I am so upset. I am almost halfway through my six months of supervised diet to get approved with my ins and everytime my husband gets really mad at me he threatens to take me off of his ins. I am on his ins plan because I work for myself and getting ins for myself would be way too expensive. Today, he picked up the phone and started to call the ins co. and I ran out of the room crying. He knows how much this means to me and he is holding it over my head.:cry

Any advice?

Janiee

Oh he is not physically abusive but goes for several days without talking to me when I have done something to make him mad, and most of the time I have no clue what set him off. I guess that since the health Ins and lapband are so important to me right now, he is using those as tools to punish me by threatening to pull the plug on my journey.

My ex-husband used to behave exactly the same way. Sweetie, there's a name for this. It's emotional abuse. You don't deserve this kind of treatment, and IMO he's sending you a strong, clear message that he doesn't really want to be married.

I hope you find some peace, before this situation goes on too much longer. No one deserves this sort of situation at home. Life doesn't have to be so negative.

I'm sorry for all your troubles Jainee. Your husband is very immature. You two do not need to have kids, that's for sure. I hope you can proceed forward with your surgery--that is for you. I would not trouble the waters with dh until that was accomplished. Find yourself a good network of support, because you will need it if you can't find it at home.

My ex-husband used to behave exactly the same way. Sweetie, there's a name for this. It's emotional abuse. You don't deserve this kind of treatment, and IMO he's sending you a strong, clear message that he doesn't really want to be married.

I hope you find some peace, before this situation goes on too much longer. No one deserves this sort of situation at home. Life doesn't have to be so negative.

I agree with Alexandra. OR if he does want to be married he certainly doesn't want you to be equals.

That's how it started with my ex, instead of not talking to me he would go to the bars (I was under 21 and he was 23) and stay out until 3 or 4 in the morning. Then tell me it was my fault he didn't want to be/stay home. I invested a huge amount of money in opening a business that was his dream, after 2 years, he decided I was not supporting his dream enough and closed the business (refused to sell it, or contuine to work there until I could sell it). I lost $25,000 but learned a very strong lesson. I had to love myself enough to not take the mental/emotional abuse anymore. I am sorry that things are not smooth for you right now. I hope you are able to make some kind of resolution and find peace in your life. ~Mandy

You should be entitled to COBRA benefits. I'd check on that directly with the insurance carrier. The next time he brings it up, tell him you'll still have coverage regardless of what he decides to do. Let him make the call. He'll be forced to let it go or think of thing else. You deserved to be be cherished and treasured....not threatened and abused. Keep your spirits up and good luck!

By taking you off of his insurance he has bigger issues to worry about. If something major happens to you, who ends up being responsible for the bills? Both of you. In California, community property state, means even if the bill is in your name, if you are not able to pay, he will be looked to for payment. He better rethink his threats and what they could cost him.

You should be entitled to COBRA benefits. I'd check on that directly with the insurance carrier. The next time he brings it up, tell him you'll still have coverage regardless of what he decides to do. Let him make the call. He'll be forced to let it go or think of thing else. You deserved to be be cherished and treasured....not threatened and abused. Keep your spirits up and good luck!

She would only be entitled to benefits under COBRA if there were a divorce. Simply being taken off a spouse's policy gives her no rights at all.

You know, I think your right. We recently considered an application for COBRA and I remember seeing the word "divorce". It's worth a phone call nonetheless. Janiee, I hope you can get resolution and find peace.

Hmmm...

What is your self-respect worth?

Lap-Bands can be had for around 12-14K and financing is available. :nervous

Seriously, though, this is a choice only you can make. Just do what's right for you.

Truly, best wishes.

Ya know Cascadian, I really want to thank you for this response. I don't have much in my life, but I do have self respect.

At this point in my life, I would rather not have to kiss my husbands ass just to remain on his health ins. I am planning to file for divorice next week and ask one of the hospitals where I work, if they could find more hours for me and make me a full time employee instead of an outside contractor.

I am determined to get the surgery and nothing is going to prevent me from moving along.

I also want to thank everyone who perticipated in this thread and gave me some real things to think about. You people are best!!!

Thank You, Janiee:)

Janiee,

You're welcome. I wish you the very best in this difficult time. You deserve to have a happy, healthy life. We all do, in fact.

