I've read of so many comments about people who how the surgery from friends, families and even doctors. I am just really curious as to why? My surgeon told me of a fellow army wife who had the surgery while her husband was deployed and has never tolld him and they're trying to get pregnant. It just seems like it will cause more problems than help to hide it. This isn't a diss!!! I am just really curious about why one's reasons to hide something so big in your life.

I wouldn't say they feel ashamed. Maybe they want to surprise their family and friends. Many of the people I have known to have done bariatric surgery have not told everyone. They do it and their lifestyles change and they look to see if anyone has noticed. Then there are those folks who are just private. Everyone is different.

Because when people know about it, my weight becomes the sole focus. Every time we meet, "how much weight have you lost?", "you look great!", "have you heard about the new tapeworm diet??". Im a very private person, and with telling people I feel like I'm under a microscope that's focused solely on the size of my ass. My weight is the least interesting thing about me and I find the topic both boring and uncomfortable. I'm not at all ashamed of the surgery, but I went through it so that my weight would no longer be an issue. If I tell people, it becomes THE issue.

I am one of those who have told very few people. While mostly it is just because it is a private decision and I don't feel the need to shout from the rooftops there is also a background of being "shamed" by my mother and sister over anything weight related for my entire life.

I just didn't want to deal with the people who are negative about this, and there are always some of those hanging around. The people who need to know quite frankly know...my wonderful husband, my closest friends, my Primary Care Physician, the supporters in my family, etc. As I learn more about the new me and my new life and as I become more comfortable in that knowledge I am sure that the circle of who knows about my surgery will increase.

I don't discourage anyone from keeping their decision private and I don't discourage anyone from blasting it worldwide......it's a personal choice.

I kept it pretty quiet at first - family and close friends. I had to work through my own shame. I'm almost 5 mos post op. I don't proclaim my story to the world, but will now share it with anyone who asks. My shame has turned to pride in taking steps to put my health first.

I didn't tell many ppl #1 embarrassed that I couldn't do it on my own #2 my medical reasons are my business #3 don't want ppl to keep asking questions or looking for results which I should be worried about myself. I think it's more of a personal thing for me

I didn't tell many ppl #1 embarrassed that I couldn't do it on my own #2 my medical reasons are my business #3 don't want ppl to keep asking questions or looking for results which I should be worried about myself. I think it's more of a personal thing for me

I totally agree with u

I am reading your responses and when I see, "had to work through my own shame", it breaks my heart. Being big is something that happens and for every person how they deal with it sometimes defines who they become. And through this surgery we are not only shedding pounds we are shedding that person we have become. This is a chance, a new chance to take control of our lives become healthier inside and out. Instead of feeling shame or l feeling like I have to hide it, I choose to say, SCREW THAT. Many of you have already had your surgery and are on your new journey to a healthier happier new you, I will be joining you in two days and I cannot wait.

I started out telling only my inner circle of friends because I am going to a horror con in May 2014 and I want to surprise them. But instead of hiding it and worrying about things alone, I am embracing this new experience and sharing my news. I am saying good bye to Fat Char and my friends...all of them know as do my family. They have said they want to cheer me on and help me stay motivated. If I had hidden that, then I would have missed out on celebrating with someone other than myself. I know this is right for me and may not be for others. It's just my wish that everyone who is feeling "shame" or "ashamed" that they flush that and get ready for a brand new you...tomorrow is now...SEIZE THE DAY and I am so glad that I found this forum because all the great information and seeing where others have been where I am and where I am going.

Chin Up Ladies and Gentleman...it's a long road ahead...YOU CAN DO IT and if YOU can then so can I!

I feel that it is no ones business. I told one friend who is 600+ lbs incase it could help him. My mother knows and I just told my brother 5 months after the fact. I live around the block from my mother and every time she would see me she would ask how much have you lost, I had to tell her that it was very annoying and to quit it. My husband told his mother about me and it seems she told everyone and I'm not happy about it - people find something else to talk about.

Amen, Char! I did lose myself over the past few years and with the help of this tool I am getting ME back. I did have shame, but it's long gone now. Loving life again!!

Char, I love your words! Good luck tomorrow....will look for you on the losers' bench!

I live around the block from my mother and every time she would see me she would ask how much have you lost, I had to tell her that it was very annoying and to quit it.

Because I tell everyone who asks that I had surgery, some people ask me all the time (almost daily because we work together) about how much I lost. It doesn't annoy me, in fact it is funny when I say nothing in the last 8 weeks. I had surgery 10 weeks ago.

They almost always don't believe me since I'm losing so many inches. They generally respond, "no way, you look great...well it's better to lose inches anyway".

I used it as my motivation to keep working hard. Being accountable helps me, but I do realize not everyone likes to be on the radar. Everyone should do what they feel is best for them and not think twice about it.

I'm choosing not to tell people besides my Husband and one or two of my closest friends. I'm pre-op and just don't want any judgement or uneducated comments from anyone about my decision. When you talk about WLS to people it seems like everyone has a horror story or know somebody that knew somebody who died (which is BS considering the statistics). I'm protecting myself from negativity I guess.

After I have surgery I am pretty sure I'll be open about it. Anyone who doesn't agree at that point can let the door hit them in the ass!

Because when people know about it, my weight becomes the sole focus. Every time we meet, "how much weight have you lost?", "you look great!", "have you heard about the new tapeworm diet??". Im a very private person, and with telling people I feel like I'm under a microscope that's focused solely on the size of my ass. My weight is the least interesting thing about me and I find the topic both boring and uncomfortable. I'm not at all ashamed of the surgery, but I went through it so that my weight would no longer be an issue. If I tell people, it becomes THE issue.

AMEN! Very well said.

My aunt used to talk about her surgery ALL THE TIME! and it was so annoying for EVERYONE and I swore that I wouldn't bore the masses with my constant talk about myself and surgery. Like seriously people do not care and too many people probably yap about it way too much. My close friends and family know but as for everyone else they don't mention my weight or weight loss and just treat me the same as they always have and I prefer it that way. My journey is mine and I don't owe it to anyone to share more info than I'm willing to. Like I've always said, "I'm not the spokesperson for WLS/VSG".

for me before surgery only my husband knew. until we told kids 2 days before.

reasons

1) medical privacy. none of anyone's business

2) I did all my research and I did not need some uninformed persons opinion especially if it was negative. it's not my job to educate people.

3) did not want to worry close relatives and friend about surgery. I told my sister 3 days post op so she didn't have to worry needlessly.

4) As a couple weeks went on and I could not eat "normally" and I lost weight I told more relatives and then close friends.

5) As the worry over it "working" passes, (I failed so many times traditionally) if other relatives or friends comment I tell them how I did it if it seems appropriate to the conversation. I don't shout out to the world or just to acquaintances. when we took my teenage daughters friend with us on vacation she asked me if it was okay to tell her friend since I ate so little at every restaurant. I told her it was fine to tell. I was so proud that she was so mature and asked my permission first.

6) I am happy I used a gradual way over time telling people who are close to me and then expanding that circle. as I said it's still a privacy issue and for the most part no one but my immediate family "needed to know"