I think about 2 things all day, every day. What if I die and my kids don't have a mother? What if I don't die and my kids have a healthy, fun, thin, happy mom? My baby will never even know me.

It seems like either way I'm making the wrong decision. I know I'll never lose the weight without the surgery. But I would rather my kids have a fat mom than no mom.

I'm scheduled 10/14. Ahhhhh!

Ok....

So I read some of the threads you have started' date=' and, well, most if them are full of doubts and fears.

At least three are about dying, and several about not being ready so...

My take away? My opinion?

Your not ready. Plain and simple you are going into this with too many doubts.

Now I'm not saying that all of us should just feel "hey no problem let me just take the leap".

But I measured the risks and in my case (yes I have children I adore) it was a death sentence to stay obese (serious health problems)

I really feel that in your heart of hearts you feel this is not a good move for you?

I don't know... But if you go to your profile and look at all your started threads and read them again you might figure out why this might be a mistake.

Going in with so many doubts, ends up in regrets most of the time.[/quote']

Great post. There is always fear in the back of my mind, but the certainty that I will die young and never have truly lived life out weighs the risk.

Well, idk. I would be terrified of dying if I was going in to have an exploded appendix removed or a cancerous tumor. I am scared of everything. My fears are irrational most of the time and I know this. I'm scared of living this life feeling like **** all the time. I'm scared of dying in surgery. Idk if that means I'm not ready. It could just mean I'm not ignorant.

After the episode I just had in my closet, I think I'm willing to risk it. My health IS bad. At preadmission testing the MD told me I'm basically a medical trainwreck waiting to happen. Pre diabetes, liver enzymes sky high, insulin resistance. I'm not sick now, but I could be soon.

Perhaps you are living with an anxiety disorder and could benefit from therapy or other medical intervention? I'm of course making suggestions knowing nothing about you, but if you haven't thought about that before, maybe it's worth a look. Even if you don't suffer from an anxiety disorder, it sounds like taking the opportunity to discuss your fears with a therapist can help you sort it all out. Truly, I wish you the best of luck as you move forward with whatever decisions you make.

Oh no, I can see what the worry is.

Today I feel like maybe I should leave well enough alone. I have only ever been hospitalized for my 3 totally perfect pregnancies. Beautiful labor and deliveries with no drugs and no stitches. My A1C is perfect. My blood pressure is 110/70 on average. I have energy. I don't have heartburn or nausea or frequent headaches. The only thing that's wrong with me is appearance. I look like shrek. Let's face it' date=' I'm doing this for selfish reasons. What If I go prodding and cutting and stapling and then have to deal with throwing up and malnutrition and hair loss and passing out and feeling weak and being cold? Will I really be happier then?

[/quote']

I had a pretty messed up childhood' date=' suffer from moderate anxiety and hate my job. Will any of this prevent me from being approved for surgery? I feel like I should just lie and pretend I'm perfectly normal. What exactly are they looking for?[/quote']

The person above is right! Run don't walk to therapy.

Good luck dear!

Oh no' date=' I can see what the worry is.

The person above is right! Run don't walk to therapy.

Good luck dear![/quote']

I've seen the therapist. I didn't lie. She approved me.

Well' date=' I am an RN too. Soooo I know too much, that's the problem.[/quote']

I know. I am the other Mrs. Fuller that is also an RN. I feel very comfortable in the OR. Maybe I am a little to trusting. I don't know.

I've seen a lot of your posts and I have to agree with a few others. Maybe having another session with the therapist will help to calm the anxiety you feel. It doesn't mean your not ready by taking that step, it just means...hey, I need to talk with a professional that deals with bariatric patients all the time.

No harm in that. I've been in therapy for 8 years, and I count on it now as my outlet to get out whatever is worrying me.

That said, I've got a 4 & 6 year old at home. I'm not scared to die in the or from this..I'm scared to continue living the way I've been for 6 years and fearing the outcome for THEM instead. See, for me, I'm doing this for me yes...but I'm also doing this for them.

I'm at peace with it. I hope you can get to that point also.

Good luck.