Yet again another fight with my husband, I am preop and my surgery scheduled for oct 3rd. initally he was against my surgery but i thought we discussed the benefits but boy was I wrong. we got into fight again and he says to me , go have your "fat surgery, you fat slob". So hurtful, im sitting here crying uncontrollably, he said that he wants nothing to do with surgery and that i better be prepared to go alone ( i have few friends and my mom may be out of town) im still going to have the surgery but i wish i wasnt alone in this battle. its not that he is insecure he just wants to keep me fat. i wish my life was different, i feel so helpless....

Wow. I can see how you would feel that. I am no marriage guru, but it sounds like time for counseling or time to free yourself from your husband. You can't let him talk to you like that! Regardless of what he said, have the surgery. You will be so happy with yourself. I hope you have others that will support you. If not we will be here for you. Hang in there girl.

Thank you so much for your kind words, we had been to counseling or a while but we stopped cause he idnt feel it was beneficial and ork schedules..... I just feel so empty....:/

You sound like you deserve better than that. If the marriage isn't important enough for counseling..... Anyways, hang in there. When is your surgery scheduled for?

i'm soo sorry your husband is a total jerk! i am all alone, i have nobody, no friends and no family around except my 4 yo daughter. i did it and so can you. you deserve the chance to be healthy and happy. don't let anyone rob you of that! your husband has problems. that doesn't mean that they have to become yours also. be strong and you will be just fine!!! hugs

Thank you, i feel like you ladies are giving me strength, my surgery scheduled for oct 3rd.... I also have 2 young kids...

Do NOT let your husbands nasty words get to you!! You ARE a strong, wonderful, loving and beautiful woman!!! Your husband is not worth crying over. If he doesn't support you 100% there are people who do and will support you!! If he won't go to counseling maybe things need to be really looked at as if your on the outside. Nobody deserves abuse!! That is emotionally abusive and shouldn't be tolerated at all!! If you have kids thats wrong that he would treat you that way in front of them or so they can hear....shame on him!! Pick yourself up and keep your head up high!! Do what is right for YOU!!

If you live around me I would drive and pick you up. Your life is important and you want to be around for as long as you can. This is to help you and if he can't understand maybe you should tell him to kiss it! My Dr told me that 1 lady had the surgery and 1 of her reasons was to leave her husband, and another lady had the surgery and decided she didn't want her husband anymore. He became mean and jealous. No woman should ever let a man run their emotions!!

BIG HUGS!!!

Thanks 4kimmy... Im so glad i can vent to you guys.... Im just praying that this passes.... I know im smart ( im a lawyer) but with matters of the heart its always soo hard.... Im determine to go through with the surgery even if i am alone....

Misslaw: send you hugs! No one deserves to be spoken to like that. It's hurtful and makes my heart heavy because if someone I loved even called me chunky I can imagine the pain! Understand anger is a cover up for fear.... Even in an argument! I recommend counseling again.

Wishing you, your husband, and your healthier life all the luck and uplifting prayers!

Surgery 7/25/12

It is possible that he is afraid of you having the surgery and really doesn't know how to express it. But that would be trying to see some good in this. But he sure is acting like a jerk right now.

As hard as it is try not to be to discouraged. You have the date, have the surgery, gather someone to support you and heal and then see where things are.

Emotional abuse is so bad. I know I have been there.

Big Hugs

Yes stay strong!! The way I see it is yea he wants you to stay the way you are. And it could be because of his insecurities and it could be because of your insecurities that you chose to be with him and stay with him. Sometimes us big women are so scared of being alone that we settle. And yes I mean settle just so that we have someone. And we stay with abusive men because we feel we don't deserve better and who would want us. Get the surgery and focus on you and your healing physically and mentally. Not only does this benefit you but your children as well

Are you a lawyer? I'm sorry you're going through that. NOBODY deserves that. Especially from a spouse. Stay srong, you can do this. And if things don't chnage than it;s time for you to get out. It will probably get worse once you lose the weight. Jealousy is a crazy thing. Good Luck hun. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Only you can decide....

Mizzlaw your husban may be a jurk. But remember my self and everyone on this Fourm will be here to support you though your Journy. You are not alone

Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12

I second that. You are NOT alone!

Are you a lawyer? I'm sorry you're going through that. NOBODY deserves that. Especially from a spouse. Stay srong, you can do this. And if things don't chnage than it;s time for you to get out. It will probably get worse once you lose the weight. Jealousy is a crazy thing. Good Luck hun. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Only you can decide....

Yes i am a lawyer..... Ugh no matter what profession/education.....having a fragile self esteem is hard

We all have esteem problems. Some use drugs to help get by some use food. I used food to comfort myself. And having others throw your fat in your face does not help.

You have made a choice to change your self for the better but being thin is just the start. You have to change the way you allow others to influence you. Don't allow them to hurt you. They use words and words can't hurt you.

I have excepted my faults though help with a WLS support group

Check with your doctor and see if there is a support group around you. They are full of people just like you and will help

Surgery Anniversary 7/30/12