My internal dialogue today is so negative..

Why are you so fat still?

why are you sabotaging your weight loss?

If you didn't eat so much and exercised more you wouldn't be so unhappy with yourself.

Maybe this is it, maybe you won't really lose much more, maybe you should be happy where you are? why can't you be happy with the way you look/feel now? Even if you lost it "all" would you be happy? Are you ever happy?

Why can't I just love myself, my body,

Why can't I just feel like I WANT to feel? Happy energetic, free?

Sorry you are having a rough day. They sound just like the voices in my head somedays.

I have 3 voices in my head The good, the bad and the ugly. Sounds like ugly is rearing her nasty head to you.

My internal dialog today is not quite like that... but I am feeling anxiety.

Sometimes I realize that food used to mask alot of things like that. I went for a walk, I have tried everything and I still feel this restless feeling.

i do hope you can see yourself in a more positive light - but i know the struggle. I know it is easy for me to say, but how can you possibly feel like you are "so fat" - you really really are not.

You can't hate yourself thin. But you know that. My best advice is talk to yourself like you are your own best friend or your daughter. What would you tell her? I made little cards with sayings like " My mind is a garden. I weed out bad thoughts and plant happy thoughts." and I looked at them several times a day. It sounds trite but it worked to help me. Stop the negative loop. I found a cognitive behavior handbook that discusses how to do this. It is very similar to the one Kaiser gave me when I attended the class a few years ago.

http://www.rand.org/content/dam/rand/pubs/monograph_reports/2005/MR1198.6.pdf

Exercise, esp. outdoors makes a huge difference for me too. I know you went on a hike and had a great time. Can you get up and walk every morning for even 15 minutes? DO NOT beat yourself up if you don't. Just know that this might be a healing activity for you, if you can find time for it.

Also, medication may help. If you are already taking meds, they may need to be changed. You are at a different weight and body composition now and you eat differently.

Lynda

Mine is the same as yours today. After dinner we are going on a family walk. I found a great breezy, quiet spot and right when the dusk is upon us and it's getting cooler outside is my favorite time. Hopefully it will cheer me up! Hope you find peace within yourself as well.

Sometimes I wish I could just take a day off, from my head from my new lifestyle, everything.

I've not eaten today beside some leftover kale salad (fun) I don't even want to drink my fluids. I just don't feel like it today, lord forbid Laura shouldn't get at least 80oz in..

Lynda I hear you, and I know what you are saying. I do! but it's hard somedays..

I went on a great hike yesterday. Felt great! Strong, Fluid.

But then we have today.

Funny I just went to the store to buy my "healthy food choices" I'm pouting around the store and I look over and there's a man checking me out (I think anyway) meh... That's great that you think I'm good enough to look at, but that's not what I want! I want to be happy! Happy in my skin without your approval!

Ok back to pouting....

Sorry guys a little indulgent but your the ones who read this far

Heh heh. Yes I did read this far. Well just break something then. That does it for me some days. I just take something in the backyard and smash it. It's been years. I think the exercise and meds got the ugly urge under control a little better.

Lynda

Only one week out and hit my first hard reality. Depressing!!!! I hadn't been on the scale yet, but was talked into it by someone who told me it would encourage me to see the first loss after surgery. Well, guess what??? I weigh two pounds more than I did on surgery day. Can't tell you how encouraged I'm not feeling right now.

Sorry, Laura, that you are having such a hard day. We all know we're going to have them, but it doesn't make them any easier to deal with. Hope tomorrow is a great day for you.

Sent from my iPhone using VST

Only one week out and hit my first hard reality. Depressing!!!! I hadn't been on the scale yet' date=' but was talked into it by someone who told me it would encourage me to see the first loss after surgery. Well, guess what??? I weigh two pounds more than I did on surgery day. Can't tell you how encouraged I'm not feeling right now.

Sorry, Laura, that you are having such a hard day. We all know we're going to have them, but it doesn't make them any easier to deal with. Hope tomorrow is a great day for you.

Sent from my iPhone using VST[/quote']

What crazy person talked you into stepping on a scale a week after surgery??

Really I didn't even do that! I was so swollen,

I knew it wouldn't be good.

Give it more time and you will be good to go

It's funny (not) that that I'm not the only one that beats up on herself.

I thought about not posting it, but I figured there would be more person who knew what it feels like.

Oh Lynda, I like the breaking something.

Now your talking!

My internal dialogue today is so negative..

Why are you so fat still?

why are you sabotaging your weight loss?

If you didn't eat so much and exercised more you wouldn't be so unhappy with yourself.

Maybe this is it, maybe you won't really lose much more, maybe you should be happy where you are? why can't you be happy with the way you look/feel now? Even if you lost it "all" would you be happy? Are you ever happy?

Why can't I just love myself, my body,

Why can't I just feel like I WANT to feel? Happy energetic, free?

This: Maybe you won't lose any more, maybe this is as good as it gets. Have a cupcake/ice cream bar/movie popcorn because it doesn't matter...you won't get to goal no matter what.

Argh! I am trying to ignore it...some days are better than others.

~Kat

This: Maybe you won't lose any more' date=' maybe this is as good as it gets. Have a cupcake/ice cream bar/movie popcorn because it doesn't matter...you won't get to goal no matter what.

Argh! I am trying to ignore it...some days are better than others.

~Kat[/quote']

I tried to pm you... Bit it's not working at the moment. I've wanted to tell you, I really like you. I like reading what you have on your mind.

Whether it be impartial insight, encouragement,

Or the underbelly of your negative brain loop too.

Thanks for earlier....

Boo, if feel ya.

You know, we are all just work in progress. Just like our weight, we didn't get these body/weight issues overnight, and were aren't going to emerge as the rocking, cool, sexy people that we want to be overnight either. The biggest hurdle, and you know this, is between our ears. We have to break those chains that we aren't where we want to be or we don't look like we want to look, just like we have to break the chains that food has on us.

For me, I've just decided to live. Many days I don't think about VSG or losing weight or any of that. I go out and do my activities, eat as healthy as I possibly can and just focus on living. I don't come round here much simply because I just want to be John, not John the VSG guy. I think living in the VSG world can weigh heavily on people that are further out like us. We have to break that chain and just become who we are. We can't put all the pressure on us, because if we do, we haven't learned a thing. We are no different than we were when we were doing weight watchers, or atkins, or HGB or Phenphen or Efedra or anything else. But we are different, we made the commitment to get healthy and get better. Cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath and just be the best boo you can be. The rest takes care of itself. Hang in there, you got this!

Boo, if feel ya.

You know, we are all just work in progress. Just like our weight, we didn't get these body/weight issues overnight, and were aren't going to emerge as the rocking, cool, sexy people that we want to be overnight either. The biggest hurdle, and you know this, is between our ears. We have to break those chains that we aren't where we want to be or we don't look like we want to look, just like we have to break the chains that food has on us.

This! I need to work on acknowledging this. Very well said, John. I think sometimes we are just not as forgiving of ourselves as we can be of others.

~Kat