness and most recently her daughters to support, care and just be a friend never once judging..

Feeling completely disillusioned it's not the first jab she's made but i guess it will be the last one i allow her to make. <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/sad.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' /> [/quote']

Every heard of kill them with kindness I know it sucks how people acted out of jealousy but keep true to your friendship continue to encourage her let her know its great that she is loosen weight open the door let her know that you are here for her if she needs you and you support her and you would love to continue this WL journey together sometime people want help or even feel left out when they feel you moving forward in your life don't let there issues discourage you. Keep moving ahead because at the end of the day it's all about your personal goal and no one else's

Best of luck

Ah..I'm sorry friend. I have had to deal with those type of people my whole life. They always need to be one up on someone so they can feel good about themselves.

Have pity for her, she must really not like herself very much. You on the other hand, are showing yourself some real love and taking care of your body without putting your issues onto someone else plate. (all pun intended)

Keep up the good work, give yourself some TLC and come here for support any ole time you need it!

thanks guys.. you are all truly wonderful people.. the only thing i replied to her was with WAY TO GO... I will continue to just focus on me.. if she wants to join me on my journey the door will always be open but for now i'll stay on this side of it and figure things out for my self.. :wub:

Sadly its not just friends that react like that. It can be family too. My brother bless him was the loudest cheerer on my squad regarding my weight loss and healthier life.. He txt me regularly offering advice support.. Until my sister told him I'd had surgery to help me on my way.. Nothing no contact at all. I took the easy way out.. Easy my bum!! So I txt him its probably easier to accept I needed help than accept my death before 40. You won't need to carry my coffin now!!! Your lovely don't mind ignorant people.. You doing great

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Sadly its not just friends that react like that. It can be family too. My brother bless him was the loudest cheerer on my squad regarding my weight loss and healthier life.. He txt me regularly offering advice support.. Until my sister told him I'd had surgery to help me on my way.. Nothing no contact at all. I took the easy way out.. Easy my bum!! So I txt him its probably easier to accept I needed help than accept my death before 40. You won't need to carry my coffin now!!! Your lovely don't mind ignorant people.. You doing great

Sent from my GT-S5830 using LapBandTalk

Sorry to hear that your brother is like that. When I first met my original surgeon I said to her that I felt it was the easy way out and she no it isn't. You have to work hard at it. She was right. I do work hard and do things now that I didn't do when I was heavier, like want to go for a walk or go to the gym.

My entire life is transformed. I can put on my own shoes easily. Bath myself. Wipe my own bum ;( (that was humiliating daily). Amongst a load of other things. 4 months on I'm 86llb down, I can do everything I need to for myself. I walk at least 2 hours a day with my dogs. I've started jogging. I watch what I eat 99% of the time. Its not easy to change that much of your life. I'm proud of me even if he isn't..

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My entire life is transformed. I can put on my own shoes easily. Bath myself. Wipe my own bum ;( (that was humiliating daily). Amongst a load of other things. 4 months on I'm 86llb down' date=' I can do everything I need to for myself. I walk at least 2 hours a day with my dogs. I've started jogging. I watch what I eat 99% of the time. Its not easy to change that much of your life. I'm proud of me even if he isn't.. Sent from my GT-S5830 using LapBandTalk[/quote']

That is amazing! Congratulations and keep up the great work - you are an inspiration!

Thanks es1120, don't know about an inspiration but thats a lovely compliment.. Hope things are going well for everybody else too.. Its hard work but worth it no pain no gain

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I saw this happen with my mother (from my dad) and now my mom wants to do this to me. My mother was on weight watchers and lost 50 pounds then hit a plateau...so she joined a local gym. Then my father joined the same gym and lost weight and unknowingly sabotaged my mothers progress. My mom left weight watchers then the gym and has gained some weight back. Now my mom has seen my weight loss and yes is happy for me, but now it is weird. I have been on many "diets" and have been successful for a while, but eventually gain the weight back. But this time it is different, my HEAD and HEART are in the game. I pray for continued success everyday (and for all of us that struggle with weight) but this journey is one that I think I have to travel on my own.

(((Hugs)))

This is an old thread but I have something similar going on. My brother & sister-in-law have acted totally different towards me since I have had surgery. We were all three overweight. They used to go out with my husband and I on the weekends & now they don't even call. I see them at family functions and we are all polite it's just a huge change. It makes me sad but I don't go around flaunting that I'm losing weight. But when we go to functions people do comment on my weight loss. I feel I act graciously to the comments.

I didn't have this surgery to make anyone jealous - I did it because I was morbidly obese. I just couldn't live like that anymore.