Ok I gotta vent. I apologize ahead of time.

Sunday my husband tells me he doesn't like how fast I lost weight or how I look. (In a nutshell) says he liked me far and not used to me now. Ok hurt my feelings but I can see a small point. I have lost 84lbs six months tomorrow. I had horrible complications after surgery and just now eating small amounts.

Them tonight at the gym he points out to me a chic he thinks is hot and wants to meet. ( we have a unique relationship ). Let me just say I weigh about 40lbs more than her and she truly was not attractive. I told him my thoughts and now he is mad at me. For real mad. Like not talking to me.

I nearly died with this surgery. All I ever wanted was to be thin and attractive. He always looks at hot Chics which I can handle. But to tell me he doesn't like me now. I dunno what to say or do. At one time I would've eaten a bag of chips. Now I am just pissed

Good thing I see the shrink Thursday. He will earn his money.

Thanks for letting me vent. Gonna go cry now.

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Divorce.

Don't waste your time. Life is too short to miss out on true happiness. Yes divorce is a scary, harsh word but you do not sound happy and in love with this man. Who could blame you?

^^^^^ This

You can handle him looking at "hot chicks"

But do you like it? I mean you have a unique relationship... But is that something that is acceptable? Listening to who he wants outside of the marriage?

When we got together I told him the staring at hotties had to stop. I took it bc I was fat. After time I gave up and thought whatever.. So us doing stuff together was the only way I "knew" what/who he was doing. In my mind it was better than cheating.

I did the surgery for me 90%. But the rest was in hopes I could stop the wandering if I became hot. I have gone through so much and he was at the hospital w me every day 2.5 mths. I thought we had gotten closer but now I am wondering.

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I appreciate it and will figure out what to do. I don't want to be unhappy any more.

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When we got together I told him the staring at hotties had to stop. I took it bc I was fat. After time I gave up and thought whatever.. So us doing stuff together was the only way I "knew" what/who he was doing. In my mind it was better than cheating.

I did the surgery for me 90%. But the rest was in hopes I could stop the wandering if I became hot. I have gone through so much and he was at the hospital w me every day 2.5 mths. I thought we had gotten closer but now I am wondering.

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I appreciate it and will figure out what to do. I don't want to be unhappy any more.

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Holly, I don't know you, so take this with a grain of salt. If his cheating on you causes you distress, you need counseling. He isn't going to want to go, but if he does love you, and wants to make your relationship work, it needs to happen. I am a male in a strictly monogamous relationship, so my situation is obviously different than yours, but he sounds like dirt.do you have kids together?

When we got together I told him the staring at hotties had to stop. I took it bc I was fat. After time I gave up and thought whatever.. So us doing stuff together was the only way I "knew" what/who he was doing. In my mind it was better than cheating.

I did the surgery for me 90%. But the rest was in hopes I could stop the wandering if I became hot. I have gone through so much and he was at the hospital w me every day 2.5 mths. I thought we had gotten closer but now I am wondering.

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I appreciate it and will figure out what to do. I don't want to be unhappy any more.

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this makes me very sad... It sounds like you settled for less than you wanted out of a relationship because you thought you didn't deserve better because of your looks... If you are with a man who treats you like that, he will treat you like that whether you are fat or skinny.

My husband treats me the same whether I'm skinny or fat, people told me sometimes what a good husband I had because he didn't care about the weight gain and loved me the same? I would think what the hell? so he's a saint for staying with me?

No he is a man who loves his wife and I love him and we made a commitment for life. To be side by side through all of our changes. Me being fat or him losing hair has no bearing on the core relationship.

Please know that you need to stop selling yourself short and you are much more than just your outward appearance.

You are learning all these new ways to take care of yourself so you can LIVE! Why would you keep drinking the poison in this relationship? That's never going to take you to a healthy mind or heart. Just saying.

Be strong and don't be afraid of putting YOUR well being first. You did something very brave to give yourself better health and a longer life. Don't waste the time you have worked hard to gain.

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I am going to see if he will go to therapy with me. I am kinda a hot mess. My therapist is treating me for PTSD from all my complications and long hospital stay. Just add this to his list of Holly issues.

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Do you realize how wrong he is?

I'm so sorry!

don't let him do any more damage to you. he will never stop saying crappy things to you and you will always take the crappy things he says to you to heart and it will hurt. we all need someone by our side that makes us soar and is our rock not someone that brings us down or makes us even more self-conscious and turns us into blithering messes. take a break and separate for a while. you are a gorgeous soaring eagle and you need to fly. No one has the right to hurt you.

He sounds like a piece of work. My wife who is thin and gorgeous met, dated, and married me while I was heavy. She took a lot of crap from her family because I wasn't "hot" enough for her. She has been with me through thin and heavy times, and in sickness and health. Next month we will be married 25 years and together almost 30. If he is looking at hot chicks but doesn't like you because you are getting hot, he has problems. Sounds like he has mental issues worse than what you are experiencing. Good luck to you.

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He seems to be very insecure. Would he go to counselling with you? When men are insecure they often lash out at those closest to them.

If you love him, and you want to be with him, I would recommend getting professional input into working through this together as this sort of insecurity can be toxic over time.

When we got together I told him the staring at hotties had to stop. I took it bc I was fat. After time I gave up and thought whatever.. So us doing stuff together was the only way I "knew" what/who he was doing. In my mind it was better than cheating.

I did the surgery for me 90%. But the rest was in hopes I could stop the wandering if I became hot. I have gone through so much and he was at the hospital w me every day 2.5 mths. I thought we had gotten closer but now I am wondering.

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I appreciate it and will figure out what to do. I don't want to be unhappy any more.

Sent from my iPhone using VST

I do not know you but I do know what it is to be a human being.. YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING TOO!!! with that said, you must love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you. Forgive me for the directness because I surely do not aim to upset you, but he doesnt truly love you. Contary to belief, love does have conditions. It called respect, loyalty, faithfullness and much more. My husband loves them chunky and I was somewhat worried. Then one day I wake up to a beautiful coversation from him reassuring that his love for me is too profound to worry about the outside and that my health was very important to him.. It was a little more beautiful than those words but you get what I am saying.. He is my bestfriend.. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO SETTLE REGARDLESS OF WEIGHT!!!! we can all give you advise but at the end of the day, you must want to be happy to be happy.. Wishing you the best!!!

Sounds to me like he's insecure. He probably felt safe being married to the fat lady. He sees your confidence rising and wants to knock you down a bit. Maybe he should be going to the shrink with you.

Life's too short to not be happy