Ya know Cascadian, I really want to thank you for this response. I don't have much in my life, but I do have self respect.

At this point in my life, I would rather not have to kiss my husbands ass just to remain on his health ins. I am planning to file for divorice next week and ask one of the hospitals where I work, if they could find more hours for me and make me a full time employee instead of an outside contractor.

I am determined to get the surgery and nothing is going to prevent me from moving along.

I also want to thank everyone who perticipated in this thread and gave me some real things to think about. You people are best!!!

Thank You, Janiee

Janiee:)

Best of luck to you sweetie! I hope that you find all the happiness life has to offer you!

I wish you the best of luck! Your life reminds me of my mom's first dh. He was emotionally abusive-didn't work for long stretches, didn't speak for long stretches, drove by my mom walking with my sister in the winter, etc. And it got worse and worse as the years passed. My mom stayed because of my sister but as soon as she was grown, my mom left. My sister didn't appreciate it-that's for sure. Thank God you don't have any kids with this man. Again, good luck and stay strong.

Ya know Cascadian, I really want to thank you for this response. I don't have much in my life, but I do have self respect.

At this point in my life, I would rather not have to kiss my husbands ass just to remain on his health ins. I am planning to file for divorice next week and ask one of the hospitals where I work, if they could find more hours for me and make me a full time employee instead of an outside contractor.

I am determined to get the surgery and nothing is going to prevent me from moving along.

I also want to thank everyone who perticipated in this thread and gave me some real things to think about. You people are best!!!

Thank You, Janiee:)

Good luck...I think you made the right decision...you DESERVE to be treated with love and respect. BIG step to not take emotional abuse any longer. You are a wonderful human being... go get that surgery. You will also find that not being in a Toxic relationship will change the way you feel about food...

I'm an HR Director and I know benefit laws and regs inside and out. Typically, the ONLY time one can change a dependent on his or her group coverage is during open enrollment or if there is a qualifying event (divorce counts -- him being an @ssh@!e does not count as a qualifying event).

If you are seriously concerned about this, though, call the insurance company for peace of mind (I would call them and not the employer) and find out for yourself, but I think that you will find that he cannot do a thing until the next open enrollment. Even then, you would still qualify for COBRA coverage if he drops you at the open enrollment period. Yes...COBRA is not cheap, but it is probably still a whole lot cheaper than self-pay.

Feel free to PM me if you have any additional questions.

I think I was married to his twin bother, BTW...the best thing I ever did was to divorce the SOB.

Mary

He sounds like a jackass. IMO.

When my husband took me off his insurance coverage, he had to prove to them that I was covered by another insurance plan before they would remove me.

Generally, they only let you remove spouses if:

1) you dissolve the marriage or

2) if the spouse gets other insurance or

3) without reason, if it's during the normal enrollment period.

4) he loses his job or takes a leave of absence and stops making payments.

If there's a way to get your own insurance to cover it instead, I would do that. I would also suggest YOU go to counseling. Regardless of his problems, there's a reason why you're in this marriage, why you let him treat you the way he does and why you're overweight. Work on you and your problems, and the rest will fall into place.

And you might get some tips on handling Mr. Sensitive over there. Now, I'm not a psychologist or anything, but here's my layman tips for the day:

1) Ignore him when he's a jackass. Attention - both positive and negative - reinforce behavior patterns. If he mutters something nasty about you, don't react to it. Things will only escalate. Ignore it as if he never said it.

2) React to him as if he's already the person you want him to be. Treat him in a positive way, as if he's being a real human, and trust that he'll rise to meet your expectations. If you expect him to be an asshole, he will be. If you expect him to be human, and treat him as if he's human, he'll feel totally guilty when he's a jackass, all on his own. And he'll slowly stop being a jackass.

3) Give him praise when he does the least little thing. Don't criticize or nag. Just tell him what a good boy he is and leave it at that. If he did the washing and destroyed your clothes, at least he DID the washing.

Hopefully, by the time your surgery is done and your weight is off, your marriage will be much better. If it isn't, you can always leave.

Right now, it seems like he's checked out of the marriage as it is. So I would just try to keep the conflicts to a minimum, while you get all your ducks in a row and take care of yourself, and decide what you want to do.

Of course, I should talk. My husband has his jackass moments too, and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with them.